This is a totally random idea. IF you/she know the information about her accounts (even Medicare/soc sec), is it possible you can set up on line access while you’re there?
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I have assumed the same thing. I am a co-owner and have full access to the account. I’d like to know if there will be an issue!
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I was not the co-owner in a joint account. He just added my name to the account and that was not sufficient for it to not be frozen. It did pass to me eventually but there were legally hoops to jump through.
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Just want to say the bank issues will also be there later to figure out - even if a little difficult. Spend time with your mom that is not all business, but family time. For her and for you!
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My opinion…transfer it all. And then prepay funeral expenses with that money. Change any auto payments to the account where your mom and someone else are both account owners. In my experience, that account became mine (I was the other name on the account…it was a joint account) and after my mom passed, the account was really mine. I used it for things like paying for the estate lawyer I needed for the small amount that did need to go through probate. And I prepaid the funeral (exactly a week before my mother died…and I was so glad to have that done).
But I was my mother’s only child. No siblings to deal with.
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You are such a good helper. Yes, there are pros/cons to having things online (especially if they have gone paperless). You get today’s double gold star for sorting through it all for both your mom and MIL.
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Thanks, kinda feeling like a failure but it’s nice to hear that maybe I’m doing ok
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@deb922 - you are doing way more than ok. You are doing a lot. Hugs.
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You are NOT a failure! Give yourself some grace during this very very difficult time!
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You are a champ!
And it will get easier. Later. (After?)
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You are doing your best! And that is the best anyone can do. Anyone trying hard cannot be a failure 
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Your are persevering through difficult, sometimes stomy waters! You are faithful!
Agree with others , be as kind to yourself as you are being to your relatives. You are and continue to do all you can. That is all that can be done.
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It all comes so fast at you, feeling overwhelmed and all that is normal. If you got up today, got dressed, and can get 2 things done, you are golden.
Everything feels incredibly important and urgent, and that’s the shock and the grief. It’s perfectly okay to set some things aside for a day. It is a long journey ahead and you can do this — look at all you have managed so far.
Your mom and sibling may not be in a place to validate you, but we here have seen how much effort and thought you put in. Just try to breathe
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My mom is not going to die anytime soon. She’s doing better. She O2 levels are quite low so I don’t think it will be that long but not right away.
She will be released from hospice soon, she can stay at the hospice facility for 2 weeks after she’s released. We have someone from assisted living where her IL place is to assess her and tell us how much they will charged based on her current abilities.
Mom is quite unhappy about moving to assisted living but since she can’t currently stand, I don’t think she is going to have her way. She needs a higher level of care.
In other news, my sibling and my mom think my sibling should be the Financial POA. I’m not sure how that is going to be done but I am feeling out of any decision making
My aunt has showed up and is great friends with my sibling. I am also feeling pushed out of that situation also. Today my sibling said that she and my aunt were going to talk to the AL place and talk to the director. I said that it’s my mom so maybe I should have some say or something. You know, look at the place, talk to the director.
Sigh! I’m being pushed out and while it’s fine not to have to make decisions, it still feels pretty crappy.
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I’m so sorry! Sending big big hugs!
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Super sad to hear you are feeling pushed around. (and I think most anybody would, in that position) Glad your mom’s health is more stable; sending big big hugs as well.
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I hate this feeling for you. Just because someone has POA doesn’t mean they don’t consider other family members in decisions.
Sometimes it’s hard to believe that adults are actually adults right? Even your aunt should realize that during this difficult time to be inclusive and caring.
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@deb922 at least your family has some time to make some decisions…I hope that works out easily. You are doing the best you can!
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That stinks. Not sure if you can do anything about it but you should be part of the decision making process and you have every right to feel the way you do. Sending hugs.
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I feel like that unpopular 10 year old all over again with the popular girls.
This is a big reason my sibling and I aren’t close. This is what she does.
She even did it with my daughter, tried to make me the outsider. I think my daughter figured it out (maybe it was her husband who did)
My aunt has booked an open ended trip, there won’t be any time to either bond with my mom and her daughters. Or for my sister and I to have some sort of getting along.
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