I’m so sorry about your loss, and about these aggravating and hopeless people in your life (I do remember the whole thing about the AIL and heat from some other event they ambushed with demands)
I am so sorry this has happened. Please move yourself and your immediate family to the top of the “take care of list”. Actually, make the list realllllly short, too.
@sbinaz you get all the grace and sympathy in this ordeal. I am so sorry that these people can’t step up for you and your husband at this incredibly excruciating time.
It’s not fair and you deserve to be treated better.
@sbinaz -I’m so sorry. With what you are going through you don’t need anything added it. Sending you hugs and wishes for peace.
@sbinaz I am so sorry. You should not let any of these people take your focus away from you and your immediate family while you are dealing with this loss. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
I am so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine how hard this is. Sending you virtual hugs and a protective bubble. Take care of yourself.
I’m so sorry for your loss and that you have these narcissistic people who are increasing your pain instead of helping lessen it. Please take care of yourself, your spouse and your D—I hope people will run interference for you and your loved ones—you have been dealt a very tough time and now the insensitivity is just making things worse.
Sending love and strength to your family. If you want to vent or share anything, this is the place to do it. 
For the past day or two, my father has been experiencing longer periods of lucidity…sitting outside on the deck with my mother, eating a bit, watching tv, attempting to read the headlines of the newspaper. It is hard to know if this is the surge before the end or if it is possible that after 5 weeks, the inflammation in the brain is reducing enough that the real him can peek through.
What an exhausting roller coaster.
I am so sorry for your loss and so sorry that you have these difficult family members making everything all about them.
I add my words to those expressing condolences and love. And please don’t forget that we have a bereavement thread if you feel more comfortable there. But any time, any thread. 
I’m circling back to share some unexpected joyful news: my near 90 year old dad’s PET scan came back saying that he is cancer free. He responded extremely well to immunotherapy; (the cancer was considered stage IV and treatment was “palliative”). I know that this is not everyone’s story. I am humbled and grateful. (To prove everyone’s point, though, a month or so ago I heard him saying he was ready to die. Today he seems thrilled to be alive. I’m just going to say thanks be to God and go visit this weekend to celebrate his birthday.)
Thank you for sharing. It is good and human to also have a little success and joy on this thread - that is life, a mix of both!
I read an article on AI today. And it got me thinking… Wouldn’t it be great if someday there could be high tech, cheap robots who could safely, gently (and hygienically) handle eldercare tasks? Diaper changes, shower assistance, etc etc. Not gonna happen, at least in the short term. Too bad though since there seems to be such a shortage of aids available to do that kind of work. And I don’t see that getting better.
Japan is already working on caregiving robots! I read an article about it six months ago. I’ll see if I can find it.
Great article. Good potential. At the end, sounds like it may be coming by 2040 or 2050. That won’t help my parents (currently frustrated trying to find a shower helper)… but it could help me/caregivers someday.
@Colorado_mom Is the town they live in a small one? Also are they willing to pay what the going rate is?
I am thankful that when my mom needed help with my dad they live in a large enough city (350K residents) we were able to find help. It was not cheap at $36 an hour almost 2 years ago, but so worth it for my mom to not have to try and lift my dad and do things for him.
They have buy-in for the hourly rate (well at least Dad does… the wife seems to drag her feet on coordinating it, though she insists she does not want family help). The harder thing for them to swallow is that most have a 4 or 5 hour minimum, and their work needs come along in smaller spurts. At the moment, they have post-rehab/Medicare free services… but that agency has a shortage of people who can do showers.
I hope the wife gets some help even if it has to be 4 hours a day. I don’t know how old your dad’s wife is, but my mom was taking care of my dad when she was 80-82 and she is in amazing health and it was a lot for her!
If immigration were opened up, that problem would likely be much improved.
I can so relate to the rollercoaster. Finger crossed this is a real upswing for you.