He does wear the compression stockings. And does spend most of his day sitting in a recliner with his feet up. I’ll see about the bed - maybe there is something that can be done there. I can make the suggestion at least. Thanks.
Maybe put a pillow on the footrest of the recliner so his feet and ankles are even higher?
Maybe stronger compression stockings?
Medicare paid for some sot of therapy for venous insufficiency for my mother and she thought it helped. But it was several times/week, over a number of weeks. (So, of course, she stopped.) The usual advice is just what others say- stockings, elevation, exercise. The problem isn’t like ordinary swelling, that can just eventually drain. The valves aren’t strong enough to push blood/fluids back up to the heart. I think the stockings and elevation reduce the strain on the heart. My orthopedist said- and this will sound weird- some chairs can exacerbate it, depending on how they hit the back of the thighs. That would apply more, I think, to regular chairs than a recliner.
Good suggestions, thank you. He is impossible to deal with - but I will make the attempt. He seems to prefer complaining and seeking attention more than finding a solution.
Rockvillemom, maybe the right answer is just to let him vent, talk to him, give him some attention, and not try to offer solutions.
ETA: And maybe that’s the answer for me posting here, too. 
Rockvillemom, sounds like you’re having a tough time dealing with your dad. It must be frustrating talking to someone who is more interested in complaining than in dealing with the problem.
Boy, the old ‘complaining rather than trying to solve.’ I think a lot of the issues we deal with can be about control. They have so little. A friend was describing how to give our elders a greater sense of control, even when we’re really in charge. Her mother wouldn’t eat at meal times, needed to be asked, rather like some toddlers: you want to eat now or in ten minutes?
I just finished cleaning out my mother’s apt (same saga of others, not wanting to release anything) and she’s on a train to Tucson. I sure observed a lot about the psychology.
The situation with my father is generally horrific. He is a nasty, misogynistic, controlling bully - who can also be very nice and funny when everyone is agreeing with him and paying attention to him. My mother is a victim of emotional abuse - who worships him. The whole situation just disgusts me and I wish I did not have to deal with it. He has had health problems as far back as I can remember and has used his health issues to control family members. I have just one sibling - and she lives across the country and visits twice a year. She has made it clear that dealing with our elderly parents is my problem. Fun situation.
Many times swelling is a side effect of dehydration. Have him drink more water to draw the (salty) fluid out of the tissues and into the bloodstream by osmosis.
Sorry rockvillemom, that’s a tough situation. I had the care of my dad and stepmother thrust upon me for their last 5 years and it was hard, hard, hard–lots of bad karma there. I am so glad that I got a great therapist halfway through to help me deal with my anger and hurt and guilt. She said (wisely, I think) that it’s always easier to work through this stuff when they are alive. At least it worked that way for me. In any event, (((((hugs))))). I think I have an idea of how hard that is.
I will add that to my list, thank you. He takes diuretics - so not sure how that factors in. He has a cardiologist appt later this month - so my guess is he will just complain until then.
RVM, so sorry. My mother is crafty the same way. It’s only been as she entered this late elderly stage that more and more professionals who deal with the age group have volunteered their understanding. I’m disgusted, too. It’s not cute, not sweet. And everything is always someone else’s fault, when they need it to be. You go through a long time of wondering if it’s really “you.” You walk on eggshells. I’ve gotten detached- the good daughter who will try to do what’s right, but edited. I didn’t want to fully vent even here because aspects of it are just futile. (Though I do wish maybe someday I could.)
When I was a young adult, my mother announced she wanted to be this sort of older woman- shaking her cane at people, saying what she wanted, doing what she pleased- and loved for it, doted on.
My fear is being like her and my grace is knowing it now, being able to take steps now, for the future. I hope. Avoid this same narcissism. Take care of my babies and make sure they are as whole as I can get them, break the cycle. I was able to separate guilt or fear of guilt, from my involvement. I hope some of you here who need that, can find it. Sorry for the vent, its the tip of the iceberg. I do have good memories and try to hold them.
I hope we can all vent safely here, among friends.
Recliners can indeed exacerbate venous problems due to the pressure they place on the calves (not thighs). The pressure placed on veins in the calves reduces the flow of blood back to the heart. An ottoman would be better, to support the heels but not the calves-- but only if he can easily push it away to get up. Otherwise he could trip on the ottoman and have a fall, which would be worse.
Rockvillemom, does your father have the thermostat turned up high? If so, this can contribute to edema. This was the case for my mother. My mother did not have congestive heart failure but the tropical temperature in her apartment was enough to cause her to get edema in her legs below the knee. Here is why:
Our bodies have a temperature regulatory mechanism that causes circulation to the extremities to increase reflexly when our core temperature becomes too warm. The increased blood flow to the extremities serves to reduce the core temperature, but in someone with compromised venous return, it can lead to pooling of fluids in the legs.
It made a critical difference for my mother when I lowered her thermostat to 72º. Over the course of several weeks (and with her wearing Sigvaris knee highs) her edema went away entirely. If she felt cold, I had her put on sweater.
The difference between wearing a sweater and turning up the heat is that you can always take off the sweater when you are no longer cold, but if the heat is turned up, it tends to stay turned up.
I realize your father’s situation is different from my mother’s (since he does have congestive heart failure) but it can’t hurt to lower the thermostat if it’s set high, and it may help.
Hospice is about getting the patient as many good days as possible, not focusing on extending life no matter how miserable, but about creating good days. Some studies show people on Hospice often live longer than people pursuing aggressive treatments
@lookingforward - I agree about becoming detached. I feel obligated to call and visit and do what I can - but I don’t feel much of any emotion about my parents.
@CTmom2018 - I am actually having trouble remembering if it is a recliner or a reclining chair/ottoman combo. That’s an interesting observation about pressure on the calves. I don’t find their condo to be too warm - don’t think that is a factor.
It’s kind of a chicken and the egg situation - he won’t walk because it hurts - but walking would probably help. I have been trying to convince him to walk in the heated indoor pool at their condo - he won’t do it. He just yells that I don’t understand how much pain he is in, how hard it is to walk to and from the pool, take his shoes and socks on and off, etc. I tried buying him sandals - they did not fit his swollen feet - more complaining. It’s tiresome.
My mother said they were going to Red Lobster for lunch if he felt up to it. Whatever.
Rockvillemom, I found it close to impossible to change anything my mother did during the last 5 years of her life. In the end, it is their choice.
If your dad is amenable, he could do ankle exercises while seated that will have basically the same effect on his leg circulation as walking would.
These are actually great exercises for anyone to do to when flying or stuck anywhere seated for an extended time. They help prevent blood clots in the deep veins of the legs.
When we walk, the muscles in our lower legs pump blood back toward the heart simply by contracting and relaxing alternately. We can create the same effect by doing ankle movement exercises. These are very simple. Point toes up, point them down. Repeat 10, 20 times. Turn the ankles in, then turn them out. Make circles with the foot. Repeat 3 or more times per day.
Regarding swallowing difficulties, my mother started needing her liquids thickened several months before she died.
I bought the CVS generic version of Thick-It.
It was around this time that she began receiving hospice care in her IL apartment, where she already had a live-in 24/7 caregiver. I can’t imagine what we would have done without hospice. It was one of the best decisions I ever made for Mom. It made her last few months more comfortable than they would have been, and reduced my own stress enormously.
@CTmom2018 - thank you very much. That he could do! I am going to copy your advice and send to him.
There are probably a lot of seniors who are not candidates for hospice who could greatly benefit from this evaluation. I don’t think Medicare is really set up to do this well. My mother regularly sees her internist, cardiologist, pulmonologist, hematologist, and orthopedist. She is also quite organized and intelligent and she keeps track of medications and side effects and does a great job monitoring her own health, but she is probably an exception there. Anyone see a path to making this review more available? It’s probably most needed by patients who don’t have anyone who cares enough about them to read/post on this kind of forum.
Some (maybe most) insurance companies will send a case manager, frequently a nurse, for the review. Often you need to ask for this.
For my parents, I found that I cannot skip a doctors visits, especially the primary care ones. At each visit I ask to review the medications and discuss whether they are necessary for quality of life or to prevent disease “down the road” (for example cholesterol meds to prevent disease 15-20 years from now). I don’t see the need for specialists, especially if it’s just a routine every 6 month follow up with no changes or recommendations for care. Any test recommended I discuss whether it is really necessary and will it make any difference. Because of this, my mom is off all 4 BP meds (with a good BP!) and off her 2 cholesterol meds (and I have no idea and do I care what her cholesterol is for my 80 year old mom without a cardiac history). Her dementia is stable for the last 2 years and is taking no medications.
We recently reviewed my dads meds and the doctor had no idea my dad could not remember to add or discontinue medications. He meant to maximize his dementia meds 9 months ago but dad never “got” the message. He is also off some medications that were not necessary for quality of life.