I found SS almost reasonable compared to the IRS. After 3 years I still haven’t gotten them to recognize me. Fortunately Mom’s tax lady had something signed for her to be the preparer. And we had Mom sign a POA for me there, but it wasn’t the permanent form and I don’t think it will work this year. I do NOT want Mom 's signature to have any meaning at this point. She’d sign anything for anyone.
I was afraid to do the on-line SS because it says on the front page that you can’t use it even if you are the Representative payee with dire threats.
@cf, yeah, I know (re catalogs) Neither do empty envelopes!
I asked an attorney friend about setting up an on line account and he advised me not to do it. There is somewhere on the form that you have to state that you are the person. I am in Florida now and the local St. Petersburg SS office was not like the ones I know of in NY or CT. #:-S
meant to add … @SouthJerseyChessMom … no shooter was found, but niece’s freshman is the nervous type and badly shaken. Senior D was fine.
Also, in the saga of no help from Dr.s. Nancy’s niece hauled her to the Dr while she is out here and Nancy passed the psych eval yesterday. Niece was in despair. (BTDT) I told her she didn’t own that problem and not to feel guilty. I had to do the same thing, leave, knowing Mom needed help/shouldn’t drive etc and the Dr. didn’t help. Took another year for me. Nancy is going down hill faster than Mom, but the freedom to go hide in a dumpster is why there are so many homeless here in CA. Niece is returning to MN and her girls, who, honestly probably DON’T need her as much, but who she can actually help! I know exactly how sickened she felt. She is doing her best to take care of a crazy lady. She is doing great to protect the finances, but Nancy could over rule her. She isn’t going to answer the phone 20 times a day and maybe the Dr. or Nancy herself will realize how bad it is sooner… before the dumpster hopefully.
F R U S T R A T I N G doesn’t even start to cover it.
The issue of social security not accepting documents which are legal or accepted in addition to an institution’s paperwork to make one an authorized representative (PoAs) makes things more complicated. We have talked about this here much earlier on. I was told that I could come with a letter from my father’s dr. (no problem to procure that), once I told them that he could not leave a skilled nursing dementia facility without an ambulance, but that there was no guarantee that would be adequate to be named his representative. Asked if I should bring my legal docs, (full PoA, health care proxy, etc) and they said I could, but implied there was no point to it.
Thus far, I have avoided going in and have not had any problems yet. Don’t know if that will hold. Please tell me if and why I need to move this to the front burner. As I receive his mail at my current address, I wonder if changing my address down the road will impact things. I have to say, it is unclear to me why SS makes this so hard. Yes, fraud and elder protection. But anyone who is in a skilled nursing level of dementia care and has a named PoA… And how many elders can navigate complex computer accounts independently? My father is 92 and hasn’t been able to manage logistics for at least 15 years.
@travelnut, if you live close enough to a SS office that it would be convenient for you to go in, you can call the 800 number and make an appointment. I did this recently for my mother and we were seen within minutes of arrival, while people with no appointment were crowded like cattle in the waiting room with at least a 1-2 hour wait before being called. My mother was there on another issue, but while we were talking with the SS rep, she asked Mom if she would like to appoint me as her representative so that I could handle things for her going forward. Mom is 94 and extremely hard of hearing so it was obvious that she would never be able to handle things herself. The SS rep printed the form off right then and there and had us both sign it so it took effect immediately.
Thanks, @patsmom. You were smart to tend that while you were there. I would go on my own and it is good that some offices may offer appointments. The nearest SS office is 45 minutes away and not very convenient, so I have been taking a chance that we can continue as is. With auto deposit to his bank account, it has all gone smoothly thus far. Not sure of what circumstances will generate a need for me to act as his rep directly. If anyone has had to have this activated, it would be helpful to know what generated it. All his mail comes to me.
Interestingly, 12 years ago, I was able to be named my parent’s Medicare rep simply by calling Medicare with my parents in the room and putting them on the phone to state their wishes. You’d think a PoA would be more meaningful. It is ironic to me that legal docs don’t cut it at all.
My sister took our mother to get a state id today. We thought she had everything needed, but since her DL and PP had expired, more papers were needed. Apparently, what was brought to fulfill the extra paper rqmt wasn’t enough and she needs more. She’s 87 years old and in a wheelchair, and this was a major effort. The young woman at the desk was sympathetic “because she has grandparents”. Whatever. We trusted the website and went with what it said to bring. Big mistake.
@esobay, that’s the frustrating thing about dementia, you can be off the charts out of it in the morning and pass a psych eval in the afternoon. How frustrating for the niece. People have to be allowed to make bad life choices, but it can be so hard to step in when it is obvious to family that the senior cannot ever be trusted to make decisions, as you have learned.
I didn’t have a need to talk with social security until my aunt’s 1099 failed to show up in the mail. The letter from her neurologist that stated she was house bound, in poor physical and mental health due to vascular dementia and was unable to go to the social security office was ok. At first, the agent said that the letter was not “really what they needed”, until I asked for a supervisor and showed the agent my notes from my telephone conversation with SS, time, date and agent’s name and the list of what the agent said was needed in the letter. He immediately backed down and said, “no problem”. I brought with me my drivers license, POA, bank statements with my aunt’s name and mine listed as POA and some other documents, but they were not needed. Only my license and the letter from the MD. He filled out a form and had me declare that I was not making false statements. It will take about 2 weeks until it is officially on record with SS.
I’m so glad my siblings are all on the same page. Turns out that Mom doesn’t have long term care insurance like we thought, so she’ll have to pay out of pocket for live-in unskilled aides. She could stay at the rehab longer, with Medicare paying, but one sister and I made the executive decision that for quality of life, she’s better at her own apartment with aides, even though she could be at the rehab for cheaper and the therapy at the rehab is better.
So I called three other siblings: “Hey, Sib, S & I have decided that Mom would be better off at her apartment paying $6000 a month for aides; we think her quality of life would be better when she could see her friends and eat at the common room instead of having to stay in a hospital room eating hospital food and being bored. Are you on board?”
All three said instantly-- “Definitely. She has the money, and she should spend it to make her life better.” Nobody quibbling. Everyone wanting the best for Mom. My family is great.
@“Cardinal Fang”, so glad you and your sisters are on board and that your mother has the assets to take care of this. I was glad that my stepmother had the money to pay for aides that made it possible for her to live at home with my dad. It makes me very sad for those who can’t pay. I certainly wouldn’t be able to do so if I am lucky enough to reach my 90s! Here’s hoping that our country has much better way of taking care of the elderly by the time we get there.
We have so many medical advances that allow us to live longer, but few can afford the cost of longevity. Glad that @“Cardinal Fang” your family is all on the same page.
I think I was the one who originally ranted about social security and POA’s much earlier in the thread. This has made me realize that when I get to SS/Medicare age, I need to designate Mr. Arabrab as authorized on my account, and vice versa. If I can name two, I’ll put D on it as well.
It was hell getting SS to work with us after mom had a stroke, was paralyzed and aphasic. They laughed (well, not really, but effectively) at the POA the eldercare attorney had written, and we had to struggle and get her transported 30+ miles while she was still incontinent and paralyzed so that she could be wheeled into the SS office and could nod when the representative asked her if she wanted to name me as authorized to deal with SS matters. Medicare was also a PITA because the different “parts” (A, B,C, D) of Medicare didn’t share those permissions.
I set up plenty of accounts in the names of my folks. And if they want to come and get me, no jury in the world would convict.
Arabrab- the need to transport an elder in that condition to any bureaucratic office is despicable. What is this? The amount of discretion exercised by individual staff and SS offices who can’t be consistent about what is required to take care of a relative haunts me.
End of rant. Perhaps what they are protecting against warrants this, but I don’t get it.
The SS (at least at the time) office handled Medicare authorizations that allowed me to talk to Medicare intermediaries and the Medicare 800 # about billing issues. If mom had been able to speak, she could have provided the authorization on the phone. But, with the aphasia after the stroke, that wasn’t possible. They wouldn’t accept her POA document or a letter from her doctor. They were not mean, just supremely rule-bound. I get why they need to be careful when dealing with people’s money – but the notion that a family member might need to help resolve problems with Medicare after several hundred thousand dollars of hospital and rehab costs should not be a surprise.
I was also a bit ticked off that the elder care attorney was not aware of this problem and thus did not have the specialized Social Security/Medicare forms dealt with at the time mom executed the main POA. She kept insisting that the POA was general – and it was – but what we learned was that there were a lot of entities that require either their own form or specific mention by name in the POA before they will consider accepting it. Even then, they may set rather arbitrary limits – two years was one we heard – after which it was considered “stale.” None of this would be a problem if someone was in good health and mentally with it – but at the time you need it most, it might not work the way you think it would.
So annoyed. We’re getting ready to get Mom out of the rehab, but the rehab doesn’t want to release her. I just don’t think they are using the right criterion. They say she’s still getting stronger, so she should stay in rehab.
Yes. She’s still getting stronger, and the therapists are wonderful. But are they staying with her in the afternoon where she is warehoused in her hospital room staring out in space? Are they with her at lunch, where she is sitting at a table with some people who are unable to speak? Do they know that she has moderate dementia and will have to go to some kind of memory care/assisted living area soon? We just want her back in her own apartment for the short time she will have before her dementia gets too bad.
Last Friday, Saturday and Sunday we kidnapped her from the rehab and wheeled her over next door to her independent living facility, where she is paying for an apartment. Friends and staff came up to her: “Mama Fang! How are you? We’ve missed you! Where have you been? Are you back living here?” She was so happy to be eating at the independent living dining room, with tablecloths, with waiters who asked what you wanted to eat and brought it to you. She was so happy to see people, so proud to introduce her children to her friends, so comfortable back in her familiar place. Then we had to take her back to jail.
We told the facility we’re removing her next Monday. I called the agency to start arranging her live-in care. We’ve re-organized and decluttered her apartment so she can get around in a wheelchair. We’re having the rehab order her wheelchair, tub transfer bench, walker and commode.
But the slimy social worker at the rehab facility sneaks in and lies to her about what she needs. Now she’s confused. So annoying.
^cardinal fang-can she go to the rehab facility as an outpatient?
Our local rehab facility, located at the hospital, provides transportation for those who need it for outpatient rehab.
Your mother very lucky to have such support