<p>This process made me think of the stages of grief so I Googled them to see how close the fit was:</p>
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<p>Pretty darn close only the bargaining is with the aid office!</p>
<p>Reading here I’ve seen lots of parents looking for a way to make it work. Some do but many decide they have other kids, retirement and don’t want to give up a huge part of current lifestyle. They go through many emotions and often say things about their kids deserving school X because of all of their hard work. </p>
<p>They run the numbers and start to add in the extras–parent weeekends, unpaid internships and associated costs, study abroad extras, kid wants to visit new best friend from Asia. We sent number 3 to private college this year, and trust me, none of them have just cost us the COA in any year!</p>
<p>So take a hard look at what the musts are. I’m a Penn alum and I love the school, but there are many great schools. And does it have to be that close to home? Your kids are more likely to get generous merit aid at schools where they provide geographical diversity.</p>
<p>If your kid is one Penn would drool over, he may get merit aid at Duke, Vandy or another school many see as equally good. And depending on his career goals, less expensive schools may make more sense to be able to help with grad school.</p>
<p>So take your time and work through the stages. Many have come to view colleges differently after doing so. Is a dream school really worth all of the sacrifice and can you do it for all your kids and still be whole?</p>