<p>Many parents are in denial. Not just those with troubled kids either. I have seen kids who have “fooled” everyone until they get caught doing something and it becomes clear that they have been doing such misdeeds for years. One young man who was known as a model student by school, coaches, parents, etc was plaguerizing papers and stealing money from others for years. It did not come to light until he was caught spectacularly on both counts . His fellow student all knew, but most parents thought that the comments were sour grapes until the problem was out in the open. </p>
<p>It’s hard to step out of one’s own world and views and look hard at your own children. I have a blended family, and I have more trouble assessing my birth children than the adopted and foster kids. Not because I love them anymore, but I knew that my birth children had every bit of love, care, nurturing, even before they were born, whereas the other kids came with some real issues to overcome. So my expectations were formed accordingly.When we first moved to NY and I was looking at school alternatives for my brood, my brother who works at one of the top NYC private schools introduced me to someone in the elite admissions business. He has an admirable record in placing “his” kids and was going through the cutthroat preschool placement process in NYC himself with his 3 year old who came to play with my youngest who was the same age. Well, his kid was a brat. A very, well trained, probably very bright brat. With some definite behavioural issues. Now this “expert” was able to assess my kids right down to the detail, and I have to say he was right on though I disagreed with some of suggestions (still I was glad to get them as alternatives). I was ever so grateful for the info he gave me; in a couple of hours I had the lowdown on the school scene that would have taken me a couple of years to get. But he was pulling every string he had to put his kid in a top school; and the kid did get into a number of them–yes, connection do count. In fact, I think we overlook the most important connections of all which is the world that the adcoms live in. That can trump knowing a trustee at a school, or even the president of the school, believe me. Well, this kid got into a number of NY’s finest and most selective school when it was very clear that he had some serious behavioural issues, and I don’t mean little ones. My little one who was a bit behind a that time was a far stronger candidate than that brat. So this specialist in elite school puts his kid in one of the best-- and now 4 years later, the kid has been kicked out of 3 schools and they are finally trying to address the problem. So it is not just the parent who was blind there. His blindness was supported by one of the most selective and thorough systems I know.</p>
<p>Although with older kids I think that parents just get tired. I know mine are wearing me out. Sometimes, I want to just let them get into trouble and let momentum take over, as I have none. My senior in highschool really just about put me over the edge last year, and I was ready to give up. Let him get into trouble. Let him get others into trouble. It was really a lot easier to just believe him than to track down what is going on. After all I have sunk thousands of dollars and years of acting lessons to get him this point where he is the most convincing, polished liar I have ever seen. And I am his mother who knows him and I have been around the block with two other troublemakers, and I still think he is about as good as they get. And what he was doing was no different than what kids have been doing for years at that age, raising cain and causing mischief. Believe me, I was tempted. And I see many parents succumbing to this. Actually most kids do get through this stage without permanent damage, but in this case, I was not willing to take the chance.</p>