<p>Surely there are neglectful, disinterested or toxic parents…and sometimes they have tough kids and sometimes they have great kids! </p>
<p>And then, plenty of people are so worried about their children feeling “good about themselves” (see the Dr. Phil reference) that they are unable/unwilling/unpracticed in drawing the line, setting limits, saying no, identifying issues and solving them. Many of these same parents want to be their child’s “friend”, thus leaving the child without an effective parent.</p>
<p>A very interesting article in recent Scientific American looked at the fallacy of “enhancing self esteem” in kids (in isolation) as a road to academic or other success.
True self esteem is built upon seeing oneself as genuinely achieving in something that matters to you, and from seeing yourself as an agent of positive change- as someone who can identify and solve your own problems and work to better yourself, and others.</p>
<p>Michael Thompson says that kids have great “built in crap detectors”…he’s right. Kids eventually see through the “atta boys” if there is nothing of substance that goes along with it. I just read a book of his “Pressured Kids” (or something like that) and while much of it was more of the same muchness, his final 2 chapters about “what matters” are valuable. Especially so, the part about what HS seniors need…</p>
<p>By the way, he was (I think still is) affiliated with Belmont Hill (the school with the C average from the Boston Globe). I think this lends particular interest to some of his insights, as do his own personal experiences as a parent.</p>
<p>SBMom; When a kid gets into serious trouble, it can be very very hard to guess the right answers. Look at the confusion in “My Extremely Bright Daughter Did an Extremely Stupid Thing”. That parent wasn’t in denial. That was naivete. She was so brave to be so honest. Her intentions were impeccable.</p>
<p>That’s one example of why I object to sorting parents by Good and Bad, Black and White.</p>
<p>I grew up with lots of wonderful families. When kids went off the rails, the parents did their best, eyes open, with the information available. Some kids came right. Some never did. Some of the guesses were helpful, some were silly. Dr Phil is making a fortune pretending he has discovered the exact science of living ‘Right’. </p>
<p>Gotta say, though, I’m not impressed by the immaculately coifed wife–or the Eddy Haskill son. Don’t think there is an exact science…just like I don’t think there is perfection.</p>
<p>C’mon, are you saying raising healthy kids is <em>unrelated</em> to aware, diligent parenting? Must we bend over that far backwards so as not to offend the people who have tried hard and despite their best efforts have had a kid screw up? The Mom in “My extremely bright daughter…” was obviously a very caring mom, but she <em>was</em> in some denial (busted twice on the only two substance abuse instances? Caught buying on first foray into pot? Please.) Also, I wouldn’t call her kid a chronic trouble maker like OP mentioned. Excellent, wonderful, well-parented, loved kids can occasionally be idiots or make mistakes; nobody is expecting perfection. I think the OP was talking about chronic troublemakers & their clueless 'rents. </p>
<p>I stand by my position from post #2. Out of 10 troubled kids you’d probably find indulge or neglect parenting in 8 of their housholds.</p>