Your therapist has agreed that staying in an unsafe environment is your only option? I do not believe that comment for 1 second. A therapist is a mandatory reporter and by law would report your situation regardless of your opinion on believing you don’t have a better option.
@AroundHere OP is almost 18 so no foster care.
But that is correct. A two prong approach. 1. Achieving high stats and applying to merit schools
- The possibility of independence and independent living.
@deadgirl Do you have other family that you can rely on?
@Mom2aphysicsgeek We’d like to think there are good options for everyone. Th. OP is in a home with parents who are getting therapy and in school making good grades. This may be better than what is available at the local shelter for homeless youth or whatever runaway options there are.
It doesn’t change the fact that if the home is unsafe, the therapist is required by law to report. This isn’t optional for a therapist.
You don’t have to answer this here…but with multiple police charges for abuse, child protective services would have been required to be called. Actually…it would only take ONE instance.
If this is an abusive situation, and you are at risk, someone should be helping you with that. Maybe that should be priority number one.
^^agree with the above… the police should have already called child protective services.
When will you be 18? @deadgirl
July of 2019 so in about 2 years.
The abuse situation is probably the top priority.
The top college priority is the PSAT (to try to qualify for National Merit), followed by SAT and ACT (so you know where you stand with respect to colleges and scholarships).
Here are some scholarship lists which include full rides (check college web sites because they may have changed):
http://nmfscholarships.yolasite.com/ (for National Merit)
http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/discussion/comment/20798968/#Comment_20798968 (automatic for stats)
http://competitivefulltuition.yolasite.com/ (competitive, probably hard to get even if you have the stats)
If OP has not already been removed (even temporarily) or CPS involved, the path to independent (for college purposes) before 24 is complex, becoming a ward or emancipated isn’t a “plan.” Not yet. It may happen or not.
I’m sympathetic, but we know no details except police involved and a therapist.
So maybe the simple starter advice is OP looks around for inexpensive college options in MD. See what different community colleges do cost. If needed, after hs grad, OP gets a job and another place to live, with friends or their families. A gap may be needed, to save to pay for cc and living. Or part time comm college.
Then, if scores come in well, other options can be explored. But right now she can’t count on independent status for FA.
OP does have the option of pursuing CPS involvement.
I think the responses to you on this page have been very rude and condescending @deadgirl, especially on the first few pages. You don’t come across as entitled to me at all.
Unless you do become independent, I think your parents will probably need to fill out the FAFSA for you to get aid anywhere. Your best bet is likely to be state universities (many in the South) that give excellent automatic aid based on your stats. Your 3.98 unweighted GPA is an excellent start. Unfortunately many private universities will require them to fill out the far more invasive CSS Profile financial form, which your parents may refuse to do.
Have you considered the Universities of Alabama or Mississippi? If your SAT/ACT scores are high, you would probably be able to to attend either of those (especially the branch campuses) for very little money.
Alabama has estimated OOS costs of $46,000. An ACT score of 33-35 or 1460-1490 awards $25,000/yr. A 36 or 1600 will receive full-tuition and 1 yr of housing. NMF will receive yrs of tuition, 1 yr of housing, plus $3500 per yr. Neither of the latter cover fees, food, or books. The $3500 for NMF can be used toward those expenses, but room is only covered freshman yr. I suspect that without any outside assistance, only the NMF scholarship even approaches being able to cover expenses with federal loans.
Ole Miss’s OOS costs are $40,076.00. With 33+, they offer full-tuition. NMF, otoh, does cover tuition and room. Ole Miss offers greater opportunity for stacking scholarships.
With the OP’s homestate being MD, the cutoff for NMSF is likely to be very high, 221+.
Isn’t Alabama Huntsville rather more generous?
@chzbrgr UAH does not cover food, fees, books for test scores 34+ (1520+). (Fees alone are ~$1000) It doesn’t cover housing plus the rest for scores under 34. If the student scores between a 30-33, then the costs would be around $17,000/yr. NMF is close to a full ride.
All of the above is moot without any baseline at all for approx test scores.
It’s all fine and good to talk about scholarships…and certainly this student should know the criteria are typically HIG for getting full complete rides.
BUT…this student just started her junior year in HS. Merit award policies DO change over time. Temple used to offer guaranteed merit awards. They don’t anymore. Even Alabama used to offer free tuition for their top award. That is now the $25,000 noted above.
This student hasn’t taken the PSAT even…or the SAT or ACT.
Until more information is at the ready, we are all just guessing.
BUT…if what she is writing about abuse and police charges, and not being safe in her home…are true…I’m going to say…THAT is far more paramount a concern than college. And I agree with others…the counselor is a mandatory reporter to child protective services. I can’t imagine this hasn’t happened. If not, it should…if all of this is true.
Kind of stunned that people are lecturing this girl about entitlement. She is 16 years old, in a bad family situation & trying to find a productive way out. Did you all sound mature & business-like at 16? I know I didn’t. She needs support, not expectations that she will know exactly how to behave & communicate without ever having had good role models. @deadgirl - what can we do to help you with your home situation, if anything? And yes, try to rock the PSAT since that is a one-shot deal & the time is now.
To be fair, the original post was a rant about parents choosing to spend their money on something other than the OP’s college education, which is entirely within their rights. Not about abuse, which came out later.
It may be legally within their rights, but given the current education system if someone can afford to save for a child’s college but chooses not to and fritters the money away instead, that makes them a bad parent. It’s not illegal, just as many other ways of being a bad parent are not illegal.
@deadgirl I suggest you think about an exit plan in case you are taken out of your home abruptly by authorities due to abuse.
Having a copy of your birth certificate, social security number, vaccination records, and contact info for trusted friends/family would be helpful. Do not ask your parents for these documents, but see if you can find them and make copies.
Do you have a drivers license, permit, or state issued identification? If not, that might be a helpful step towards independence.
Do you attend school where you know and trust your Guidance Counselor? Some GC are very knowledgeable and keep current with college admissions info. Other GC are overwhelmed with hundreds of seniors to process transcripts and recommendation letters for, and won’t have time, energy, or most accurate info to help you. It would help you (and posters here) to figure out if your GC is going to be an asset in your college journey.
Do you attend church? If so, Are there any trusted adults there you can confide in? Be careful, though, if your church is very legalistic and assumes the Father is always right, you could bring shame to your family by admitting how bad your home life is and be further punished.
Are you part of a culture or ethic background that has overriding traditions that are part of why your parents are holding you back? You mention a brother who is in private school? Are you a female and is that part of the reason your parents are not providing the same level of education for you?
Do you have younger siblings? Are they being mistreated as well?
You have a lot on your shoulders, and this is a great place to vent and get a better perspective of how your situation is not normal. You seem to be holding up your academics, and are seeing a therapist. I am kind of surprised your parents allow that, and shocked your therapist has not contacted police as required by law.
Keep posting and interacting here. This is a safe place.
@deadgirl /futurestudent:
What sort of therapist is that (IE., religiously or xommunity-approved/linked to your religion, a friend of your parents, an official unrelated to your family/community, school-mandated…?) Is the therapist supposed to help you or “cure” you? What type of education does S/he have?
Has your therapist reported your parents? That’s mandatory and if s/he does you could become a ward of the state which means you won’t have to rely on your parents filling out the FAFSA.
If multiple instances of abuse were reported, what happened next? Try to document each instance - go to the school nurse or have a friend take you to the hospital and if alone make it clear you didn’t “fall dawn the stairs” - a lie only those who want to believe it will, as the hematomas from a fall and from being hit aren’t the same. Carry a little typed note in your sock or bra that states "I did NOT ‘fall down the stairs’ nor am I clumsy. Please help. " If your parents are there find a way to pass that paper to a nurse.
Take pictures and place them in an invisible safe on your phone. (Do not put any other type of picture there). If psychological abuse record whatever.
If nothing happened after the multiple complaints, do you know why? not enough proof/grounds? Did your parents for instance claim religious exemption (I know of abusive parents/spouses who tried to defend their family being black and blue to biblical entitlement for instance.) Were the calls not considered aeriosuky? Was any evidence inconclusive?
Protect your assets and money. (I can recall several instances of parents taking their kids’ financial aid refund, spending their kids’ work earnings, or creating credit cards in their names for instance.)
Now, as for college: with a 3.98 GPA, you’re bright. What’s your schedule this year?
Study systematically for the PSAT. With such a GPA, what you need now to “escape” is a top score. The last is one such possibility. Even if you don’t make NMF (it’s very hard in Maryland) a high score will help you.
For now, don’t confront your parents about finances for college or college in general. Make a plan in case they can’t or won’t help for college.
Do you have a sympathetic relative who can take you in of you’re locked out/kicked out at any point?
Keep your essential stuff (find it if necessary or make copies and replace) in a backpack along with some money in a zip lock, changes of clothes, a couple granola bars, and sentimentally important items. Entrust the backpack to a good friend if you don’t think it’s safe for you to keep it in your closet.