<p>^mosb - If it helps at all, S2 has a great GPA, good SATs (but not a 2300), and got a 3 in Language while he got straight A’s in the class. I’m just trying to look at it as a ‘neutral’ as he’s going into engineering.</p>
<p>My S did not want to call either. When do the AP scores come in the mail?</p>
<p>We are, too, waiting for the AP Scores in the mail. I just don’t feel like looking for S’s AP number and I don’t think AP scores matter that much for the admission process.</p>
<p>We are waiting for AP scores in the mail too. I am just not in that much of a hurry to find out. I am expecting a low score in Calculus…she got a low B in that class even with a tutor. No expectations for US History so we’ll see in a few weeks.</p>
<p>mosb: I’m with you, and we all understand. Maybe look at it this way: you’ve been given a gift with this score. It’s not an important exam in her future, and it’s a great opportunity to digest how it feels not to hit the mark every time. HS kids who are tippy top in everything (and I had one) at some point will have an off-day, or get a rejection that doesn’t make sense, or finally hit their limit on how much their wonderful talents can carry them through.</p>
<p>I know you know this, and I’m not trying to predict doom and gloom, but while everything could go swimmingly for your D, and while I know you’re preparing for rejections this year, when we’re used to success after success we just haven’t built a lot of emotional muscles to deal with surprises and disappointments. </p>
<p>And it’s particularly hard with these one-shot chances like APs; if they get a lower-than-desired ACT score, these kids rev up and nail it next time. The AP scores are a make-or-break situation, not so much for admissions, but for placement at schools, either to avoid courses they wouldn’t enjoy, to make room for what they want to take, or just plain to save money. But they resemble the admissions process itself - you either get a “fat” letter or a “thin” letter, and there’s no re-take. </p>
<p>Of course my D1 didn’t get everything she ever wanted in HS, but she came darn close. And she got in ED to her 1st choice school, so she had no experience with rejection there, either. She got a couple of 3s on APs, but her school only took 5s, so she had had no expectations to place out of the classes, except for the English 4 getting her out of one semester, about which she was thrilled; everything else she WANTED to take again. So it was just a little “ouch” moment, but her response was “I’ll get an A in it in college!”</p>
<p>Flash forward … she breezed through freshman year, still no wake-up call. A couple of Bs, but she’d prepared herself for that, and did make Dean’s List both semesters. Sophomore fall, same thing. Sophomore spring: She mixed taking 5 classes, 2 with labs and all upper level courses, plus her tutoring job, plus being in 2 choirs, which decided to have a massive concert schedule sometimes taking 12-15 hours a week (3-4 rehearsals and the concert, with travel). Man, did she hit her breaking point. She realized she wasn’t made of iron, that her “will” couldn’t just make it happen, and while she never thought the world “owed” her anything, she’d never really thought of herself as ever dropping below the middle, anyway. She thought for a little while she might get a couple of Cs, saw her first D on a test, and had to scramble to finish the semester in good shape. She was .1 away from Dean’s List when she was done, and is relieved that listing Dean’s List semesters isn’t really what grad schools will want. They’ll just take her cumulative GPA, and by being so close, she did pretty well at maintaining it.</p>
<p>But this wasn’t all. This was also the spring she applied for competitive internships. She applied to twelve, and was rejected at ALL except one that waitlisted her, and didn’t take her. She worked that summer at an ice cream shop (not even full-time) when her dreams had been in an exciting research lab. This on top of working in a wonderful lab the summer before (through a contact she’d met in HS) but hadn’t wanted to go back to because she wanted to climb the ladder in her field.</p>
<p>She says now that getting rejected, and getting rejected A LOT was a very, very good lesson to her, and practice for the rest of her life. It had to happen sometime. She’s a nice enough kid, I wouldn’t say driven to the nth-degree (she has no intention of doing the extra work summa cum laude would take at her school, will be satisfied with cum laude, and hopes a teensy bit for magna). She’s just ambitious and hard-working, and wants to get the most out of everything - and will do what she has to to get it.</p>
<p>Your D I’m sure is very nice and not “big-headed” and has all kinds of humility, and I know you’re very kind and thoughtful. But when we’ve seen nothing but achievement after achievement we, and they, just aren’t used to the other kind of results. But be glad you had this little blip - it will really help in the next couple of years, as she settles into her next phase. </p>
<p>I won’t wax too philosophical about all of the other times “success” will elude them - health, relationships, jobs, etc. We all know that. But there is a naivete about HS, that there is a linear equation about work=success that naturally needs to be broadened to include a lot more gray area. I truly wish your D all the best in the world, and hope that her stumbles remain small, and that all of her closed doors lead to open windows.</p>
<p>PS - my D applied again this spring (from her study abroad in South Africa!) to another 16 internships. This time she was accepted to 2, and offered interviews at a couple more. She was intensely joyful to get one at all! As usual, she worked a lot harder to get one this time - I had sensed that she might have been thinking last year that she could just walk into one - and she feels very, very grateful to be where she is. She says it’s all the sweeter for not getting in last year. And it’s slowed down her thinking process about grad school and her next step; she’s much less the hamster on a wheel, is taking her time deciding just what she wants to do and is willing to inch her way there if necessary.</p>
<p>Also I’ve noticed that as we plan for D2’s application process, D1 is much more open-minded about the choices, not so linearly based on rankings or a rigid definition of “quality.” She’s much more able to see that life is more about “what is best for me” than “how can I be the best.”</p>
<p>I say this only about her; I’m not extrapolating to other kids. But again I do think that it’s a problem when you’ve never seen defeat, or really digested it as something you can’t just wake up and “fix” tomorrow. You end up meeting that defining moment someday, somehow, and it can be very hard to face for the first time. In my opinion, you might as well get it over with as soon as possible.</p>
<p>Something just hit me --while catching up here–</p>
<p>Several years ago I was at a ceremony for a highschool student who had earned an award that took years of work and dedication.
At the time for the student to give a speech
…the student did acknowledge and thank the mom for all of the work and support–and then went on to say that the mom had done so much-that they might as well have given the award to the mom because she deserves it! I think it was true gratefulnewss -however it was a bit revealing.</p>
<p>This isn’t directed at anyone here–
I am just reminding myself that this is my students journey–
My student has to own it–so that the eventual reward will feel earned…kwim?</p>
<p>The same thing can happen when a student hasn’t had to struggle for accomplishments–and hasn’t known defeat/rejection…
and I know myself that there are times I earned something-and yet it didn’t feel satisfying because it felt like it came too easily? </p>
<p>Both the ownership of the process AND knowing about struggle and working to overcome obstacles are great tings for us all–and will help our teens grow far more than smooth paths…</p>
<p>Just mho</p>
<p>I also love the idea of setting family appts for reviewing where the apps are in process. Less nagging and more responsibility on the student.</p>
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<p>LOL, did this happen to be an Eagle Scout ceremony? If so, I think 98% of those boys could say the same thing!</p>
<p>Boy, I’ll second that Missypie! I don’t know one Eagle Scout that didn’t have some helpful parents. I’ll never forget the drive up to the Scout headquarters the hour before the place closed, the day before my son’s 18th birthday with all the needed paperwork in hand.</p>
<p>At S1s graduation in '09 the speaker made a point that no child does it alone. The students were told to turn around and look at the parents and faculty that had supported them and to remember that mentoring young students is necessary for their success.
S2s EC could not exist without faculty, parent, and industry mentors. We have a very high rate of students that return to become mentors if they attend college locally, or seek out opportunities to mentor in the communities where they go to college.</p>
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<p>It helps a lot, blue. Comparable situation. Thank you!</p>
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<p>Yes! Emmy, thank you so much for your beautiful post. I’m actually printing it out to save because you really got to the heart of the matter of what’s bothering me. It isn’t that “my kid’s too good/smart/fill-in-the-blank to get a 3.” It really isn’t that. It’s that I’ve just never experienced her really setting her sights on something, putting forth her very best, training for months, running flat-out for it…and not hitting the bulls-eye. (In music and theatre auditions, yes, of course. Sometimes you’re just not what the director wants. Too tall/short, too blonde/brunette, too big-voice/small-voice, too brassy/too dainty…whatever.) </p>
<p>But this was different because it was academic. And I just don’t have experience with her very best work yielding “average” results. I realize how arrogant that sounds, and I truly don’t mean it to. It’s just that academics have always been such a strong suit for her that to see (“hear”) that 3 was really, as you put it in an earlier post, Emmy, “a blow.”</p>
<p>Thank you for sharing your D1’s experiences with her hs/college/internship successes, challenges, losses, growth, re-tries, and new successes. That is so helpful for me to envision, and maybe it’s the first step toward developing some of those “emotional-muscles.” I know I will need them over the months and years ahead.</p>
<p>PS…Also, I’ve broken my own rule. In our house, you get to “cry” for a day over a loss or disappointment. Cry, cry, rage, moan, whatever, and I will commiserate with you, make you pasta, buy you chocolate…whatever you need – for one day. </p>
<p>After that, you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back in the game (with a smile on your face, and in your heart, if at all possible).</p>
<p>Needed to be reminded of my own rule! :)</p>
<p>Since I suspect we’ll all be in close communication over the next year, feel free to remind me of my own rule any time, as needed. 
:)</p>
<p>You’re great, mosb. Your D is very lucky.</p>
<p>About the “helping mom” stuff - I think I sounded too didactic about that. Of course my kids know I’ve helped them (and so has my H, but they sometimes forget, because he’s more in the background, mostly because of less time and energy). They are very grateful. And they do things for me, too. Sometimes I need them just as much as they need me!</p>
<p>But my practical emotional side says that in the long run, I’d really rather they didn’t think I was a major player in their decisions, their accomplishments, or their disappointments. I’m careful with advice - I don’t want them thinking the good stuff came because I had a hand in it, and thus discounting their own qualities, nor do I want them thinking the bad stuff came because I had a hand in it, and thus blaming me! I’ve seen too many parents caught in that terrible no-win trap.</p>
<p>^ Very good rule we should all try to encourage each other on. We have one similar, however I believe it will take support and reminders to stick to over the next year!</p>
<p>Oh, but that day is rough … when we’re having one, when I’m watching my D have one, it’s so hard to believe it will be gone tomorrow. But she does bounce back! And it teaches me, every time. I’ll have to learn how to do it myself, when they’re both gone in a year.</p>
<p>We have seen our student hit some disappointments–things we felt sure that our student was in contention–and have also seen where our student put forth amazing effort and then was just too tired and a little too fried to really push through the finish line—</p>
<p>sometimes in a quarter grade, a sports competition or an award —
different things</p>
<p>And one of the things we have most been inspired by–was how our student took the obstacle---- Sometimes the obstacle got a prominent position–such as a rejection letter that sat in an envelope on a shelf near the desk–which our student used as a reminder to try harder (and succeeded!) the next year.</p>
<p>Other things like a quarter grade etc–couldn’t be a “do-over” – however our student took stock in what could and could not be controlled.</p>
<p>More than once this year when I asked our student about - for example–quarter grades etc…(because I was worried about one perhaps)…my student would say
"I am happy with them (or “it” ie report card)</p>
<p>which was my cue to back off…that our student did what was possible in the parameters of school, sports etc…and was “happy”…
So with my student feeling content–I could back off and know that I wouldn’t be adding any anxiety to something that couldn’t be changed.</p>
<p>We dont know what the APs hold–and are waiting for the mailed report–and we are praying there are 3s or better
–and at the same time
–knowing that our student isn’t going to use the advanced standing anywhere–we look at the APs as an idea of what the first semester at college could look like…</p>
<p>and I expect we will hear a balanced self analysis about what did or did not go right.</p>
<p>I dont want our student heading to college thinking it has to be perfect and if its not–that it’s a crisis…kwim</p>
<p>S2 got his written ACT report in the mail today. I guess it is our (my) turn to be upset about his essay score. He says he was expecting an 11 or 12 and received a 9. Good thing I already ordered a copy of the grading report because I think it gives you the feedback on where he went wrong on the essay portion.</p>
<p>If I take his B+ final English grade, his 3 points lower than everything else English ACT score and his essay score…I have come to the conclusion that English is just not his strong point. It would be interesting to really know how much of this is lack of skill and how much has to do with his crappy attitude about English class?</p>
<p>Oh well…the sun will still come up in the east and my family is healthy!</p>
<p>I got my report card today. My cumulative weighted GPA for all of high school so far is a 3.99. I was hoping for at least a 4.0. Those little decimals make a difference.</p>
<p>momofsongbird: It is going to be fine. I know lots of kids who had many 5s and they all ended up complaining that the AdComms did not care too much. They look at Strength of Sched., class rank, SAT, SATII, EC and essays. The 3 will get her credit at most schools. They just do not weigh AP scores much, if at all. Not a big deal.</p>