<p>I’m with you, BI, on having this place to talk safely and freely. Thanks, everyone!</p>
<p>One mantra I have had in mind for decades is “Hello, it’s HIGH SCHOOL, for goodness’ sake!” I was fortunate to be in a family with 3 older kids, none of whom let HS be their entire world, and so even in elementary school I knew that letting HS define your life and that thinking what happened in HS was going to be important in the long run were both silly and dangerous. I can’t imagine letting these kinds of decisions feel like they’re really going to matter in the long run. </p>
<p>I know I sounds like a radical “anti-HS” person, and I guess in some ways I am. I do have a general philosophy that HS is a time to be endured and be done with. Some things are fun and OK, and kids can be happy teenagers, but a lot of the time that comes outside of, or even in spite of, actual HS stuff. </p>
<p>But many of us here are not on our first HS-college transition, and regardless of whether it went well or not, we know how shockingly suddenly HS fades into one’s past. Whether or not you “got” this or “did” that will become practically forgotten as college life, and then “real” life, takes over. </p>
<p>Sure, it’s OK to care - you have to care about something. Some HS kids throw their energy into those HS successes, and friendships, to have a meaningful year. Some kids start looking outside of HS for satisfaction, instead. All is great, as long as they’re ready to move on and don’t let the HS experience make them crazy. What I’ve said to myself, and to my kids, and to kids I’ve counseled, is “it’s a big world out there, and lots of things will happen in this life.”</p>
<p>mosb: Your comments were lovely. I know your D is still strongly committed to music, but of course that road can have many changes, and it’s good to be prepared for them. I have seen my kids move from instruments they love(d), years they committed, and then need to move on. They’ve grieved as I have; it’s like a love affair that ends, in many ways, but fortunately they have both continued to find their love in music in new ways. As a musician myself, I truly can empathize with falling in and out of love with an instrument, or with a particular kind of music, or simply with the intensity of focused study. It happens, and you can’t force it.</p>
<p>But also it doesn’t mean that it’s over. A year off in HS - or any time - from practically anything doesn’t mean anything except in the tiny details of that particular year’s opportunities. We all know umpteen stories of someone who shocked everyone by “quitting” something … only to come back strong as ever, or with new perspective, or to move on to something really meaningful to them, or to rediscover something years later with a maturity they never had. </p>
<p>I’m not accusing anyone of a bad attitude here - I think the honesty and caring that we all express here is truly inspiring. I do think that as a culture we’ve gotten very anxious about “missing out” and have a fear that “it’s all over” way too quickly. I’m much more worried about burned out, injured for life, jaded and apathetic people who got too much too soon, overdid and gained only empty rewards. Life is just too complex for a linear approach to be the best.</p>
<p>Those cleats weren’t wasted - and neither was all of the equipment from my Ds’ “quit” activities that I sometimes gnash my teeth over the price tag. He’ll take those cleats to college and be glad he has them when he plays in pickup games, or club games, or whatever. There are many things I know I’m going to send to college with D2, either initially or later in the mail because she realizes she misses them - musical instruments, dance shoes, oil paints, etc. These are all “supplies for life,” in my opinion.</p>