<p>Because of timing and job, H hasn’t been to any school visits. He has made plans to go to a few this fall. Funny, he seems to be planning them all around big football weekends on campus… They are ‘second’ visits all within a days drive so I think I may pass (as much as I love football) and let this be a father/son thing.</p>
<p>Thanks for the heads up on the NMSF letter. DS has not mentioned so I’ll keep quiet for now. Well above prior year cut-off, but it is still nice to have the letter.</p>
<p>GC met with S’s class this week. Have not heard all the details except they do everything manually. The kids fill out apps and then give printed copy, check, transcript request and $3 for transcript to GC. Rec request given to teachers who give rec to GC. When everything is done, the GC gives the kids a sealed envelope ready to mail. She has been doing it this way for years. Not sure why Internet is not used espec b/c we have Naviance. We have no choice but it is frustrating. I’m sure schools receiving packages are not thrilled.</p>
<p>EmmyBet-thanks for the advice. I should probably trust D’s instinct, but something about spending more on her education than I did on my house (for which I went to countless open houses) just makes me want to spend more than five minutes at each school! (especially after driving hours, paying for hotels, meals etc). But I will try to follow your always great advice…and back off on her…but not on DH! I will have to talk to him about keeping quiet and not asking obvious questions!</p>
<p>I know it sounds really illogical. I hear of kids who hated school on visit 1, loved it on visit 2 … I am not working from any kind of wisdom here except I really do think my D anyway can tell. One adcom we heard said his D wouldn’t even get out of the car unless she felt right about a place - and she picked her 1st choice school from sitting at a nearby coffee shop. She liked the sound of the conversations around her and felt that was an excellent test.</p>
<p>One thing I think is very wise - and a poster named kristin wrote this on the “Safety” thread a couple of weeks ago - is that in the end, college IS college. Take away important issues like whether or not they have the program or major you need, and beyond that, you are going to a place with classes, professors, peers, activities, dorm life, independence, etc. </p>
<p>Risking sounding completely idiotic, I think there is real sense in this - that if the programs and the general “feeling” of college are there, the differences really ARE subjective. And under those circumstances I’m willing to let her gut decide. </p>
<p>If she weren’t making a good list, if she were glibly or flippantly picking schools that I could tell made no sense for her, I’d worry. But once the basic needs are in place, I’m ready to believe how she feels. Sometimes this has taken more than 5 minutes. But sometimes they don’t even have to visit - I do think “fit” sometimes heads right for the gut.</p>
<p>And for the “clueless Dad” story: We visited 2 schools together last fall. At one, both he and I were pretty frustrated by the info session - it was led by a current freshman (this was NOVEMBER) and we felt answered no “important” questions. By the time it was over, we could hardly stand it. Walking out, our D said she needed something at the Walgreen’s across the street. So H and I waited for her to finish her purchase; he was saying to me, “That was awful! How could she even know anything about that school now!” and I was shushing him, waiting to hear what she would say. She walked up to us and said, “That was totally amazing - everything she said was exactly what I want. I felt like I was looking straight into a mirror! I know this would be the perfect school for me!”</p>
<p>Man, was he glad he didn’t talk first. Her criteria for how “important” that info session was were totally different from ours. And frankly, everything we wanted to know would be on the website. What she saw was the feelings a student had for the place; what she heard was the story of how that student got there and what it meant to her. That you can only get in a conversation.</p>
<p>The next day, we went to a school that neither H nor D liked. H again was silent; then he got to agree with D in the car that the school was wrong for her. He managed never to be the bad guy, and she got to do her own thinking about something that ultimately is hers to own.</p>
<p>I hear you about the “on our dime” issue. But I’ve heard too many stories of kids who go where they think their parents will be happy (and I knew some in college myself, too), and it never seems worth it in the long run. The only pushy thing I’ve said to my kids so far is to D1, who said “I don’t really like this school, but it’s got a good reputation and I could always transfer.” to which I replied, “Not when I’m paying - if you’re planning to transfer, you can go to state U.” In that case, it actually was my and H’s alma mater; she was shocked to hear I wouldn’t be thrilled to have her attend, even reluctantly. I think she knew we both loved our school so much that she thought we really wanted her to go there, too - what she learned was that we really wanted her to go somewhere she loved that much, too. Very, very different.</p>
<p>Excited that S has found a rolling admissions safety with a free online app. He still needs to submit one essay though (250 to 500 words) which he hasn’t started yet, of course. He will probably only be applying to 2 other schools, one of which sent him a shorter ‘VIP’ app and then the other, his first choice, will apply ED. It’s slowly coming together.</p>
<p>Went through wisdom teeth with older D, but S so far has no wisdom teeth developed.</p>
<p>Emmybet-I definitely would never make D go to a school that she didn’t like, no matter if it was much less. I want her to be happy with her choice 100 percent!
And I definitely have learned never to state my opinion about a school until she has clearly stated hers. I have forewarned DH to do the same…honestly I don’t think he would do that in any event! More worried about him asking super obvious questions during presentations etc.</p>
<p>Just caught up on the last month of posts. I’m really pleased to see that S wasn’t the only kid NOT working on college stuff this summer LOL He bought a hat for State Flagship and has been wearing it all the time. I guess it’s the boy equivalent of buying the tshirt after the school tour! He still has to find some other schools to apply to…and school starts next Thursday. Flagship doesn’t have EA and isn’t rolling (though in-state does hear sooner), sigh, so we’re looking for schools with EA or rolling admissions. He could just apply to for-sures like U of Alabama with his stats. Or he could apply to some of the gazillion PA schools. I want him to apply to schools where he’d be happy to go, since he has to put the effort into the applications, you know?</p>
<p>But I’m not worried about it. It will all work out in the end 
The Eagle project on the other hand… Thank goodness he doesn’t turn 18 until next June!</p>
<p>I have faith in you holliesue - I hope I didn’t imply anything negative about how you’re doing things. Your post just got me wondering if I felt that those quick gut reactions are OK, and I guess I do. And I agree about liking schools - I figure they shouldn’t even apply if they don’t want to go there (the best advice we ever got in college apps! Seems obvious but often isn’t).</p>
<p>My H is a much looser cannon. I practically had to muzzle him … but he was very grateful.</p>
<p>Emmybet-oh no…I didn’t think you were implying anything. I was glad for your words of wisdom!! And I do agree with you…I don’t see the point of applying to a school she doesn’t want t go to. I know that might make the list shorter than may be strategic, but we’ll have to live with it. Fortunately the SUNY colleges that she finds acceptable are all safeties for her. Thanks.</p>
<p>Our oldest daugther wouldn’t have applied to the school she’s now attending and loving and seeing as a perfect fit if we hadn’t told her she had to as a back-up/safety/whatever-you-want-to call-it. She absolutely did not want to go there. Of the five schools she applied to, she didn’t get in to the one she thought was perfect at the time, seriouly considered another school and then on her own decided the in-state school was her best choice for a variety of reasons. Just don’t think it hurts to have an option in some cases.</p>
<p>Yes, this is something that everyone ends up dealing with, and I don’t pretend to have answers. Most kids are going to feel that the safeties are less desirable or even undesirable, and it’s hard to get past that. I know many kids who reluctantly went and then say they wouldn’t change their experience for the world.</p>
<p>My older D was desperate not to go to her safety, which was our flagship, and happens to be one of the best universities in the country. Now she says she would have been foolish to have resisted going; she has loved every bit of the experience she’s had at the school she was fortunate to get into ED, but she knows there was enormous value in the safety that at the time she thought would be a huge letdown. She said back then that she would not apply, that she’d take a gap year, etc., etc. We never got to see if she’d follow through on that, but I did tell her I wouldn’t force her to apply or go. It would have been a learning experience to face the consequences of her choice. I do think, and she says now, that she would have applied and gone if that had been the best result after all.</p>
<p>My D has 2 instate safeties to choose from, and I think she has come to terms with the positives and negatives they represent. She’s looking now for a safety that is just as guaranteed, that will at least get her to the part of the country she wants to be in. I do think it’s nearly impossible to make a list where the kids love all of the schools equally, and many kids - unlike very lucky LuckyBoy! - have some level of disappointment with the instate safety, no matter how good it is. </p>
<p>There are lots of discussions on this, and I don’t have any answers. D2 here will definitely be dealing with balancing safeties with hopefully a few other choices - and honestly I think she could make the same choice phbmom’s D did in the end. And it could have just as lovely an outcome.</p>
<p>Last night she hung out with a friend who is much more obsessive about homework and applications, and I was so grateful! She needs people who will give her the embarrassment factor to help get things done. They talked about essays and which schools take the Common App, etc., and my D I think realized that she hasn’t done enough planning yet. But soon she’ll be in “seniorworld” and she’ll get her act together.</p>
<p>Japanese “D” went to her first party last night, a wonderful opportunity with a nice girl whose family has lived in Japan, so she and her parents could help translate. We got JD a sweatshirt for our sports teams and took her on a walk-through of all of her classrooms. She is very excited!</p>
<p>D got her first freebie application offer in her inbox and is very excited. Its a school high on her list so it will get used. I hope she gets some more of those! </p>
<p>Many of her friends are leaving for college this weekend so its a bittersweet time. She is soooo excited to be a senior and soooo sad her friends are leaving. </p>
<p>Emmybet, glad to hear your JD is having a good time. What a great experience!</p>
<p>We are trying to walk this tight-rope with our kiddo about which schools this list should include. Right now I’d say the list is a bit reach heavy, though our kiddo a pretty good plan of action on which schools to apply to and in which order…early vs RD etc…</p>
<p>DH really hasn’t spent any time talking with kiddo about why this school vs that and hasn’t done any of the schoool tours etc … AND is a bit miffed kiddo in not interested in our alma mater. Frankly, kiddo can do MUCH better than our alma mater…
though it would be a fine education (let’s face it, you get out of it what you put into it–and kiddo would graduate very clearly at the top) I can bet kiddo may find the lack of challenge an excuse to rest on …</p>
<p>One thing we are trying to wrestle with–is where kiddo feels will be the area of the country to live in AFTER college. Meaning some schools almuni/influence is very strong and helpful in certain regions than others and so in the business/professional world afterward—shouldn’t kiddo consider the impact of that network/region when applying??</p>
<p>Have any of you thought about the alumni network and regional influence as well? It was something my FiL pointed out–about how they helped by BiL choose a school</p>
<p>
I think, in a nutshell, that’s exactly the issue for high-achieving kids. It’s great to have a safety, someplace you’re sure to get in, but many of them want to get into “better” schools - and I put that word in quotes for a reason. I know you can get a terrific education at a state school (I did), but I know my D really wants to go to a “top ranked” school. I can’t discourage her from that; I also want her to go to the best school she can. </p>
<p>FogFog, my son is a junior in college this year in the Washington DC area and is thinking about where he will live post-graduation. Part of the reason he chose this school for his major (journalism) was the region, particularly when combined with his interest in politics. Alumni networks stretch far and wide. If your child’s school has a strong alumni network, he can probably access it wherever he lands after graduation.</p>
<p>I wondered when my D went 1000 miles away to school if “that would be that” for her geographically, as it kind of was for me. But while she’s enjoyed the area she’s been for school, the connections and contacts she’s making now as she prepares to graduate are definitely much broader. She’s in the sciences, and really could end up anywhere next year; her profs are hooking her up with people literally all over the world where she can do lab work.</p>
<p>I think people stay near where they went to school if they have personal reasons - they like that part of the country best, or they have a relationship, either romantically or just with friends who decide to live there. My D seems just as interested in coming back to this area (where it’s cheaper, and jobs more plentiful) as in trying to stay there. But in terms of contacts, the web spreads far and wide.</p>
<p>As for friends leaving for college - that’s been a big part our our time here, too. D2 is having goodbye lunches, sleepovers, etc. She’s sad, but most of these friends will be easy to visit, going to instate schools, so that’s exciting - D is old enough to get in a car and pop out to see them. </p>
<p>And it’s so meaningful to have those kids leaving, removing that last buffer between my D’s class and “the end.” The truth is really hitting! And in a few weeks, it’ll feel so normal being the seniors. How exciting!</p>
<p>My D is going to have to step up - normally she couldn’t care less about things like Homecoming, or sports in general, but JD is so excited about that stuff that mine will have to muster some enthusiasm (or at least introduce her to some friends who do care). Luckily JD will be in choir, so they’ll have that very busy and exciting ride together this year.</p>
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<p>Yes. It is something H has pointed out to S and we have been looking into.</p>
<p>I have mixed feelings about the power of the alumni network. My oldest child went to a tiny school where over 90% of the students were from out of state and 17% of the total were from out of the country. Because of that, she seemingly has friends all over the world and connections because it’s such a small school and it’s very common for siblings and children of alumn’s to go there. But, my daughter is also very outgoing and understands the whole networking thing. My son also went to a small college but is not real good at reaching out to people he doesn’t personally know well. So, while networking and alumni presence is one thing to consider, I don’t know if it’s a real tipping point when deciding where to go. And as far as small schools not faring as well in the networking game, I don’t think that’s true at all. My daughter has found her professors much easier to keep in touch with compared to her friend who graduated from a larger public. My kids prof’s all knew them very well and even now after graduation, they can get in touch with them.</p>
<p>My #2D wants to stay in the PNW, so choices are relatively limited. She’s a 3.5 (no weighting or ranking here, with honors/usual APs). She has 3-4 schools on her list right now and there really isn’t much doubt she’d get into any of them. Sometimes the flagship can be a reach for even the best of students if they want direct admittance to a particular major… nothing wrong with that. Nothing wrong with it being a safety, either. </p>
<p>D doesn’t want to go there at all - too big and too close to home (7 miles!), so be it. She’s looking in Oregon and at WWU, maybe Gonzaga. Montana is too cold (!) and Idaho isn’t good enough. When you aren’t 100% certain of where you want to go in life, I think that the schools that offer a lot are really the way to go. </p>
<p>My older D (2013) had figured out pretty much what she wanted to do, so applied to only 2 schools with how much merit she’d get out of each being the deciding factor. #2D is making a much more considered plan. Funny how two kids can be so different!</p>
<p>kathie - I get you about the networking/alum with an introverted child. It is hard, hard, hard to reach out. I think that’s where fit and quality of program comes in. Even if the child isn’t quite able to push it, there are always opportunities for the one who came out with a good degree and who enjoyed getting it.</p>