<p>Good morning all,
I have been reading all along and, while I don’t feel knowledgable enough to give any insights, I do appreciate all your sharing and the confirmation that things happening in my house are happening all over America right now. My son is so laid back (not apathetic) about the process and has the attitude that it will all be fine and he will get in somewhere and that is where he belongs. I think his thought is that he is applying to enough schools to (hopefully) ensure that. I, on the other hand, worry about too much debt upon graduation since we don’t know the financial aid stuff for months to come (in regards to merit), will he be disappointed if he doesn’t get into that reach school that I know he’d really like to go to, when will the rolling/early acceptance decision come in and on and on and on. I am trying not to project that on to him but gosh it is hard.</p>
<p>Oregonianmom, how exciting for your D! Not every day that someone representing Harvard calls, right? Best of luck to her at the interview next week, and let us know how it goes.</p>
<p>Oregonianmom, Harvard tries to do an alumni interview for every kid as do a number of the schools. I do alumni interviewing for Princeton and they have a regional chair of the alumni schools committee who solicits alumni and then assigns them kids. I’ve never done them three days after an application went in, but I do call or email and set up appointments. I ask the kid to email me a resume in advance, so I can read it and think about what I want to ask. The interview is an opportunity to convey the things that don’t come across on paper that they’d like to get across, though I’m never sure whether the alumni interviews matter at all.</p>
<p>shawbridge, thanks for the info. I was wondering how they do that. They must have assigned her to somebody right away - I was surprised at the speed. I think Harvard downloaded her common app on the 21st. The interviewer asked that she bring a resume with her when they meet.</p>
<p>We took Missypie’s advice and survived last night’s family dinner. Two glasses of wine before dinner helped too! </p>
<p>The family patriarch told us that our son needs to go to MIT so he can get a good job. No other school will provide him with the opportunities MIT will. We told him we’d have our son add it to his list (even tho it was the only school that came off his original list after we visited last Spring). I’m sure he meant well, but MIT is staying on the ‘not interested’ list.</p>
<p>Good luck to today’s test takers and welcome new members.</p>
<p>BTW, I emailed some questions to the Profile people and got back responses a few hours later. Very impressed. Just remember to limit each email to one topic.</p>
<p>FIMathMom, glad the evening went well. Just got off the phone with my upset friend (let’s call her Grace) who, along with her H, had dinner with her in-laws last night. It did not go well.</p>
<p>The grandparents are pushing very hard for the granddaughter (let’s call her Gracie) to pursue a career in opera and think she should be applying to and auditioning at the top conservatories in the country, exclusively.</p>
<p>This has been a thorn in Grace’s side all summer and fall because 1) she knows how extremely competitive those places are, 2) she knows how swept up in this “dream” Gracie would become if encouraged, 3) she has a realistic sense of Gracie’s talent level (good but not very good or great), and she wants her to choose a school that will give her other career options. And 4), to be honest, she resents the strong input and pushing into what she feels should be a decision between Gracie, herself, and her H.</p>
<p>She knew they wanted to talk about this at dinner and I’d tried to get her to read some of the “Smile and Nod” thread, but she’s a non-CCer. (“Why should I spend the time? You’re on there constantly and you tell me everything I need to know.”)</p>
<p>Sigh…</p>
<p>So I had prepared her with some key phrases/replies that I thought would help her, and she said they did help…during cocktails. During wine with dinner…not so much. I asked, “Actually, how much wine was there with dinner?” (Grace is 5’3", weighs 102, and I’ve never seen her have more than one drink).</p>
<p>Apparently there were “several” glasses of wine for everybody, and the conversation turned into an outright disagreement that ended badly. Grace says there was no shouting, but voices did get raised a few times and the words/sentiments were harsh.</p>
<p>They accused her of not setting the bar high enough for Gracie and not pushing her to excel…she accused them of not knowing what they were talking about in the world of classical vocal performance and not having a realistic sense of Gracie’s talents/limitations.</p>
<p>They pointed out that Maria Callas had a very flawed vocal technique, yet was beloved because of her passion and emotional relationship with music and audiences. In what may be my favorite quote of the evening, Grace replies, “Are we talking about Maria Callas here or Gracie, because those are two entirely different songbirds!”. (She has no idea of my screen name.)</p>
<p>And it went downhill from there. Now Grace is still furious, but also says, "I can’t believe I didn’t just keep my mouth shut, but they were aggravating me so much, I couldn’t help it. She’s also mad at her H for not supporting her more strongly. He did take her side, and says that he “gave her the look,” but apparently it did no good.</p>
<p>Poor Grace. I suggested she let a few days go by and then call or write a note saying something like, “I’m sorry our conversation the other night took a disagreeable turn. I know you have only the best intentions and hopes for Gracie, as we do, too. We will consider your point of view as she moves forward with college plans and decisions.” Meanwhile, let’s give it a rest and look forward to happier conversations at Thanksgiving and Christmas."</p>
<p>Any other thoughts from you guys? Grace was crying when we hung up. Her relationship with her in-laws has always had some “control issues” in it, and I think this college thing has stirred up a lot of past issues, slights, and hurts.</p>
<p>MOSB-wow! my heart goes out to your friend! this is when I am thankful that neither of my parents went to college and are both very hands off! I think you have given your friend some great advice.</p>
<p>MOSB - Wow, poor Grace. She is lucky to have a supportive and helpful friend like you. I think your advice is great. Any chance she can celebrate Thanksgiving and/or Christmas with another part of the family?</p>
<p>Any one have an artistic child? I just found this $5000 scholarship - [ACT</a> High School Poster Concept Contest](<a href=“http://actstudent.org/postercontest/]ACT”>http://actstudent.org/postercontest/)</p>
<p>I feel so sorry for Grace. It’s hard enough to have contention within your own family, much less with your in-laws. I like your suggestion for an email. They will probably never see eye-to-eye, but the in-laws need to know that Grace heard them and will take their thoughts into consideration, but that it’s not the in-laws’ decision to make.</p>
<p>My MIL has made disparaging comments about how much we are looking to spend on our kids’ college educations. “Back when my kids went to school, it only cost $_______ and they worked summers to pay for it,” blah, blah, blah. Yeah well, costs have gone up. Just smile and nod.</p>
<p>Wow, MOSB, that is awful. But I think your wording for the follow-up note is spot-on. She’s not going to win that argument if they’re that controlling. Makes me feel sorry for Grace’s husband to be raised by such a man.</p>
<p>My D is off to Disneyland with her posse for her friend’s birthday. So glad she can get a break from the last three weeks of pressure. Her meeting with the GC yesterday went very well. She said D’s essay was a good topic and would work well, and said her transcript looks good for her list of six schools, and that D shouldn’t worry. So she’s off to have some fun and not worry!</p>
<p>Good weekend, all.</p>
<p>This sounds pretty cynical, but I think the whole idea of “smile and nod” is that people just aren’t going to understand, and I think these people aren’t going to understand, either. It’s very luxurious having opinions, but they’re not the ones having to go through the lessons and auditions and tears and fears. Let them talk, and just wait for it to be over. I also think in all of these situations that it’s the actual offspring of the inlaws (i.e. her H) who needs to take a stand - not on the college issue, but on the relationship issue. </p>
<p>Grace will have to let her D weather the various influences - she can’t protect her kid from people who will build her up, nor people who will shoot her down. At this age we have to let kids overshoot, undershoot, dream big, dream little. They have to make their own choices, and the world will let them know the answers. Grace (and her H) can make their decisions on what they will support financially, etc. But I hope Gracie isn’t so delicate that some comments by Grandma, or a teacher, or anyone, will veer her in a completely unreasonable direction, good or bad.</p>
<p>In support of Grace and Gracie, I think it is far wiser to choose a school based on breadth of offerings and opportunities rather than pursue one narrow track. Lots of students, the majority by some data, change their major and/or career focus. If you choose a college experience that is extremely narrow–like opera or a super specialized field in engineering–and life throws you a curve in some way–you may not have so many options as you might like.</p>
<p>Smile and nod is ever so tough to pull off some days.</p>
<p>I suppose I am the lucky one, my inlaws are in China with limited (e.g. haven’t talked to FIL for about 10 yrs) contact, and my parents think colleges are “way too expensive so why doesn’t he go to the community college down the street?” They think we are crazy to think otherwise but, there you go.</p>
<p>This weekend is a loss for the apps, football and tmrw is marching band states competition. Like I expected, those other 11/1 deadlines will be met with a 10/31 submit.</p>
<p>I haven’t found any people being annoying about the “list,” don’t know why that is. Guess since he isn’t the tippy-top group vying for valedictorian (who I hear are super secretive about everything from tests to grades to apps - they plea the 5th basically) it’s less pressure. Meanwhile I hv one neighbor who did his own pivot tables about which private HS have better ivy placement so he can decide where to send his 8th grader (I just smiled and nodded). His kid is a b-level C-avg student who swears like a sailor, take that to the ivys. Sure.</p>
<p>Most kids around here go to our local universities, Oregon State or University of Oregon. It’s hard to explain to some people why our kids want to go to college in another part of the country. I had a cousin the other day exclaim to me, right in front of my daughter, “Why would she want to go so far away? Whatever are you going to do when she’s gone? Oh I feel so sorry for you!” Get a grip, it’s not like she’s going to Siberia. And even if she did go to Siberia, she’d come home for visits. We raise our kids to leave the nest when they’re ready to fly, that’s our job as parents. Why would I want to hold her back, for my own sake?</p>
<p>I was trying to get my ds to consider places farther away - wishing someone could go to school in milder temps! Alot of the kids around here come home so often because they are so close. Given the multiple dibs on taking his room, he’d better not come back that much!</p>
<p>D finally did it. She tried one essay for the last two months and it wasn’t working. I had suggested she do it on something else. She did it this morning and it is great. I knew she can write really well but it just wasn’t happening with the essay. Now she is a very good one and I am so happy. Just a little tweaking of some grammar and transitions and she is good to go. Which is a blessing since we need to mail it Monday for the schools with Nov. 1 deadlines. Now for me to finally finish the little bits I need to do. I have already done the counselor letter and the homeschool philosophy part but now just a short paragraph on our grading policy and another one on how we used outside classes. I am doing that this afternoon, listening to music from my younger days (70’s and 80’s).</p>
<p>In terms of telling others where she is applying, she is rather vague, particularly as she is applying to many schools since she needs to make sure not only of financing but also special needs accommodations (mainly a single room).</p>
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<p>Same thing happened to my S. He worked on an essay all summer. I never liked it. Then he went in another direction and I love it. One week to go and it still needs work, (yes I am stressing out), but it explains in a backhanded way his big SAT/GPA mismatch. </p>
<p>We got an unofficial transcript from S’s school he needed for an honors program they are having for applicants at one of his colleges. I was pleasantly surprised that his GPA was higher than I thought. He last report card did not have the GPA on it because they were waiting for the AP results to be averaged in. He seems to be doing fairly well in school this year so fingers are crosses that he can get that GPA up even higher.</p>
<p>MOSB, sounds like you are being a good friend. I also like the idea of the follow-up note or phone call to smooth things a bit, after tempers have subsided a bit. I’m assuming Gracie was not present during this disasterous dinner conversation?</p>
<p>No applications will be worked on at our house this weekend. Finals are this week – we are on 4x4 block scheduling (take 4 courses at a time for half a year) so these are semester grades that will be reported on senior transcripts. Homecoming is tonite, and S is spending the morning and afternoon studying AP Art History (as an aside, what a bear that course is in the world of block scheduling – memorizing thousands of works of art and architecture in such a short period of time!). </p>
<p>He does NOT want me to come take pictures when his group meets tonite at a park before dinner (I guess only one other parent is going), although he finally conceded that I could come. With such a warm welcome I guess I won’t go! One girl will be taking pictures, and his GF has promised to tag him on Facebook so I can see them, and copy them for myself, so I guess that will suffice.</p>
<p>My parents were both academics and I went to three of HYPS. My son goes to a prestigious school, so my mother cannot really understand why my daughter is forsaking American colleges for Canada. I just explain why I think she is making a very sensible choice. I just don’t let the conversation get to me. But, I think I’m good at presenting a very clear and confident argument when I want to, and in this case, the argument has the virtue of being correct. I do think she is making a sensible choice.</p>
<p>It is a bit too late for Grace/Gracie. But here’s a suggestion. A good friend of mine always responds to that sort of suggestion with “Now, that’s an option,” although he leaves unstated the rest of the sentence, “which I’ll consider a few years after hell freezes over.” People who don’t know him are pleased that he is considering the option they’ve suggested. And, he’s correct. It is an option. Just not one he’s going to seriously consider. No need to argue about it.</p>
<p>MOSB - That is too bad about Graces IL’s. As you told her, you just smile and nod. That is all you can do. I wouldn’t try to justify anything to them, they aren’t even going to listen so why bother.</p>