<p>My D2 is going to benefit by having a parent who is less crazed about the whole college admissions game. </p>
<p>With D1, I have worred since 9th grade that she didn’t exhibit enough passion about 1 or 2 ECs or have enough leadership in her many ECs; that she had too many ECs with not enough depth (the college application death knell according to some on CC); that that she wasn’t taking enough APs (CC death knell #2); that she didn’t prep enough for ACT/SAT; that she got a few B’s in HS, and so on. </p>
<p>Well, D1’s been accepted to 3 excellent colleges (plus 3 still in the hopper) with merit aid & acceptance into their honors colleges despite all the things I worried would surely sabotage her chances. Granted, she didn’t apply to any Ivy League schools, but that was never her goal.</p>
<p>Do I wish that I had known what I know now when D1 was in 9th grade? Sure do. But, in hindsignt, I am thankful that I didn’t “force” D1 to stick with a couple of ECs that she wanted to drop in HS even though she had been intensely involved in both for 10+ years. I am glad I didn’t "force " her to take more APs than she thought she could handle even though I was sure it would get her rejected at many colleges. I am glad I didn’t make her stay on the track team this year, even though I worried it would negatively affect her college apps. In short, I am glad that I didn’t let my (unfounded?) fears negatively affect D1’s choices. She was right, I was wrong. </p>
<p>D2 can’t begin to imagine how lucky she is to be the younger sister :D</p>
<p>I guess I’m just jaded on the college selection process by real life…as a lawyer, I have clients who are very successful financially who have built terrific businesses…not an Ivy grad among them. I’ll run into other lawyers and in-house counsel with terrific educational pedigrees, but the folks who tend to make the big bucks graduated from whereever…I’m pretty sure they would have “made it” no matter where they went to school. (Of couse, if your child’s goal is to become a Supreme Court Justice, that’s another story.)</p>
<p>Wow, you all are really articulating my thoughts right now. I think knowing that others are going through the same things, anonymously here, helps. I hope it makes me a better parent, and it sure helps me accept her the way she is. Thanks for your thoughts, I’ve been getting emails from the principal (we have a parent group where he can share his concerns with us) and he said many of the students have been affected. It’s a small town in many ways and with both parents being teachers in two different districts the situation has touched many.
And the EC’s I wouldn’t have forced her to do, but just try something is what I felt. And it wasn’t the subject matter, but the kids. There is always an excuse for everything. She takes dance classes, so I thought dance team would be fun. But apparently the girls were witchy and the music not her style. How about photography or year book? Again. Didn’t like the girls. This year she’s got a nice crew of friends - probably eating at my house a little too much for my husband’s liking - and life is calmer. Thanks for the sounding board and for all of your input!</p>
<p>It’s funny how with my siblings, we all were sooooooo different with various “talents” - not all academic. (The most successful out of us is not the one who had perfect SATs and went to MIT btw but the one who went to a CUNY at a fraction of that cost) Now with my 4 kids? Gosh they are soooooo different, same parents, same house, same on lots of angles, but boy are they going to be very different people with different goals and paths. My dd (soph.) has always been the one having trouble to adjust to the social aspects of life (eg went through 5 preschools) which is nearly polar to my ds. People are usually shocked to find out that they are related. But dd has found a place in our large HS, a small group of asian, studious, science geeky, korean pop star-obsessed kids. She says “no” to every EC I mention beyond band so I think she needs maybe some volunteering in her science area and we’ve got to look into those options. Meanwhile, I am looking for that leprachaun that the SAR believes I have hidden.</p>
<p>I just love reading all of the caring thoughtful responses here –</p>
<p>I was thinking about Finding Nemo…
remember when Nemo is telling Dory that he “doesn’t want anything to happen to him (Nemo) and the Dory says something about” thats silly, then nothing would ever happen to him"…</p>
<p>Such an easy way to share a poignant thought–How as parents we try to protect our kids and at the same time have to allow them to grow, learn, fall and pick themselves up again …</p>
<p>ah ha, found the quote</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Sometimes,
maybe more often then we’d like,
even if we have wisdom to help them navigate the journey more smoothly–
they choose to take their own path, even if when it is bumpier and filled with more difficult twists and curves than would have been necessary…</p>
<p>Often I find myself fretting over one of our kiddos and wondering why kiddo chooses the tougher path of more resistance…and then wish I/we better understood kiddo’s need to do so.
sigh</p>
<p>fogfog - “then nothing would ever happen to him.” How true! And today’s mail brought an acceptance to SUNY Albany, my alma mater, which meant a lot to her. It was the first school she visited, and while I don’t think it’s at the top of her list, she still feels it’s on the table.
So the emotional roller coaster continues! With her feeling so fragile today, it would have stunk to get a rejection today!</p>
<p>I just got a reply from Cornell’s finaid office about whether the 2/15 deadline requiring copies of your 1040’s would be changed or flexible given the delay of the forms being finalized - “At this time, there is no change to the deadline. Please check our website for updates.” So are they saying, 1) you shouldn’t apply for finaid if you have a Sch A or that 2) you should submit an unfinal/unsubmitted 1040 to them? I bet they heard about my leprachaun too.</p>
<p>I have decided that we are doing estimated FAFSA and Profile. Not only aren’t the tax returns going to be done before quite a lot of the schools want the forms but we are still up in the air as to what my h’s salary will be this year and how much our son’s insurance will cost since President Obama hasn’t signed the Defense Authorization bill yet. I am doing these forms this weekend with my best guesses. That is all I can do. As I know we won’t qualify for federal aid and for institutional aid, everyone else who had schedule A or tuition credits or any of the other delayed problems will also either be filing late or estimated.</p>
<p>Congrats Bella–so happy for your DD and You!
Truly a nice ray of sunshine as was said on a dreary day.
Hugs for (((U)))</p>
<p>This roller coaster is wild isn’t it–
We are seated on the same ride-- in those little cars with that bar across our laps-- and trying to keep our hands thrown in the air and enjoying it-- as opposed to holding on for dear life!</p>
<p>Did anyone see the report on the Today show about FB and privacey etc–and teens TMI online? For those of us with house rules about FB and TMI, nice to see the media chiming in to what we already knew.</p>
<p>Haven’t even <em>looked</em> at FAFSA yet, scared to death! As to what Military Mom said–we may end up having to estimate also if forms don’t get to us soon–is that a big deal? </p>
<p>sounds like so much going on around here, there’s no way I’ll catch up so will just try to browse more often…we have a slow satellite connection that this site is not fond of so I often lose patience and go on to other things…</p>
<p>But seriously, not just teens! I think my teen has toned it down since I got on - and I got on to keep an eye on her page so I guess it worked. But some adults let it be known that they’re leaving on vacation, hey everyone, empty house here! I try to post about my vacations after we’ve taken them. And then just stuff I simply do not want to know about their lives!</p>
<p>When you miss a day in this thread, it’s hard to catch up! Congrats to Bella’s daughter. Hope the acceptance helps to cheer her up.</p>
<p>Today was the first day back at school, so yesterday was the day teachers had to have first semester grades posted online. As I logged on, I started to feel horrible that I was worrying about two classes that were A- before the last tests. I think this group will take this not as boasting but as a picture of just how off centered the whole senior year/college admission process can be. Have I become crazed enough to worry that an A- in AP Government might make the difference in a reach admission decision? What message was my worry sending to my son? “I love you so much more when you move that 93 to a 94?” Really?</p>
<p>So, I didn’t log in at all. I went to his room, where he was reading, and told him that he needed to know (on this last night of vacation) that he is a terrific student, son and friend. Guess I’ll find out about the grades when they come in the mail this week.</p>
<p>But I still get to nag him about the scholarship essays that are due next week!</p>
<p>Do you remember the 1989 movie *Parenthood *with Steve Martin and Mary Steenburgen? They played husband and wife and used the roller coaster analogy - Steve was the worrier, so they showed him on a roller coaster clenching his teeth, hating it; Mary was more carefree, sothey showed her on the roller coaster just delighted.</p>
<p>And to add to that analogy, the last time I was on a roller coaster (flashback to summer '10 on a little ride called “Nitro”), i was screaming my lungs out at my dd (8th grader) who told me how much fun it was going to be (is a 21 floor drop fun? ever??) Something along the lines of “who is going to drive you home if I have a massive heart attack first young lady!?”</p>
<p>Side note: change your fire detector battery - big house fire on the street behind mine today, 5 min before the fire dept got there (we just have volunteers) and 1/2 the house was gone by then. Scary how fast it moved.</p>
<p>I haven’t posted on this thread for some time–life has been moving just too fast. All the applications went out with a couple days to spare, except for the first choice school. S2 is working on the last essay for it, and the mailing deadline is in two days. CSS PROFILE and FAFSA were submitted today. After we do this final college mailing on Friday, it will be “sit back and wait” time. I am not sure what I will do to fill in the time; college apps has pretty much been all-consuming this fall.</p>
<p>But it is always good to lurk on here and be reassured that the vibe in this household seems to be replicated in lots of others right now.</p>
<p>bella good to hear about the good news-so sorry to hear about the loss of that young lady-nothing puts things in perspective about what’s really important in life like hearing of such a tragedy.</p>
<p>Overall, when I read about the kids here I am very impressed at how much they have already done with their young lives. It’s easy for me to take for granted what a good kid I have (well the girl isn’t too bad either). We really are blessed, aren’t we? If the day to day can get tough oh well-that’s life. I need to remember that he is 17 and not a machine-and if I had all the expectations on me he has I would have crumpled in a heap long ago-they really are doing great. I think when he gets home tonight from swim practice I will ask for an extra hug for him being such a good sport.</p>
<p>Don’t sweat the tax returns guys. This is going to cause such a logjam every school will have no choice but to make changes. I would suggest what it seems like everyone is doing-get it done as much as possible and then ask the school in question how they want to deal with it not being able to be finalized. I cannot imagine a school would insist on someone filing a return before the IRS even has the forms required to complete it! :)</p>
<p>CSS and FAFSA filed here-needed to submit 11 for FAFSA but can only do ten at once-so the one straggler school with the latest deadline will have to wait their turn.</p>