<p>^^Now that is a sweet memory.</p>
<p>dignified1 - I love that! Those are the ones you hold on to and draw on for a very long time! :)</p>
<p>ROM and Ahappymom: Welcome! I love this thread because it reminds me that other parents around the country are dealing with similars highs and lows this year.</p>
<p>OWM: It sounds like you found the perfect outfit for the dance. </p>
<p>Emmybet: I hope that the envelope brings good news. Even if it doesn’t, I’m sure that your daughter will handle it.</p>
<p>AmandaK: I don’t think I could ever cut off one of my daughters. I would, however, considering setting them up in their own apartment if they became unbearable to live with. Fortunately, I can’t see that happening. I have read the thread you are referring to, and that Mother is going through hell. Situations like that remind me to count my blessings and “love the kid on the couch.”</p>
<p>Oh my D1 will be SO jealous of all those having snow days! Even tho we’ve had frequent snow for our area this winter so far they’ve only had one late day and no snow days, most of the snow came Thksgiving, Chrstmas, and weekends. It’s gotten to be kind of a running joke at our house…she keeps saying “just ONE, just ONE snow day in my senior year, that’s all I ask!!” to which I keep replying…“there’s still the rest of Jan, Feb and even early March…keep your hopes up” to which she replies that I can’t say November, December any more in my comeback and time is running out!</p>
<p>Collegemaw: I hope your daughter gets her snow day. Every senior is entilted to at least one. We got our first one today. Our seniors don’t have to make them up, so my daughter is hoping for more.</p>
<p>Yes, counting my blessings too Momjr, trying to love the kid upstairs on facebook who should be studying for the 2nd chance/last chance SATII Chemistry this Saturday who would’ve spent the entire snow day on xbox if possible. I feel for that Mom and I see cc-ers getting very frustrated that she isn’t ready/willing to take on their suggestions to get that adult (aka brat) out of her house. Just makes me wonder how I would handle that if I were in her shoes. I don’t tolerate much teen behavior that some of my neighbors just grin and bear. I don’t know, just thinking aloud today.</p>
<p>Collegemaw - well since this is #3 snowday, there is mumblings that spring break will be cut short so…better to not lose that! It’s now a giant slurpee around town, big slushy pond at the end of my driveway since the street drain is clogged with, yes, giant slurpee dunes.</p>
<p>Emmybet - Steaming kettle for uh, well, yes it’s for tea…that’s right!</p>
<p>We have a 21 yo son (soon to be 22) who will be leaving home soon (before July). What are we going to do for him? It really depends on whether he has gotten a job before then and saved money or not. IF he has enough money for a used car/truck or nearly enough, we will help him buy that. We are willing to either help him move to wherever he wants or to put his stuff in storage for a year. We can also fly him wherever. IF he moves to some of the places he is talking about, we will help him with a security deposit. But we need to cut the strings and let him work it out. Having him dependent on us hasn’t been working and he also thinks he needs to be out. We are moving at that time and this time, he is past moving age. But that really isn’t the reason (financial). It is that we see without a push and without him deciding to do things to get better, nothing will change. It isn’t what is best for him. What is best for him is to get healthy and get a purposeful life. Fortunately, I think that even a low paying job in the right area would be fine for him. We also will pay his health insurance premiums until 26 or he gets his own insurance.</p>
<p>^ I agree that what is right for one is not necessarily right for another. Finding a way to be independent and productive, living in a safe area where they can start a life of their own. For some this is harder than others. I have a 19yo that accused me of being hostile this morning… oh yea? 
I informed him it was going to be hostile until he either went back to school or found a full time job, I don’t care which. He’s working part time (20-30hrs/week) and is waaayyy too comfortable. If we don’t nudge this kiddo towards positive personal growth he’ll stay right where he is. He’s happy…for now. In another year he will find it harder and harder to connect to people his own age, or with peers he has common interests. Nudge, nudge, nudge. I have no doubt he’ll do fine, but he may not set the world on fire (or he may). That’s okay. I just want him to feel the same sense of independence and fulfillment I did when I had my first crappy apartment that I paid for with my lousy paying, bottom of the ladder job! 
There’s nothing like it!!</p>
<p>I couldn’t wait to leave my parent’s home and get out there, it took 6 months to land a min wage job and head to the big city (NYC). “Roommate Finders” got me a share of a brownstone in Greenwich Village…how romantic, how divine…rats as big as a loaf of bread in the kitchen, no heat, only heated by woodfire which I had to start as soon as I returned from work…oh the days!!! Wouldn’t have traded those early apt. experiences for anything. It was just a thrill, had barely enough to cover rent but that was ok. Lived on ramen and baked potatoes. Blueiguana - I got hostile around noon with Mr. Xbox. He’s been “studying chem” ever since, or so he says.</p>
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<p>I really hope this board is anonymous…because I was ready to have my boyfriend come over, if you catch my drift, and none of that was ever going to happen while I lived with my parents. </p>
<p>We have a neighbor who is a widower and his 25 year old son lives with him. Nice arrangement…except that there is conflict because the son wants his girlfriend to spend the night and the dad isn’t comfortable with that. After H relayed that story to me I said, “THAT IS WHAT IS SUPPOSED TO MOTIVATE KIDS TO MOVE OUT OF THEIR PARENTS’ HOME!!!”</p>
<p>My parents had a lil trouble with my older bro, he dropped out of school, started a business, got sued, got arrested, landed back home. I remember there was a curfew, a rent charge and alot of rules. Lots of disincentive to staying there long.</p>
<p>D finally came home and opened the letter: a deferral. She’s fine, has many other choices (and ones she wants more). She says it feels better than a rejection and that she’s OK with waiting for this one’s final answer.</p>
<p>Yup, parenting ain’t always pretty. I find myself actually hoping a teeny bit that D1 might hang out with us for a while before she gets on her feet … but I know that sentimental feeling would wear off pretty quickly. Lately her patience limit being here has been about 2-3 weeks.</p>
<p>EB-sorry about the deferral, but certainly better than a rejection…and there is lots and lots of news to still come for D!</p>
<p>EmmyBet - Sorry about the deferral! Glad your d is taking it in stride!</p>
<p>My D goes to boarding school which means no snow-days, not ever (well…hardly ever). The most they get is a two or three hour delay…and not always when they should. </p>
<p>I have a friend who not only has two children still living at home in their (late) 20’s but who are married and the spouses moved in too…as well as the kids from one spouse’s first marriage who come to stay on the weekends. That’s coo-koo bananas in my book. But she says it’s great because she’s a single mom and the kids are so helpful and grandma lives there too…yikes. I need more silence in my life than she will ever have. </p>
<p>In my view, if you get married, you are a grown-up and should be living on your own. Everyone has issues where they may need to move back home, but not forever and a day. I would expect my kid to strain every nerve to find her own place where she and her spouse could do whatever, whenever. The mistake parents make is letting their kid(s) get too comfortable. A body at rest remains at rest until acted upon by an outside force…named Mom.</p>
<p>Emmybet: I’m sorry about the deferral. Hopefully, it will turn into an acceptance down the road. I’m glad that your daughter didn’t take it too hard.</p>
<p>EB - sorry to hear about the deferral but it could still turn into something better! Isn’t it strange how sometimes you just have “that feeling” and you just know it’s going to be bad news? </p>
<p>I’ve been following the other thread also and I feel so much sympathy for that mother. It’s so easy to point out the many things someone else should do and so hard to do them sometimes.</p>
<p>But you know there are those parents (not saying necessarily that mom in that thread) that from toddlerhood take abuse from their kids? You know the toddler who slaps the mom or kicks? My nephew is 5 and a terror who wrecks havoc where 'er he goes. He hasn’t heard “no” until this yr when he went to regular public school. I find it amusing since we only see him a few times a yr but last time he pulled people’s hair, ran naked through the house and kicked my dogs. The new age parenting ideals my sil explains to me (to enlighten me) seem to be creating a difficult, entitled, selfish little boy. I can only imagine how this will unfold to the teen yrs. I feel for that mom too, but it’s like those people I would see at the playground taking crap from their toddlers/kids, I just don’t get it, how they can just take that kind of abuse without getting mad or making it stop. Where does the self worth go?</p>
<p>Friends, just posting here with some very sad news tonight. A close friend of songbird’s committed suicide early this morning. She and this boy have been friends since first grade. We are in shock and heartbroken. Cooker and EmmyBet, I’ll reply to your pm soon, but I may be off the forum for a few days…need to support sb and our friends. First, I need to stop crying. Not sure that’s gonna happen for awhile.</p>
<p>Oh, amandaK, I agree. I just think it’s harder when the child has been through a phase where they are severely depressed/possibly suicidal. That can just paralyze a parent, I think, because you become so afraid that you’ll do something that will send them back there. All I can say is - parenting is definitely not for sissies!</p>