<p>((((Hugs)))) to Emmybet - its never easy to see your kids unhappy. We’ll all be in your shoes sometime this year. Sending positive vibes to your DD.</p>
<p>Sent from my DROID2 GLOBAL using CC App</p>
<p>I’ve been working a lot lately, but always always read this group, so I’ll just jump in.</p>
<p>First, I still love reading about launches and move ins and settling downs and first weeks of class, etc. I’m sympathetic to the home-sickness, lack of ease of living away, weird food, and weather challenges. I’m also cheering for those who are slowly (or quickly!) finding their peeps, clubs, sports, classes and ways around campus. It takes a while to get all settled in. When S1 was leaving for Florence last semester, the Study Abroad office had a session where they prepared the kids for their adventure–saying the first week or two is often like a honeymoon period, where they are meeting a lot of new people, getting involved in their new homes, and everyone is excited by the newness and coolness. (THey also warned that some people don’t find all this tumult very pleasant!) But there comes a point about 2-4 weeks in where the homesickness hits. (And those who had a rougher beginning may actually be getting more comfortable by that milestone–go figure!) Or so they told him. Then, of course, most get adjusted, lose the friends who weren’t that compatible, start finding more certain friendships, classmates, etc. And the place begins to feel more like home. I think S2 has taken that timetable to heart as he adjusts to college life. We should probably tell him it takes a semester or even a year to get the hang of it.</p>
<p>shawbridge–am I the only one who wants to go on your European trips with you? And I think I want to take classes with Shawwife if she is teaching in Italy!</p>
<p>arisamp–I’m so excited that your daughter is “insanely” loving Case. You know that school is one my S2 was considering very strongly for a while, and I still love it. Has anyone else here found they can’t quite let go of some of the great schools that admitted their S or D? No matter how good the top choice is, if one makes the right sort of list, all the schools have great appeal, don’t they? So when I read about kids here at Tulane or Case Western or some of the others, I must smile!! Please keep posting as I’m having some vicarious fun through their progress. :)</p>
<p>slitheytove–glad you are back from your (wet) east coast launch! Despite the weather and trip adjustment, seems like she’s doing great.</p>
<p>holliesue–I’m so glad you are on higher ground. And also, hooray for power!! </p>
<p>Bluei–I think it will be fabulous to see Bluejr with your own eyes and so nice for him to unwind and decompress for a day or so at home. </p>
<p>amandak–nice to know your S can send sappy texts! I’ve enjoyed reading how many kids are sending messages of love to dads and moms and sibs. The upside of having them move away from home is how all the love & comforts they had at home (and all that was done to make their lives work smoothly) becomes so much more meaningful now that they are on their own. Yes! We get to be appreciated! It only took 18 freaking years!!</p>
<p>emmybet–I know we are all pulling for your D2 to find her comfort zone there. Many times things do work out as time goes on and more good things occur. </p>
<p>I was just thinking about all our expectations. How I hope my S2 will find his people and his comfort zone as well as adjust to the work demands. How I wish he will take advantage of lots of opportunities. It’s a lot of expectation our kids carry–theirs and ours–and I’m pretty sure my own S2 must know how I feel. </p>
<p>During the application phase, S2 tried to keep admissions expectations realistic (or even lower), and when the results were good we felt true relief. I’m sure our family should revisit this strategy and remind ourselves to keep adjustment to college expectations reasonable too. If it turns out any of our kids needs a re-do, it’s not the end of the world at all. Lots gets learned and some things we can never really anticipate until we are there. FWIW, S1 had a friend who knew right away she was not going to be happy at her college. She called the admissions office at another school where she had been admitted and they told her she could transfer there for spring semester. (!!!) Not that I’m saying that’s a great idea for anyone—but it worked out beautifully for this young lady.</p>
<p>holliesue - Good to hear that you’ve survived the flooding. Our good friends and neighbors are from Johnson City/Binghamton and they’ve been keeping track of their family and friends up there and have been quite worried.</p>
<p>Emmybet - I hope your daughter get’s into the city today. I think it’s supposed to be a beautiful day.</p>
<p>I had a nice longish conversation with my son last night, and while he seemed happy, it made ME sad to hear that he hasn’t found any good friends yet. But then I realized that he is cautious about making friends and he chooses them carefully and he’s not unhappy in his own company. I often have to separate what would make me happy with what would make my boys happy. On the plus side, he started his part time job, something with cloud computing and really likes that. When I asked him for a simple explanation there was a long pause, a sigh and then, “I don’t think I can explain it so that you could understand it Mom”. ouch!</p>
<p>I wish parents weekend was sooner then October 21!</p>
<p>Good morning everyone - it finally looks like a beautiful day out there - </p>
<p>Hugs to everyone battling the aftermath of mother nature…I hope everyone has electricity and no flood and fire damage…keeping my fingers crossed.</p>
<p>madbean - I loved your post about keeping expectations in check…we all want our kids to be happy and I think we all want to get to our new normal even if it is hard.</p>
<p>I am not sure who said it back inthe spring but someone said our roller coaster ride will begin again once our kids move it…you were right. Except now I feel like I am on two rollercoasters…my Ds to alesser extent but now my own…trying to adjust to a new family life. DH and I are considering moving…not sre where or when…but the conversation has been opened.</p>
<p>D has had lots of fun all week and we have been lucky because she has kept in touch. But it is catching up with her - she is nursing a full on cold and possibly bronchitis…hopefully she will figure out a balance between fun and work. She has finally been able to sleep through the night witout waking up so that is a good sign…she just isn’t used to the noise of the city as well as living with another person. She has lucked out and has a great roomate so far. Although she has made lots of connections, she is still feeling awkward and uncomfortable during her down time…it definitly doesn’t feel like home yet where she can completely unwind and relax.</p>
<p>Morning All</p>
<p>We haven’t had the opportunity for a real conversation with kiddo since Move-in and I hope that happens this weekend…we will see if we get a call and a real conversation beyond one word answers, (How are classes? “good”, How is the food? “it’s good”. How is the team? “they’re great, couldn’t ask for better” etc…)
I have wondered how the settling into the routine, making friends etc is going. IDK if kiddo is finding a nice rhythm or how the stress of being in an entryway with 14 guys and one bath is working out. Kiddo has had to share a bedroom for more years than not and always shared a bath. Its the having to trapse to a dining facility for 3 meals a day, every day, in all weather etc…the administrative stuff etc…
FWIW, I recall all too well that my frosh yr was all partying - first because the drinking age in the state was 18, second, I was 14 hrs from home, third, I just didn’t know how to balance it all.
Kiddo is a far stronger student that DH or me and has balanced things well under this roof. Now with so much going on at the U, so many people to meet and so much to do…I hope kiddo keeps focus on the need for decent sleep and nutrition. That goes a long way to helping one feel better and stick to to one’s boundaries/goals etc.
My MiL is coming this week…she will be staying in kiddo’s room…using it as our guest room. THAT feels weird. It is practical yes, and :(</p>
<p>Have spoken with two other moms who have had lots of contact with their students…I am wondering if not knowing all the details is easier…</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>Good morning all,</p>
<p>Hugs to you Emmybet, it is so hard to see our kids unhappy from so far away.
Hopefully today will be a good day. IMHO, kids’ mood can change from one day to the next. So while they unload their fears,worries and anxieties on us to worry about and not sleep all night, they move on :eek:.I found that they just need to say it out loud to move-on :)</p>
<p>Hollie~ Glad to hear you survived mother nature and that your power is back. This is no fun!</p>
<p>Blue~Jealous of you living so close, but so happy you get to see him :)</p>
<p>Pepper~Your DH is not the only one missing his S.
DH misses the boys as well! Heck, he is now the only one teasing me, much less fun without an audience :rolleyes:</p>
<p>S2 has adjusted very well. Loves the school 
I sent his first care package this week :)</p>
<p>re communication:We communicate on a needed basis, last night we texted back and forth while watching his school play a game live on TV.We will probably skype over the week-end.</p>
<p>Because i went through it last year with S1, I understand how hard it is to let go and not being involved in their everyday lives.Heck, this is what we did for 19 years! But this chapter is over and I want to believe that I raised them well enough that they can stand on their own two feet. So for some of you, who feel out of touch, know that you did a wonderful job raising great kids, so let it go…give your self a break from the daily routine.They will be fine… truly 
In the meantime {{Hugs to all}}</p>
<p>Have a good week-end everyone 
</p>
<p>madbean, the European trips are actually a lot of fun. If you are interested, I can have ShawWife add you to the email list about trips she is going to lead. She’s a fabulous teacher and so the group that organized the first trip asked her to do another one or two next year (talk of Italy, Cannes area and the Pyrenees as possible destinations). The villa in Italy where they stayed asked her if she would do one (though them, I guess). This is an empty nest sort of thing that she’s entertaining so much, but I think she’ll have to cut down and focus on her painting and just do one trip.</p>
<p>One interesting downside of my European traveling. I decided to lose a little weight after being inspired by ShawSon who lost 35 pounds and bulked up somewhat in terms of muscle this summer. He’s 6’4" or maybe a little taller and didn’t look like he had 35 pounds to lose, but looks great. He did it with heavy exercise but largely by switching to a diet that is very high in protein and has no starches or added sugar. I imitated and had lost 13 pounds before I left. But traveling, one isn’t really in control of one’s food. Airports, meals provided by the hotel as part of a buffet lunch for me and the client group, meals in fancy restaurants with clients or prospective clients. It appears I gained back four pounds.</p>
<p>And, regarding your comment to Arisamp. I still love the school that ShawD turned down. I thought it would be perfect for her academically, but she was rightly concerned that it was a rural, outdoorsy, place with very few Jews. She’s deliriously happy so far at her school (though classes haven’t started as they’ve been doing a full week of orientation/school spirit-building). Her voice is hoarse from 3 days of shouting. She’s going to a Hillel brunch tomorrow, but we won’t find out about problems until classes start. She hasn’t visited the disabilities / learning people yet, but her orientation schedule was very busy. </p>
<p>This school has the socialization stuff down and doesn’t allow frats/sororities or any organizations that are exclusive (I wonder if religious ones like Hillel count). But, it works. Everyone we’ve talked to who attends or attended the school for undergrad or professional school loves (not likes, not appreciates, but “best X years of my life” loves) it. And, I’m sure it starts with frosh week.</p>
<p>ShawWife is stopping by there right now on her way between Toronto and Montreal. May give her some Emergen-C from the health food store.</p>
<p>**The next new student move-in is Northwestern University move-in on September 12th - Just 2 days to go! Are you all packed?
Move-in day is in 2 days!<br>
Labor Day is past. Football season is in full bloom. Where has the summer gone? :eek:</p>
<p>[ul][<em>]Dartmouth College move-in on September 14th is just 4 days to go.
[</em>]University of Chicago, University of California Riverside, Irvine and San Diego move-ins on September 18th are just 8 days to go.
[<em>]Stanford University move-in on September 20th is just 10 days to go.
[</em>]The last new student move-ins are the University of Oregon and the University of Southern Oregon on September 22nd which is 12 days to go. </p>
<p>The LAST Move-in day is in 12 days. Less than two weeks of move-ins left. The launching season is nearly complete.[/ul]</p>
<p>The link to the Move-in Date Thread is <a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/1141579-hs-class-2011-college-class-2015-move-dates-5.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/1141579-hs-class-2011-college-class-2015-move-dates-5.html</a></p>
<p>If you son’s or daughter’s move-in dates and schools are not listed please add them to the list.**</p>
<p>Thank you for the kind words, people. It really helps.</p>
<p>D definitely has to make adjustments - some of the annoyances truly are unfair, like all of the washing machines being broken indefinitely, but others are just “college.” As for going into the city today, it seems all of the students are staying back because most of Manhattan will be swamped with 9/11 commemorators. I can see how that would be overwhelming - and I think it does affect a lot of the cultural events. In some ways I kind of wish she’d go in to see some of it, but she would want to have someone to go with … </p>
<p>My D is a very analytical kid, and we’ve kind of used madbean’s methods, but I wish she could learn to prepare not just intellectually but also emotionally. She’s always surprised by how she feels. I fully expected her to be shaken up by all of these things to deal with. I think she came through this year with a lot more savviness and maturity, but she’s still only about average when it comes to handling her responses to negative situations. As I said, I don’t think she wants to leave - we’ve touched just a little on “how bad is it?” - just is very, very tired of new problems arising. I think she’s just tired all around, is the type not to sleep well when she’s stressed. Lately she’s having trouble eating, too.</p>
<p>Not to be a sad sack here - she is very excited about what she’s learning and making lots of friends, throwing herself into the opportunities available there. She’s just very aware that it’s a lot of work to get things settled down and deal with all of the details. This would be the same anywhere. She’s just not the type of person just to put her head down and deal (we’ve even had talks about learning how to access her “denial” capacity); she’s going to feel the strain and have to address that continuously. She’s also not at all “chill”; I can be pretty sure she won’t just ignore or drop responsibilities and issues, but I also know she can’t brush them away.</p>
<p>So this is how it can be for a kid like her, pretty much fully expected by all of us. All I’ve been saying to her has been to reduce what she’s dealing with on a day to day basis, keep her priorities straight (doing her work and finding some happy stuff to balance), and to give it time. </p>
<p>And in the back of my mind I do know exactly where she’d transfer to (super easy, because it’s a public U) - except I know that she’ll do anything not to change. What she loves about this school is absolutely still there. She just has to get these problems settled and make the adjustment. It’s really not all that unusual, and honestly H and I figured it would be a miracle if she had made an absolutely smooth adjustment. She’s just not like that.</p>
<p>Well. it’s raining at the Open so not such a nice day in NYC. :(</p>
<p>Text message boychild sent late Thursday night which I didn’t see until this morning:</p>
<p>“I was unaware that drying darks and whites together ruined clothes.”</p>
<p>He’s been doing his own wash for a few years now so I’m thinking he probably was trying to save money and he washed separately but threw it all in the dryer together and had a pair of new jeans in there.</p>
<p>emilybee, tell your s that the clothes aren’t ruined, they just changed colors…</p>
<p>my d is starting to stack on the activities, along with taking 19 hours. She always did have to be busy every single second in high school and that appears to be carrying over. She has a work study award and has not started a job yet, though does have an interview or two lined up. I am almost tempted to tell her to wait til 2nd semester to find a job so she can learn time management. We will be having a lump sum inheritance coming through in a couple of weeks and I will have money to send her to make up for not working.</p>
<p>I cleaned out D’s dance bags today. Hair pins and safety pins in every compartment, 9 filthy dance paws, 5 socks…and at the bottom of each bag: glitter. The bane of our existence for years, and seeing the glitter at the bottom was what made me want to cry.</p>
<p>Love to read all the posts, makes me feel I’m not alone in the journey.</p>
<p>Sorry to hear of some of the struggles. My DS is having some of his own, but they are with being away from gf who is a senior in HS and he is so far away from her. </p>
<p>Been crying a little every day…DS is our only and the house seems so quiet. But it’s getting easier…better…everyday. DS called this am (wanted to buy some software and a mouse for laptop)…didn’t care the reason…HE CALLED! And for once he wasn’t tired or in a hurry. He’s having a great time, is very busy, was at bookstore with roommate (so that’s a good sign that they are getting along), and hates schools food. The food thing is funny to me because I am a terrible cook. Anyways he’s changing meal plans to one with less “swipes”, more dining dollars so he has more choices.</p>
<p>Note: The software he purchased was to learn spanish. Very funny because his father & family are hispanic (I’m irish) and he never had an interest and instead took German. He says he wants to learn it and be able to talk spanish with his Grandma (she speaks English very well).</p>
<p>Wow, people are still moving in. S has been on campus for a month. Things seem to be going well. He has pledged a fraternit,y I just hope I still recognize him when we go down for Parents Weekend. He sounds very busy. Hopefully he is balancing his pledge activities with studying, it is a lot for a student to do.
He had to go see a specialist week one as the Health center couldn’t help him, and he managed to navigate that, which was good. I sent down a couple of packages from home with dressier clothes for the fraternity. A few problems with the bank account, which was apparently not set up correctly here and they keep calling him to come in and fix it, when he is 18 hours away.
Looking forward to Parents weekend, hopefully we’ll have time to have a nice dinner or something. Not sure if I ever went to parents weekend with my older 2. With D, if it wasn’t a game weekend we weren’t there. This should be interesting, being independent for a month then having your parents come for the weekend. I’m sure there will be a trip to walmart in the cards to stock up on things.
Hope everyone who has started is adjusting well and is enjoying freshman year.</p>
<p>We’ve had some storm related computer and internet problems, so I’ve been “off the grid” for a few days. I did resort to checking this thread on my phone, but wouldn’t attempt to post from it.</p>
<p>I’m glad to hear that everyone is okay after the stroms, floods and fires. </p>
<p>I’m not too surprised about some of the ups and down’s “our” kids are experiencing. It’s pretty typical, and most issues should resolve in the next few months. Madbean makes a good point about the homesickness that often creeps in after the excitement of the first few weeks of college dies down. I think that if kids are nearby and feel the need, there’s nothing wrong with visiting or having them come home for the weekend. Living in a small space with a stranger in a noisy dorm takes some adjustment.</p>
<p>So far, my daughter is very happy at school. Classes started this week, and she’s already discovered that it’s easier to study in the library than in the dorm. She loves her roommate and has made a lot of friends on her floor. A lot of her HS friends are living in luxury apartments near UMDCP, but she’s really enjoying having a traditional freshman dorm experience.</p>
<p>skyped with D for the first time. It was GREAT to see her face while we talked! This technology is so wonderful!!</p>
<p>my daughter love, love, loves everything! She’s having a wonderful time, has fabulous roommates and has joined a sorority! She says she’s just busy every second. Which is what she’s always wanted so it’s perfect for her. </p>
<p>I don’t know anything at all about sororities but I’m learning! Apparently there is quite a bit of dressing up…and some good lessons about not showing your shoulders or cleavage. I’m all for that! She can’t believe she has to wear business attire for the weekly chapter meetings. I think so far that it’s great prep for future life. But she’s going to need to add to her wardrobe, that’s for sure. </p>
<p>We’re missing knowing what’s going on in her life on a day to day basis but not really missing her physically being here in the house as she was gone so much anyway. But I really miss knowing the ins and outs of the everyday activities and I just wish I could be a fly on the wall and observe everything she’s experiencing! We’re so happy for her!</p>
<p>cruisnfamily, it sounds like your d’s sorority is teaching good life lessons on how our attire affects how others view us. I am glad she is learning those lessons in a positive place and way.</p>
<p>My daughter just called and she is really overwhelmed with work. She has so much to do, so little time. She ordered most of her books on Amazon and it took a long time for them to come.
Her roommates and suitemates are all out having fun, and she’s sitting in her room on the verge of tears, with a stomachache, and not knowing how she’s going to get all the work done.
She takes school very seriously. When she’s told to read something, she reads it. Apparently other kids will be using Spark Notes…</p>
<p>Tomorrow night her choir will be singing at a 9/11 tribute, so her night will be busy.
I told her that college is different than high school, she doesn’t have to worry about class rank or whatever drove her so much in high school. To just do the best she can. </p>
<p>I told her to get in pjs, and get in bed with the book she is supposed to read by Monday
(400 pages) and just read until she falls asleep. </p>
<p>I hate when she is sad and stressed.</p>
<p>There was a bomb threat at Tulane on Friday. A whole quad was evacuated and parents were notified via email. My D still hasn’t told me about it herself, so I am assuming she is OK about it. She has texted me about other things, both Friday night and yesterday. We did get an all clear email Friday afternoon, so the administration must think it is all fine now.</p>