<p>Must just be the small town I live in, almost everyone shares and almost everyone cares. We’ve known most of these kids since birth or at least kindergarten, we care, and it helps us all to know that other kids are in similar situations and how they handled them and solved them. When my daughter was having roommate problems I couldn’t believe how many other Freshman were having major roommate issues. It works in my town and I’m really glad for that.</p>
<p>Checking in as well. DS is days away from being an initiated brother in his fraternity. It will end a very happy but stressful pledgeship. He then gets to come home for almost a month starting December 11th.</p>
<p>In my circle of friends (mainly at school) we share all the greats (which are real) and the problems (which are also real). I enjoy having such a great group of friends who can rejoice with the good (like '16s college experience so far) and console with the bad (like '18s epilepsy issues) and everything in between. They have their greats and problems too. We all share. That’s life. We all really appreciate a place (generally lunch) where we can honestly beam or come close to tears.</p>
<p>With acquaintances, less details of both the highs and lows are shared - pending how close the acquaintance is and what the conversation is doing.</p>
<p>Most of my '12 mom friends seem (or say ) that their kids are having the time of their lives or are doing amazing, adjusting so well. It is tough for me to listen to. My son seems to only share things with me when things aren’t going well. I never get the whole picture. I am not sure that he is adjusting or even happy. When asked by relatives at thanksgiving he told them that school was great but he tells me it’s fine. This has been a horrible week for him academically and although I know that this is a big wake up call or learning curve for him I feel so sad for him. He is sitting on my heart (as the article put it) and he is heavy!</p>
<p>Dear seiclan-- I’m so sorry to hear this. It’s a huge learning curve for all, I think, and for some it’s a real rollercoaster. It’s so hard for a parent to go through these things at a distance. But it sounds like your S is working hard and keeping his own spirits and energy up, and it might be that his resilience turns this into a triumph. It’s so hard to be distant!! Hugs to you!</p>
<p>seiclan - share away here. I (We) can offer virtual hugs and (speaking personally) having a place to vent is beneficial. Your son is (as you said) likely in a wake up call or learning curve, but it’s great that he will talk with you about it as not all kids will. My oldest never did (or would). </p>
<p>If it seems appropriate, the motherly reminders about tutoring, help sessions, study groups, or office hours could be useful. Many top kids have trouble utilizing these resources as they’ve never had to before and they feel it makes them seem “dumb.” It doesn’t, but they internally feel that way. IME at school, those who tend to be the most successful learn to use all their resources - and I’ll very freely remind students of that before they graduate, but most often a later reminder after they get some lower than they would like grades helps too.</p>
<p>In the meantime <hugs>.</hugs></p>
<p>seiclan- I hear you, and I feel for you. I grasp at little things that give me insight to my son’s college life. Luckily, most of what I can find are good things. But info at all is rare. He does not post pictures on FB, or make lots of comments. His posts on Twitter are limited, and generally comedy. He and I talk about grades and classes for the most part. When I ask about friends, hanging out, and fun, he gives me very limited info. I think that this is my son’s way of seperating from me/us.</p>
<p>seiclan, I imagine that he himself his not sure how he feels about school and is waiting for something to sway him one way or another. Part is also boys communicate differently than girls and emote less. </p>
<p>I would encourage him to check out the tutoring to help get him prepped for finals. I know students may think it is too late in the semester to start with a tutor but it isn’t, especially if a student just needs someone to clarify those concepts that just aren’t sticking.</p>
<p>My son sounds much like vlines’ son. I would love to see some pictures! But he’s never been one to put pictures up on Facebook. I might suggest to his sister that she ask him to take pictures of what he’s doing…he’d probably do it for her.</p>
<p>Thinking about you, seiclan. Hope the rest of the semester goes ok for him. It’s such a tough transition for them and us!</p>
<p>seiclan, hugs. I’m glad to hear he does talk to you about how things are going on a weekly (at least?) basis. </p>
<p>In my group of friends some kids are happy where they are, some aren’t thrilled but hanging in, one came home after two weeks, one has transfer apps into several colleges for next semester already. There’s really no “normal”.</p>
<p>seiclan,</p>
<p>I’m sorry things are rough. 
If it’s any consolation, my son’s been getting his butt kicked academically in at least one class, as well. The only saving grace is that MIT doesn’t do grades the first semester, so the goal is just to pass. My son is doing that, so he’s got that going for him! He is loving school, though, so it’s different.</p>
<p>My good friend’s son is already applying to transfer from his college. He’s a soccer player and dislikes his coach greatly. Since his main goal is to become a soccer player, he’s looking to transfer to a D1 school closer to home. (He’s currently D2)</p>
<p>Another friend’s son has a large speech and debate scholarship at his school and he really dislikes speech and debate and is going to pull out. He’ll need to look for a job to make up for the lost scholarship.</p>
<p>I think for a lot of kids, it’s an adjustment and there are plenty of struggles. People just don’t always talk about it.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Shoot!! What a situation!</p>
<p>S was awarded a large music scholarship (by audition) which assumed he’d stay in the B.M. program…but over the summer he decided he wanted to switch to a B.A. (same major, music tech). Fortunately we were able to have the exact same amount of grant money changed to an academic scholarship at this same school.</p>
<p>Is that a possibility for your friend’s S I wonder?</p>
<p>Now there’s a thought, OHMom. It’s at least worth looking into. The amount is pretty significant.</p>
<p>Thanks all for the replies. Surprisingly, it does help me feel better. Yes, my son is one of those really smart kids who dosen’t think that he needs help, ever. He just got his butt kicked on the second (of two) Econ exams because after acing the first one and thinking he had over studied, he UNDER studied for this one. I believe (but don’t know for sure)that he is crushed that he can no longer get an A in the class and must study very hard to ace the final to get a B. I know that he has to learn on his own how to navigate everything but I don’t think that he is very proficient at seeking out support (both emotionally or academically). He is very friendly but not sociable. I am hoping that he joins a frat next semester since maybe that would bring him out of his shell.</p>
<p>Often the school wants to keep the kid…if the money is theirs, not an outside scholarship, they might do it :)</p>
<p>seiclan, I hear you about your son. Mine is much the same, sharing very little except when he’s feeling stressed and anxious. He also doesn’t post much on FB, although once in a great while new “friends” of his at college have posted pictures of him, which always makes me feel better. Even though he reports that he’s doing fine in his classes, he’s really worried about papers, etc. due in the next couple of weeks, as well as finals of course. He’s also reluctant to seek out help although I continue to encourage him to do. I think he’s adjusting ok, but I also have no idea if he’s really happy.</p>
<p>Seiclan - I know how you feel. My guy is happy but he is also very hard to read over the phone and only really calls when there is an issue. </p>
<p>The recent girlfriend breakup is hitting him hard and it concerns me. I actually talked to him today and he seemed kind of down and said he is certainly stressed about finals and papers but has “a lot” on his mind. I just hate that he has the added stress of a broken heart compounding the stress of the end of the semester. I know this is all normal and part of the growing-up process, but it still “sits on my heart” too!</p>
<p>I also agree that it feels good to vent here - funny how the anonymity is so comforting :)</p>
<p>One of the things that can make college more challenging, particularly for those who are at the tippy-top academic colleges, is lack of sleep due to the insane amount of work. I just spoke with my son and he sounded on top of the world. Why? He said he’s been, “working, sleeping, and eating” for the past week and that’s it. When I’ve talked with him before, after he’s stayed up most the night doing work, he sounds, eh, not so good. My son has been taking a lot of naps; I think it’s great. He was sick for 10 days and I know he took a hit on his studies. I’m delighted to hear that he’s getting sleep. That’s more important to me than a lot of other things.</p>
<p>He’s also figured out that he can skip a lot of classes and still get work done and do reasonably well on exams. It’s been a learning curve, though. I’m not sure I like the idea of him skipping recitations and class, but I trust that he’s figuring it all out.</p>
<p>So, I would guess many of the kids who are struggling aren’t at optimal health. Let’s give 'em lots of love and rest when they come home for Christmas.</p>
<p>Very nice post, sbjdorlo.</p>
<p>Seiclan, my D was struggling in the same class, Econ. Until this week, she felt the best grade she would receive was a B. Then she spoke to her prof and learned there’s a chance to bump it up to an A but she will have to study very hard! Still, I see it as a great life lesson. She is having to study so much more than she did in high school. In fact, that was one of the observations she shared with me during the Thanksgiving break. Good luck to your son!</p>
<p>Sbjdorlo, you are so right about the kids not being healthy. Some of D’s friends have dealt with the flu and colds in their fall terms and with late nights, poor diets and stress, they now find themselves playing catch up with studying for finals. </p>
<p>Some students also forget the importance of exercise because they’re no longer in sports or don’t have to take PE. D is an athlete and has mandatory workouts almost everyday. She hasn’t been sick yet (knock on wood) but it wouldn’t surprise me if she slept straight through her first day home!</p>