<p>Oh, that’s such a good comment, PinotNoir. I’m not socially very well connected, IRL, but I have managed to cultivate ONE woman friend in the last year. DH went out of town today and will be gone for two weeks. My friend was over here yesterday before his departure and said “Now don’t isolate and overwork while he’s away! Call me! Don’t make me come over and DRAG you out for coffee!” Now that’s a friend. Very helpful.</p>
<p>PN, you are so right, but it can be difficult to find girlfriends. Lord knows my best friends are not here in my hometown. What would I do without facebook? :)</p>
<p>A healthy adult social life is important. As a transplant to this town, our friends were made through our kids. The moms still meet for coffee and some of us are in a book club. The guys go out to play golf occasionally. As a group, five families get together to celebrate holidays and special occasions. One year, the adults decided to go out to a restaurant for Valentine’s Day and the kids weren’t too pleased that they weren’t included.</p>
<p>For several years, in the early 2000s, I was really sick from Crohn’s. Once that was under control, my mom got very sick and I was her primary caretaker until she passed in late 2007. Sometime in 2009, my D said “You really need to get a life” because I’d pretty much just been mentally recuperating from those draining years. She was an insightful young lady though, at 15, and I made a concerted effort to have a Summer of Fun in 2009. I reconnected with a lot of old friends, traveled to see out of town friends for weekends, and had a wonderful summer before starting grad school in Sept. '09. It was good for me to get out of the house and be social. Initially, I had to reach out to others all the time. They were not used to me being available. Now though, they think of me when they want to go do something.</p>
<p>Anothermom2, it gets easier. The first year my daughter was gone (she’s older), it was incredibly hard for me. But year two was a lot better. And by her junior year I really grasped that she could be on Neptune and we would still be close. Now I’m going through that with DS who is my youngest. I loved having him home for break. I feel at loose ends this week now that he’s gone. But knowing he is doing well and that he’s happy where he is really beats the alternative. I know from experience next year will be easier. It’s a big transition for them, but it’s also a big transition for us and some of us don’t like change. I think there are a lot of good suggestions here, but I would add that it’s okay to be sad, okay to mourn for what you feel you are losing, not just in terms of having her home but in terms of your own identity, because it’s a big shift from full-time parenting to the empty nest. I’m on the other side with some kids well into their twenties and I can say that it’s very rewarding to have your kids become functioning adults. But you have to say good-bye to the childhood part of parenting so you can embrace being the parent of an adult. And I think you have to say good-bye to the part of your life that was filled up from hour to hour with the needs of your child so you can open the door to new things.</p>
<p>Anothermom2, et al.</p>
<p>My 2012/2016 girl is the baby so we went to empty nest when she started college this year. My sister’s youngest also flew the nest and we celebrated with a girl’s weekend in a city neither of us knew well. I have also upticked the gym - taking classes where I see people - not machines by myself.</p>
<p>For the last seven years I have worked for myself out of my home. It was great while the kids were here because I had the flexibility to adjust my schedule to drive them and go to every performance and game. I spend a lot of time on the phone, skype, etc. but it is not the same as seeing people. After realizing that staying in my pjs and bunny slippers until 3pm everyday may not be the best thing now that the kids are gone, I have decided to go back to corporate life and taken a “regular” job. My dogs will certainly miss me - but I think it is the right thing for now.</p>
<p>I enjoy my friends at work, but I get my joy from doing things with the kids. Having one leave is difficult, but we have three more. I’m putting off my panic attacks until our Class of '23er goes out the door.</p>
<p>All my kids left at once, and I have actually been surprised that I don’t miss them more. I think, because they were homeschooled, I spent so much time and put in so much energy into dealing w/ 3 teenagers not to mention getting them all into college, I really was exhausted when they left. The first few weeks were rough, but now I really enjoy coming home and finding everything reasonably neat and clean the way I left it - and quiet, I never realized how much I missed quiet! I now attend a bookclub, am taking an online class and have rediscovered my crafty side, and have several projects underway. I also read a lot more. I wish I had more social contact, but most of my friends were other homeschooling moms who no longer seem interested since I am no longer homeschooling. My “closest” friend, was a mom whose son was dating my daughter - she broke it off when she left for school - and I lost a friend… But I figure it will all work out in the end. I am so proud of how well they are doing, I keep having to remind my husband that that was the point of having them.</p>
<p>besides for insurance purposes…
So when you kid’s roommate borrows his bike because he is late for class, locks it up outside a building and then promptly loses the bike lock key, you can use the photos to convince campus security that it is your bike and they should cut the lock off for you (at least we are hoping this will work). He is a great friend, my son says, but not such a great roommate. I am amazed at how calm he is about it.</p>
<p>“The first few weeks were rough, but now I really enjoy coming home and finding everything reasonably neat and clean the way I left it . . .” - toz</p>
<p>Now that would be sweet!</p>
<p>^^^^^^^ it IS sweet!</p>
<p>One of my favorite things about empty nesting also - go to bed, house is clean, wake up, house is clean. YEA!!! Also, we eat out so much more and I hate cooking.</p>
<p>Most of the activities I do now allow me to create new friends and re-establish long time friends. My husband is always asking me how I can play mah jongg so much with the same women and I explain that we talk for about 15 minutes in the beginning then we settle into playing for 2 or 3 games, then talk again for a bit. Overall we only talk for about 30 minutes in a 4 hour time period. And it’s not all about our kids either although we have a strong support team for any kid problems. Which is also a great plus. My younger daughter had some rough going last term (as many will remember) and when she called during a game we would slow the game down while I did both. I once won while calmly speaking with her and my whole table was hysterical because I did it all with hand signals while speaking in such a soothing voice and helping my daughter to relax with her myriad of problems. We all laughed so hard once I hung up it really helped me both during the conversation to not become upset while speaking with her and after the conversation to put it all in perspective and not dwell on her “problems.”</p>
<p>Girlfriends are important. Discovering new and interesting (or former and interesting) hobbies and interests are important. All this makes you a more interesting and entertaining person for both yourself and your partner. There is a long life after the kids are gone and before you become grandparents!</p>
<p>Well said, amtc. I gave you a greenie for that!<br>
I may also add that life with DH has also evolved. As our children left the nest, we suddenly found ourselves face to face with each other. I had been more involved with S with his music activities and DH was more involved with D and her sport. Yes, we were sad to see the kids go but DH and I also looked ahead to spending time with each other.</p>
<p>I do still have a daughter at home - she’s a junior and hopefully getting her license on Friday. With S gone we’re moving towards cultivating our friendships with couples and with other women. Hubby and I try to meet friends out weekend nights for dinner. One of the guys is going to teach me to shoot a gun - he’s a certified instructor.</p>
<p>We’ve off and on liked doing ballroom dance classes, and when my d goes off to school I feel like we’ll finally have time when we aren’t in transportation mode, or overseeing homework, making dinner, etc. A friend is a politician and we gather to pull together fundraising events, which end up being half social. I wish I could find a bookclub, no success yet.</p>
<p>I’m getting more sucked into my job, and I’ve always been mindful to stop after school. Hubby travels and I stay behind because of the kids - it’ll be fun to be able to go along with him and sightsee in the local areas he goes to several times a month. </p>
<p>But as I get older I do like having a little more quiet time. I’m sitting here with the fire on, listening to music, surfing the net - hubby is making dinner as we speak. I don’t need to be entertained every minute or have the company of others a lot.</p>
<p>D called to check in with us. She was walking back to her dorm with her arms full of books. So far, the cost of her books is $400 and that’s just for one math class and no science! She will be reading quite a bit this semester. </p>
<p>Has anyone figured out when the best time to start booking flights for May or June? I thought I did well booking her winter break flight in Oct. then the prices actually went down when they had a sale. Fortunately, I booked with Southwest and they don’t charge for changes.</p>
<p>I can’t even think about May or June yet because D’s summer plans aren’t firm yet. So, I’m hoping that the ideal time to book isn’t now. :-)</p>
<p>lilmom - Thanks! Not sure how that all works but thanks!</p>
<p>D2 is going through rush now. I am getting blow by blow of what’s going on. She is finished with the first round. Tomorrow she will find out where she got cut. She is going from 12 to 8 tomorrow. </p>
<p>I heard Bing is a good airfare predictor</p>
<p>Oldfort- sending you positive thoughts on D2’s rush. My D went thru this fall and the waiting to hear what was going on was so hard. </p>
<p>D got sick first day of classes this week but seems to be doing better. Made it to one class day one and the prof sent her to the health care center.
Our biggest surprise has been the book cost for second semester. She has spent $300 ( and that was for used) and still had 1 class that the info had not been released yet.
Her history class had 5 books assigned. We are expecting books to be around $425 this semester. I think we spent about $200 last fall so this is quite a jump.</p>
<p>A friend of ours uses a new airfare site called Hipmonk which may be helpful. </p>
<p>Book prices are out of sight. You really have to hunt around and even Amazon, which my son has prime with, requires some double checking as different listings by different vendors of the same new book have a range of prices. What a racket.</p>