<p>Interesting article in Boston Globe this weekend
[Parents</a> overly involved in college students? lives - Lifestyle - The Boston Globe](<a href=“‘Snowplow parents’ overly involved in college students’ lives - The Boston Globe”>‘Snowplow parents’ overly involved in college students’ lives - The Boston Globe)</p>
<p>It’s amazing, once you start taking $50,000.00 checks from parents, they think they have a right to point out all of your institutions shortcomings - what nerve!</p>
<p>Sorry to hear about your DD’s roommate, Glido. Was it grades or something else? Any chance of getting another roommate she likes next semester or is she likely to be happy by herself once the shock dissipates?</p>
<p>In regards to the above article, I do like the snow plow analogy. Recently my son was not picked to get a mentor for a pre-law program. He had to fill out an application and interview. I was livid! I thought how could MY kid not get picked. The mama bear came out. I did write the dean of the honors college, and she wrote me back a very nice letter, saying that as more mentors became available, he would be assigned one. I was more upset than my son. After reading the above article, I think I would have let him wallow through this on his own. I was satisfied by her response, so it let me move on, but it isn’t about me, is it?</p>
<p>"…sometimes you have to give them the opportunity to fail or else they won’t be prepared to deal with the larger problems all of us have to deal with in life.”</p>
<p>I agree with this statement (from the article), but it can be difficult to determine where it’s appropriate to let them fail and which things are so big that failure will have consequences that are too lasting.</p>
<p>"At Simmons, school officials have fielded parental concerns about noise, gluten-free diets, and food allergies. "</p>
<p>If the concern about diet and allergy is dealing with cross-contamination or other bad information regarding ingredients, then that can have serious health consequences and I can understand parents getting involved. It’s possible that the student CAN’T always get involved in that situation because he/she is too ill. And sometimes students need to see parents stand up for them – some things really are a big deal.</p>
<p>There is a fine line between letting them fail and suggesting ways they might approach a situation to perhaps avoid failure or better to at least know that they have given something their best shot even if the outcome remains the same.</p>
<p>In ELKyes’s son’s situation, the letter to dean of the honors college could have been crafted by mom, revised by her son and sent by her son. I have done this with my son. I will write something and suggest that he revise what I wrote to sound like him and contact who ever is responsible to explain why he wants to be reconsidered for a position.</p>
<p>If he does not want to send it then, he doesn’t have too. But if he does do it and if the outcome is the same, then at least he knows that he could not do more to change how the situation went. </p>
<p>In ELKyes’s sons case, the dean would probably have responded the same but to her son directly instead of to her. </p>
<p>In the example mathinokc stated, the same idea would work. </p>
<p>BTW, my husband and I do this for each other in situations where the other is not quite sure how to address an awkward situation.</p>
<p>I like that idea Lakemom. Thanks for the idea. I tend to get a little hot headed, so having someone to edit, would be helpful. As with most articles the comments after are just as illuminating. Some are flip and obnoxious, but some are spot on.</p>
<p>“One mother called to request more variety on the salad bar.” - hehe, laugh of the day.</p>
<p>Re DD’s roomate - not a complete surprise. There were definitely some signs. It just becomes the dominant issue for several weeks with other students knocking on the door to ask what happened; emails and phone calls about what to do with clothes and property, etc. DD does not know what will happen with the room next semester, but she doesn’t seem too worried about that now. She sounds better now. It is just unfortunate. Thanks for all the well wishes.</p>
<p>There was recently an article posted about my dd’s school, Franklin & Marshall, about the “parent volunteer squad” that does things like represent the school at local college fairs, and send postcards to prospective students. Its a small school, and it helps to give them more visibility. The article started out nicely, and then they used the rebuttal that these were parents that were over involved- helicopter parents - and that they needed to let their kids go. They even had parent quotes in the realm of “I give that school enough of my money, I’m not going to volunteer as well!” </p>
<p>I found it kind of obnoxious - how could going to a local school college fair and talking to prospective students be helicopter parenting? I actually do volunteer, and I never thought of it this way - just as a way to give back to a needs met school my dd attends - who is giving my dd practically a free ride. I just thought it was a nice thing to do.</p>
<p>Tozubri, when it comes to volunteerism, I think parents doing what you are doing can be useful to the college. My son’s university also has a parent organization that helps answer questions from prospective parents and students, etc. There is a difference between being useful and filling a real need and simply interfering on behalf of one’s own offspring with no concern for a larger common good. It’s like the difference between being on the PTA and planning activities for the whole school as opposed to intervening with a teacher to try to get your kid a better grade. Unfortunately the later parents give the rest of us a bad name.</p>
<p>I agree with bookmouse. Volunteering is a great thing. Helicopter parenting is a totally different deal.</p>
<p>I think my S will be stressed from now until Christmas break. One last midterm, one last paper due, and then on to finals. He will go back after Thanksgiving and have his first two finals on that thursday. Thanksgiving and Christmas are so close this year, it is jamming everything together. I am hoping he takes my advice to take it one day at a time and do his best…</p>
<p>I have volunteered over the summer during orientations. They wanted current parents to answer questions during a parent reception of incoming freshman parents. I personally think I had some really sound advice to offer. 
I did it 3 times over the summer. Had absolutely no chance to “helicopter parent” during volunteering as that my S was home over the summer. I can’t imagine volunteering for something that he would be at at the moment. I work(ed) at his HS all 4 years he was there. I didn’t even volunteer to chaperone at dances. He had no interest in going to them but everyone knew I was his mom and I didn’t want to be in that type of setting with kids he grew up with.</p>
<p>I did donate things for various events and did volunteer for marching band stuff…somehow that seemed different.</p>
<p>As our kids are getting ready to come home for Thanksgiving - anyone else worried about the weather over the next two days in the northeast? I know there isn’t anything I can do about it, but I sure hope he makes it out tomorrow okay!</p>
<p>I just checked the weather and they say snow on Wed. My son is driving home Tue after class and it is supposed to be rainy. I told him to text us when he leaves school so we know he is on his way. Hope everyone’s kids gets home safe.</p>
<p>Looks like mostly rain in southern new england. I am happy my son is flying home tonight to RI. But I did just look, and his plane is delayed as of now to leave 30 min late. Could be a late night trip to airport.</p>
<p>When I look at the weather forecasts for NYC, it looks like it will be rain with high winds. I suppose they could delay or cancel flights for high winds. Yet, when I look at the CNN report that a lot of airlines have waived cancellation/change fees and will provide refunds if flights are canceled, they all include flights in and out of NYC. It looks like the worst of it should be through NYC by early afternoon and her flight is at 4:45 so I’m just really hoping she makes it. I’m going to be seriously bummed out if she doesn’t.</p>
<p>The problem is the domino affect. If other airports are under snow, they can’t get the planes in. I believe my son’s flight was delayed b/c of bad weather in Texas, he coming up from Charleston. Good luck to everyone getting to see their loved ones!</p>
<p>That might be where we luck out. I believe this particular leg goes Detroit to LaGuardia and back, over and over- we are not expected to have anything more but a few flurries so that shouldn’t affect flights here. <em>fingers crossed</em></p>
<p>DD’12 is home! (got out of the east coast just ahead of the storm.) So good to have her around, even if only for a few days. Learned that she declared her major and got her academic advisor assigned - had the first meeting.</p>