and you are a wiser (and probably more relaxed) parent than I ;)</p>
<p>in terms of doing the apps, yes, she can apply early to her dream school and see what happens, although that leaves a lot of work to be done over winter break. D1 was in a similar position, although she had two early acceptances in hand when she submitted her ED app. it was her choice to wait and apply to other schools over break if ED didn’t pan out. she was accepted ED so it became a moot point, and if D2 chooses that route I’m fine with it.</p>
<p>my current concern (and concern is really too strong a word) is more about the decisions she is making now that may affect her chances next year. as stand alone decisions, they are all rational and DH and I have been supportive, well, except for not taking the reading coach’s advice :(. I just want her to recognize that they may have a cumulative effect. I don’t really expect her to change any of the decisions; I just don’t want her to say next spring, “I wish I had taken more APs or I wish my grades or scores had been higher - it might have made a difference in where I was accepted.” I want to make sure she understands the lay of the land. does this make sense or am I worrying over nothing?</p>
<p>yes, geogirl, I’ve pretty much taken a hands off approach on her grades - I rarely if ever check the online gradebook. she’s always been a good, responsible student. it’s just that we are starting to see a pattern of taking the easy way out and avoiding challenge, that’s what we are are trying to address.</p>
<p>Just a word of caution about automatic merit scholarships… they can change from one school year to the next! My 2011 son was set on Purdue but June 1 this year they dropped automatic merit and now have a very subjective system that is not at all transparent. He would have qualified for 8K/year in state last year but this year they have offered him $0 despite a 34 ACT and 4.3 weighted GPA. I think he’s just too “typical” for them to be interested in him. IU still had automatic merit this year so he’ll get free tuition there but when we toured this fall they said they are looking to make changes for the class of 2012. The moral of the story is that you can not count on automatic merit aid scholarships that exist when your child is a junior to continue to exist the year that they count. My 2012 D is going to visit Ole Miss for their flagship Chinese and Croft Institute for International Studies. She’ll be very disappointed if they drop their automatic merit aid and so will we.</p>
<p>Although the ACT score is exciting we have similar challenges in getting S to think about what he might be interested in except in a very general way. I firmly believe he needs to own the process and am trying to find a balance between pointing out possibilities rather than pushing. </p>
<p>I’m hoping that some of our college visits will pique his interest and motivate him to look further.</p>
<p>I know we are all looking ahead to such great things for our kids right now. I have a heavy heart though. My DD-2010 dated a bright young man last summer who was killed in a car accident yesterday. He was just leaving his neighborhood on the drive back to college when it happened. DD is devastated. She was home with us when she found out, thankfully. I am at a loss in how to comfort her (they stayed good friends although not romantic) because there are no words for such a loss…</p>
<p>Debbie7542, what a hard loss for your daughter! She is fortunate to be at home, within the reach of the loving arms of her mother, when struck by such sorrow. May she find some healing of her heart upon your shoulder.</p>
<p>It makes all of this worry over test scores and college choices seem so insignificant when dealing with loss. There are no words that can make it right, just need to be there with her.</p>
<p>So sad, Debbie7452! Sending heart-healing wishes for your D, and for the family of the young man. I’ll be giving my Ds an extra-tight hug tonight.</p>
<p>Debbie - I’m so sorry to hear about your daughter’s friend. How heartbreaking. My sister endured almost an identical experience when she was your daughter’s age, and I had a close girlfriend die in a car wreck when we were a couple years out of high school. It’s hard on young people to lose someone their own age. And of course devastating for all of you who knew him. I’m so sorry to hear your news.</p>
<p>I am so sorry to hear of your DD’s loss, Debbie. I’m sending prayers for strength to your DD and the young man’s family. Glad she was home when she heard.</p>
<p>Debbie - so sorry to hear of your daughter’s loss. It’s good she has her family to comfort her. I can’t imagine what the young man’s family must be going through.</p>
<p>Debbie - hugs to your daughter. Deaths and serious illnesses really put worries about colleges and majors and scholarships into perspective - I am thankful for two healthy children.</p>
<p>I hope the boy was not an only child. Once I met a father who had lost his son, an only child, 21 years old when killed in a single car accident. It’s been about a year since the accident when I met him on business. We were total strangers. About 10 minutes into the meeting, something triggered his memory and he started crying. He couldn’t stop. A dignified gentleman, successful business man in his 50s or 60s. Bawling his eyes out in front of a total stranger. Tears were streaming down even while apologizing to me for his outburst. So sad.</p>
<p>Debbie, I’m so, so sorry. This is just so sad…and way, way too common. </p>
<p>We are back from a long week of college visits-- very fruitful and surprising. (And just a very happy time for D & me to spend together.) If there’s any possibility of sitting in on classes (and we’ve found that many schools are open to this)-- my advice is to do it. D was able to see so much from the classes she attended at the different schools.</p>
<p>Debbie, I am so sorry to hear of your DD’s loss. I hope her sadness and grief lessen in the coming days - I’m glad that she was with you when she heard the news.</p>
<p>Igloo - what a sad story. I learned recently that some older neighbors are dealing with their grown daughter’s life-threatening illness, while having lost their only other child in a car accident years ago. Truly hard to imagine.</p>
<p>Welcome back Gwen. Sounds like a great, productive trip. I’m envious.</p>