<p>Coral,
I don’t really have any advice except that I don’t think there’s a “good parent/bad parent” answer for situations like these. I’ve happily given up being a late night chauffeur too, but I can’t seem to do more than toss and turn in bed until I hear my kid coming in the front door (sometimes in the wee hours). I remember letting my son’s leash WAY out at the very end of his senior year in HS. Now when he comes home for vacations, I’ve gotten used to his pretty much coming and going as he likes, and I really do enjoy having him around. My D is not as adventurous as her brother was at her age, but she has sometimes been using the “in two months I’ll be 18 and can do whatever I want” line. I think we’re all going through this with our soon to be out of the house kids.</p>
<p>Coralbrook, at this stage of the game, we’ve tried to stress our concerns about our kids’ health and safety. We don’t want them drinking, but we REALLY don’t want them drinking and driving. We don’t want them sexually active, and we don’t want them having casual sex, but we REALLY don’t want them having unprotected sex. </p>
<p>The message is we love you, we understand you are on the cusp of having all kinds of liberty but please, please don’t drink and drive, don’t get in a car with someone who has been drinking, don’t have unprotected sex, and DO listen to that little voice inside you that tells you when things are not okay. And I always restate to them: If you’re feeling anxious about any situation, (like you shouldn’t be there, things are getting out of control, you just don’t feel right about what’s going on)call us and we’ll come pick you up, no questions asked. Night or day, near or far. Your health and safety is our top priority. Never be afraid of calling us to help you.</p>
<p>Hope that helps.</p>
<p>PS This doesn’t mean you won’t lie awake all night worrying…</p>
<p>DS was accepted EDII to the LAC he will attend, and started receiving emails encouraging him to complete housing forms, advising questionnaire, orientation trip registration, etc along with frequent repetition of some version of the message “Hurry! Don’t wait! First come, first served! Space is limited!” Emails and letters indicated that all would be available online April 15, but then were postponed to “mid spring” and then to a series of rescheduled dates this month. </p>
<p>Apparently the college is transitioning from one web platform to another, which even without their note is evident from the mish-mash of links, buttons, and partially duplicated lists of selections between what appears to be three different sites (have to login three separate times for links). Pathways are complex and also poorly labeled, so that it is easy to overlook how to get to where you need to go, or even realize that you need to navigate there at all. Quite honestly, it’s the biggest online mess I have ever seen, and I can only imagine what it must be like “on the other side” of the website. In one day, links change several times, often ending with, for example, a form for Spring Semester, not Fall.</p>
<p>The students’ welcome page directs them to the new part of the site for the most updated course selection for their freshman seminar choice…but on the form itself not all of those courses appear in the drop-down selection box. DS is understandably frustrated. I’m trying to remain positive, but I am dismayed. I encouraged him to email the advising office shown on the page, which he did, but received no response. However, the course he pointed out was on the updated list but not on the actual selection list, simply appeared the next day ready for selection. With only 18 spots available, it was a good thing he was repeatedly logging in and saw the addition last week.</p>
<p>The next day he received a letter by mail telling him that soon students will be receiving a guide to completing the advising questionnaire and registration in the mail. (That’s the one that is now live.) And that it was important not to delay, because courses were expected to fill up quickly! (<em>Sigh</em>) And still nothing in the mail.</p>
<p>I have been trying to use this opportunity to explain orientation, advising, registration, course schedules, waitlists etc. - all as a way to help him understand what has turned into a nightmarishly complex and convoluted process. I’ve had to explain what they’re trying to accomplish, how the various parts of the site look like they are intended to do that, which ones are working, and which ones are not (yet).</p>
<p>My greatest success so far, honestly, is not picking up the phone to express my concern to the college about how poorly this is being handled.</p>
<p>OK, venting over :)</p>
<p>D has done all she is able to do online (applied for housing), but she can’t register for classes until she’s had a meeting with an academic adviser in person. That makes sense, except that they are offering those advising sessions at special visit days–one last month and one next week–that she won’t be able to attend because she’s 3000 miles away and won’t be there until late August (when there will also be advising sessions and registration as part of orientation). She applied EA and went to the first accepted student day in Feb, which was too early for registration. I peeked at the online course list, and naturally a few classes are already full and others have few seats left. D seems fine about waiting until August; it’s just my obsession, which I haven’t shared with anyone else until now. Thanks onesonmom for giving me permission to vent, too!</p>
<p>Wintriest - thanks for reminding me of the focus of my PREVIOUS anxiety, hah, which centered around the loss of what appeared to be a bonus - and very real advantage - rewarding those who committed earlier than the May 1 signing day. Whether ED, EA or RD, once you paid your deposit a student could complete the housing form immediately, and the advising form on April 15th. </p>
<p>The housing form includes no preference for dorms, just general information for roommate matching and housing assignment.</p>
<p>The “advising questionnaire” only allows the selection of two of the four fall semester classes, the freshman seminar which functions as the first of two required research/analysis/writing courses, and the advising course which allows you to choose an intro class either in your major or an area of interest).</p>
<p>That’s 50% of a student’s schedule! and the “early committers” lost whatever advantage they would have had with the April 15 advising date. I remember thinking what a cool bonus for the early students! But that was before the “Welcome” website essentially became a broken maze.</p>
<p>I really believe that these students will do just fine. In your case, I wonder if the college has made a provision for students unable to attend (some extra spots held back, for example) or whether they would consider a phone advising session in light of her early accepted student visit and travel restriction. </p>
<p>Maybe it’s just me, but I do wonder if some of these arrangements are what the admissions team had in mind for the first experience as a student. </p>
<p>It’s hard to know when to turn the light off in the worry room, so I try to focus on the “high-consequence” stuff.</p>
<p>Thanks Jane, I needed some help focusing on the key concerns. </p>
<p>D’s amazed me this year with her improvement in maturity and her stellar academics. She’s risen from her 2.7 sophomore year to a 4.2 first semester and finishing final semester with a 4.0. Now, if we could just erase that sophomore year off the transcript we would have had an easier college app experience.</p>
<p>I think I’ll totally surprise her by backing off with minimal ground rules.</p>
<p>Coralbrook, you are very welcome. We can’t take credit for the focus on safety during Senior Summer: Laura Kastner is a local therapist and author, and gives wonderful talks here and elsewhere on this topic. Her book “The Launching Years” is a great read for parents learning how to dial it all back a bit.</p>
<p>Onesonmom, the book Letting Go: A Parents Guide to the College Years is an absolute “must-read” book! So glad you mentioned it here. I read it when my oldest went to school. I will have to pick up a copy of the Naked Roommate for my DD. </p>
<p>I agree that the Memory foam pad is essential. We found the better quality ones for less at Target. BB & B were actually more expensive. The XL sheets we found online on Macys.com sale and were able to use a promotion code too. I can feel my daughter’s excitement in buying some of these things --it’s putting it into reality mode for her. :)</p>
<p>We still have some health forms to complete, but otherwise everything is checked off our “to do list”. Her orientation is during move-in week in August. She’ll find out her housing assignment by July 1. In terms of meal plan, we did the 19 meals per week with some plus dollars. I can’t believe that we are now discussing mattress covers and meal plans!</p>
<p>I got The Baked Roommate book also and I just hope she reads it. It will help reinforce her ability to manage her new freedom.</p>
<p>Geez, meant Naked Roommate, guess I was auto corrected by my Kindle.</p>
<p>I definitely need to read some advice about Senior Summer because I am expecting some real friction.</p>
<p>Someone should write a book called “The Baked Roommate”!!! LOL!</p>
<p>Fair warning:</p>
<p>My son just received the big white official-looking envelope and mailer from a company called Residential Hall Linens. I’m writing to tell you how cheesy and low-quality this stuff is or at least it WAS three years ago when we ordered it for our then-incoming freshman daughter. I see they have the very same sheets and towels available still, so I’m guessing it’s the same lousy stuff.</p>
<p>The mailer looks very official with your kid’s chosen college name at the top and it says “Regular sheets won’t fit our beds.” (Well, no, but any twin XL sheet out there WILL…) But it is NOT from your kids’ college. The mailer has lots of pretty photos of color-coordinated sets, with towel colors to mix or match. It is easy to order and comes in a single big box.</p>
<p>BUT the sheets are so thin, the stitching is crummy, the towels are so thin! When they arrived, I actually went out and bought different ones from Target for my kid because the towels were so dreadful. We kept the RHL ones at home here, and use them for drying off the dog when it rains. The comforter is oh-so-cheesy. The egg crate mattress topper is a sad joke. I’m fairly sure what we purchased was the misnamed “Comfort Pak!” </p>
<p>Others may disagree about this company, but I will never order from them again.</p>
<p>Thanks for the warning. It all looked pretty cheezy to me also. I also received the mailer from “Residential Life” which is mysteriously the exact name for the Housing Dept at most schools. Could not figure out how they knew D’s school. </p>
<p>I think the schools let them use their list because they get a percentage of sales. Kind of like the elementary school candy sales or something. The interesting thing is the blatant scare tactic that only their items will fit on that school’s special dorm beds.</p>
<p>Besides, when you have a daughter, it kind of ruins the fun of shopping together and “decorating” the dorm room. Boys could probably care less and wouldn’t even notice the thin cheap scratchy sheets!</p>
<p>Sent from my Nexus S 4G using CC</p>
<p>You should post your warning for new parents as a new thread, or at least on the main 2013 thread.</p>
<p>Sent from my Nexus S 4G using CC</p>
<p>Just some random comments and updates. I decided after oldest’s senior year of hs that the rule would be if he was not coming home, he would text me his location and that he was safe. It did not wake me up (like a phone call would) and I knew he was okay (and would not be in his bed). It’s worked well for all of my kids. </p>
<p>Re: dorm stuff, I’ve used overstock.com a lot for bedding, including the mattress toppers. </p>
<p>And my '13-er has done all he can for now for his fall semester, although all because I kept up with his checklists and prompted him. He has his housing all lined up, math assessment taken, insurance waiver signed, medical form sent, registered for a mid-June orientation. The school will register him in some required classes in early June, and he’ll complete his schedule at orientation. It’s all good here. He’s basically done with school, actually gone now for his senior project, but all he has to do when he gets back is present it. Graduation at the end of May. Exciting but bittersweet times.</p>
<p>Does anyone have any experience, thoughts or opinions 
about backpacking-related outdoor camps or programs? </p>
<p>DS wants to get some experience in this summer backpacking, ideally with some skills instruction. We’re in Texas, and he’s pretty excited about the cooler weather of the PNW where he’s headed for college. He chose a backpacking trip as his orientation selection, so I think he also wants to get in some experience and maybe conditioning, or at least be more confident than he is now.</p>
<p>I’ve looked at Outward Bound, but we’d appreciate any other options. I’m willing to spend the money for a program that gets him ready for future outings. Unfortunately, REI doesn’t offer their short courses in Texas.</p>
<p>Onesonmom look into Nols. There programs are great. You might get lucky and find an open spot.</p>
<p>Mom60 beat me to it, here’s the link: [url=<a href=“http://www.nols.edu/]NOLS[/url”>http://www.nols.edu/]NOLS[/url</a>]. They have trips in the PNW.</p>
<p>Wow, 30 days…and I thought the Outward Bound programs were lengthy!</p>
<p>DS is having a tough time finding a summer job; I think he’ll wind up stocking at JC Penney or working a similar minimum wage job. </p>
<p>I’m wondering about the relative benefits of offering him an opportunity like NOLS instead - the very opposite of making money to contribute to his college expenses - as a summer-after-graduation experience. </p>
<p>I’m thinking it may provide an additional benefit in that it will be a marked transition to independence and self-reliance, in this case in the wilderness.He’s grown up without a dad, he’s an only child, and with my bad knee I’ve never been too outdoorsy, although we did camp all through Cub Scouts and he did crossover to Boy Scout before we moved and he opted to stop.</p>
<p>His grandmother has offered to pay for this, and I’m not sure the loss of minimum wages for a couple of months will impact this first year’s college budget terribly.</p>
<p>onesonmom, my son has gotten very involved in the outdoor program at his college, first taking trips, and now leading them. He has developed a quiet self assurance and poise that I’m sure comes from the knowing how to navigate through the wilderness. He’s healthy, happy and fit. I say go for it!!!</p>