@Shellz, I’m so sorry your son is going through this. Military academies are not for everyone. Way back when I was in college I had a study-buddy who had left Annapolis after his first year. It just wasn’t for him; he said it was just an incredibly difficult year there on many levels. He transferred and was very successful at the LAC I attended. Since you mentioned small, have you looked into the CTLC colleges? They are all small and they all practice holistic admissions. I do not think that one rough semester at the USAFA would necessarily be seen as awful, since it’s not exactly a “regular” college and there is so much more to being a cadet than a “normal” college student. I wish your son the best of luck in finding a place that fits him.
@yesterday Yep…I did stumble across the recommendation for CTCL! What a great resource. I truly hope you are correct that a bad showing in a couple classes not being a deal breaker. Now when I say a couple classes…I mean two that he didn’t pass. The rest of his transcript is also a bit weak due to the crazy load at the academy. It’s been said you can easily knock off a full grade point of what your student went in with…and yep, that seemed to be scarily accurate in our case.
So, thus far our list is growing quite nicely, with a couple that he seems very interested in, and a couple more that he is mulling over in his head. As soon as he gets his grades posted from first semester, he will be applying to the rolling admissions schools. Our Cal State system has a firm deadline of Nov 30, but the admissions counselor at one particular school (oddly enough another “military-type” school…Cal Maritime) said that if classes were in progress, they wouldn’t evaluate him until those grades are posted. Which is good…because he will need those good grades to bolster the gpa.
I never would have thought that we would be where we are today. But, we are, so it’s onward and upward, right? 
Thanks again folks. I feel so much better after hearing all of your kind words.
@shellz I am sorry you and your son are going thru this, he sounds like a great kid. I think the CTCL recommendation is a good idea and I think a lot of LAC would take a chance on him. If he can interview with any of these schools, I think they will see that they are not taking a chance but getting a great addition to their campuses.
@shellz I am so sorry to hear of your son’s struggles. I hope your search for another college goes well. Does your son still want to be an Air Force officer? I just ask because I’ve met Air Force officers who weren’t able to get through the Academy for one reason or another but still got there through other routes.
@shellz Also consider posting on the service academy forums: Life After the Academy https://www.serviceacademyforums.com/index.php?forums/life-after-the-academy.54/
or the parent’s subforum over there
Thanks @bopper . I’ve been a long time poster over there…it was my impression that forum was more for folks who retired/successfully left the military. But I’ll double check!
@shellz there are some posts about “separation” during the academy.
@eandesmom sent you a pm!
Hey everyone, checking in. I’m hanging in there… I got sick last weekend and was not doing well for the first part of the week. Thank God for good friends… they can really make the difference in rough times.
I’m recovering slowly from the breakup. I’ve done my best to cut him off, and it’s mostly worked. I still see him in one of my classes and will in at least two of the same ones next semester since he and I are the same major. I miss him so much, though. Knowing that he’s only across campus at the library a lot of the day, seeing him occasionally at meals - sitting different places, of course… it seems so stupid compared to what I thought we had just weeks ago. What he told me when he ended it was that he wasn’t ready for a serious relationship and thought I felt more strongly for him than he did for me. I guess he wasn’t wrong about that, since I had no thought of breaking us up. He offered to be friends, but I can’t see that happening. I’m too hurt. I thought I knew him, I trusted him, I thought we had something special… I think we did once, but somehow it slipped away on his end and I was too blind to see it.
My classes have been going surprisingly well. I got a C on my last statics test because I was so sick I had trouble studying, but I’m at an A-, barely, in the class overall (and there’s more tests, so I can still pull that up) and I’ve got solid As in my others.
Hang in there @albert69, you are doing all the right things. Hope you are feeling better and better.
@shellz, some community colleges have bridge programs to their state universities. He can try that as well. Beyond that, I am sorry cannot help much due to lack of awareness on my part as well. Hope things work out.
@albert69 hugs, take care of yourself!
My D has been busy with school and a job. Scheduled her classes for last semester of pre-pharmacy, and sent in her pharmacy school application.
She has a few days off for Thanksgiving break. It will be good to see her.
My D is having a much harder time this semester than in her freshman year. Freshman academics were a breeze by comparison with As across the board, but she’s really struggling with a couple of her courses this year, which are taking a lot of extra study time for her to keep up with and grasp. (Physics has always been hard for her – too abstract.) Her consolation is that pretty much everyone in her class is failing the same courses 
(Actually, I don’t know that she’s actually failing the classes - so talks like she is, but she tends to exaggerate in that direction as for her anything but an A is “really bad”.) She’s been sleeping about 4 hours a night and I’m worried about her burning out at that pace. I keep encouraging her to get sleep, but she tells me that even when she tries to go to bed earlier she can’t sleep as there’s too much on her mind. I’m also concerned she’s not getting enough exercise (she’s been skipping her kendo classes). She’s also been so busy studying she hasn’t had time to focus on her applications for internships/research next summer, and she missed the career fair as she got sick (from staying up until 4 am studying for a test the night before). I don’t think she’s goofing off, she’s just in a very demanding program academically.
She’s doing okay otherwise, but I am a bit concerned. But while I want to “be there for her”, I don’t want to micromanage either - not to mention she’s also the type who will listen and say “yeah yeah, Dad”, and then go ahead and do whatever she wants anyway – I have very little power, which is actually a good thing in many respects. Anyway, hopefully next semester will be a bit easier for her. Any tips on how you help your S/D who are snowed under with the load is appreciated!
Hi @insanedreamer, my DD is feeling your daughter’s pain!
Sophomore year seems to be the weedout year with multiple courses that require more hours combined than are available in a day. This would seem to push some really good students out of majors where they could have made contributions. Not sure that it makes sense to winnow out good students through exhaustion, limiting the pool of fresh ideas and creative thinking later on in the major… but this seems to be the traditional path.
Many kids with older siblings seem to know that they should take at least one tough course at a community college or online or on campus the summer before sophomore year, so they could lighten their load for Fall semester. These kids were often working in the summer part-time as well. DD didn’t realize she should take a tough course last summer and instead took two gen eds online to get them out-of-the-way. However, in retrospect this seems like the wrong strategy, as they were easy classes that could have balanced some of the demanding ones.
DD did move one tough pre-major sophomore class to next summer to be taken online or at a community college. Her major course work doesn’t start until Spring junior year, so this will work for her. Don’t see how she could put in enough time, get enough sleep and stay healthy otherwise. And some of these pre-major weedout courses, while they are good general background knowledge, they won’t be part of her day-to-day major (or career).
DD did move to a shared house with 2 other girls this year. She has her own bedroom, and this has cut down drastically on how often she gets sick, and her sleep quality improved being in a larger bed and being able to control the lights in her room. (She was sick so much of freshman year and had a roommate last Fall who always wanted the ceiling lights and TV on–wouldn’t use ear plugs. DD moved dorm rooms Spring semester, but still kept getting sick.)
Good luck to your daughter!
Thanks @Maystarmom - really good point about taking a course the summer before sophomore year to relieve some pressure during a difficult year. DD didn’t think of that (me either, I grew up overseas and didn’t attend college in the US). I’ll definitely bear that in mind for the next kid! All of her courses this semester were required for her major (her major has the least number of elective/gen-ed courses due to its breadth), but she did take an extra elective this semester which in retrospect wasn’t the wisest. I think she was trying to get ahead for junior year. If she can’t secure a research internship for next summer, then maybe she should take a summer course to ease the load in her junior year.
That’s great your daughter was able to get better living conditions and her health has improved. Mine is required to live on campus for sophomore year but has already secured a house with 4 other friends for junior year–that might make a difference.
Good luck to your daughter as well!
@insanedreamer my heart goes out to you and your daughter. And the being overseas and so far away is a part of this that you and I share. It is so stressful when things aren’t going well and you can’t actually be with them to talk things out. Skype is fine, but not the same.
I remember reading when my daughter was a senior and considering the school where your daughter attends, about the strategy of taking some challenging courses at community college or summer to control GPA quality and survive these hard majors. I remember thinking it was kind of a shame that students might have to do this since the costs as they are are so high at the schools where kids are matriculating, and if the more doable version off campus is adequate to be given credits why make the one on campus so much harder and such a weed out course. There seems to be something wrong when super capable students have to do this. But then, noone asked me.
It is hard when they don’t get enough rest or exercise and there is nothing you can do about that either. Sounds like her housing will be better next year. This year my daughter is in a single room in an apartment style dorm and that is working great. She loves fixing her own food, and I am projecting that we will save about 2500 off the meal plans. She likes the convenience of being on campus and easy access to using the campus shuttle.
Hang in there, Christmas break isn’t too far off and hopefully you will enjoy a good visit and she can rest.
@insanedreamer Your daughter is a smart cookie and as you previously posted, well above the average even given all the smart students at her school. It is probably going better than she thinks, though it sounds like it’s sucking the life out of her. It’s very hard to see your child go through this.
My daughter had a tough semester last year. I just kept encouraging her to take it one day at a time, and know that the semester will come to an end and she will land on her feet. She doesn’t have to be perfect. She spent a lot of time at office hours which was helpful. I also encouraged her to eat right, stay hydrated, etc. It’s really all we can do - be a sympathetic ear, give practical advice, and tell her you are proud of her no matter how the semester turns out - though I’m betting she will be fine.
The engineering curriculum is fairly structured. But, mixing in a humanities requirement each semester can provide a welcome change. The humanities classes aren’t always easy A’s, but the change of pace can be helpful.
Good luck to her. She is almost there!
@insanedreamer My D (also ChemE) had a tough second semester freshman year - first semester had gone so well that she decided to take an extra class for her minor. Six classes was definitely too many!! Lesson learned. She was under a lot of stress and the lack of sleep resulted in multiple colds, strep, sinus infection, etc. And the phone calls home were awful for me.
The schools warn you that kids who are used to being high achievers can have an especially hard time when they are studying harder than ever but not getting the same results. That was true for D, and she admitted that she heard those words but didn’t think it was going to happen to her! To her credit, she was very proactive about seeking help from every resource available and ended up doing just fine by the end of the semester, with a B in the class she swore she was flunking.
I would acknowledge to your D how tough it is, try to listen (even though you can’t fix it) and it be a sympathetic ear. Her feelings and fears of failing grades may be valid, or they may be amped up by the stress of it all, but they are her feelings so don’t downplay them. As @VMT mentioned, let her know how proud you are regardless of the grade. She may be imagining that you are judging her or being critical - not because you are but because she puts a lot of pressure on herself. There are some good apps for 10 minute meditations she might find helpful. Everyone can find 10 minutes, right?
We live 3,000 miles from Ds school but I ended up taking a trip out over her spring break to get her off campus for a mini vacation to relax. I realize that is a luxury that not everyone can make happen, but perhaps you could arrange for her to get a massage, send a care package, a plant (succulents are v trendy right now), or do something that she finds relaxing so she knows you are in her corner.
Best of luck to her as the semester winds down!!
Sophomore year trials here as well - D is still taking some lower level science classes but a couple I think are designed as weed-out classes and they are really kicking her butt. She is trying every strategy she knows and/or is comfortable with to bring her grades up in a couple of classes but seems to be hitting walls at every turn. Unfortunately she is very shy and very introverted so studying with groups, or even another student is not an option, at least in her mind. I wouldn’t mind a lower grade but she has a scholarship that is GPA based and may come really close to losing it if she does poorly in more than one class. Ahh the trials of college. And to top it all off, one of the classes she needs to keep her schedule on track for 4-year graduation was full after the first day and the professor is not being helpful in opening it up to additional students. Going back to the drawing board to see how we can move some things around, but about 1/2 of her classes the next 2 years are only offered in specific years or semesters so they are really tying her hands. Just not real happy about how few sections they are offering for some classes that are required for so many specific majors…ugh!
Grading on a curve really threw my daughter for a loop last year as well, however, in physics in particular, she ended up being the beneficiary of the curve. But getting those lower than she was ever used to getting grades was tough for her to cope with, she likes to know where she stands. So perhaps your kids will also be beneficiaries of the curve!