<p>doctormom: It also depends on what kind of school you think your D2 will want to try for. DS will probably be very happy studying engineering at an OOS public where we can get merit money. Since admission and most of the merit at these schools is based on GPA/test scores, EC’s probably won’t be as important for him as for someone applying to a selective school with more holistic admissions. I have occasionally suggested EC’s that are in line with his interests but for him, it seems a more important criteria is whether any of his friends are doing it.</p>
<p>Happy New Year everyone and welcome doctormom! We are very much enjoying our downtime and I’m especially enjoying rare time with my entire family. My oldest girl is a working woman and my middle D is a senior in college so it’s not frequent that we are all in one place at one time. My youngest loves having her big sisters around.</p>
<p>Doctormom, my D just turned 15 this month and she seems to be less interested or able to jump into activities in the way that her peers do. She is a motivated and serious kid but she’s very shy and takes her time in becoming involved in things. I am not overly worried, partly because I don’t think there’s much I can do to influence her :P, and partly because I think she’ll grow into things over time. What kinds of things does your D do now? What is she interested in? I’m a firm believer in letting your kid follow her own path and helping her when and where she wants help so from what you’ve written, I think you’re doing the right thing.</p>
<p>doctormom413 – when my eldest D (HS2012) was a freshman & sophomore, I pulled out my hair over her reluctance to get involved in things. She’d go to a club meetings, but she was too shy to put herself forward for leadership roles. Two years later, as a HS senior, she was competing (state and national level) on several academic teams and leading several other activities. And now she’s thriving and involved in a million things at a perfect-fit college. Some kids just take longer to bloom than others.</p>
<p>Keep encouraging your D, but also be respectful of her need to find her own path.</p>
<p>One other piece of parenting advice: if my kids seemed to have too much time on their hands (i.e., excessive screen-time) then I assign them chores. That always seems to get motivate them to find something else to do.</p>
<p>thank you for all of the replies! When D2 entered her high school, the way the curriculum from her old school matched up required her to be placed in ninth, rather than eighth, grade. Plus, her bday is in June, so everything added up to make her an EXTREMELY young sophomore. I’m worried about D2’s maturity level, as (like your DS, STEMFamily!) whenever I try to talk to her about what areas she’s interested in for possible summer activities, etc. she gets distracted or doesn’t give me a real response. D2 has always been very good at school. In past years, she has really enjoyed science, but right now she is pretty focused on history and learning languages, especially Russian. she is a good public speaker, I think-- she’s in model congress and mock trial. I believe she’s also in the math team and possibly the creative writing club. D2 is physically petite so she’s never been that successful at athletics. STEMFamily, D2 doesn’t seem to be anywhere near a decision on what schools she’s interested in-- she only knows some big names but hasn’t made any choices. I would speculate on what she would probably go for, but she doesn’t have two or three specific interests (like D1) so the field is pretty much open. </p>
<p>I’m not sure whether to worry about D2 at all, but I think this anxiety is stemming from the major differences between D1 and D2 especially in how they’re dealing with high school. D1 and D2 both had very, VERY similar elementary/middle school experiences. When D1 made it to 9th grade, within a few weeks she had formed a group of friends and developed very strong bonds. Every year, she’s only seemed to increase the number of girls she calls friends. She is very involved in ECs and has built up some leadership roles. She also plays badminton very competitively with her school team. Ever since she was little, D1 has always known the fields she’s interested in (medicine or law) and pretty much built her life around that. She also keeps looking for opportunities, like community service projects, etc., that she can participate in “for fun”. D1 basically never stops moving. When D2 got to high school, she never really made any super-close friends like D1. She’s struggled with having close friends this year as well-- I keep encouraging her to call/text/email a few nice girls from the grade that she mentions, but I’m not even sure if there’s self-initiative there. D2 is also involved in ECs but doesn’t seem to see a “bigger picture” like D1 could. D2’s fields of interests have changed with time (to be expected!) but she doesn’t seem to do anything to pursue those interests. D1 looked for summer programs that fit her interests; I have to repeatedly ask D2 if she’s interested in applying to the same/other summer programs (so far, nothing has happened). I have not had to do much with D1 (she’s on top of things most of the time, surprisingly) so I’m at a loss for what to do with D2! Should I keep questioning her about summer/extracurricular programs? Should I keep trying for her to join/enter the teams/contests D1 is doing? If I left D2 alone, I’m afraid she would just sit with her computer and waste time. D1 is very eager to help but I don’t know if she can do anything to help D2-- I feel like this is a motivation issue and I really don’t know how to deal with this!</p>
<p>It sounds like your D2 is actually pretty involved in ECs–she is on the math team, the creative writing club, model Congress and mock trial. You’ve also said she’s strong academically. I don’t think I’d worry about a kid like this. </p>
<p>She has a different temperament from her older sister and she’s very young for her grade besides, which may be affecting how she fits in socially with her classmates. I’m not saying this is true, it’s just a thought. In my D’s school, she’s the youngest but for one other girl in her grade, by at least 4 months and there are many kids more than a year older than she is. As a result, there is a decided social difference between my D and others in the grade. Add to that her naturally shy and quiet temperament, and you can imagine that she’s far from a leader, often not even a joiner. Yet I’ve seen some real growth and I am anticipating that she will continue to find her way.</p>
<p>I’d give your D2 some time to define herself independently of her older sister. If there’s something you think she’d enjoy, I’d suggest it and even take the first steps toward investigating it with her. Maybe an intensive summer Russian language program?</p>
<p>Welcome, doctormom! I agree with 3girls and mihcal - your D2 sounds like she’s doing a good job of balancing strong academics and clubs, and she’s finding some things she really likes to study. She is young, and that can make a really big difference in the high school social scene - there’s a big difference between a groups of 15-16 year old girls and a 14 year old. That isn’t necessarily a problem, but it may be that she’s never hugely “popular” like her sister while in high school - she may be more the type to have one or two close friends she really clicks with. It will obviously matter a lot less in college. I think there’s an upside to that - kids who spend a lot of time and energy with a social group learn a lot of social skills, but sometimes aren’t learning themselves or growing into their own true self as much as kids who aren’t all caught up in that scene. </p>
<p>I’d caution you to not make her feel as though she isn’t living up to big sis’s legacy. I’m not saying you do anything to make her feel that way, but I’d bend over backwards to avoid it, because younger siblings of very outgoing and high achieving kids can get a skewed vision of how they’re measuring up. Don’t ask her if she wants to do the same summer programs, and don’t say much about the fact that older sis always drove this stuff for herself. Treat her, at least as far as she can tell, like she’s the very first D2 you’ve ever had and she’s charting new ground, instead of the second D who isn’t following the same successful path as D1.</p>
<p>Really - kids all have their own personalities and mature rates. If you feel like you’re worrying, and it’s mostly because “the major differences between D1 and D2,” you really need to make sure that isn’t coming across to her. She’s quieter, and that’s fine. She doesn’t jump into leadership roles, and that’s fine. If she senses that you’re anxious because she isn’t a carbon copy (and believe me, I know you don’t feel this harshly about it - but it may be how she interprets your efforts), that’s going to do some damage. Sometimes those still waters are running deep, and with her academic achievements and other interests, she’s headed somewhere good. Don’t make her second guess it!</p>
<p>One last thought - there are lots of ways to have leadership. One is to be a go getter and naturally rise to the top of any group you’re in. But for some kids, it’s in being independent enough to march to their own drummer. If that’s the kind of leadership you see blossoming, encourage it and help her recognize and enjoy it! My oldest S didn’t do a single “normal” EC - no school clubs, no sports, no academic bowl, etc. But somehow along the way, we stumbled into encouraging his unusual interests, and some of those lead him to very interesting and unusual EC’s that looked a little more adult than being president of a school club. I don’t really take credit - I couldn’t have convinced him to join school clubs if I’d tried (actually, I’m pretty sure I did try! 
). But when he did voice an interest in something, we took the time to ask around and find a way for him to delve into it a little. And he did quite well in college admissions.</p>
<p>Great feedback here!</p>
<p>First the suggestion that if they are getting too much screen time is brilliant in the very simplicity of it-and it works! Nothing gets someone motivated to do something more than being assigned to clean the toilets! :)</p>
<p>Your daughter sounds great! My son was very socially challenged right through the first two years of HS but then he came into his own-and in the meantime as someone here said he used than time instead of being involved in all that drama to develop who he was more-which worked for him. For others they need to be more involved socially and that works for them.</p>
<p>The important thing I try to not lose sight of is what is my goal as a parent? I find when I am clear in my mind what that is everyone around here does much better-that saying about a happy mother (or father) making for a happy family is true!</p>
<p>When I can do that I can guide them-many times I guide them by leaving them alone. My daughter told me she was reading-yes reading! It is a book soon to be made into a movie-nothing of great intellectual value but she is reading! I said "That’s good-so you realize you need to read to do better on your SAT"s? She gave me that looked reserved for teenagers looking at clueless parents (I know you know exactly what I mean) and said “no Mom I am reading because I thought it would make me enjoy the movie differently and I am surprised I am actually liking it”-and walked away-OUCH! This came on the heels of me finding out how well my nephew did on the PSAT’s and her overhearing me tell him I would work with him if he liked as this could mean a lot next year when he takes it and she really didn’t have much of a shot-OUCH again-very bad on my part-not meaning to hurt her and hurting her anyway.</p>
<p>Back to the goal-what are we looking to do here? I think most parents want their kids to be happy-and to live a meaningful and productive life-to like us when they grow up and to have good relationships with the rest of their family. Me making comments like that-even though I intended no harm-well that isn’t helpful!</p>
<p>If I keep these goals firmly in mind things like EC’s, grades, social involvement and all these other issues we wrestle with don’t seem quite as important. Things like being kind, involved with and caring about family and the world around them to some level, and being responsible with their studies, jobs, EC’s that they chose to do-all of these things are far more important. The rest-at least so far as what I can see from my older child-well that falls into place if they have spent time being allowed to build a strong foundation. The trick is how to help them build that foundation-and it isn’t easy to step back sometimes and know they have to do most of this on their own-with firm but gentle quidance from us.</p>
<p>Happy New Year! She headed back to school today in a pretty good frame of mind-I hope our kids on here all had a great vacation and were able to get some rest and get recharged!</p>
<p>Happy New Year everyone!</p>
<p>It’s encouraging to read posts from those who have older kids. My d. always expresses frustration about not be able to be in any leadership role. It sounds like it won’t be a big problem when they’re juniors and seniors they’ll have more opportunities.</p>
<p>Our high school has decided to make some major changes, a lengthy article appeared in our town paper today. Our HS didn’t rank and it didn’t weight GPA.</p>
<p>As of next year, AP classes will be weighted (5.0), the current 4.33 for an A+ will go down to 4.0, and there will be class rank. Apparently not all teachers were on board but some were, and the school board voted for it. They consulted several colleges and were told that most unweight weighted GPA anyway but don’t necessarily disregard it when used for rank or scholarships. Their conclusion was that it might help, might not, but couldn’t hurt. </p>
<p>They say it also encourages more kids to take AP classes. That’s where I have an issue…kids taking APs just to raise rank/GPA. We’ve had lots of AP courses all along and the kids who want the challenge take them, even though there there is no tangible reward for doing so (except colleges seeing rigor, which is something some kids have on their radar).</p>
<p>With rank…I hope they don’t let the kids know what it is until senior year. I feel like that opens a whole can of competitive worms. </p>
<p>In all-good news, the guidance office started a program called “College 101”.
</p>
<p>They’re also talking with kids about net price and financial aid. </p>
<p>Yay :)</p>
<p>I don’t like weighting classes mainly because I don’t like seeing kids sign up for AP classes simply for the sake of raising a gpa. It dilutes the class and increases the sense of competition in the school. As much as I really like the College 101 class–D’s school does something similar–I have to sigh a bit that the time seems to be taken from an English class. I don’t mean to sound so negative and it may be that in the context of your school, these changes will work well.</p>
<p>When S, now in college, had “College 101” it started later in the year. It still took time from English but the focus seemed to be on writing college essays, so that seemed OK to me.</p>
<p>I’m guessing choosing English class is a matter of convenience, it is the only course they can be sure each and every junior is taking…it’s required, either AP or regular.</p>
<p>That makes sense then to schedule it during English. D’s school has a separate period that’s free for everyone at the same time and that’s when they schedule the college 101 class. As I think it through, the way English is taught, at least at D’s school, seems so dumbed down that it might not be a real hardship to give up some of that class. 
My older girls had a class entitled “The Writing Semester” during junior year. They worked a lot on creating essays that would ultimately be used for college admissions or would serve as a foundation for creating that admissions essay. I think that was a good experience for both.</p>
<p>I can’t wait for my D to go back to school next week.</p>
<p>That is all.</p>
<p>suzy100–ha.</p>
<p>OHMom I hate to be negative but I would be unhappy to see this done in our HS.</p>
<p>We have weighted, unweighted (which is used for awards and for the full scholarship the local U gives to the highest ranked who accepts it-last year it went all the way down to number 10) and class rank which is given to them now in freshman year.</p>
<p>We are trying to move to get rid of ranking and once some of the older members of the school board are gone we probably will be rid of it. It causes a lot of issues-competition, kids taking classes based on how they will affect rankings-in short I will be so happy when it is gone-of course it won’t be in time for my remaining HS student. I hope at least they have the sense to not release the rankings to the kids as early as our school does.</p>
<p>Our HS doesn’t rank, and I think it’s a good thing. They do list students by decile, and they do honor the top 25 students in each graduating class, but there isn’t a ranking every semester that students are obsessing over. I’m not sure how the 2 kids who speak at graduation are selected, but it’s more than just grades. </p>
<p>As far as weighting the AP classes, it makes sense to me. People can always play the system - if they’re weighted, some kids will be drawn to the GPA boost and if they aren’t weighted, some kids will be drawn to taking easy classes to protect the GPA, but I don’t think that’s the main reason kids take harder classes - a lot of the time, the harder classes move at a faster pace, go deeper, and have a better mix of students than the regular classes, and that makes it a better fit for some kids. Colleges that care can pick apart a transcript and see what classes a kid took and how they did, and for colleges who just take the GPA off the transcript (and a lot of public schools do, for admissions and scholarships), having the weighted GPA helps and seems fair.</p>
<p>I also am not a fan of ranking - at all. I wish my D’s school did it the way PN’s does. Instead, they get their ranking in the fall of sophomore year, and then every semester after that. As I said earlier, I see lots of kids (and have heard about this from parents with older kids) who game their schedules to maximize rank. (For example, taking required unweighted classes at the end of senior year so it won’t matter to rank.) I guess we could play that game as well, but I hate the thought of doing that and I would discourage it with my Ds.</p>
<p>I do think weighting AP and Honors classes makes sense and not weighting them would seem to penalize the kids who are taking the harder classes. On the other hand, I hate the pressure to take as many APs as possible just to maximize ranking. I think we are going to steer clear of that as well and just let the chips fall where the may.</p>
<p>Only 2 more days until the hellions are back in school! :)</p>
<p>I’m not thrilled with the changes, except the change to move an A+ (I think 97 or 98-100) back into the 4.0 instead of 4.33 - that never made sense to me.</p>
<p>I was talking to a friend who graduated from this HS back in the 80’s and she said they deliberately did away with ranking some years ago. No idea why it seems like a good idea to bring it back now. </p>
<p>The AP change is supposed to get more kids to take AP classes. I asked D why she took AP Euro this year and she said “if I had to have that teacher (for scheduling reasons she did) I might as well take the test and get college credit”. Sound reasoning, I felt :)</p>
<p>That’s a smart girl, OHMomof2. :)</p>
<p>D’s school doesn’t rank and doesn’t calculate a GPA (much less weight classes and have a weighted GPA). The idea is supposed to be that all of the kids are taking extremely difficult courses. (The school has nothing labeled AP and all courses are supposed to be taught at the college level.) Nonetheless, it’s easy to see the differences when kids are compared side by side, and it’s true that the vast majority of kids are taking much harder workloads than they would have in their home high schools.</p>
<p>D’s vacation is over Monday and she goes back to school tomorrow night. She gets all new courses next semester! Her big sister (HS 2012/collee 2016) will be home for another week, which will be nice for me.</p>