Thanks for the support everyone. It really is helpful!
@MidwestMomTo2 I feel exactly the same way about taking one for the team. And I do think it’s helped my son - he’s really having a fantastic senior year. I think he knows I’ll do the worrying, that I’ll let him know what’s up, and he’s free to not fret too much.
As @Booajo says, it’s sometimes a little hard hearing him talk hopefully about something that’s not going to happen, but it also provides the opportunity to step in and offer positive messages and reinforce that the decisions don’t define him as a person. I know he gets tired of hearing that sometimes, but I think the message is better received in a neutral environment, rather than when standing there with a rejection in hand.
@baltimoreguy - so with you. I saw that the Cornell LLs were going out last night and thought I could soften the blow, but I didn’t expect his very good friend to get one and text him about it. I honestly don’t even think he wants to go there, but he was SO upset. I can see I really need to step back soon. I think in retrospect, he might not have applied to so many schools if I had made him do more of the legwork. Things didn’t work out at all like we expected and honestly, we are sort of floored at this point. We have definitely learned A LOT for next time around!
Yesterday we were at big state flagship for a scholarship day/competition and it tuned out that once again S '13 had been early-admitted and just didn’t know it until he got there and they let him know it was part of the deal. Then we got home and S said so many others are desperately waiting to hear about their decisions. It made him a bit sad for them and he decided once again not to share his news with his friends here and online until they hear back too.
@baltimoreguy- This is why I hold off on posting good news re: likely letters and scholarships with early admits (especially if no one else has posted about said colleges) and often don’t name schools. When we started out with our oldest, we didn’t even know that stuff, or fly-ins existed and it can be a little disconcerting to hear about along the way. I don’t want to add to anyone’s stress, but I know personally I really enjoy hearing about all of the kids here and their accomplishments, plus I think it is helpful to know what’s coming…good or bad, especially to soften the blow when necessary. My kids always knew that we would hear it from CC first! Is this your first time through? We all know what it is like to wait the full time with equally great kids for their decisions. Even when it seems like someone is getting nothing but acceptances, everyone has their challenges. Our S '16 has some things about him that seem to make him stand out in this process but we have gone through this before on a more ‘normal’ trajectory.
Remember, very few get LLs or early admits/writes. Sometimes it’s just a matter of when an application gets read (for example, College of William and Mary states that when they start sending out early postcards) and it is literally luck of the draw for qualified applicants…it’s not necessarily a bad sign if you don’t hear anything until the actual date. I remember our S '13 didn’t get invited to the early STEM weekend/admission at Yale and because the was a STEM guy he thought he was toast. It turned out our school just didn’t release mid-year grades in time for him to be considered, but he was certainly disappointed until he found out that was the case. Most of our very special kids (and their parents) just have to sweat it out for the full time, but the end is in sight. The finish line is close. And soon the shoe will be on the other foot and the colleges will have to sweat it out waiting for our kid’s decisions!
This is our family’s first time through, and we’ve found it way more stressful than we expected - perhaps the first stress we’ve ever run into with our son’s educational journey, or at least since middle school. I know rationally that things will work out fine, but I fear rationality isn’t always ruling the day.
And I do wonder if maybe some of the most selective schools would consider moving their notification date up by a week or so. Are they really making decisions all the way down to March 31? I doubt it. Instead of sharing decisions once they are ready, they parcel out acceptance information to certain subsets of their applicant pool, creating a disparity in information that exacerbates the stress. Obviously, with single digit acceptance rates, they can do whatever they like – but as the rest of the admissions process has moved earlier and earlier (with test prep, campus visits, etc.), the finish line has stayed in the same place, meaning these kids are running a longer race than ever before.
I like to walk on the sunny side of the street so I’m grateful when good news is shared here, but similar to others expressing fears, I don’t think it will be all that sunny here. I really just want to make a endless bowl of pasta, watch trash TV, and hit refresh on my computer for the next two weeks. Instead, I’ll finish this second cup of coffee, get ready for work, and pretend I think about something other than college admissions for a few hours.
@baltimoreguy- I guess what we tell our children about character building moments applies to us parents in this situations, although I really like @palm715 's ideas!
We just all need to remember, they only need one good acceptance…they can only go to one college anyway. A year from now this will all seem like a lot of fuss about nothing when they are happy at a school and couldn’t imagine how they could be anywhere else. Hind-sight is a wonderful thing! Then we can all focus on the right fit for the summer internship, study abroad, graduate school, future spouse and then the grandchild’s school. And yes, we have ‘kids’ from ages 30 to 17 so this is literally what we are ‘sweating’ along with college admissions these days. It puts things in perspective. Sometimes I wish we could go back to ‘just’ worrying about college admissions. One thing is for sure, parenting does not end here so this is a good warm-up for everything else. The problem from here on out is they aren’t right at hand to work through everything with them, so it can mean frantic phone calls, emails and skypes at times. Haha.
Wow, I just re-read this post. Sorry if my attempt to de-stress folks is stressing everyone out!
To everyone dealing with disappointment- I can certainly relate. We never want to see our kids hurt or let down and you want to take that ‘pain’ away. Just like when they fell down & skinned their knee learning to ride a bike (well, for those that learned to ride…lol). That is what makes us good parents & nobody ever said it was easy
I have faith that all of our kiddos will find the right spot and in 6 mths they will be settling at their new school and the beginning of a new chapter in their incredible lives!
So last night as we were eating our pie my Latin loving son wanted to know what we were going to do to celebrate the Ides of March. I said we could have Caesar Salad for dinner and watch Titanic Tuesday election returns come in.
When committing and depositing with a college isn’t it the right thing to do to contact your other colleges and withdraw your applications? Ugh. Student at my daughters school committed to SCEA school and continues to share/brag about all her acceptances she continues to receive. This just seems bad form.
@CAMidwestMom I agree with you that I probably need to step back. My D has done so little of her own legwork, and now she has no clue how to decide about schools. She did make her final list, but mostly by eliminating other places rather than truly “picking” these.
I helped her because I love this stuff (and her), plus finances were a huge deal for us (so tried to save her some financial heartbreak by helping with her list). Now that she needs to decide, it is almost like starting from scratch. If anyone has good tips on how to help your kid pick a school, let me know! Did I mention she is not only undecided about particular schools, but undecided on major, undecided on what part of the country she wants to live in–well she does insist on going out of state for college…
@nubble16, we withdrew from some colleges when DD received some likely letters. However, a lot can change between December and April, and it does not hurt to keep options open.
Also, some people need to see the financial packages and compare them against each other (and perhaps even negotiate with peer institutions). It is how the process is set up. There is nothing wrong with seeing all of one’s options before making a decision.
Even after placing a deposit, some people change their minds towards the end. This is a once-in-a-lifetime decision. It deserves careful consideration.
Congrats to all who received great news!! Sending best wishes to those who were disappointed that they may be strong and resilient and realize that they are just meant to take a different path. @Booajo I am having a similar experience with my daughter getting her to just spend time and really consider her options. @nubble16 I agree in notifying colleges that you will not be attending as soon as you commit to another…there are too many kids on waiting lists that want to know where they stand
@Booajo - We made a “pro/con” list of the top contenders. And then we (by “we” I mean D and I) talked about the options. A lot. It turned out that talking about options out loud helped her realize that she actually had stronger opinions than she thought about some of the schools, both good and bad. So that helped reduce the list further. She always had a clear favorite, though. When that school offered her a scholarship that would make it possible to afford it, the pro/con list got put to the side and the decision was made.
I’m trying to take it easy now, until she hears from her last two schools and does an admitted students visit in 2 weeks. But then, she will have to actually buckle down and decide. It is made a little tougher because the dollars are NOT going to be equal. I think the range is going to be from 5K-60K+ in the end. (60K+ is not doable for us, regardless of EFC, so those will be easy to eliminate.)
I agree @nubble16 . I believe once a deposit is made to one school, other schools should be notified. My son has a clear favorite , but continues to weigh all of his options and for that reason we have not put a deposit down on any of the schools and they all remain " in play". Once we submit any deposit, all other schools will be notified.
One thing we noticed after D notified the schools that she would NOT be attending is that we continued to get mail from them for a few weeks, including one admission still pending. We also got two FA offers and various other new student information. It’s clear that large or small, it takes some time for the student’s decision to make the rounds to all the offices.
