@payn4ward Here’s another Ivy grad, who loves that idea of the non-profit.
@greeny8, no drinking here. We’ve never laid down a rule really, but we don’t drink as adults (unless offered something at a wedding or other celebratory dinner) and the kids seem genuinely appalled at the behavior they’ve heard of in high school and seen at college. DD told me last week about showing up to a friend’s house late for birthday cake, and then having to drive them all home in one of their cars because no one there was in condition to drive .
On essays: My approach with the older two was pretty much the same as @262mom’s. They linked me to their essays on Google drive and I pointed out typos and told them what parts worked best to me. I didn’t really make any suggestions for topics. I thought their essays were tremendous fun; both of their common app essays were about Odyssey of the Mind projects they had been on. DS talked about the year they decided to try to do their project with ZERO cost which means nothing of value; no paint, no tape, no staples, no glue, everything pure trash. Which led to him scraping gum off cafeteria tables to turn into glue. I bet his admissions reader will remember that essay for awhile, lol.
We don’t let our kids drink except for the occasional taste. Once they’re off to college I’m not too worried if they have a beer once in a while, but definitely not as a regular thing and absolutely not to excess. In D11’s university parent orientation they told some real horror stories about students who spend entire weekends black-out drunk. I can’t picture that at all with any of my kids and I’m not even sure what I’d do if that happened.
@mdcmom Scraping gum from under the tables – now that’s true dedication! Sounds like a great essay.
This year I started a non-profit to support DS’s club @ school. Bit of work, but manageable. I kind of said non-profit for college condulting as a joke, but it is a good cause. May be we should all think it seriously once we are fine with class of 2017.
@greeny8 No drinking for DS here but he doesn’t go out much with friends because he has no time outside of school, dance and homework. He actually went out with friends last night and since none of them drive a couple of the moms had to drive them so there was definitely no drinking. He has a standing breakfast get together with his dance friends every Sunday because his girl friends drive and pick him up. Since none of the guys have licenses, they don’t hang out much outside of school. DS will probably be the first of his friends to get his license in the summer. It is so different now than it was when I grew up in the 80s. Everyone wanted to get their license the day the turned 16 and get a job.
That being said, I do worry about how he will handle being around partying in college since he just isn’t exposed to it in high school. I was just like him and never went to a single party in high school. College was an eye opening experience. I have to say that one of the best pieces of advice I got before going to college was from a friend’s brother that was in a fraternity at a big state school. He said to never drink the trash can punch or take a drink at a frat party that wasn’t straight from the keg. Some of my girlfriends didn’t follow that advice and got sick. Scary, but true.
Hope all the kids had fun at prom! I’m seeing so many beautiful pictures of friends with senior kids tonight on Facebook.
All that matters, really, is if the clients think you’re qualified!
And prom night was three weeks ago here. My oldest was in the school play Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, did takedown Friday night followed by a cast party, and then had to be up Saturday mid-morning to get her hair done—plus it was the last full week of regular classes. (They have a mini-mester sort of thing at the beginning and end of the school year, plus between semesters.) It was not her favorite week ever.
Prom here is only for seniors and their dates, so DS '17 won’t be going. I don’t know if he’ll go next year, either, because dislikes dances very very much.
However, DS '15 will; his castmate from last year’s musical asked him. So Beauty and the Beast are reunited, LOL. They probably won’t get to do the grand finale waltz again though .
This actually makes four proms for DS’15 because he was asked to go as a soph and as a junior too, all by different girls. And yet he has never had a steady girlfriend! He’s just friends with lots and lots of people.
So, are after prom events sponsored by the school and/or parents not a thing in your parts of the country? Here, the junior class parents (Juniors go to prom too) sponsor a free event from the end of prom until the sun comes up. Attendance is optional, and you don’t have to go to prom to come, but Juniors and seniors and their dates have an alcohol- and drug-free option. This year, there was a hypnotist, mechanical bull, glow golf, bubble soccer, roller skating, bowling, casino, etc. with a ton of free food and prizes like TVs, gift cards, etc. Almost everyone goes, although I’m sure some imbibe between the dance and after prom. But obvious inebriation means you can’t come in. And once you’re in, you’re in for the night.
I kind of assumed this was common all over the country, and maybe that’s what some of you meant by the 4 am arrivals, but I was curious.
DS17 had his prom a couple of weeks ago. I stayed up to serve food at after prom and am still tired. S and his GF drove 30 minutes away for breakfast after, and I was worried sick he’d fall asleep after being up all night. Next year, I’m making breakfast for whoever wants it.
@jedwards I’m not in the camp that thinks kids need to get partying out of their system during HS so it’s somehow “safer” in college. My DD14 didn’t go out much in HS, but we had a long talk before she went to college. I never said I did or didn’t expect her to drink, but we talked about safe behavior, kind of like you heard from your friend. With the reported prevalence of date rape drugs, that included the buddy system (including never leaving the buddy behind) and always getting/hanging on to any drink yourself. Although I’m sure she has experimented some, I know she knows what safe behavior is and doesn’t put herself at risk, like I did out of ignorance when I went to college.
I’ll have a very similar talk with DS17, who doesn’t understand the desire to party at the moment. I’m sure the time will come.
No prom here. D17 watched movies with a friend instead.
As for drinking, we offer small quantities in the home and neither of our kids partakes much. They really don’t like the taste. All of D17’s friends are clean living. She knows who drinks and who does drugs at her school and seems genuinely uninterested. We’ve had the “how to stay safe at college parties” talk - have a buddy, get your own drink, watch its preparation.
@IABooks …schools down here do these as well. The all night events are either after prom or graduation, never both. The prizes are fantastic and there is a huge budget so it is really nice.
D says she doesn’t care to ever go to prom but she wants to go to the big after party lol.
In terms of drinking, no, we don’t allow the kids to drink when they are teenagers. As adults, we do drink alcohol, and my kids are used to seeing us have beer, wine, and the occasional mixed drinks. Some of our kids are over 21, so, yes, they often have a beer or a drink with us, or bring stuff over with them to make mixed drinks here.
My kids all have very different personalities. I have no doubts that a couple of my older kids drank in college. I don’t think my current college student does very frequently. I am suspect he probably does once in a while.
My 2017 dd has a completely different personality than her brothers. She finds partying until drunk a sign of immaturity and lack of personal self-respect. I have no doubt that she won’t be drinking when she goes to college. She has stopped hanging out with kids when it has become their normal weekend behavior. She has pretty strong opinions on the subject.
Fwiw, we have talked to all of our kids about never accepting an open drink from anyone at a party, even someone they think they know really well. They have been told to never put their drink down and then drink it. We have told them to drink only unopened drinks or take their drinks with them. Those are simple common sense rules.
Our school does the all night After Prom like @IABooks described too. Once they are there, they have to stay all night. Prom is only for seniors and their dates. I don’t know if S will go next year, but if he does I suppose I’ll volunteer to help with After Prom. They send lots of emails asking for help with it. I’m also seeing pictures of some of his senior friends on FB this morning with their prom dates. Pre-prom photo shoots at a pretty location seem to be a thing.
S currently has a low opinion of drinking and drugs. Don’t know what will happen in college. DH has offered to let him try wine on the theory that kids who see wine as a normal part of a meal don’t go crazy with it in college. But, S isn’t interested. I’ve cut way back on alcohol due to a hiatal hernia, so our family consumption of the local agricultural product (wine) has down.
^^It almost seems like @Ynotgo could be describing our school’s prom. Prom is for only seniors and their dates, they take pre-prom pictures at pretty settings (there’s a local garden that opens up their grounds to the prom kids and most of them congregate there), and then they have a chem-free Post Prom that runs until 5:00 am but once you come in, you have to stay in for the duration. Post Prom is funded by parents who raise about $15,000 over the course of their kid’s high school career and who staff it all night (yawn). Giant inflatables, glow-in-the dark miniature golf, swimming in the school pool, etc. It’s a lot of fun and most kids go there.
D got home at 3AM from prom…about the time she said she would. This was the senior prom, but seniors are allowed to bring pretty much anyone they wish, including dates who don’t attend the same HS. Our school had a dinner and dance, followed by a school-sponsored after-party, which was optional. D’s group chose not to attend the school-sponsored event in favor of going out for food, followed by going to an after-party at a student’s house. Apparently it was packed, no adults in sight, and many (most?) kids drinking and smoking pot (large, public HS). She felt uncomfortable, but did not want to pull her date (dating for 8 months) out since this was one of the last opportunities for the seniors to get together. They stayed for over an hour and a half.
She had a great time up until the after-party. She didn’t drink, and people didn’t pressure her or others to do so. She just didn’t like to see people whom she knows so well…acting so differently. She was obviously upset when she got home.
I need to add to my spreadsheet whether schools on the list provide substance-free housing It also makes me wonder about the Honors dorms at some schools we are considering, and what the substance policy is like. I certainly expect she’ll have a few cocktails in college, but I bet it would be nice to be able to get away from it.
CCC.org is already taken. Back to the drawing board…
Our school prom and lock-in after prom are similar to what has already been described. Not sure D will go as she doesn’t like dancing in public much but she surprises me and goes to some school dances depending on whether her friends are going so we’ll see what she decides about senior prom next year.
Alcohol - D has had a sip or two of alcohol here and there from my drink and been around me and my friends responsibly drinking at dinner parties and events. She’s not into drinking, smoking or drugs or the kids who do. i don’t see her drinking in college but we’ve already had talks about drinking responsibly. And I would like to have her drink a little more next year at home to get an understanding of how alcohol affects her should she change her mind in college. I’m planning on a glass of wine, a can of beer, a mixed drink…spread out over the year. She’s the kid on the college tours that asks questions about things to do besides partying on the weekends.
@itsgettingreal17 - Thanks for checking on CCC.org :-). Wow, it’s taken by a religious organization. How about CCC.CC?
.cc is the Internet country code top-level domain (ccTLD) for Cocos (Keeling) Islands, an Australian territory of 5.4 square miles (14 km2; 1,400 ha) and about 600 inhabitants.
as per drinking, I told my DS that I prefer him not to drink until he turned 21 (to avoid horrible party incidents). In return I promised to take him to The French Laundry (in NAPA) for his 21st b’day to have best wine and food (he loves to eat). I also told him he can try steak (we don’t eat due to religious reasons, but I have eaten when I came here for grad school)
We have similar after-prom, beautiful pictures, etc. I don’t know if DS will go, but if he goes I’ll volunteer at after-prom next year. He did not go this year. There seems to be a shortage of parent volunteers. It will be hard to keep my eyes open at 4am.
DS doesn’t like the taste of alcohol, and his friends are not into those but into getting into medical schools, etc.
If DS has our genes, he will be the only one who can sit up straight after three bottles of vodka :))
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and two years of Destination Imagination coaching during elementary years 
