brief Intro
I am a mother of 2 (D19 and S17). S17 is our oldest, so this is our family’s first time dealing with the college search process. S is an intellectual, high-achieving/scoring, serious student with a handful of solid extra curricular activities, but not much in the way of hooks, so most schools that he “matches” in terms of GPA/scores are really far reaches statistically (making it hard to create a good and balanced list). His interests are broad, but he wants a stem-focused major (throughout junior year he expressed most interest in math and CS, though sophomore year he was all about chemistry… that changed when he encountered the lab component of AP Chem… so I anticipate that he’ll change his mind again). I think he would thrive in an intellectual environment with other serious students (but preferably not too competitive/high pressure), and where there are opportunities to explore and change majors.
We live in the Midwest, but S hopes to go to school outside of the Midwest (and also does not want South), so we’ve looked at a lot of East and West Coast schools (we have family/friends on both coasts, so he won’t be too far from help if needed).
Based on the online estimators, I believe we will qualify for some financial aid, but it could vary quite a bit depending on individual schools’ policies (viz. things like 529 savings and home equity, and how much of the FA package consists of loans vs. grants). We are willing to take on some debt, and so is S, so for now we’re not restricting our search too much based on finances, but may face some tough decisions when financial aid packages come in (if he is fortunate enough to earn admission at multiple schools, that is).
alcohol
I’ve posted about this before. I am very resentful of the drinking age restrictions in this country (drunk driving, which is certainly a big problem, can be tackled through other policies, IMO). Parents don’t have opportunities to socialize kids’ responsible drinking and then kids go off and learn about it on their own under seriously suboptimal circumstances. Wish I lived in UK so I could take S out for a beer legally. Since it’s not legal (even in my own home based on state law as I understand it), I’m hesitant to allow him to have his own drink (I have let him taste mine, and he likes the taste, especially of wine). I think drinking age is lower in Canada, so maybe we’ll take him there when he turns 18
health concerns
I’ve been reading about various chronic health concerns of many posters’ children. These sound like some challenging circumstances that families are facing. I send best wishes that all who are struggling with health concerns find the medical and social support they need during the transition to college.
*Father of two son17 and son19
*Husband
*Live in western burbs of Boston
*Son17 wants to attend a smaller size Biz school in or near a city.
*We’ll be full pay. Uggh.
*Son17 has stats/scores to get into some decent schools, certainly no Ivies or selective LACs
*Son17 plays lax, soccer, snowboards/skateboards, rides bikes, Model UN, DECA, peer tutor, soccer ref
*My wife and I have worked for tech firms primarily. She has worked at same firm for 25 years. I have worked at startups for most of my career, some greatly successful, some total flops, not working at the moment.
*Son17 is a weird mix of jock, nerd gamer, good student, reader,guitar player, dreamer, nice normal kid. No drinking/partying. We are proud of him, he is a nice son to be a parent to.
*I like to snowboard, mountain bike, sail, hike, golf, and work around the yard.
*I don’t like doing all the chores around the house, and shuttling kids around ,but that’s what my life has turned into recently. Really, could be way worse, so I am not complaining.
Drinking: We have not thought about this too much - one more thing to add to the list. D has had the opportunity to try some wine while traveling out of the country and also has had a sip or two at large family celebrations in the past year. H gave her a taste of beer and she thought she would be sick from the smell and taste. Definitely NOT a party girl and way too smart, practical, and compliant to ever touch drugs or smoke (now her younger sibs are a different story- we will be watching them closely ^#(^
Introductions - D17 (age and grad year) is the oldest and our first go round at this college stuff. We are hands off parents, both work full time, and don’t believe in running interference for our kids. Our kids have responded and are amazingly independent- although I admit to jumping in on this college search since the learning curve is huge and the stakes are so high-- this is shocking to my H and kids since we are normally hands off. I can certainly understand and sympathize with the kids who come on CC asking “I got in to xyz school, now how to I pay for it?” as that would have been my D if not for CC.
D has a solid gpa (3.9+uw/4.6+ w) and very good ACT scores but coming from suburbia in the Mid-Atlantic she is just above average here and her ranking will exclude her from many competitive merit opportunities. She had average ECs - performing arts heavy with no real honors beyond academic (no individual awards/honors)- another hurdle to merit. She is interested in studying economics and public policy - possibly finance and/or political science - or possibly something completely different.She is in awe of all of the 17 year olds who have it all figured out. She will have many AP credits at graduation.
We will most likely be full pay/merit until her younger sibling is in school when she is a senior - so we are only considering schools where the all in number is below $35K. We are not willing to take on any debt and she will have to decide if she wants to take out her max ($5500) Looking for merit. Prestige is not an issue although D said she is likely to apply to a reach or two just to see (not ivy’s but financial reaches where she will try to compete for top merit awards). I imagine that will change once the school year is back to the rat race.
She loves the southern schools and fell in love with 2 that are extremely affordable with her stats. H wants her within driving distance of home -many great choices given our location - but i am more open to her traveling farther away. She has been happy with big schools and small schools and the only limitation is that she doesn’t want rural. She has looked at and has liked LAC and larger universities. She has liked some Jesuit institutions, some large state flagships, some small LACs from colleges that change lives lists – she is really pretty easy going and feels that she will be fine anywhere.
** INTRO: ** Mother of D’17 and S’20. D’17 is attending a small to medium sized public high school that is modestly competitive. S’20 will attend magnet high school which is supposed to be super competitive. They are very different when choosing their high schools We will be full pay, so are constantly struggling between Ivies vs. merit potentials. D’17 said she plans to cap her list to 7 schools and mix with top reaches and merit candidates that are pretty fluidly right now. Her test scores can’t be any better. Her grades are pretty good, with all honors and APs classes, she had one B+ in sophomore year. She is very self driven and promised to complete her essays before school starts (already done the CA one). [edit] D’17 likes urban feel and not too far from home and will be STEM. Fall will be brutal with 6 APs, team sports, volunteering, and college applications. My hope is she fix on her list and be done with all prep work before school starts.
** QOTD: ** both D’17 and S’20 do not like to drink anything that taste different from water and juices…They both think soda is spicy and can’t be tolerated. It will be hard to get them to try any alcohol, but I think I want to follow the advice here and be sure…
I do believe in exposing my kids to alcohol before going away to school. I think it’s important to teach alcohol awareness at home. That legal age of 21 is just an arbitrary line & since most college kids will try alcohol it’s a good idea to teach moderation at home. And hope that if it’s quite so forbidden it won’t be as appealing to binge drink or be reckless. S17 hasn’t liked anything he has tried yet and we haven’t pushed.
I’m not happy with universities “no tolerance” to alcohol rules and don’t think its the best route for keeping kids save & healthy. D12’s university explicitly said they were not no tolerance. (Don’t like my double negative here.) Over 21’s could keep alcohol in their dorms as long as they weren’t giving it to those under 21. And yes you could get expelled for repeated problems with underage drinking, but it was more taken on a case by case basis. They wanted the students to feel they could call campus security if a student was drunk and passed out without fear of expulsion. There were no frats/sororities in her school a regional LAC but they were walking distance from other top names schools that did have them. My DD was fairly innocent when she went, but by junior year was occasionally drinking a parties. (We had been letting her have drinks when she was home) I knew because she drunk dialed once at 1 am. But I felt I had done my job because she felt she could drunk call me.
@262mom and @RightCoaster - maybe give Case Western Reserve a look? One of its merits, IMO, is that it’s single admit - you don’t have to be admitted to engineering from the get go and the student can change his or her mind at any time. It has a reputation for serious students who do the work and slightly nerdy gamers would easily find their tribe. Merit aid is good for higher stats kids. Showing interest is important.
@coloradomom2015 You might want to check out fairtest.org for a list of test optional schools. Some on the list are very competitive (Bowdoin, for one). The Colleges that Change Lives schools (ctcl.org) also tend to place less emphasis on test scores, although it varies from school to school. Has she tried the SAT? Some kids do much better on one format or the other.
Brief intro: Good idea Mom2aphysicsgeek. My DS17 attends a fairly large, suburban California public. It is diverse with about 50% low income but also a number of high achieving students, as we are the bedroom community for UCSB. He wants to major in physics with a large helping of computer science on the side. He does research in an physics lab at said UC, but is currently in Boulder at a 6-week summer program. He is mostly self-taught in CS, but pretty advanced. He’s taken 8 AP tests and a number of dual-enrollment classes. Next fall he will be taking half his classes as dual-enrollment at the UC.
Because our UC is highly-regarded in physics and has the College of Creative Studies program, we feel like he has a good mix of safeties, matches, and low reaches that he likes in the UC/CSU systems. He plans to apply to those along with some reachy STEM privates, mostly in California, but a few on the East Coast. He will find out this summer if he really wants that “drinking from the fire-hose” and “not the smartest kid in the room” experience that he says he wants.
I also have a DC21 who identifies as a transgender boy. His grades have been somewhat problematic, perhaps mostly due to social-emotional issues, but he is very creative and crafty (in more than one sense of the word). Math doesn’t come naturally to him like it does to DS17.
ACT essay: Thanks, @vandyeyes – that’s helpful info from your college counselors in post #8609.
**QOTD: ** We’ve offered to let S try wine or beer, but he doesn’t like the smell (yet). He also doesn’t like most carbonated sodas. He is anti-alcohol at this point, but my experience is that changes in college…
@mamaedefamilia thanks for suggesting CWRU. That is a very decent school and would be a fit, but I don’t think my son wants to leave New England. If he does leave New England he’s going to go somewhere with bigger snowier mountains, like Univ of Denver- mountains and city life. I can see no situation where he goes to school in the South,midwest, southwest, CA. I imagine he would like the Pacific northwest, Vancouver, CO, etc.
Right now he has 4-5 schools on his short list. He should get into 2-3 of them easily, and the others he might get into. He has not expressed an interest in expanding his list, so we are not pushing him.
** QOTD **
Son17 not interested in booze or drugs right now. His friends joke about Vaping, it’s kind of funny, they are not actually interested in it.
Maybe he’ll have a beer or something before he goes to school next summer, we’ll see.
I don’t really drink, maybe 1 or 2 drinks per year, although I went to one of the best party schools in the nation and maybe that’s why I’m over it :). Wife drinks a bit more than me.
Son19 is a work hard, party hard type of kid. He is going to be more of a challenge. He has not partied yet, but I imagine he will be a handful. I will probably use the approach of “drinking a few drinks and letting him feel like crap” method with him. He will need to learn the lesson prior to college.
Meningitis vaccine:@2muchquan mentioned adding this to the list. DS just got the 2nd of 2 Bexsero (meningitis B) shots before going to his summer program. These are just one month apart. There is also a 3-shot version that takes 6 months for the series.
Meningitis B is different from the regular meningitis vaccine, which also needs a single booster before college.
The HPV vaccine is also a 3-shot series over 6 months. Both my kids have been vaccinated; it is not just for girls.
Coalition App: Welcome @longwood – we did discuss the Coalition App quite a bit around June 4-7 or so. Starts around page 431 and lots around page 437 and forward for a few pages.
BTW, I didn’t know about it for a long time (maybe everyone else did), but there is a little magnifying glass icon to the right of the links to page numbers at the top and bottom of the page. It lets you search within the thread. I only knew about the overall search box until I found that.
@mamaedefamilia Thanks for the suggestion re: CWRU. I will definitely mention it to S (though like @RightCoaster 's S, mine does not want to be in the Midwest, so it may be a hard sell). Before reading your post, I was not familiar with the term “single admit” but that seems like an important one for us to know about! Do you know if there is an easy way to identify other single admit schools? A number that we are looking at do require students to apply to specific majors, and it’s not always obvious until you dig around. Also, admission rates overall can be so misleading compared to admission rates to specific majors (especially STEM and CS in particular).
^ @262mom I don’t know if there is an easy way to find out which schools require admission to specific majors or programs and which do not. As D17 is not pursuing business, engineering, nursing, or CS, it hasn’t come up. But I have seen a lot of discussion on CC about it. Highly ranked public universities often present this extra hurdle.
@RightCoaster Great that your son has a manageable list. It will make the next six months much less stressful!
Introduction I am a dad of 1, S17 goes to a competitive public school in Northern California. He is a science and technology geek and intending to become a doctor. He has perfect GPA, high test scores and good ECs. He will be applying to BS/MD programs, few out of state( including Ivies) and UCs. He was very disappointed with summer program rejections so stressed out with college application process. We are also full pay and don’t mind paying although I also think paying $65K for undergrad is insane/crazy especially with high medical school costs, but going by tradition (of parents paying for college).
** Brief intro ** Love this idea! It’s helping me keep everyone straight in my head. I’m a mom in Iowa with S17 and D14. D is out of state and thriving in horticulture studies. S has decent stats, mediocre ECs and wants to do mechanical engineering and would prefer a more experiential, hands-on program. He will possibly be NMSF, but hard to tell at this point. Either way, we’re looking for merit and are way behind many of the posters on this thread as far as narrowing down choices and planning for apps/essays. He will likely end up at either a large state university (out of state as Iowa State’s program is appealing but too large for S) or a smaller STEM-focused school. He attends a small HS with a nondiverse class of 120 or so. Poor college counseling so CC has been so helpful for us.
** Drinking before college ** I’m not a huge believer in telling my kids to try this or that just to see how they react (but I understand why others would do so, and I’m not judging). My kids have been exposed to the spectrum – alcohol is generally present around H’s family, we both drink socially, my family doesn’t drink at all. Neither of my children have been involved in the high school party scene (although it was the main activity among their peers) and didn’t miss it. Both know they can tell me/rely on me anytime, no matter what. If they call at 2 a.m. and need a ride home, I’d be more relieved they aren’t driving than anything else. D has experimented more in college and that’s not a secret. We had a long chat about the importance of being responsible and smart before she went. She is very health-conscious and we feel she has made good decisions so far. Although she is still underage, we don’t have an issue if she has a drink at a family event (which is legal here). S says he’s not interested, but like others, I know that is likely to change. He’s a very responsible kid and likes to be in control of himself, so I think he’s even a little less likely to be swayed by peer activities than his sister.
Way back when, someone mentioned Iowa sweet corn. Had our first of the season for dinner last night with some grilled burgers. Now it’s summer. :)>-
We have no plans to introduce our S to alcohol. We told him he shouldn’t drink during college. I promised him to take him to French Laundry for his 21st in exchange, Let’s see how it goes
Father of a son who just finished freshman year at state flagship in engineering. Though thoughts of med school have now entered his head. Daughter graduating high school next year. She wants to be a vet. Because salaries are not great (compared to say MD and a lot of other careers relative to schooling required), undergrad as cheap as possible is the plan. So we are chasing merit aid. She likely will be NMSF but with this year, who knows. She will definitely be bummed if she isn’t because her score when she took the test as a sophomore would have been high enough for that year (and recent years in the state as well).
@curiositycat333 Regarding the new UC essays, the Ask Ms. Sun blog generally has good advice about UC admissions. (Can’t link to it here or I’ll get a warning.) Regarding pre-writing, etc. We have someone who will read over DS’ essays with an eye toward how he can improve them. Probably not as a final edit, but somewhere around a 1st or 2nd draft read. DH and I are pretty good at final review for technicalities, but the college counselor has more insight into how the essay prompts can be used to give adcoms more information about himself than just answering the more straightforward interpretation of the prompt. (She bills hourly, and is not super high priced.)
@curiositycat333 - Oh my gosh, Fort Collins is an awesome college town. I like to tell people it has the quirks of Boulder (neat Old Town area, lots of school spirit, plenty of hiking nearby) without the outrageous cost of living. The campus is a few blocks from Old Town, and right off campus are a Safeway grocery store, a bank, restaurants. And the campus itself while ‘well-loved’ wasn’t in complete disrepair. The dorms are a little older compared to CU-Boulder, but still in good shape. And, the rec center is fairly new. Students get free tickets to sporting events if your child is into that (D’17 likes watching basketball, so that was a plus for her.) OH, and they broke ground on a new Chemistry building this year!
Boulder, on the other hand - I have a bias as I’m a Denver local and spend a lot of time in Boulder. It’s way overpriced. The dorms are expensive, but living off campus isn’t much better. While the engineering and business programs are quite good (and competitive), the school has gotten a reputation of being a bit of a party school (though, CSU isn’t far behind, either.) It’s smack in the middle of the city, and traffic at 5pm STINKS when you’re trying to get back to Denver. That being said, the facilities are immaculate and the dorms are gorgeous.
Both are decent schools; D’17 crossed CU-Boulder off her list because it’s a school many kids from her small charter school attend, and she really wants to breakaway and not have four years of high school all over again.
intro mom of 2 girls D16 & D17. After just finishing with this process for D16 and seeing how crazy the admittance process is, we are looking at things for D17 very differently. D16 had all the scores, grades, ec’s and was shooting for the ivies, but it didn’t quite pan out as hoped. She has ended up deciding to go to her last choice which is our state school (U Florida) but with NM she got a full scholarship and all is good with the world. She is quite happy now and that’s all that matters to me. We are full pay (so yay for me on the scholarship!) D17 has the scores, perfect gpa, 13 APs, varsity sport, orchestra, ec’s, but she will not apply to any ivy. She is shooting for Vandy ED and I am pretty sure she won’t get in. She has no hook, white Jewish girl from upper middle class family. It’s just the way it is nowadays. She wants warmer weather and unlike most kids on this thread, doesn’t know what she wants to do. So her schools are pretty random, just by location, where she feels like she could get in, and what she considers a good school. But she knows that even if she ends up like her sister, it will all be ok.
drinking I am of the mindset of if my kid is going to do it in college i’d rather her do it before she goes so she can figure out a good balance of what’s too much etc. I can tell you many stories of my D16 and her friends with drinking. Since I am very close with her and all I ever ask is honesty, she tells me everything. But it’s her friends that all lie to their parents for fear of getting in trouble. Some have gotten caught, punished and eventually the kids end up going to another party and getting drunk again. So I’d rather know. D17 just got her first taste of it at prom this year. She has gone to a few parties since and one time she said she was pretty drunk but now she knows she went too far and won’t do that much again. One of my friends was recently telling me that her perfect child NEVER drinks and tells her that she doesn’t want to associate with those kids. Well, my D said the girl was at the last two parties, drunk. She had someone else drive her car home so her mom would think that since she was driving she wasn’t drinking. Kids are going to find a way to do it, so parents, be aware.
@2muchquan swiper no swiping…why do I even know this
Not So Brief Intro: I am a father of two, D17 and D19. They both attend a small (avg. around 65 kids per grade), challenging, college prep private school in Las Vegas and have been there since kindergarten. D17 is the book smart one (3.96 UW, 4.76 W) who will likely be a NMF, while D19 is the common sense smart one and a competitive gymnast. We are firmly planted in the donut hole of EFC expectations vs. our reality, so the pursuit of merit is a major factor for us. I originally discovered CC by looking for information about National Merit and the competitive full tuition lists, and am thankful for the wealth of knowledge I have gained about the whole college process. D17 is interested in business, so while her original list included Penn, Cornell, top business schools, etc., she has since come around to the idea of emerging from undergrad with 0 debt. She looked at all of the full ride NMF schools, but the only one out of the group that she liked was Kentucky. D19 and I are leaving tomorrow for a UKy visit and gymnastics camp. D17 is in Pennsylvania visiting relatives and is extremely jealous that we will be seeing the school before she will. She has even put in a request for a FaceTime call during the campus tour. I know she is planning to apply to a few other reach schools just to see if she can get accepted and what they might offer, but she has already talked about how nice it would be to have her college decision wrapped up in November so she could enjoy her senior year. D19 is working toward getting a gymnastics scholarship and her gym has a solid track record of getting girls to D-I schools, so we shall see. We are not putting all our eggs in that basket, but the gym is where she would rather be than any other place in the world. She wants to pursue something in the medical field. She is the type of kid who loves watching Untold Stories of the ER or any live surgery video she can find, all of which grosses her sister out to no end. Also, as she has had her share of injuries, she has said she might have an interest in either sports orthopedics or physical therapy.
Welcome aboard to all the de-lurkers. This group is a tremendous source of information and extremely supportive.
S17’s ACT writing score dropped from a 30 last time to a 21? Seriously? Everything else either went up or pretty much stayed the same so why would there be such a drastic change in writing? It’s reassuring to see others facing similar results, but now I’m not sure if we should send this batch of scores out!
@rightcoaster, so sorry to hear of the loss. Sounds like your son’s team is a close knit group, which hopefully will offer some support.
We will be full pay, so are constantly struggling between Ivies vs. merit potentials. D’17 said she plans to cap her list to 7 schools and mix with top reaches and merit candidates that are pretty fluidly right now. Her test scores can’t be any better. Her grades are pretty good, with all honors and APs classes, she had one B+ in sophomore year. She is very self driven and promised to complete her essays before school starts (already done the CA one). [edit] D’17 likes urban feel and not too far from home and will be STEM. Fall will be brutal with 6 APs, team sports, volunteering, and college applications. My hope is she fix on her list and be done with all prep work before school starts.