Parents of the HS Class of 2017 (Part 1)

@MotherOfDragons

GAH on the senior trip stories! Are those “official” ones or just one kids senior trip and they invited a friend? Same thing with the mission trip stories.

Our kids trips have all been band trips or FL trips and very very tightly reined in. One kid attempted to try a cider in Ireland and was ratted out, the entire group got banned from a performance simply by being with that kid. Said kid texted his mom to check first and she said just don’t get caught. Super nerd kid, last one you’d expect and just sad.

Far cry from my own band trip to Europe (same school district) where we drank with all the chaperones some of whom went to my church and knew my parents well. Which sounds nutty today, but honestly it was about responsible drinking. As in wine with dinner is not a big deal. Much like what is being talked about on this thread in terms of introducing it at home. I certainly didn’t come back from that trip a boozehound!

My D was pretty busy in HS with ECs, she started working spring of senior year. They were good about scheduling around stuff and she mostly worked a few evenings on the weekend.

She had enough spending money for first year of college, even had some leftover.

This summer she is working almost fulltime and should have a good amount saved up for sophomore year college spending money.

My S who is a sophomore in HS also wanted to start working.

I told him no weekdays so he works one or two weekend shifts, about 10 hrs a week, but it gives him enough money for computer games and he even built his own gaming PC with a friend and paid for that himself.

@eandesmom official school sanctioned trips. Actually the one that really opened my eyes to it was a MIDDLE school trip where the kids who were done with 8th grade all went to savannah for a long weekend (bus ride). I happened to overhear a group of kids talking about how they were watching the parents stumbling drunk and falling over in the street as the kids watched from the balconies. I also heard about how several kids were giving/receiving oral sex in the back of the bus because the parent was asleep in the front. It was all I could do not to say anything to the kids to ask them which parents were doing this, but sometimes to get information you have to be a fly on the wall.

So…yah. No school trips for the kids unless I went along as well. There was one trip where they almost left a kid at the fairgrounds-it was for a science competition that happened to be at a fairground. I take headcounts very seriously, and I knew there was this one very introverted, very wallflowery girl who was on my bus at the crack of dawn that morning, and she wasn’t there in the afternoon. I would not let them leave until they found her-they were like, everyone’s here! And I’m like, no, everyone isn’t here-go find the girl in the blue shirt, because she’s not on this bus.

I really don’t like the idea of adult chaperones drinking around kids-legal or not. There is an implied or direct assumption of boundaries there, and alcohol blurs it, and blurs your ability to make good choices.

Working - Mine has refereed occasionally since 9th grade, but doesn’t like being yelled at by parents so doesn’t do it often. Has an unpaid summer internship and accepted a pt job in a sandwich/coffee shop starting later this month, plans to work there until ECs get into full swing in late fall.

But if she doesn’t get cracking on college essays, summer reading, IB research papers, and volunteering, I might have to forbid the job. Idk, I know she works better under pressure and will probably get these things done closer to the deadlies but I worry :!!

@itsgettingreal17 Is today supposed to be the official open for the CA? I just took a look, and I see some schools, at least, that are only showing “Fall 2016” as the starting term. I’m a little hesitant to do too much until all the school questions are loaded. Someone earlier posted the items that would roll over for 2017, so those are still good I’m sure. I have to go find that link…it should be in my Links of Fascination…

You guys are waaaaay better than I am with making your kids pay for stuff. Bank of Dad has been open for things that they should probably be paying out of savings. I’ve always felt that it’s really all coming from the same pocket, until they DO get a job. What’s their’s is their’s and what’s mine is their’s :smiley:

Transcript update! - apparently we can request them online (although its unclear who sends them and when).

Told S that the Bama app is available. He didn’t roll his eyes or complain, so I’m taking that as excitement.

@MSHopeful I’m on the school board for a small elementary-only district (only until this November). I like the idea of students on the school board for districts that include high schools. Our annual state school board convention does include sessions for student members.

We only meet once every 3 weeks and for about 3 hours, but this is less than many other districts. Some of that is closed session items, which I doubt HS student members would attend, since it can include expulsion hearings and litigation issues. Reading the agenda packet in advance takes some time. Student members are probably not on as many committees that meet separately, so that would also reduce the time commitment.

@MotherOfDragons Gaahh, I’m pretty shocked about the parent chaperones and official school trip stories!

I really wish both DS14 and DD17 can have regular teen jobs during the year. They don’t because there is no time outside of all of their EC’s and volunteer activities. During summers, they get paid for their internships and the kids consider as summer jobs.

We do pay for everything for our kids even down to the lunches at internship. But I started to tell the kids that they should pay for going out to dinners with friends when the (delicious) home cooked meals are provided to them daily. Same situation at college during school year. We paid full meals for DS14 at college but he goes out to eat with friends sometimes and the meals we paid are not reimbursed by college. In those situations, I have DS pay out of his account with savings from summer interns and Christmas money, etc… Right after I started doing this, the frequency of dinner-out-with-friends significantly reduced. :wink: $-)

@2muchquan Yes, the CA should update at some point today. I haven’t checked yet.

Bank of Dad…I was Bank of Mom for a long time, but D developed a strong sense of entitlement that I had to reign in. She makes very good money and spends a lot of it on frivolous stuff, like crazy expensive scalper concert tickets, outings with friends, Amazon purchases, etc. We went halfsies on her car and she pays the monthly insurance. I pay for the gas so long as she does certain things that I ask at home. I still pay for what I consider needs - regular meals, clothes, and school-related stuff. She isn’t saving any of her money as I will happily become Bank of Mom again when she goes off to college.

Working So far, no jobs other than babysitting and the like for S17 and D19. We travel too much in the summer to make a summer job realistic (our extended families are scattered so far away, that we often take 2 or more trips per summer to East Coast, West Coast, and sometimes Hawaii, where we have several relatives). This summer, they are both volunteering at our town’s children’s museum (including for a weeklong daycamp sponsored by the museum). I would like it if DS would get a paying summer job, but it just wasn’t in the cards this summer. Both S and D are too busy (in my opinion) with school and activities for jobs during the school year.

Liberal/conservative DS and DD are both more conservative (in the sense of being less wild risk-taking) than I was as an adolescent, and take after their father more in that way. Politically, they are both very liberal… Similar to me (and to an extent to DH), but with their own ideas and concerns for sure. They go to a school where political views are quite diverse and I think they enjoy discussing politics (and religion) respectfully with peers who hold varying opinions. I’m proud of them for that!

As I mentioned our D does not have a job - but we do pay her when she watches her siblings. It is not quite the going rate when we need to hire and official sitter (rare now that they are getting older) but she does get some $. Interestingly, we also pay the younger sibs. to behave for her. I know it is crazy but when i am at work I can’t worry that they are freaking out on each other or giving each other a hard time –

For a full day - D17 gets $15/day and they each get $5 if there are no issues/no fights that I hear about and their chores are finished for the day. In the summer I don’t have to work every day and there are many days that I am in for only a few hours. H also can work from home in the summer (especially when older D is away) so we are not putting out that much $.

They all get spending money. They get to handle their own fights/issues. It is a win.

@fun1234 Is your school on a 0-100 grading scale like ours? If that’s what you’re asking, here is a post from the admissions office at U Alabama Huntsville that gives one example of what a college does:

This is from the UAH thread, under “What grades are used to calculate GPA”

Open applications: Add the University of Kansas’s application to the list.

AP English summer work: @NerdMom88 wrote “I’ve never known an AP English class that didn’t have summer work.” Just as a FTR, my daughter’s didn’t—but there’s a districtwide policy forbidding summer work, so that’s only a kindasorta-style datapoint.

Summer work: My daughter babysits, and makes good money at it. Each year when she files her taxes (with the Alaska Permanent Fund dividend she consistently comes in over the filing threshold, but some years she would even without that), we’re surprised by how much she’s made. It’s a useful thing for her, if only because it means she has to be incredibly aware of her schedule at all times. (But yeah, with everything else going on, plus the fact that we remain a stubbornly one-car family, a regular job with a set schedule would be somewhere along the difficult to impossible part of the spectrum.) Also, Alaska’s a countercyclical state, so we’re in a recession (and getting worse) up here, so there’s not a lot of slack space in the job market for high-school kids (and most of the summer seasonal work here in tourism and fisheries requires you to be an adult if not 21, anyway), so a “normal” afterschool job just isn’t happening for her.

And yes, she files taxes on her non-W-2ed babysitting income. That’s just the kind of family we are, I suppose. But one interesting side effect is that some years she’s made enough from babysitting that, if Social Security survives to her retirement, she already has credits in that system.

Transcripts: For anyone having trouble getting transcripts from their schools, can you get them from your school district? That’s how we’d do it here. (Of course, if they’re in private school that isn’t an option.)

Is it a racist comment? I try very, very hard to not attribute to malice what can reasonably be attributed to ignorance, so I’d first off wonder whether they actually knew what a burka is. I mean, I’ve been to synagogues and so had to wear a yarmulke even though I’m not Jewish, and women visiting mosques in many locations are required to wear a hijab even though they’re not Muslim. Also, there are plenty of museums in the world, particularly those with a religious basis, that have dress expectations of various sorts. As a result I think that, if I were feeling properly invested in the exchange, I’d try to figure out if by burka the speaker actually meant hijab, but just didn’t know the right word, for starters.

Senior (and other school) trips: The D17 and D19 won’t have senior trips—their school is too small. D23 will have a middle school trip to Germany in a couple years (she’s in a language immersion program, and the trips alternate years: one year their sister schools in Frankfurt and Fulda come over here, and the next her school’s 7th and 8th graders go over there). The adult chaperones do generally drink on those trips, but it’s German-style public drinking (read: 400 or 500 ml of beer, or 200 or 300 ml of wine, and then you’re done); I have no problem with this. D23 and D25 will be in regular, large (~2,000 students) high schools, though, and so we’ll definitely have to deal with the senior trip question then. Our lean, I think, is to not have them participate and do something massive together as a family instead.

@itsgettingreal17 Maybe I’m missing something, but this is from the CA site:

** QOTDs: **

** Job **:

During the school year D17 “works” (unpaid) for a dance company which typically involves 3-4 hours per day commitment during the week and more on Saturdays. So there is no time whatsoever for a paying job. We give her a modest allowance (actually a spreadsheet) and she has a credit card and we deduct from the spreadsheet when the bills come. She’s very frugal, and a side benefit of ballet is that there is little time for shopping!

During the summer she works as a teacher’s assistant for a summer enrichment program.

D21 has been working as a CIT for a camp for the last couple of years.

** Conservatism: ** Both kids are politically liberal and relatively sophisticated (as a teenager I would have not used the expression “gender binary” or “heteronormative.” Huh?) D17 listens to NPR and keeps up with current events. Socially, they are straight arrows, not interested in partying, D17 doesn’t stay out late. D17 is a very careful driver. I was a bit less rule abiding at that age, but nothing extreme.

** Senior trips: ** I don’t think my kids’ school sponsors this sort of thing. @MotherOfDragons - that description of middle class trip mayhem was astonishing! At the girls’ middle school, they have a heavily chaperoned annual trip that involves them going to a wilderness site where it would be hard for them to get into trouble.

** The burka thing: ** I’m with @dfbdfb on this - many people don’t have a really specific understanding of Muslim garb. Who knows what was meant? On what is perhaps a tangent, I have worn a loose head covering in Muslim countries to be respectful and for me it was a non issue.

This weekend, “mom whirring gently” (AKA me) will nudge D17 towards beginning her essays.

BTW, just since people have been wondering lately at what the record for thread length on CC is, I regret(?) to inform us all that, though I don’t know the actual answer, we aren’t anywhere close—the class of 2016 parents thread is currently sitting at 1492 pages!

More info about CA Rollover:

More info here: http://www.commonapp.org/whats-appening/college-counseling/common-app-account-rollover

All Texas Parents…What are the good STEM colleges that give scholarships based on merit? I have found a few however still wanting more options if possible. Please help.

@MotherOfDragons YIKES!

The vast majority of our trips have zero parent chaperones, school employees only. One one so far has even had parents and those that did go, literally had zero life to be able to be out having a drink! Parents who want to “go” basically book parallel trips and can watch performances but that’s it. No meeting your kid for a meal, sneaking them off to go shopping. So yes, certainly those parents who do go, may drink, out with other parents but they are not responsible for the kids on the trip and typically not even at the same hotel (by choice!). And I have certainly never heard of, or seen, any of them stumbling down drunk although on their own time, without responsibility for others I don’t much are.

We call it trip stalking, best of all worlds, see your kid perform but skip the rest. That is absolutely appalling on every level that it was actual chaperones on a school trip. Would never fly here.

There are no senior trips, any trip that does happen is somehow academically related.

@2muchquan I pay for “needs”. They have to earn “wants”. Needs do include clothes…but not anything and everything and at every price point they want. I don’t pay for unlimited outings with friends or constant dining out…the bank just doesn’t have that kind of extra funding. That doesn’t mean I don’t pay for some of it…but there are limits and anything beyond they have to earn or save their own money for. Since I don’t do allowance…that means they need to work or save bday/xmas money. I do pay for grades and it’s a lump sum amount 2x a year. I provide a lunch allowance for the school year that allows them to have “some” of their lunches at school, and brought from home the rest of the time. S17 has decided to repurpose that amount into his going out with friends fund and take lunch every day which is a fine compromise as far as I am concerned.

I will pay for “extra” chores around the house beyond their standard work, such as power washing or yard work or car wash/detail. As a result my kids are thrifty shoppers, diners and S17 is a great fundraiser, which are valuable skills to have!

Our deal is we will pay half on a car if they save half. However it has become clear to us that it really makes no sense to get S17 a car. He will be headed out of town for school and will not need a car there so why pay for something to sit around. He should make decent money this summer and had dreams of saving for this, that and the other thing. There is a NYC drama trip next spring he would like to go on. My position is he has already had an NYC drama trip with his grandparents and that I have sent him on 3 band trips already, one overseas, he’s not exactly been deprived. If he wants to go it’s on his dime. It is doable based on his employment and the payment schedule they have. It was very debatable how much skin he had in the game which was interesting to see when it became his dime. I was secretly happy to see he decided to commit to it, it will be a good exercise for him.

I did pay the deposit.

Personally I feel pretty strongly that kids should work and know how to take directions from others, save their money and budget for things they want within reason but it can be very hard to fit in. I worry about SD14 in this area. I don’t have control of that situation though.

His school doesn’t use plus and minus. 93-100 is all A’s 85-92 are b’s 77-84 C. He is only had two 92’s one in honors English because he forgot to do a homework. He was so upset. It was the first time he hadn’t made high honors, but then his Junior year he had kind of a forgetful moment in the final. He worked hard keeping the 93 both quarters with tutors for both physics and Calculus AB, but he kind of just had a forgetful moment. That was the end to his 93 and 87 on the final. I guess he spent more time studying physics overconfident in calculus or maybe just ran out of time. I was very proud. I think I never made it past pre-calculus and I never made high honors after 9th grade. I was in level 3 classes. I am sure some of you can relate to your kids with that at least once. He is in the top 5%, but I am sure it still hurt his ranking a little, but at least he made up for his 92 in Calculus and got a 99 the next semester.