@stemmmm I need a forum for how to handle the first one leaving home! He is the calm force in our home and over the years has taken on more and more responsibilities with household chores. He has been our weekly “pool boy” for the past 5 years and I am not looking forward to taking that duty over again. My D20 does not put forth the same effort in the chore department.
@MACmiracle My oldest is now 2000 miles away, he is actually back where he grew up and went to undergrad. I miss him like crazy and pray everyday that when he decides to stop traveling, that he will join us here in Texas, otherwise at some point we will have to move back to Northern Nevada. Brrrrrrr
@stemmmm my DD, the last one, leaves in August. She too doesn’t communicate unless she needs something. She is very independent and I know I am going to miss the daily interaction we currently share. I am actually very thankful for this past year, her Gap/Nap year as it has given the two of us lots of time to do things together and since all her friends are gone, she seeks out my company.
I’ve learned one thing, despite all the flowery poems about having raised a self sufficient person who ventured out on their own, I DO NOT want to be 1000’s of miles from my kid (s).
@SnowflakeDogMom @stemmmm I hear you about the long distance! Mine will be about 1,200 miles away with no direct flights. And honestly, I don’t see her coming back here after college, so August is going to be a very tough month around here. I think she’ll study abroad next summer and then do internships after that, so I’m thinking this summer will be it. Thank goodness for long January breaks!
Thank you all for the insight and support throughout this process. D18 went to accepted student day last week at Pitt in the dreary weather and said this is where I’m supposed to be. We asked if she wanted to do the other accepted student days just to be sure and she said she didn’t need to. Ironically it was her first admission.
What we learned from this process
It will all work out, be open minded and trust your kid, some failure and disappointment throughout the admission cycle will help build resiliency for other let downs later in life. It’s ok to be sad and then get on with it.
Don't take anything for granted especially Naviance. What were traditionally safeties were often rejection or deferral this year. Having a couple rolling admissions that were great academic and financial fits really helped take the pressure off. For us 8 schools was plenty especially with supplemental and scholarship essays, it became tiresome for D18 by the end to keep on top of everything while continuing EC and AP classes etc.
A few points on standardized test can make a difference. I was naively of the mindset that 4 years of work surely means more than a one day test. I was wrong, it can make a difference, whether I agree or not, when it comes to admission and most certainly merit. Great kids are a dime a dozen, so it seems.Getting testing done relatively early would have been helpful for sure, as that senior fall does get busy.
Thankful to have found this helpful community, we will be back for 2021 and 2025!
@MPT3D Congratulations to you daughter and H2P
D18 committed to UFE and RRSP at Bama! She’s wearing their t-shirt, etc. She should have a great time there.
About the lessons learned. Well, we weren’t fortunate enough to have more children but if we did I’d treat this process as a business transaction (someone noted on another thread how colleges are “big business”): be very cold and cynical. No getting attached to any school, treat everything as marketing, only listen to money (merit aid), etc.
Did I mention business transaction? Just found out that UGA added on a $2K/year scholarship to go along with the Zell (which covers tuition for GA residents, so the 2K would go to R&B/books/etc). D18 said, heck no, Bama covers all that stuff and more. I think we have a budding businesswoman on our hands 
I agree with the business transaction analogy @droppedit. When I got divorced, I tried to take a similar approach: keep it professional, stick up for yourself, and don’t take things too personally. At times that’s easier said than done, but I do think that the college process would be smoother with a little “emotional distance”. Part of this is accepting the fact that NO deal/college is perfect - that’s just not realistic. So try to be pragmatic & weigh your options carefully.
@vistajay my hubby attended W&L also. Great school. D18 is blessed with excellent options.
What I learned from this process? do everything early: visit schools before senior year, standardized testing (early junior year), essays (over the summer), Early decision application to the right school.
Everyone talks about how bad junior year is - and it is. But senior year first semester was way worse. My third kid didn’t want to visit schools and we left too many visits for too late. Senior year is not the time. There was too much work between homework, the SAT 2 he never took, and the essays he didn’t write over the summer. There were a number of schools which count “interest” that we didn’t get to visit. Thankfully, he got into his ED because without a visit, I don’t think he would have gotten in RD to some of the others. Also, he completely put off his other applications till he heard from his ED. I was anticipating spending all of Winter vacation writing applications.
So I guess, add -having a self motivated child and getting a little lucky with the process to my list as well
100% agree with you @stemmmm - especially that part about 1st semester Senior year. So much work and stress and frankly, they just want to enjoy their final year of high school by that point. The other great thing about ED/EA is having the decision made earlier in the year. DD is still in the “college process” because she has schools to revisit and a WL to pursue. She just wants it to be over & know where she is going.
@stemmmm I can totally relate. I’m about to leave for a 5-hour drive to an Admitted Students day for a school my son didn’t even want to apply to in the first place. The schools I want him to check out are apparently of no interest to him but will work out better financially. I was so organized throughout this entire Junior Year/Test/Application process and had everything done months early. His top choice school we thought was a sure thing in terms of merit turned out to be one of the few schools that did not give him money (go figure), and now we’re scrambling. Testing and application process was a breeze compared to the decision making process. Give me strength!!!
Hey everyone! Well, it’s officially official now. All this time I’ve been worrying about funding the gap between S’s tuition and financial aid. We can’t count on scholarships. I was approved for a Parent Plus loan today for the gap amount. I did NOT want to take full tuition amount: he’ll take his 5500 too, and has generous merit aid. If he DOES get any scholarships, I’ve authorized the school to send me (not him) the difference, which I’ll apply back into repayment.
I did not borrow more than I can repay, and it’s a relief knowing that I can make this work.
Hope everyone else is having a good day!
S18 SIR and deposit is in to SDSU Weber Honors College. Glad to be done and go Aztecs!
@apraxiamom
How long did the loan process take for you to know you had been approved?
@apraxiamom Congratulations, and thanks for sharing that.
It’s good to add some balance to the additional loan discussion for folks who might really need to do that.
Grr. Back to drawing board. I had a document today saying denied PP due to adverse credit history, and then a document saying approved based on credit report. I then called DOE to clear up the mixed messages, and the live person said I was approved. So I celebrated. Later, S’s college called, saying DOE said they wouldn’t release funds due to my adverse history (an old student loan). They recommended my husband apply for Plus because there are no negative student loan stuff in his history. So I apologize for jumping guns.
Loan process was instant decision after filling out a few screens. I chose the state, the school, and the loan amount I wanted.
Hmm…maybe it was too instant. The school DID say it was good we’re not waiting until the last minute. Imagine finding out in July?
@apraxiamom
So sorry! Trying to avoid the same situation with my husband. How long did it take for you to receive the approval/denial once you applied?
@apraxiamom
Just saw your second post! Thank you for the info. Praying it all works out for you!!!