S19 is working on an application for a summer science program. He’s a very good student with excellent grade, has a lot of sciency extra curriculars and his science and math teachers are sure to write good rec letters. But at the moment son is sweating on the application question that wants him to write about a situation when he was in a leadership role. He is very introverted and a sensitive kid and tends to shy away from the limelight. It just got me wondering why they expect everyone to be a leader. I can see that they need a few kids that are leaders, but it seems like they would need many more team players who are very good at what they do, but not necessarily “leaders”. Or is there another way of interpreting the question?
@guppy64 does he have any experiences where he had to help another understand something or maybe when he took control or contributed the most (carried the weight) of a group project? I think that can be leadership in a less obvious way.
@guppy64 you definitely need to think outside the box a little. But I bet you could find an example like what @amandakayak mentioned. Some other ideas may be if he is an older sibling and is a leader by setting good examples for his siblings, or helping them with assignments, etc. Perhaps he has been in a situation where he encouraged a friend to make a different/ better choice? Leadership comes in many different formats. Sometimes even what may seem small to him, may be huge to someone else; he may not even realize he’s being a leader.
Thanks for the tips. He’s trying to use a situation from a group project. He is the youngest sibling (unfortunately).
@guppy64 yes that’s a situation for my D19 also. Definitely not a leader but does what the group does pretty well and seems to be a leader within that group level. I have seen several articles on the “benefits of being an introvert” and will have to take another look see if anything can be used for essays.
D is not a leader either. She does volunteer with little kids though so we will somehow turn that into an example of leadership unless she surprises me and decides to try something new next year.
I am currently sitting at the tiny airport outside Steambot Springs, CO - been here for 18 hours so far since our flight got delayed and 9 hours later the finally cancelled it. Got to spend the night on a lovely hard as a rock bench since the shuttles to the airport the told us they would get at 1am never came. They might be able to get me home by 9 tonight- so frustrating!! When I sent DH a picture of the bench I slept on he said another reason for D not to go to school in the snow.
DS doesn’t like to run for leadership positions either. Every now and then he says something incredibly infuriating like, “There was a leadership thingy at school that I could have signed up for, but I didn’t want to bother with it”. Why even tell me about it?
That said, he is apparently a workhorse in any group project. He often ends up in charge of things if nobody else will step up, but is happiest when there is someone doing the leadership things like division of work because otherwise he ends up doing everything and carrying the group on his back.
Tech week has gotten stressful and it’s only Monday. He dragged in at 9:30 last night. Something happened at rehearsal and he’s being mysterious and depressed over it. I am trying my hardest not to pry and poke. It’s not interpersonal, it’s not someone else being an idiot or an ass. I’m suspecting that he was the one who was an ass, or made a big inadvertent mistake. Poor kid.
One very popular kid got kicked out of the play because her GPA slipped and she was skipping school a lot. Heavy duty case of senioritis. She didn’t have a big role but they still have to shift things around to cover for her.
@guppy64 see if your son has worked on any group projects and maybe his leadership/ideas helped define the projects path towards it’s end result.
Does he help out at school in any way? Or helped one of his EC’s raise money or help out in the community.
There are plenty of ways to show leadership without being a leader, because not all kids can or want to be leaders. My older son is not a leader, but thru his HS career we tried to encourage him to tutor some kids that need help, or organize a canned food drive for his sports banquet etc. Anything like that shows you took some initiative on your own and tried to do something to lead/help.
Good luck, I hope he gets accepted!
D and I recently attended an info session at Barnard. My favorite thing about it was the AO’s clear statement that they value the worker bees [my words], and they understand that their contributions are important, too. They want to hear about your kid’s ECs even if she wasn’t the head honcho. I wonder sometimes about all this emphasis on recruiting “leaders” - who do these schools think is going to pitch in and do the actual work rowing the oars, if they recruit an entire class of people who are only interested in steering the ship?
@momtogkc Your night in the airport sounds miserable! Hope you are home. I do think about flying delays with some of the schools D is considering . . . We’ve had issues even with non-stop flights in good weather.
I agree with everyone about Leadership, and liked what @Curiosa heard at Barnard. EC’s need the majority of kids to be the glue that holds things together. They need kids who show up on time, have a great attitude, support each other when things go wrong, and clean up afterwards.
In a lot of EC’s, there is no leader–it’s cooperative. In my experience in rec sports, Girl Scouts, and theater, as the kids get older, the adults hand things over to them. The kids take turns suggesting ideas, mentoring, or just pulling together as each individual does their part . . .
Even leaders are “worker bees” for some things @Curiosa . A good leader leads by example which includes getting down in the trenches as well.
My D16 had many obvious ‘leader’ things she could write about like being the stage manager of a play, being a ski instructor, and being ‘day’ leader in NOLS-type programs. She is quite introverted but she prefers leading to following. S19 is totally different. In many ways, he is much more confident, but he would/will have to get creative when talking about a situation when he was a ‘leader’. For S, I’ll suggest talking about mentoring younger members of his paddling team. That’s the only thing I can really think of that wouldn’t require excessive ‘creativity’ to fit into leadership. Of course, I know exactly what he’ll say if I suggest this: ’ That’s not what they mean by leadership!’
He could give examples of being a quiet leader. He doesn’t need the attention of being the leader but works hard and leads by example.
I love this leadership discussion because I have had the same concerns about “no one rowing the oars”! But here’s some food for thought:
Several years ago, my job sent me to a “Leadership” workshop. I was pleasantly surprised when the instructor talked about “leading from below.” In effect, it meant representing your peers by holding superiors, bosses, policymakers accountable to the people they lead. In other words, the “leadership” came from making sure you and your fellow oarsmen had everything you needed to get your job done.
I thought it a refreshing twist on the topic.
Agreed, but it doesn’t help when checking boxes on the Common App… >:P
Well, the musical is officially over and done. Spring band concert remains but all of that practice happens during school hours. Thinking about how much time I should give S19 before nagging him about AP test and SAT prep.
Two days? 
@guppy64 Just to add another voice to the list of parents of kids whose leadership skills – whatever they are – are not of the presidential type. My D19 may have completed the same summer science program application your child is, because the question was similar/identical. She chose (entirely on her own) to make it more about “self-leadership,” in which she talked about a particular extra-curricular that was mostly independent in nature and how she took responsibility to do what needed to be done and find areas to improve. While it’s not about changing the world, it seems to at least be somewhat responsive to a scientific field.
In the end S19 ended up writing about how he helps others in class, and a science competition a few years ago where he had to step out of the background and motivate his teammates to make sure the project got done on time. And he honestly wrote that he usually does not seek out such roles. Ironically, yesterday he participated in a math competition. And from his description of what he did, it looks like he did take the lead on a bunch of things. So maybe he will have more to write come college app time.
@BorgityBorg , good luck to our kids on making it into the summer program. We figured it would be good experience in doing the college apps if nothing else.
S19 has decided against any summer programs. I searched for some and gave him a list of options but he really doesn’t want to miss two-three weeks of XC training with the team (which goes on six days a week during the summer). Plus, his summer is shortened because he has to be back ten days before school starts for a leadership thing he does at school. They need to get ready for the freshman since the group does their orientation.
So, he will stay local. Take some art classes at the museum in the city, do some volunteering, run, and write his essays. I’m guessing he will make time for a job too.