“I sent scores to all schools even though three of them said we could self report.”.
Curious to know how many parents here think they should be submitting the actual scores versus the student who is the one applying to these schools? For my D20, I think we will help guide her through the admission process as needed but IMO she needs to do the actual work of applying herself. I believe it’s important to have them start doing things for themselves to be self-sufficient as a young adult. Just my 2 cents…
We were advised that D19 should take AP Stats this year, given that she felt uncomfortable in Honors Pre-Calculus last year with an already rigorous schedule and decided to move to general Pre-Calc. I’m now second-guessing this advice because it would be better for her to have AP Calc AB instead. Supposedly the general pre-calc class is not sufficient preparation for Calc AB, but in retrospect I think she could’ve supplemented on her own. She’s not a STEM kid but she has great grades in her science classes so I feel like she’s fine on science, but math is her weak link and I keep spending time worrying about it.
@elena13 You could utilize the technique that @homerdog does and try calling some schools to ask if they would consider AP Comp Sci a fourth year of math. Even call some schools not on your child’s list just to see if you can get a sense of a consensus emerging. Stats will definitely increase in rigor as the year proceeds and it can be a fun and important class – personally I think data analysis is underrated. I was a TA for general stats when I was in grad school and I grew to love it. The underlying principles are good to understand in various fields, and the average person on the street is so clueless about those concepts, like randomness, chance, outliers, etc. A counselor claiming that stats is not a math class is just ignorant. I suppose it could be taught in a very conceptual way and avoid computations, but I don’t think the AP Stats curriculum is designed this way.
D19 is having lunch next week with her primary letter writer. This is making me breath a sigh of relief because we’ve had some difficulties tracking down this teacher over the last several months. She moved to a neighboring school last year, which was a bummer because D19 loved her and enjoyed chatting with her. With busy schedules all around, I went to some acrobatics to find a time when D could visit her at her new school last winter, because I wanted them to maintain their rapport and I know this teacher “gets” D19 more than any other teacher ever has. Her GC advised us last fall that any letter writer should be from junior year only, which was an example of advice that I listen to and then ignore. She has a second letter writer from junior year, but this sophomore teacher is going to be effective at conveying an important side of D19 so we would be utterly foolish not to ask her for a letter.
On score reports, I decided to utilize the four free reports shortly after D19’s June SAT not knowing what her score would be, figuring sending them to four safety schools was fine. Well…we’ve since dropped two of those four schools from her list. Oops. I guess we at least saved $24…! I’m glad that the summer has proven to be pretty informative college-wise for D and we’re ending the summer with her list of schools and a timeline for applying.
D19 is away this week at her grandparents’ and she texted me last night that she had a horrible headache and was borderline nauseated, so I spent 45 minutes trying to distract her and cheer her up. Made me think about how this long-distance parenting will soon be the new normal for me. Sniff. I can see that there will be times when it’s especially hard to not be at her side, like when she has performances or when she’s struggling with something. It’ll be an adjustment.
@SDCounty3Mom At least you did not waste $24… With S17, he ended up applying to only half of the schools where I sent scores. He started applications but did not complete them. So yes a lot of money was wasted.
@elena13 Just my 2 cents but I would agree with @3SailAway that happy kids do better. Senior year slump is a real thing and easy classes that a kid doesn’t enjoy and/or tedious online options have tanked many a senior. Your kid is in IB and therefore has a rigorous transcript. I wouldn’t get too nitpicky about it. If he really wants to do Comp Sci and PE instead of stats and online PE I’d let him go for it.
Yes, a break in math can make it more challenging but it isn’t necessarily a deal breaker. My D15 took pre-calc sophmore year, AP stats junior year, and no math senior year (although she did take macro and micro econ AP which is kind of mathy). She got in to UVA and took Calc her first year there and got a B. She has no regrets about this.
I had 8 free score reports from DS’s two seatings of the ACT. I sent them to 8 different schools. I am somewhat pleased that only one of those schools has dropped off the list, though the application season is still young.
@socaldad2002 that’s too funny. You don’t know our S19 at all. Plenty self sufficient. Strong student with a crazy work ethic. The guy has finished almost all of his apps and ten supplemental essays this summer without any push from me. I don’t count it as a big deal that I sent his scores instead of him. He was at XC camp and I had some time so I just sent them. I would caution you not to make judgments of other families on this thread.
@homerdog - It was more of a question than a judgment. I know CC members are more active in the college process than most parents but was just curious how much of the heavy lifting should be controlled by the parents and how much should be done by the student? I think there is a balance there and if we were being honest with ourselves, some of us parents are micromanaging the process for our kids. I think its important sometimes to step back and evaluate if we as parents are a little too invested in the process (e.g. “I”, “we” when it should be “they” or “them”). As a parent, I get it, its not easy to let go of the process.
Also, since I’m apparently in spouting off unsolicited advice mode today, I’ll throw out the idea that as many more of us wrestle with schedule mixups and reshuffling classes this is a great chance to model/walk through/ weigh the pros and cons/lament the imperfect solutions/etc. for this last time that your child goes through it while at home.
Crafting the perfect college schedule is a twice yearly recurring ball of stress for college students. There are trade offs to be made and considered (i.e. I love this prof but hate 9am classes. Is it worth it?). There is staying on track to graduate. You plan the perfect schedule and then a class gets cancelled or filled up before your registration spot.
The wise college student keeps their cool and adjusts and readjusts as necessary. You can practice this with them now.
Because I hate to break it to those of you who are sending off your oldest, but your involvement in course registrations in college is most likely to be on the receiving end of a panicky text or phone call about how the schedule is totally missed up, there is no chance of graduating on time. There are absolutely no classes open that meet their interests, major, etc. They will be stuck having the prof everyone hates and have six classes in a row on Fridays and are always in class the only hours the dining halls is open.
You will take all this information in and spending the night lying awake in bed worrying. You will cautiously text your child in the morning asking how it is going. Child will ignore you. You will text again. You will receive a “k”. For a week you will vaguely worry about it. Your child will finally call and tell you all about some cool and unrelated thing that has happened. You will cautiously bring up the schedule snafu and your kid will breezily say, “Oh that. Yeah I worked it all out. It’s fine.”
@socaldad2002, the division of labor here is that my daughter applies for colleges, and I pay for the things that need paying for. However, when it comes to requesting test scores, the score request and the payment is all the same thing—so she tells me where the scores need to go, and I order them.
(Of course, we haven’t handed her a credit card, either, so it’s not like she could pay for anything online herself. Who knows? If she had a credit card, maybe I wouldn’t be ordering scores for her.)
ETA: Page 666! Doesn’t really mean anything, but it’s a nicely socially important number, in a way.
@socaldad2002 said, " t was more of a question than a judgment. I know CC members are more active in the college process than most parents but was just curious how much of the heavy lifting should be controlled by the parents and how much should be done by the student? I think there is a balance there and if we were being honest with ourselves, some of us parents are micromanaging the process for our kids. I think its important sometimes to step back and evaluate if we as parents are a little too invested in the process (e.g. “I”, “we” when it should be “they” or “them”). As a parent, I get it, its not easy to let go of the process."
I have paid and ordered for the test scores to be sent for all three of my kids. I don’t consider ordering test scores a component of the “heavy lifting” of the application process. I can assure you that my kids are very self sufficient despite the fact that I paid and ordered the test scores.
Fwiw, I also consider this entire process a joint effort between my kids and my husband and myself. There is no way my kids would have the time or knowledge to do this all on their own. We work together to craft a list of potential colleges based on their individual criteria, arrange my husband and mine work schedules to take the kids on visits, etc. I am definitely invested in the process, both emotionally and financially.
S17 fired me, the bossy exec. admin. assistant, once he started the college. He changed the school portal password and did not make me a proxy account. I did not ask for one either. We pay tuition together in front of his computer. I do not know his grades but know they are not pretty but not flunking out. :))
I have no idea what his class registrations are. I know he has had trouble getting into classes since sometimes the topic comes up when he is home but he does not share the drama. His roommate was … I guess filthy in boy standards… but he did not complain much either. I am hands-off.
He is pretty self-sufficient even after suffering from the HS senior year of plenty of “micromanaging” and “assisting.”
There are just too many details that need to be checked/taken care of/followed up during the senior year with significant consequences. But even then, it is to each your own. Everyone needs to find the balance that works for them. There are kids who entirely “own” the process and do well, and others who owned it and flopped.
Thanks for all the good and thoughtful advice about my son’s schedule. It’s so nice to have you all as resources. @payn4ward and @shuttlebus - totally agree about how I have worked with my kids on the college application process. What works for one family may not work for another but even if kids have a good bit of help on certain aspects of applying to college, it does not mean they won’t figure out how to be self sufficient once they get there.
Regarding self-report of scores, I was hoping to save at least a little bit of money. @homerdog In your opinion, does your thought about showing interest by sending scores still hold if it is a school that says they don’t consider interest? Should we be trusting the common data set info?
I was a lot more invested in the college process than the mom of a lot of my daughter’s friends. But I’m very, very happy with how it turned out. She applied to enough of the right schools that she had a choice of schools that she had gotten into, that we could afford, that were within driving distance, that had her major. The school she’ll be attending is one that no one else in her school (or mine) is attending; I’m not sure her guidance counselor had ever heard of it.
Had I not become part of the process, she might have unhappily attended our local CC (as a few of them have)-- not by choice but simply because she had no idea of how to find the right schools. I’ve been in education for 30+ years, I’ve been active here long enough to have learned a bit, and probably most importantly of all: I love this stuff! It wasn’t me playing the martyr, it was me spending my free time enjoying the project .
Two weeks from now she’ll be in New Hampshire. But I’m not cutting the cord and saying “see ya” as we rush home to redo her bedroom. I’m still her mom. She had an anxiety attack a few nights ago, and awoke me in the middle of the night. She knows that if the same thing happens in a month, she’s free to go someplace quiet where she won’t disturb her roommate, and call me. (I’m much better at the whole waken-up-in-the-middle-of-the-night- thing than my husband is.) But, stuff like that aside, she’ll grow to become more self sufficient. She’ll do her own laundry far more often than she does at present. She’ll learn to navigate the campus. She’ll grow to become the adult she wants to become.
I’m not a big believer in an overnight transformation from adolescent to adult. You’re not a child one moment and then, on the stroke of midnight on your 18th birthday, magically an adult. She has handled so many adult scenarios on her own
So, yes, I’ve been more involved than some of you in the process. And judge away, lol. At the end of the day, my daughter has found a school where she can live and learn and grow-- regardless of who actually found that school. I’ve taught and parented long enough to know that it’s important to give each child what they need, not what some other kid needs.
@elena13 I will PM you with our specific situation. I have heard not to assume the info on common data sets are accurate and, for the small fee of sending the actual reports, it was worth it to us. That being said, S19 is looking at all small LACs. I’m not sure sending scores when not required would matter for large universities.
Hah, got the schedule finally. Most of it looks good except for the economics class which DS has already taken. He has homeroom with his favorite teacher, and the AP statistics teacher is the father of a friend from elementary school.
My son is applying to colleges with the help and advice from my wife and I who have been through it once before.
The whole process is actually quite confusing on some levels, and Im not sure if my son19 would accomplish every task successfully and on time to be honest.
Add in the complexity of some sports recruitment and I personally think it’s too much for him to handle all by himself. He’s still a 16 year old kid, young for his grade.
He is filling out the common app, doing essays, organizing LORs, organizing school visits and dealing with coaches. Thats plenty. I’ll send in test scores, transcripts, and all that when the time comes. In a few weeks he goes back to school and free time becomes harder to come by. So we have a plan that seems to work for us. We are not doing everything for him or micromanaging the process and I think he is appreciative of our help.
I would find it hard to believe that many kids could figure out the whole process on their own without a lot of challenges. I’m sure there are some Wunderkids out there that do it, but certainly neither of mine were up to that task.
While clicking through admission websites on testing, I found out that UTexas Austin finally dropped “essay/writing” requirement on SAT and ACT.
Are there any schools left that still require the writing part? Or is it going, going, gone?
Still laughing over here @mom23travelers description of parental “involvement” with college scheduling. This perfrectly describes 3 of my DS16’s 4 semester scheduling sessions. Thanks for the laugh today–I needed it.
With S17, he ended up applying to only half of the schools where I sent scores. He started applications but did not complete them. So yes a lot of money was wasted. 