I hope my post didn’t come across as suggesting that all should apply to the tippy top…god forbid! It was meant as a reflection for future graduating classes looking for input based on past individual experiences only.
@me29034 I see your point, but it’s the kid’s life and decisions too. My kid decided the level of college she really wanted to go to: she didn’t want the stress of the reaches, but she just didn’t want a non selective one either. She wanted a college that she felt would give her the right level of stimulation and motivation without undue stress (a.k.a the rat race). That level will be different for everyone.
There is not a single road for everyone kid. Each family has to what’s best for their kid.
There is a portion of it all that is just out it your control. Especially when they get down to the final round of candidates. You could have everything, but maybe they need a few more kids interested in languages that year and your kid is not one of those. Maybe they just accepted 2 kids in a row who wrote about canoeing, so the next kid up with a canoe story seems less interesting and goes to the WL. The couple books I read on admissions are filled with stories like that.
There is a bit of luck involved for sure.
@wisteria100 Oh for sure…mad crazy luck!
@me29034 I completely agree. This group has morphed into one that is highly focused on highly selective schools. I also disagree that a student must attend a selective school to be challenged and receive an excellent education.
I wouldn’t say that the group has morphed. It’s just that the timing right now is when a lot of results come out for highly selective schools. My D19’s list was all rolling or EA except for one remaining super crazy reach. So we’ve known her results for quite a while and are pretty sure of the eventual choice.
Looking back My kid decided on ED on a school where he stood a good chance of getting in, but was a perfect match for him. We had one competitive school on short list that we took off after he hit the accept. I really really want to know if he ever stood a chance at GT, but we will never know. But even if we did not ED and by a miracle my kid was to get into GT , he probably would not have gone. So to do it again, maybe we would have waited to hit the accept button, but overall being my 2nd time in this game, I feel like I have it under control. This is my last one… so done!
I have followed along and been very involved in my S19’s journey knowing that had he really wanted to he could have got better grades in sophomore and junior year than he did and maybe got into our state flagsip. I think he has truly ended up where he wants to be even though it would not have been my first choice for him but in the end he has made a good choice and I am excited for him too. However, my learning has been to do some visits to schools starting in the spring of sophomore year and get an early start on understanding the entire process. Provide clear expectations on what you can afford. Adjust your expectations of where they will apply throughout the process as you gain more knowledge and give as much advice as possible to your son or daughter as they change their minds and eventually make a decision.
I don’t think anyone is trying to upset anyone else here. There are as many paths as there are kids, and I feel like ours are a particularly interesting, kind, engaged bunch who will even make new paths. What I read about them here makes me feel much better about the future.
Two points: 1) that is only true for kids with the financial resources to pick and choose. For kids with very little ability to pay, the highly selective schools may be the only place they can afford, because they are some of the only schools that will provide a nearly free education by meeting full need. So while prestige may be the goal for some middle and upper class families, there are low SES families who are desperately hoping for the elite schools out of necessity.
- What is non-selective for one student may be a reach for another. High stat kids with some ability to pay have hundreds of choices. Middle stat kids and those with few resources really don’t. Those kids have few ways to make the process less stressful.
Why all the hostility when merely sharing your experience? Don’t get it…
@ThinkOn I don’t see hostility. I see a different point of view.
@Corinthian I disagree. The focus on selective schools has been going on for months.
@wisteria100 - I agree. My takeaway from this process (and as I get older, from life in general) is that so many things are out of our control and while there certainly will be disappointments along the way, we will all (hopefully) bloom where we are planted.
I have a lot of reflections, but only felt “finished” two days ago and there are hard decisions ahead. I don’t feel like I have the luxury to look back completely until things are settled. Nine months ago, I’d have predicted different schools would be left in the final selection, but I knew that in all likelihood, no matter how much strategy and planning I put into this, we’d be on the struggle bus right now.
We applied to 12 schools with merit as a goal. Accepted 9, Waitlisted 3
What’s left:
a) Large public with free tuition, room and board with a scary GPA requirement. Comes with research, summer abroad trip, and faculty mentor. There is a separate department scholarship that stacks and should cover books, travel, and personal expenses. The deadline to accept is oddly pre-May 1st. We weren’t aware of the big scholarship when applied for Honors.
b) Large public with a better national STEM reputation, whose full-freight cost ($46K-ish) was perfectly fine at the beginning of the process, but suddenly seems expensive even after a $10K scholarship.
c) Rice with merit, but unfortunately not as much merit as WPI’s very generous $28K. (D decided not to visit WPI next week because she’s never been and it’s easier to walk away from. Thank you Southwest.) Rice was the only school that I didn’t place on the list, as D19 found it at a multi-college event and I think the AO woo’d her. I confess I’d never heard of the school.
We have two sizeable outside scholarship decisions coming up in the next 3 weeks. The waiting continues, but we’ll be in our prayer closets seeking direction.
There isn’t much I would change if I had to go back. Probably it was a bit of a mistake not to do the school based English SAT review. Eh, d19 said it but in the same breath said she would have hated it so she’s glad she didn’t. Her verbal score was imperfect but it was high enough for her to get accepted to the 2 colleges she most preferred.
The only other thing is I would hesitate over sharing the ED result until we were sure it was affordable. Other people’s opinion that there was no choice was, at best white noise and at worst a trigger for my passive aggressive personality, lol.
For my d23, her goals are to continue to research college options and do most of the same things we did with d19:
-Focus most heavily on finding safety/likely schools she knows she could get accepted into and thrive at.
-develop strong relationships with teachers- this includes connecting with them in classes and during their version of “office hours”
- become deeply involved in ECs she enjoys
(Edited to add more because I accidentally hit a button too soon)
- challenge herself and overall take courses she has to work hard at but still be successful with
- unlike d19 she is already planning to take the school based English SAT review. She doesn’t care if the teacher annoys her, it’s worth it to her.
-unlike d19 she will take the ACT too, because she tends to prefer to work fast on tests anyway and thinks she will like it better
Again, our decisions was made months ago, so I would again like to wish for the best for all people still waiting, and send out supportive thoughts to all of those in the agony of (in)decisions. For those who have suffered disappointments, I hope that this is merely a shift towards better things.
It’s the home stretch, and, before we know it, we’ll all be stressing out about college issues…
While I think there are many in this group (and on CC in general) that are focused on selective (and highly selective) schools, there are more (maybe not as loquacious) whose kids are going to schools that accept >50% of applicants. I think we are all proud of our kids and each other’s kids and want what is best for them - whatever that is.
Looking back at this journey, I know that I’m not likely to be in this position again because my D19 tests really well and her NMF put her in a position with two really great schools/offers on the table. (Her original top choice fell to third place & then off the list, but it would have been a good school for her with a financial package many parents would envy.) I’m glad she was able to visit her top picks at least once each. Her final choice will likely shock many (no matter which of the top two she picks) around here, including family. Perhaps I won’t make my kid apply to a reach or a second safety. I’ll trust that the one safety and the match schools they pick out will be enough.
My next kid doesn’t test as well & wants to go local, so it’ll be a low key, low stress senior year - I think!
Well there is a 10 year gap between D19 and my next kiddo. My fear is that by then, the local community college will cost $72k a year and have an acceptance rate of 5%.