I felt behind last year. DD didn’t have much of a list. All highly selective. She didn’t want to visit anything didn’t put much effort into researching anything. She thought she would be fine anywhere and wanted a small school. To be fair, she transferred to a boarding school Junior year sight unseen and it was amazing. We had no time to visit many schools. She started at a top 25 LAC this fall, her roommate never showed, she got Covid the second week and it all went downhill. She didn’t find a group, didn’t click with anything there and is now home starting the process all over again. Only now with fewer choices, more restrictions and fewer possible scholarships. And I have my S25 who is wanting a military academy or rotc, which are tons of work, but is not driving his process either, I feel like a nag. And both of their secretaries 
First, always important: College Confidential is not representative of the college application universe at large, and is often not reflective of reality anyway.
If you hang around here for any length of time, keep repeating that to yourself. It’s easy to forget, but is important to remember.
And by way of injecting some reality, remember that the modal number of college applications most college-going students make in the year before they go is one, and the average number of applications is lower than two. (It is difficult to tease out just college-going HS seniors from the available data, but as far as I have been able to find, the numbers are higher but the average is still below three.) Further, most high school students don’t go on any college tours before going to college (leaving aside situations like group tours where a high school brings all their spring-term juniors in to visit a local college), and even college-going HS seniors generally report very low number of college tours.
And finally, success in most college applications doesn’t involve eight essays and participation in a couple hundred extracurricular activities and winning the Fields Medal. Most colleges—even most selective colleges—are simple to get into. My C19 and C23 got into their colleges (Mississippi State and North Texas, respectively) based purely on GPA and test score thresholds, and in the case of C19 knew what their (generous) scholarship amount would be before even applying. So yeah, the application process can be harrowing and stressful, but it doesn’t have to be.
So deep breaths and all, and remember that if you and your kid drop out of the prestigiosity game even a little bit, it’s all actually pretty easy.
For my older son, we didn’t visit any colleges until the last week of August. We squeezed in a driving trip after most schools he was interested in had started and right before Senior year started. Until then, he was doing his planning and application prep sight unseen.
I’ll second the suggestion to try to see something, anything, to give her an idea of small v. large, urban v. rural. Even if she would never go to school there because it’s too close to home - if you can help her narrow that down, then great.
I’ll also admit to this not being a student driven process in my house. My guys - both my older and my class of 2025 boy - were just overwhelmed at the options. So I took the bare bones that they could give me and I started building potential lists for them. I got the Fiske’s book (this one https://www.amazon.com/Fiske-Guide-Colleges-2024-Edward/dp/1728271835) because having books makes me feel like I have control. I’m that person that likes to highlight things and tab the heck of things and underline and make margin notes.
As we talked more (general conversations) and I got a better idea of what was interesting and not to my kid, I changed what schools I thought would be good for him. Right now he has a list - because I made him one. We’ve talked about it generally, but the development hasn’t been driven by him. The decision making, when the time comes, is all his. He’ll lead the interactions when we go visit. He’ll draft his essays himself. But the process of building a list was too overwhelming when he has too much stress already. If he comes up with other school names that aren’t on the list, then ok, we’ll look them up together and look to see if they meet the criteria he’s laid out (e.g. they have something going for them other than his best friend is applying and says it’s cool).
I think it’s ok to help with this - as long as you are really thinking about what your child wants. Like my boy really wants a bigger school, with a bigger focus on collegiate sports. Back in the day, I wanted the exact opposite. So I have tried to consciously focus on what he’s telling me he cares about, and look for that.
The most important thing is that it will come together - whether you help, whether she waits until the school year is over. As long as she’s around and available to noodle through this over the summer and to figure out what’s important to her then I think you’ll STILL be ahead of the game.
We are only visiting schools that are local or as a short drive away from an already-planned family vacation. We will not fly to solely visit schools until D25 is accepted.
D25 has a list because I have made most of it. She likes 3/4 schools, but because she is not a stellar student and wants a big school that isn’t a commuter school, I’m adding to her list because she has no interest other than the Big 3, as I call them in my mind. She has no interest in researching colleges and saves everything to the last minute. She would do the same with college and then balk at me for letting her fail because I know better.
My D was barely acknowledging that college was a reality last school year and refused to do any research into it. One day when we were both home and not much going on I convinced her to watch a college tour video. She was watching her phone while glancing at the tv until she saw something she liked and started paying attention. It was a highly produced video that reads like a sales pitch but it got her interested enough to give me a direction. Now I’m mainly planning visits we can do in a day or drive up in the evening and tour next morning, next one on Presidents’ Day. You can always visit after acceptance to far away schools.
I would first say that she should prioritize her physical health and get over mono. One of my daughter’s friends got mono last semester and it can be incredibly rough and even life threatening.
Second, during the recovery, do whatever possible to be current in school work. You can visit as many schools as you want to right now, but if grades slip, her acceptances might suffer.
A distant third would be healing from her injury and getting back into her extracurriculars. The key portion of that last sentence is the “extra” part of extracurricular. Its non-essential at the moment.
I feel for your daughter going through what she is at the moment. Added stress of trying to schedule college visits may compound the other challenges she is facing and, as stated by the many above, such visits are not necessary at this time. Wishing her all the best in her recovery.
Honesty here. I made S23 list and I am making D25 list as well. S23 asked to add 1 school (which he applied to). D25 may add to her list as well eventually. My kids knew that finances were #1 priority and they knew that I quite frankly knew way more about that than they did.
I don’t sign up for their classes for them (in hs or in college). I couldn’t take their tests or video their arts/music supplements for them. S23 took little input or suggestions on how to fine tune his essay (he hated all my ideas). So, I happily sat next to them and typed in some demographic data into an online form. With S23 permission, I monitored his college app only email and let him know when he had to read and reply to something. I did keep tabs on acceptances and final COA.
S23 visited most of his final choices spring of his senior year after acceptances. He was just too busy to do it at a different time. We had open discussions about budget and we were honest with him about cost and payment. In the end, he made the final choice. His “top” choice was too expensive. The school I thought he should go to was “too small” for him in his opinion. Going to admitted student day sealed the deal for him. He has had no doubts thus far that he made the right choice for him.
So yeah, I am my kids secretary. S23 is paying for one third of his college costs himself (with my ex/his dad paying one third and then myself). He works in the summer and on school breaks here back at home at a job. He has skin the game and is being successful thus far. College is just too huge of a financial commitment and he didn’t have any experience with this going in. I wasn’t letting him fly solo. I’m not a helicopter mom. I shamefully barely know what classes they are taking or who their teachers are off the top of my head. I just find researching colleges fun and between school, sports, and work for my kids, I had more free time than they did.
YOU ARE ALL WONDERFUL. All of this is just what I needed today. Thank you!
Most people I know who are juniors/have jr kids have no list and maybe have seen a couple of schools (I am also in new england where there are a million, so this is not a big effort).
I hope no one is doing any tours tomorrow/Tuesday:
Boston is basically shutting down:
- expecting 8 inches of snow in ?~10hours
- MIT announced
Snow Day tomorrow!
I asked my kids what they envisioned for college (no characteristic was considered too petty or superficial at this stage*). They each gave me a list of their ‘dream school’ characteristics…and I then found several dozen schools that had what they each wanted at a budget we could afford.
After giving them the initial list - they looked the schools over (school website, niche, bigfuture, etc)…and told me which ones looked promising and which ones were ‘Nopes’.
I went back and found more schools that fit the refined criteria…and the schools that made those first cuts were the ones we visited in person.
I was very involved in helping them with the initial research pieces (primarily because of budget) but they were the primary decision maker as to which schools continued to remain on the list.
*Criteria given during our 3 college searches (not all criteria was used for each search)
Small School
Large School
Good School colors (that meant: Red, Purple, some shades of Blue)
Aesthically pleasing campus
“Pretty” winter snow
Non-chain restaurants within walking distance of campus
Fantastic athletic facilities available for non-varsity athletes
Cultural activities easily accessible (museums, symphony orchestra, opera, etc)
Good Hair/Nail salon options easily accessible
A+ quality on-campus food
Dance team and/or dance minor available
K-Pop club required
Easy study abroad options
No Foreign Language Required
Specific foreign languages offered
Air-conditioned dorms available for freshman
Boba tea and sushi in walking distance of school
Far away from home
Warm weather
4 full seasons of weather
Able to double major
Excellent PhD grad school placement
Hiking available nearby
Easy access to good hospital system
Urban
Suburban
Small town
Contained campus
“Feels Safe”
Good school merch in bookstore
Same. S23 and D25 want very different things in their schools. Most of the schools on S23’s list met a few of the criteria but not all. Syra cuse was on the initial list but we didn’t think about it too much thinking it wouldn’t come into price range. He really wanted warmer weather but otherwise Cuse had everything on his list.
S23 wanted a bigger school, D25 wants smaller. She was able to tag along on some of her brothers college tours and she is verbalizing that smaller to her isn’t student numbers but acreage. Both want a “pretty campus” with a mix of historic and new buildings (and I found out there’s a difference in historic versus “dated.”) D25 cares more about school colors while S23 really wanted D1 sports if he could get them.
And totally laughing at the other “wants” on the list but yet I know that some are important to kids (even if they are more superficial). S23 just went through rush and was one of the lucky ones who actually got a bid and he is now officially a frat boy. He says I don’t know him at all (he thinks he is so mysterious) yet every college I had on the list had some major positives even if they weren’t overall great fits in the end.
All three of my kids discovered they were more interested in schools that met like 80-90% of their lists than the ones that hit 100%.
Usually what they realized is that not all of their criteria was equally important…and they each found a couple schools where enough of their criteria was met that also had the all important ‘right vibe’.
Its a journey, for sure.
My kids have never been interested in researching colleges. I have been the one to make their lists. My first child visited maybe 3-4 schools and my second visited one. Second went off to his college sight unseen and honestly it has worked out great. S25 is also having me do all the legwork but he seems more open to verifying my work and looking at them in person.
Hope your child feels better soon, it’s such a busy time. And don’t worry if your child is not driving the process. You’ll get it figured about between the two of you… you still have time.
It will be fine. I know a lot of kids that didn’t even visit any colleges until after they applied even as far out as spring break of their senior year! You can always visit in the summer. Students wont’ be there but at least you could see campuses that way. I hope your D25 gets better quickly.
I appreciate everyone’s transparency. My son will need a lot of assistance in compiling a list. He is adamant that he wants to study pure math (although I know that will likely change!), but he can’t seem to wrap his head around where he wants to apply. He has mentioned one school so far (University of Michigan), but I can’t imagine paying full freight to send him there. I asked him why Michigan, and he said, “They have a good pure math program.” My UIUC alum husband was not excited about this sudden interest, to put it mildly.
I just got an email from Olivet Nazarene University that their applications have opened for juniors/class of 2029! That is crazy to me but I might have D25 fill one out for funsies.
S25 is studying pure math at Haverford. Michigan was on his college list.
Our state swim meet concluded yesterday and my son got to stand on the podium for one of his individual events. What a great moment for him! He was one of the only “high school only” swimmers in the meet — he hasn’t swum club since middle school. I often wonder if it’s worth all the early mornings and the answer is yes. He is too tired to get into any trouble!!
Anyway, he moves right in to his primary sport which he is working on getting recruited for. This season will be the one that counts.
Do we think ACT scores will come out today or will it be later since yesterday was a holiday?