I agree with @DadBodThor re: need to be happy at your safety, because that could be where you end up. That is, frankly, why I’m adding more schools to our list. I think my kid WOULD be happy at the safety he’s identified (JMU), but right now he’s a little stuck on “so many kids from my school go there” that he’s not really looking at the programs and the other fun things. So I want to find one more, at least, for him. I also think it’s a bit of a prestige thing for him, which annoys me. He’s not normally that kid. It is what it is and there’s plenty of time. I actually think it would be a better fit for him (and certainly cheaper, as it’s a state school) then the other potential safeties on his list, but that’s for him to figure out if it comes down to it.
My older son (2022) applied to seven schools - one safety, one that was maybe a safety maybe a likely, and five that were matches. No reaches as we needed merit aid. If he hadn’t gotten in to Pitt rolling admission early (I think late September) we would’ve added another safety on. He got in to 6 and waitlisted at one. TBH, the waitlist was probably a gift for his decisionmaking process - it was by far the least expensive school, but also the one that he was least excited about. If he’d gotten in he might have felt he had to go there given the cost differential. While I think he would’ve ultimately been happy there (and my wallet would have been) where he landed was the school that I think probably fit him best. So the waitlist gave him the opportunity to say “nope, you don’t really want me, that’s fine, I don’t need you” and to go somewhere that demonstrated they really wanted him.
Hi, 2025 Parents! As the parent of a 2024 graduate, I wanted to share the one thing I wish I had known more about a year ago when my S24 was thinking about where to apply: Honors Colleges at Public Universities. This really was not at all on my radar a year ago, and I have come to appreciate Honors Colleges as a way to make a big university seem smaller, provide access to extra advising and smaller classes, provide early registration, better housing options, and other perks, all at a very affordable price. Definitely not a fit for everyone, but if your student is interested in the big school experience, but also looking to be a part of a great academic cohort with enrichment opportunities, it might be worth considering:
My D25 has no list yet either! I thought this would be a quicker, easier process than with her sibling, but, nope. She assures me that she could be happy at any number of places, which does nothing to narrow things down. Being undecided on a major does not help.
She has requirements, some more helpful than others: walking distance to something, no hugely hot/humid weather, good fine arts focus, good science departments, etc. Sibling wanted water he couldnt see across, so we haven’t reached that level yet at least.
I’ll link to a recent thread about a student who was waitlisted at several California schools and is now looking at community college. Waitlisted at 5 UC’s and one CSU denial The student was accepted at U of Arizona with merit, but the parent says it isn’t her vibe. This drills home the point that a safety isn’t a safety if the student wouldn’t be happy attending.
There is another long thread where the parent says that their student will either go to a top 35 with merit, or will go to community college. There are thousands of excellent schools beyond the top 35. Help your students be open to opportunities and places that they have yet to discover.
I am going through that right this minute with D23. My biggest advice is to finish the first year. She didn’t go back after Christmas and because she didn’t have one full year she couldn’t even apply to a lot of schools.
The things we are doing differently- just visiting more. But neither kid really has any interest to visit and don’t like researching schools and both think/thought they would be fine anywhere… difference is D25 is going the service academy/rotc route
This is significant because in a way that gives you an instant family. I am sure your D23 will land somewhere great. It takes a lot of maturity and courage to recognize something isn’t right and pivot.
My son delayed much of his research on colleges until late 2020, at which point we couldn’t really visit any due to COVID. He lucked into a perfect fit after talking to a dean of enrollment who visited our high school.
My daughter is similarly disinterested in research or visits, but I’m dragging her places anyway. I am a huge researcher, but pretty hands off as a parent. Not sure I’ve found the right balance yet.
Good luck with the school visits. I hope she finds a good fit.
My older daughter wanted viola performance and her decision was surprising and sudden, from our perspective. I had no idea how to support her college search. The music major forum was a huge help to us in that college search. In the end she applied to eight schools. She did not pass two of her prescreens, but was admitted to the other six schools. In hindsight we could have cut some of the schools from the list, but at the time we were SO nervous about the audition-based nature of the process! Good luck to you this year!
This is the struggle for me. I love research. LOOOOVVVVVEEEEE. But I generally try really hard to let my child lead. I believe, firmly, that he should be the one who makes this choice and that it should be his wants and needs. So I’ve similarly worked hard to find the right balance. He didn’t want to research (or more realistically, I think he was so overwhelmed he didn’t know where to start). So I’ve tried hard to talk with him in a non-stressful overbearing way to find out what he cares about and then to build a list for him. After we talked about some schools and visited others, he figured out what he cared for more and talked about that with me, so I researched more and added some to his list and took some off.
My thought is that once the research and list building is done, the bulk of my job is over. I can help him with this overwhelming part, the finding things that are interesting and appropriate for him, and that fit within our budget. But once the list building is done, he needs to do the work - he needs to do the application parts. I’ll take him to visit, but it’s his impressions and interests that drive things forward. Then when it’s time to make a choice, I’ll be happy if he wants to bounce ideas off of me, but it’s his choice.
That plan worked pretty well with my older boy, so I’m hoping it will with my son. I am having a bit of a harder time this time around, mostly because my S25 is prioritizing things that are very different from what my priorities would have been (whereas my S22 had very similar priorities). I feel confident that I’ve helped S25 build a good list so far, but I know I’m having a harder time keeping my preferences to myself. So since I know I’m having a harder time with that, I’m also making a point to consistently remind S25 that I’m happy to support him at any of these schools, any of them will give him a good education, all of them will be within our budget, and any of them would make me happy - that at this point it’s his choice and sure, I might like some more than others but that it’s not about me, it’s about him. So I’m hoping that message is getting through (and overriding any inadvertent preference messages he may be getting from me.)
One note for class of '25 applicants: you can create a common app log-in now, and even start filling in the obvious stuff and stuff that won’t change. Then, when the ‘new’ CA opens, your stuff will be there. It helped our kids a little bit at the margin to get a jump on that. It left them pretty much with “only” the essays to write when the time came.
My daughter started hers this week. She was bored and said she likes filling out forms. Then she said it was stupid when she had to fill in all the info for her parent’s education. lol
This is what we did with D23 and what I plan to do with S25. Helping build the list I think is the hardest part. After that, I’m happy to proof essays but otherwise, they’re on your own. And then, when all the decisions are in, I help make the spreadsheet and have the final discussions. I did also help my daughter sketch out what a 4 year course map would look like at her final two schools. Overall though, the bulk of my part was over once the Common App opens.
I appreciate hearing folks’ responses on how they approach this. I think I’ll sit with my son in the next few weeks to get a better sense of what he wants. Then I’ll put together a preliminary list that he can research and adjust. Last night we did discuss a bit, and he said that Carleton (reachy reach), St. Olaf (target), and Rose-Hulman (target) sound like schools he would like to explore more. When I mentioned picking a few likelies he said, “Well, if I don’t get in then I’ll just apply the following year.” I think this will be a bit of work with him…
I made a spreadsheet for my kids with a list of colleges and info about each with links to info about their potential majors. D25 was definitely more into researching than S22.