I’d stay the course for RD I think. If it’s too much without merit then it just feels like too much of a gamble. My understanding is that the only way you can get out of an ED agreement is if the NPC that you ran is significantly less than what the University offers in financial aid. So if you run the NPC and it says no aid, then you are on the hook for the full freight, and lack of merit aid isn’t a reason to back out. Some people are comfortable paying $80k a year. That’s not me, even though the NPC’s say that we can. If it’s not you, than I think I’d stick with RD.
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I hear what you’re saying and don’t completely disagree with you but once they enter the working world the job application process isn’t dissimilar to the college application process. You put in your resume/common app and will get an interview and sometimes get an offer, sometimes not… sometimes won’t even get an acknowledgement that you applied for the job.
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It’s so hard. And at this point in the process we are all overly emotional and exhausted and over the whole process. Especially with the holidays just happening and such. I really wish it could all be done before xmas and then be able to just enjoy the senior year.
My son is very chill but I know he’s worried about the 3 release days this month that include his top choices. He doesn’t have the greatest gpa (in comparison to all the 4.0s i see rolling around) but everything else is through the roof great and he is just such a great well rounded kid. I wish they could all meet him (although a glimpse video seems very stressful and my S25 decided not to do them.).
Hmpf, I try to hide my stress, but he sees it and feels it I know. I’m just ready for this month to be done. Luckily he has a couple of great acceptances (Pitt and UNCCharlotte) in hand, but they will take some pumping ourselves up for (we’re working on that regularly already). Plus he missed an email in Nov for an EA which caused him to have to move app to RD without knowing until release day when he didn’t have a decision (ugh, that was a day), so it just makes my anxiety for these upcoming that much higher worrying that he’s missed something and they won’t be ready even though he’s promised he’s checked portals, emails, yadda yadda.
Okay. Rant over. Thanks for reading to this point! Hugs to everyone feeling the stress!
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I read a very helpful quote from Dr Tressie McMillan Cottom, “The institution cannot love you.”
It was helpful because I think it is very easy to have these types of decisions (college admissions, job applications, etc) feel very personal when they are, in fact, not.
Institutions are literally incapable of loving us, they haven’t been created to do that and will not be able to ever do it. Knowing this, helping our children learn this can also put these transactions into better perspective and can help set expectations going forward, as well as a better understanding of personal obligation (or lack thereof) to the institutions in question.
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Hugs to you too. That’s exactly how I feel. Thank goodness for this thread!
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If they don’t really want your kid, they won’t really want your kid.
And if they won’t commit up front to wanting him financially—which no ED school is ever willing to (aside from some cases of recruited athletes)—then are they really worth it. (Spoiler: No.)
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But yet these same institutions want our kids to love them…all the “Why Us?” essays instructing applicants to delve deep and create connections that feel personal and destined. I’m so tired of it and I still have to go through this process one more time with our youngest.
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Totally agree. My son had been talking about this one very reach school since last Summer when he visited on a school trip nearby. He was going to apply RD due this past Monday. Well at 10pm that night he was down to the Why us essay and just couldn’t come up with anything solid. He’d been working on it for a week. He said that in that moment he realized he seemed to only like it for the name and ranking and his friend got in ED there. So he decided it must not be the right place and not worth the app fee and didn’t apply. After all that talk and work. Glad he made that decision even if he had spent so much time on the rest of the app. (I never thought it was for him, but what do I know - lol). I guess these essays made more sense when kids were only applying to 2-3 or so. Then they have time to research and fall in love. These days, with 10s+ of apps, it’s just made up for most of them.
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None of my kids’ essays talked about ‘falling in love’ as part of the Why Us. I explained to them that the Why Us essay isn’t actually about the school, but about them, the applicant, and what qualities they have that makes the school a match for them (not ever about how amazing the school is - these schools don’t need fluffers, lol).
I love hearing stories like this because it shows the process working. Your son spent time and energy and learned that a school he thought he wanted to apply to wasn’t right for him after all. I don’t see the time and energy spent as wasted, I see it as him learning more about himself and what he actually wanted (and didn’t want). That has value no matter what schools he ends up applying to, getting accepted to and ultimately attending.
He also happened upon a method I explicitly told my children about when they were applying to schools - if you don’t want to answer or can’t figure out a good answer to “Why Us” or other supplemental essay questions a school asks - it probably isn’t a good match for you. D23 had a couple “perfect on paper” schools she didn’t apply to because she hated the supplemental questions they asked. I told her that if she hated the questions (very specific ones btw) then even though it seemed like a great school match on paper - it wasn’t and to not apply.
We remind our kids that learning can be uncomfortable and sometimes learning what you don’t want is even more helpful than knowing exactly what you do want. This college admission experience can be one of true self discovery for our children as they take those first steps into adulthood, and we/they should remember that growth often comes with some discomfort. That doesn’t make the discomfort bad.
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Yes. That is all true as well and very well stated. I wish I had had those calm and appropriate words for him in the midst of the 5 apps he was working on over break - lol.
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We are the odd ones in that a dream school was never something even thought about due to finances (and grades). We live in an area that is upper middle class with a mix of families whose parents were college grads (mostly nearby publics) or self made trades/business owners. Applying to reach schools out of state isn’t a big topic of conversation around here with the kids.
Tried to narrow down the college list with D25 a bit last night and she just keeps saying she will go to whatever school is cheapest. I told her it wasn’t that simple and all schools on her final list will be affordable and we want her to go to the one that she likes best and feels has the most options for her. We want her to feel safe.
(and the complicated financial part comes down to if I want to feel I have to stay in my job where the kids get reduced tuition).
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D23 was the second one of ours through the gates. I learned a lot from CC and helping our oldest, D20, through the process, including when I needed to remove myself, take deep breaths and remind myself of the great advice I’d been given before continuing. 
By S24, I was pretty much, “Trust the process, it will work out fine” and able to smile and nod through much of the kid shenanigans which, without fail, are part and parcel of each cycle.
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That’s how I feel, as a parent. As a Genx-er lucky enough to get a sizable scholarship to a pricy LAC, I also watched friends take on college loan debt that they were still paying off into their 30s. They had good jobs, but it slowed down home buying and even having kids. Personally, I don’t love anyplace enough to be that level of debt strapped. The Senior25 has their favorites, of course, and this college is one of the favorites. The other two are half the cost and one has already sent an acceptance and merit. I am going to encourage them to stay RD.
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S25 is our only, so my knowledge gained through the process will only be used for friends and their children in the future. Maybe they’ll listen to a wise old aunt even if they don’t listen to their parents 
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We are in same boat and we decided to stay the course with RD
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I have kid applying to jobs and the career fairs/coffees he’s had with employers is VASTLY different than any college thing he’s been to yet. In fact, his job he has had lined up since last summer he met the guy in an elevator ,they got to talking as my son showed him the way and then handed him the card after talking for another 45 min. That never happens in college apps, so it is, in fact, very very different from our experiences with colleges.
Or you can stick around and give advice to anonymous kids and families here on CC…
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My two cents. I get that schools push the message that ED is binding no matter what. But the fact is, it is not binding. This is not a legal contract. If you cannot afford that school and they don’t make it affordable, then that’s a problem for that school, not for you, and you can move on and break the ED agreement. Now, if you’ve run the NPC and you know up front you’re not getting financial aid and the school is one where merit is an unrealistic expectation, eh, that’s more on you. Does your up front knowledge mean you are legally required to pay the $90k price tag? No it absolutely does not. Again, break the agreement and move on. The school will make you feel guilty and culpable and like a terrible person, but life goes on for both parties. ED is a game that schools play with applicants. They jerk kids around enough already. You do what’s right for your kid.
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And for some students applying to college - they’re recruited and/or have someone that is helpful in securing for them a spot at that selective University.
I’m glad your experience(s) have been different but would suggest for most job searches beyond the “career fair” it is often exactly like applying to college.
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I agree. Mostly.
It is not a legal contract - they cannot force you to attend and pay. But it is not quite as straightforward as you lay it out.
At least at the school to which D25 applied ED, the FAFSA and CSS profile were due when the apps were due. They explained that this was to allow their FinAid dept to provide their information at the time that you received the admissions decision. You then had a few days / weeks to accept a positive admissions decision.
Moreover, about a week or two before admissions decisions came out, the school sent out an email to both the applicant and their parents requesting an acknowledgement about the binding nature of ED.
Finally, at the time of application, the school required an acknowledgement from the parents about the “binding” nature of the application type.
Thus, while it is not a legal contract (you will not be forced to attend or pay) and your liberty will not be impaired (you will not be put into jail), there really is a kind of moral obligation to at least be aware of what you are signing up for in the ED process. They certainly provide several explicit instances to make you aware.
That said, the ED process does seem INCREDIBLY one-sided with little to any benefit for the applicants.
EA can be just as bad. I’m still confounded re those EA programs that announce after all RD apps must be in. The applicants are still forced to apply RD if they’ve not yet heard from their EA school.
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