From one Bruin to (a potential) another—
“U-C-L-A…fight! fight! fight!”
2 Likes
Thanks. I was an undergrad at Cal, but I have a feeling that LA may suit her better.
UCLA was one of the best experiences of my life. It’s a beautiful, prestigious, excellent school! (My sister graduated from Cal though—quite different experiences).
3 Likes
Not a good night for D25. Rejected from Claremont McKenna and she didn’t get the scholarship she interviewed for last weekend. They do still give an extra $2000 leadership award just for being a finalist so that is nice.
So she has 3 very nice schools to choose from: Redlands, Gonzaga, and Cal Poly SLO. We will visit SLO during spring break and then Gonzaga in April for admitted students day.
31 Likes
I know it hurts, but those are 3 wonderful acceptances that many kids would do anything for. Hoping she falls in love with one and has certainty moving forward.
3 Likes
I did this with my eldest too! Lesson learned, don’t visit fancy highly-rejective schools first before the likely schools.
With c25 I made a point of visiting our state flagship and then schools >60% acceptance rate first before anything that offers only need-aid.
4 Likes
So.
I have had to talk with my husband and daughter separately tonight. It’s all still a bit of conjecture because we don’t have the final numbers from Clemson (in terms of 2025-26 costs) or D’s other top choice school (they keep adjusting scholarships and aid). But my best guess is that Clemson will cost a minimum of $50K more over 4 years vs. the other school.
We all loved the other school. It is an excellent school, just perfect for my daughter. It’s where I always thought she should go.
But hubby bleeds orange. His entire family went to Clemson. D grew up attending Clemson football games and wearing the cheerleader outfits.
Hubby will not tell D no, she cannot attend Clemson, even if costs $50K+ more. It is above our ideal budget. Can we scrounge it up? Probably.
The other school, we can afford. It is well within budget. We would be able to swing study abroad. We might have money left over towards a master’s degree.
My daughter doesn’t want to disappoint her dad by not choosing Clemson. But I got very real with her tonight and told her that Clemson is more of a financial burden for us, but that her Dad will never tell her so. The other school, it’s like the weight of the world would be off our shoulders. But we can’t even celebrate it because of her Dad’s obsession with Clemson.
And I am the “bad guy”, stuck in the middle, trying to talk sense into both of them when they are both very emotional about it. On top of it, my daughter is one of those people who will do well and be more or less happy wherever she is, as long as she has friends, stuff to do, and decent coffee.
Any words of wisdom?
20 Likes
Talk with them together—family discussion!
LOL, I’ve tried, believe me.
2 Likes
I’m so sorry 
1 Like
It’s so hard. Her Dad says he is fine with the other school, that he just wants her to be happy, but I can tell that the farther away the budget gets, the more heart broken he is.
Frankly I do not understand this obsession with Clemson. I didn’t insist on our D trying to go to UCLA (even though it’s a million dollars a year out of state.)
1 Like
To be blunt - your husband is in the wrong. I don’t know how you tell him that diplomatically, but the fact that he is pressuring your kid (even if implicitly) to choose a school that doesn’t seem best for her - even if it wasn’t more expensive - is wrong. You said the other school is both excellent and perfect for her. Not sure why this is even a discussion. Your husband is not the one spending 4 years there now.
(And yes that’s easier for a stranger to say on the internet than you face to face with your spouse..l know)
14 Likes
To be fair, Clemson is known for their engineering and the other school is not. That’s really all it has going on it’s favor…and Clemson’s football team is better (not that she cares.) He thinks Clemson is perfect for her because it was perfect for him.
1 Like
If your daughter could independently choose—throwing away cost, name, legacy, etc—which college should would she herself choose:Clemson, or the other college?
2 Likes
I asked her tonight, if you had all these financial numbers and other information (size, band, etc.) but no names, which would you choose? And she said she would choose the other top choice. I don’t think she can throw away cost, because there are a lot of other schools she would have applied to if money were no object.
1 Like
SLO is a great school and a beautiful campus setting.
3 Likes
Take the difference ($50k?) and run it through the FSA Student Loan Simulator as if it’s a parent plus loan and show both your husband and daughter what that payment would look like monthly for 10 years.
7 Likes
Then there is your answer. I wouldn’t give this anymore time. She made her decision and it is within budget. Let your husband know. He’ll get over it.
Edit: but make sure you get all final numbers in first- you might get surprised.
5 Likes
Remind him he’s not the one going to college!
Having that extra money to fund study abroad and potentially grad school is a huge deal.
11 Likes
Parent of D24 here - we did things a little differently - our first visit was to a university 10 minutes away that I knew she would never want to attend - too big, too close, not a good fit with students- I called it a “burner visit.” Thus, having the comparison to all other schools be a school she had zero interest in and wasn’t alluring was the perfect comparison. It worked well!
8 Likes