<p>I agree with the beginning of what geomom said. Being vocal and into your identity is a useful phase, but maybe she’s moving away from it into a more tolerant and relaxed phase where she wants to also affiliate with the dominant culture instead of diacritacally opposing and separating herself from it.</p>
<p>Scanned the thread, not what I expected. But then, lumping everyone Asian together, even though there are such radical differences in the various countries is not unusual. Reminds me of when my 1/2 Indian son was invited to a special assembly for Asian students in middle school- he was upset, I talked to the principle and got the well meaning school to differentiate the Hmong/other SE Asian recent immigrants from others of a totally different culture- computer lumped all Asians together, that assembly was a good idea, but not for the one Indian Asian… Son also looks Hispanic to some, the Spanish interpreter in his kindergarten looked at him when trying to figure out who to translate for in gym class…</p>
<p>Issues I never dreamed of growing up, nor when I got married - the local ethnic mix has changed over the years.</p>
<p>Being “into” one’s identity is hardly a phase. For most, it is a lifestyle expressed through hair style, food, musice, worship etc.</p>
<p>And, Sara’s comments (again, if accurately reported) indicate an affirmative (if not aggressive) indiff to the hardship/suffering of others, rather than movement towards a more tolerant/relaxed world view. Moreover, embracing one’s ethnic/racial identity and tolerance are NOT mutually exclusive.</p>
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Uh, yes it is. I have seen this many, many times with people of all different groups who identify by race, ethnicity, religion, sexual orientation, gender, or something else.</p>
<p>Racial identity is so complex in this country and in this world! I know a lot about Asian Americans because I am married to a Japanese American and my kids therefore have a Japanese American dad and a white (secular) Jewish American mom. </p>
<p>Part of being “Asian American” is that it is pretty much itself an American construct – in Asia, folks tend to identify more with their country of origin or their province or their ethnic background. (My H’s family HATED his red down vest because it was a “Chinese” color; H for years would never admit he was Japanese in a Chinese restaurant because of the history of Japanese occupation of China; I worked in Boston’s Chinatown one summer where my Mandarin speaking kids and Cantonese speaking kids wouldn’t be in the same activity clubs, and the American Born Chinese kids wouldn’t hang out with any of “THOSE Chinese [born] kids.” Add in class issues… at our HS we have middle class and professional Korean families, working class Vietnamese families and Cambodian refugees, along with a large population of families from India and some from Pakistan, and all the religions and cultures represented in the entire continent. So my my Jewish-Japanese American kid brought up by two ex-New Yorkers who grew up in mostly rural upstate new york admits that he mostly identifies as “white” – but he loves and values his diverse heritage, his diverse school, his mixed neighborhood… and knows he has a lot to explore.</p>
<p>That’s a long winded way of saying… of course you are sad, and mad… and all that is natural… and so is for your friend being confused… and going through changes and phases…</p>
<p>My favorite book on the subject of students and racial identity: “Why are all the black kids sitting together in the cafeteria?” by Beverly Daniel Tatum (currently pres. of Spellman) <a href=“http://www.amazon.com/Black-Sitting-Together-Cafeteria-Conversations/dp/product-description/0465091296[/url]”>http://www.amazon.com/Black-Sitting-Together-Cafeteria-Conversations/dp/product-description/0465091296</a> </p>
<p>Thinking of you, OP… and appreciating your hard work and committment. S</p>
<p>You know somepeople just can’t hate someone else forever, even those who hate them. Outrage can carry some people only so far. As they move through the world they meet and get to know people who make them rethink their pov. </p>
<p>It seemed to me that the group was formed or taken in a direction of anger. Anger only burns for some for so long… </p>
<p>Some people move on and reduce the drama in their lives. Living better and living well is always the best revenge against those who would put you down. Nothing makes a bigot madder than seeing the people they hate “happy” and living well. </p>
<p>I sympathise with the girl that left. Try as I might, I can’t hate all those who’ve wronged me over the years. To allow them to still stir something in me, means they control my happiness and freedom. </p>
<p>I hope some here will understand my point.</p>
<p>I understand your point, but I see the need to charactenize a high sch anti-discrim group as an association limited or devoted to anger/hatred. And while living well is the best revenge, living well does not require indifference to the struggles of others.</p>
<p>“And while living well is the best revenge, living well does not require indifference to the struggles of others.”</p>
<p>Who’s to really say she indifferent? She is not here to defend herself and is being paraphrased by the poster. It becomes sort of a you “don’t support the troops if you don’t support the president” arguement. </p>
<p>My point is maybe she personally has moved on, that doesn’t require being indifferent, it requires the realization of the impact their efforts were having on her. </p>
<p>As far as characterizing the group, I think the poster did that off the bat. You can be an anti-discrimination group and not just protest. flies, vinegar, honey.</p>
<p>Her reaction isn’t that different from many hapas and Asian-Americans who want to “fit in” with the majority (there’s nothing wrong with “fitting in” - but a significant % tend to take it to the extremes).</p>
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<p><a href=“http://www.chicagotribune.com/features/lifestyle/living/chi-0704260444apr27,1,561095.story?coll=chi-homepagenews-utl[/url]”>http://www.chicagotribune.com/features/lifestyle/living/chi-0704260444apr27,1,561095.story?coll=chi-homepagenews-utl</a></p>
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<p><a href=“http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/05/03/AR2007050301209.html[/url]”>http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/05/03/AR2007050301209.html</a></p>
<p>Take this hapa girl, for instance, who doesn’t typically date Asians b/c it feels like she is flirting with a “family member” - well, her father is white, so shouldn’t she feel more so in that regards to white males?</p>
<p>I was once told by a third-generation Japanese-American prof who specialized in Japanese studies that he was following a well-worn script:
first generation: tries hard to be an American.
second generation: believes one is an American
third generation: returns to one’s original identity.</p>
<p>Of course, this is complicated if the person is of mixed origins.</p>
<p>marite - the same thing can also apply to many Asian-Americans over their lifetime.</p>
<p>grade school/jr.: high tries hard to be an American.
high school/college/young adulthood: believes one is an American
late 20s/early 30s: returns to, or rather recognizes (or no longer is ashamed of), one’s original identity.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, not all get to the 3rd step.</p>