<p>I’m surprised no one here has suggested confronting the “naughty” kid themselves. With many of my sons’ friends, I have a terrific relationship, and I hope that a word or two from me might help. Sometimes kids are more willing to listen to an adult who’s not in the family.</p>
<p>Friends, its very hard to get a call like this. I know from reading the posts here that many of you are sympathetic and kind, but there are a certain percentage of people who are extremely judgmental regarding other parents. These are the people who hear about a situation and react by talking about how bad the patents must be. It just isn’t that simple. Good parents sometimes have kids who make mistakes and sometimes parents who are neglectful and/or abusive have kids who don’t. There is no magic formula.
I think the reason that some people act very defensive/go into denial are many times feeling very judged. Many times they do care, but don’t know what to do about a situation.</p>
<p>When my daughter was in fifth grade a good friend of hers, a boy, kept telling her that he was depressed and wanted to kill himself. Who knows if he meant it but I alerted the teacher who called his mother. She came up to me in carline and thanked me over and over. I hadn’t wanted the teacher to identify me but I think I did the right thing.</p>
<p>neighbors directly across the street would routinely go away for the weekend leaving their son alone to host drinking parties. They knew exactly what was going on. Parties were generally very quiet. One time things got out of hand and I was about to (reluctantly) call the police when they showed up from someone else calling. A court appearance was required but I don’t know what the outcome was - obviously no serious repercussions. This was several years ago.</p>
<p>My heart is broken. I am looking for any information anyone can give me on why a young honors student would end her life? She had a history of anorexia some years ago, but appeared to be doing well. She had a high IQ and the world at her feet. Why? Why? Can anyone help me? Emellgee</p>
<p>I am searching for answers as to why a young, beautiful girl, an honors student would choose to end it all. No evidence of drug abuse, alcohol etc. Did any of her friends know of her difficulties? Did they tell anybody? Please help me understand so that it may ease the pain. Emellgee</p>
<p>to emellgee, my deepest sympathy. Many times young people suffer silently from adolescent adjustment reaction issues, depression, and other similar things. They may not ask for help because they do not want people to know that they are not perfect, or they don’t see an easy place to go to get help, even if it is there. This is truly so sad.</p>
<p>As to the OP’s question, I have to say that I would not go directly to anyone’s parents unless it was an emergency that I saw that needed immediate attention. I would go to the school personnel or other third parties to do something if I thought it should be done. I have to say that I have come across a couple of parents over the years who really were crazy themselves. So much so that they could not take in criticism (even if true) of their child without going mental and attacking the messenger in a way that was painful in and of itself. Without going into specifics all I can say is that some people will turn it around so that you (or the other messenger) is the subject of possibly harmful untrue gossip or even slander. I would save a life if I could - but that might mean calling the authorities rather than the parents.</p>
<p>I am sorry for your loss, emellgee.</p>
<p>I too am sorry for your loss, emellgee. I don’t think anyone here can help you understand, though - suicide is incomprehensible, and the truth is only fully known and understood by the victim. The rest of us are left to wonder and mourn.</p>
<p>I did go to a parent with information that had me concerned and about which I knew he would be concerned. This was information that had been corroborated by more than one source with first-hand knowledge. Asked for and received assurance that nothing would be said that implicated my family (to protect son). Got a phone call from the mom as a follow up. All good.</p>
<p>A week later, received another call from the mom with her son’s explanations–which I KNEW were BS. She believed them. That was her choice. Fortunately, he lived to graduate from HS and seems to be doing fine in college.</p>
<p>I have never regretted that rather difficult decision.</p>
<p>This is bringing back SO many memories…</p>
<p>There was the very smug mom who said that her sons were only allowed to date other athletes because that way they would not be drinking…her sons drank every chance they got.</p>
<p>Pizzagirl:
</p>
<p>The original post was made not because I was “worried” about being a tattletale, but instead to initiate a useful discussion on a very important matter. Also, the topic here isn’t about "what other random parents think ". It is about issues that come up within communities, where people know each other directly or are connected to everyone else by one or two people. Communities where you will have to live after you bring bad news to someone, and more importantly, where your kids will have to live. People who live perhaps in a city, or who are not very social, might find it easier to bite the bullet and pick up the phone. Perhaps a few feel strongly enough to throw caution to the wind. However, right or wrong, I would guess that most parents do not bring good information to other parents (the majority of the time, anyway) because of what can happen next.</p>
<p>Fallgirl
I agree. I have heard parents judge other parents out there in the world. They open their mouths, and nothing but ignorance emerges. You hope that most parents got a little education along the way and understand some biology, psychology, and the like (that you can do everything right, and still produce a child who inherited the genes for addiction, for example). You know what, though? I find that the root of this issue is PRIDE as well. When I see parents doing the judge other parents thing, it is to stroke their own egos. </p>
<p>Fortunately, in my travels I have discovered that most parents have a surprising amount of sympathy for the troubles of other families. Some do judge, but I think there are more understanding hearts out there than many suffering parents realize.</p>
<p>I still think that it is unacceptable to punish the messenger, whether we feel judged or not. The chance to get helpful information is priceless.</p>