<p>As you can see, OP, we’re a suspicious group. That’s what you get when you ask parents for advice. I guess I would suggest that you think about what you would get out of a trip home, and consider if you can get it (or a reasonable facsimile) in some other way. Could you visit a friend who lives closer? Could your dad visit you? Could you try Skyping with your dad more often? How about just spending a day away from school in a park?</p>
<p>Sikorsky, it seems that OP is not going to do anything to jeopardize her Dads relationship with SM. Its a shame that SM doesnt support Dads relationship with kid. But it happens. MSH, I am glad you have friends. I wish you the best. I mean this is the nicest way, you might see if your school has any free counseling available.</p>
<p>I am divorced, and I know that Dads remarriage has resulted in him spending less time with DD. Its sad. She accepts it.</p>
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<p>I don’t get from the OP that this is what’s happening. She says:</p>
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<p>Kayf, is it possible that the story of your own family is affecting the way you read the OP’s story?</p>
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<p>MSH, this seems like a legitimate gripe. It’s possible that even they didn’t fully appreciate how long you’d have to go between moving in and going home for a visit, but I certainly don’t blame you for feeling as if somebody moved the goalposts during the middle of the game. Hang in there, kiddo. Let your parents know that you’re missing them, and missing home. If they know this, they may be willing to help you through this rough patch before you can go home for a while. It might not be a trip back to Texas, but they may try to make sure to call/text/skype more often…that kind of thing.</p>
<p>Sikorsky – I based my statement on what OP said - "He’s worried about the flights, and worried about asking my step-mom to do anything. He seriously refuses to ever ask her to lift a finger. " It seems to me that both dad and SM should be aware of what is going on, and Dad is afraid to support his Daughter. Its sad. I dont see it getting better, and I really think, as some else said, it is time for OP to accept that her home is at college, and if she needs to, get help in dealing with it.</p>
<p>I think you have to ignore a lot to make that case, kayf.</p>
<p>It may be a little unusual that the dad doesn’t want to make the step-mom lift a finger, but it’s not necessarily a sign that everything has gone to hell. Perhaps he dotes on her; perhaps he shows his affection by doing for her. Certainly, there are men who show their wives affection by buying them stuff; doing stuff for them is sometimes just another way of doing the same thing. (Recently, my wife had to put gasoline in her car. It had been so many years since the last time she’d bought gas, she didn’t know what side of her car the filler door was on, and couldn’t remember whether she needed to swipe her credit card before or after inserting the nozzle in the neck of the filler. Does that mean my marriage is troubled?)</p>
<p>If the OP perceives her family to be basically loving and mostly normal, and perceives that both her step-mother and her father love her and are concerned about her welfare, I don’t see any value in suggesting otherwise.</p>
<p>I don’t know about the rest of you, but I feel really sorry for the med school hopeful who let her parents pick her college and asks permission to come home. So sad to be a tiger cub! :-(</p>
<p>I don’t see OP as a tigercub.</p>
<p>Her Dad is very logical.</p>
<p>Not knowing the OP, but being a femaly myself, I am very emotional. I tend to clash with extreme logic when it goes against my gut.</p>
<p>OP – Call your stepmom. This issue is not simply wanting to book a flight home. A female perspective may help you. You sound more than willing to compromise. Simply explain to her that you understand your Dad’s concerns over flight times and making it to class, but you feel a visit would recharge you. Ask her to run interference. Before you call her, decide the days/weekends you want to visit home. Do not ask for every long weekend. Try to just have twice during the semester penciled in. Thanksgiving flights book up early. It is pragmatic to try and get that booked.</p>
<p>Ask her what restrictions are on the flights. </p>
<p>Your Dad may have made it sound easy to get back & forth. There may be restrictions from stepmom’s end. And remember, the job market is not good. She may be afraid to take all the perks her job permits if things are going on at work. There may be issues you do not know. </p>
<p>I think these forums are great for venting and getting back to perspective. You are very fortunate to receive a generous scholarship. Don’t lose sight of that. I know you feel more warning should have been given about coming home before you made any college choices, but as a parent I think if my son was 30 minutes from home or across the country I expect him to only come home once a semester. Your Dad may have not discussed it in depth because he may not have considered more than Thanksgiving, Spring Break visits.</p>
<p>What can you accomplish over a three day visit? It’s 5-7 hours travel time, meaning you would get in Friday evening and probably leave Sunday morning/afternoon. What difference will that one day at home really make?</p>
<p>I don’t think the OP is a tiger cub either. It sounds like she got substantial merit aid to her school and her family wanted/needed her to take the offer. Many families make similar decisions. </p>
<p>OP, is itnpossible for you to pay the $60 from TX to Pittsburgh at the end of the weekend so that you will have a confirmed flight? This way your dad won’t have to worry about you Getting back to school on time? If you go home in October would you agree to no more long weekends at home till second semester, especially if you will be home for Thanksgiving and Christmas?</p>
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<p>I’m sorry, how can that be? I just used Google’s handy new gadget for booking flights, Google Flights, to check out flights from Pittsburgh to Dallas via Atlanta. Two hours from Pittsburgh to Atlanta, one hour ten minutes layover, two hours from Atlanta to Dallas-- that’s if you get your first standby flight and both flights are on time. So that’s already over five hours. But you have to arrive at the airport an hour before takeoff. Over six hours. You have to get to the airport. Six and three quarters hours.</p>
<p>Six and three quarters hours, with no traffic, with all flights on time, if you get your first standby flight,* if your family home is right next to Carousel B at baggage claim*. Otherwise, a lot longer.</p>
<p>I don’t know if I could pay the $60. I mean, since my parents have to book the flight, I’d have to pay it to them and then they’d probably either tell me it’s not worth it to pay $120 for a 3-day weekend or that they’d just pay it, and I really wouldn’t want them to pay it since they are paying for my room and board right now, and that’s been difficult. And yes, I don’t really want any other weekends home, just this one to bridge the gap to Thanksgiving. I definitely agree with the parents who said it’s better to be on campus most weekends, so I think any more might be too much.</p>
<p>And yes, you may have found that its six and three quarters hours, but I said five to seven. And yes, we’ve done it in just a little over five. It’s really easy if the layover is a lot shorter than an hour (usually we schedule for 30 minutes, which is easy to do when you’re on standby). Also, both flights are not 2 hours. Usually one is 2 hours and one is an hour (I can’t remember which), so maybe the one you saw were taking a different route? (It happens, sometimes the 2 hour flight is only an hour and a half.) And yes, it can be a lot longer if I don’t get on my scheduled flight, but out of my whole family, that’s only happened to one of us once. </p>
<p>Yeah, it’s possible that there are other things going on with my step-mom’s work, but I’m just really wanting to go home. I wish I could have been more prepared for this by my parents way back when they decided I was going here. It would have made it a lot easier now than finding out that every trip home is getting cancelled once I get within a few weeks of it.</p>
<p>I meant can you pay just one way for the confirmed flight, so $60 only. Insist on giving the money to your parents. I think it is a lot of travel for such a short visit, but maybe if you agree to the $60 and no visit till Thanksgiving, your pare ts will agree.</p>
<p>I will continue to feel sorry for the Tiger cub. Even though I know the flights aren’t free, (family worked for the airlines - you still have to pay the taxes - about $30) and it is a hassle to get stand by tickets. And flying standby on a holiday makes people crazy. But the way she asked her dad rather than telling her dad that she expects to come home for Thanksgiving is just not an acceptable mind set for someone who will someday hold peoples’ lives in her hands. If you really want to be a doctor then you really have to learn how to be in charge. Tell your dad and your step-mom when your last class is before T-day and ask them to let you know as soon as the arrangments have been made. If Daddy is a bit panicky and doesn’t want you to try to make the last flight out Sunday night, that is okay so you arrive at the ariport at 5 am. That is perfectly do-able. You are not 6 years old and there is no need to cower in the corner. Did everybody else miss the part where he said maybe she couldn’t come home until Christmas. That is just not acceptable to me. Of course your long weekend in October probably does not include the busiest travel day of the year. (Wed before T-day) So you might want to put it to him that you are either coming home for T-day or in October and let him pick which one would cause him less lost sleep over your return flight. But you need to voice your concerns in a respectful manner and not hide and hope they suddenly learn to read your mind.</p>
<p>^I’m not waiting for my parents to read my mind. I’ve told them all of this, my dilemma is making my dad, who never wanted to miss a day on campus, understand why I don’t feel the same way.</p>
<p>Also, I’m 18 and my parents still completely support me financially, as they have for the past 18 years. They pay for my room, board, and books, and even scrape up a little spending money for me from time to time so I wouldn’t have to work my freshman year. Why in the world would I ever demand a thing from them? I may be a coward in your eyes, but I feel that I’m wiser than you.</p>
<p>I feel sorry for OP too, but that wont help her. If Dad is going to get mad at her calling SM, only OP will know. </p>
<p>I know many families would insist on kid taking offer, BUT they should have told her ahead of time, you can only come home on Thanksgiving, Christmas. But, that is over and done with. OP the first think you HAVE to do, is accept the situation for what it is, and I think OP has done that. I do think OP should see if her school has free counseling, many do.</p>
<p>OP, you haven’t answered a couple of questions that I think are pertinent. You aren’t obligated to answer them, of course, but parents always want more details. First, are you a freshman? If so, then it’s understandable that you might really feel a desire to go home. But you’ve only been there a few weeks, and you may not feel that way after a few more weeks, and your dad may think you should hold off. If you’re not a freshman, but an upperclassman or a transfer, then it’s a little harder to understand your need to go home. As others have also asked, what exactly would you do at home? What is it you miss, in particular?</p>
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<p>I guess I’ll ask him. I’m a little worried that that might not be the real reason he’s saying no to this visit, and when he says no to this solution, I’ll find out what the real reason is. My dad’s very quiet and reserved, so it can be hard to get a straight answer out of him about what he’s feeling.</p>
<p>Man, I miss being a little kid where every question had only one right answer. ;)</p>
<p>Med School, I realize that this may be somewhat a painful conversation, but you need more information.</p>
<p>In general, do students who have only a long weekend for Thanksgiving (classes on the Wednesday before, classes on the Monday after) fly home for Thanksgiving? When my son was in that situation, he didn’t fly home because we thought it was too much flying, at too busy a time, for too little visit home.</p>
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<p>Yes, I’m a freshman. I just miss my family and I miss my friends. Most of them go to college in town, live at home, still work our same jobs, and still hang out in the same places with the same people, and I guess it’s just gotten hard to see everything go on without me and not be able to be a part of it. I’m really homesick, to the point that I’m starting to regret not saying something to my parents about coming here. I just thought that a trip home would help with the home sickness – but probably make me miss college a bit too – and get me back on track.</p>