<p>Often, when I call a business for information, I get a recording that tells me to go to their website instead. I’m calling because I already looked at the website and couldn’t find the answer to my question. (Silly me–I thought I might talk to an actual person. . .)</p>
<p>One of my sons doesn’t like any form of communication. He just got his college roommate assignments. Doesn’t want to call/text or email them. His attitude: “Won’t I meet them when I get there?” He doesn’t even have a phone–we’re giving him one for college, but he doesn’t want it. Doesn’t do FB.</p>
<p>While I’m old enough to remember a time when the landline phone was the commonplace means of communication and I have no problems calling people when needed, I much prefer emails, forums, or facebook. </p>
<p>My issue with the phone is that it’s too limiting in terms of numbers of people one can communicate with, distracting from other activities…especially if one has to employ lengthy pleasantries, a huge time waster as a sizable chunk of your attention/location is dictated by the phone’s placement/capabilities, and how folks who love to chat on the phone seem to be incapable of realizing that not everyone loves to chat on the phone…or more importantly…has a large amount of free time to do so or to even be available.<br>
Moreover, I hate how the phone has those limitations and yet, doesn’t allow me to view body language or sometimes even fully hear the tones which are helpful in communications and built into face-to-face communication. Phone conversations in this context feel a bit lacking and sometimes…even fake. </p>
<p>Unlike a lot of friends who can go on and on if there’s no constraints, I usually make it a point to limit my phone calls to 5…maybe occasionally 10 minutes or less and prefer getting right to the point of the call to keep it cut and dried. </p>
<p>For long conversations, I’d much rather have them in a face-to-face context to get the full body-language and tones I don’t always get over the phone. In fact, I very much enjoy these types of conversations/socializing. </p>
<p>With internet related mediums listed above, none of those limitations apply and I can not only carefully consider how to compose my emails or forum/facebook posts/messages, but also can get right back to my work or other activity once I finish the process…or even start and stop several times in between without any ill-effects such as the friend/recipient feeling I’m not giving him/her “full attention”. I also have much more room to express my thoughts without feeling I’m imposing on the time and patience of the recipient.</p>
<p>Exactly, cobrat. When someone who loves to chat calls me, they seem to have no inkling that I might be busy with something else. And it’s just so awkward to end a conversation with a chat-lover; they never want to go. I’m always the one who has to cut it off, and it just feels so rude. But I don’t have all night, and they seem to. :(</p>
<p>I can definitely understand the phone call phobia. Whenever I’m with family or friends and we have to order food, NO ONE wants to call, lol. I don’t know why. I’ve gotten way better with this and figure, hey it’s just a phone call. I’m likely to never interact with the people again. So, I usually volunteer to call. </p>
<p>Also, in the past when my dad or mom asked me to make a call for them for whatever reason, I would HATE it. I would get nervous and stumble my way through the whole conversation. But two weeks ago, my dad asked me to call an airline for him and I did it, no nerves or anything. It helps that I know that the people on the other end have a job to do and we want our problems/questions solved. I’ve gotten much better with it over the last couple of years. But I definitely can see where the anxiety comes from.</p>
<p>Here’s what I dislike is when H asks me to make a phone call for him, when he could do it in less than the time it takes to explain it to me. then I never do it right and have to make extra calls to clarify what he could have asked himself. I like talking to friends though.</p>
<p>I am so surprised that so many of you don’t like to make phone calls. I always thought that it was just me. Dealing with people in person, emailing and texting are no problem but there is something about a phone call that makes me anxious and nervous. Even a simple call to make an appointment is something I put off. I have gotten better as I’ve gotten older but I still hate to make that call.</p>
<p>I love phone calls, as I greatly enjoy human contact, and live alone. Talking to someone while washing dishes, folding clothes, cooking, pulling weeds just makes my day. As I’m always busy, I enjoy my human contact while active. Even in person, prefer a walk and chat to sitting somewhere. Which is why this texting/email only world is making me sad, and a bit isolated. Very few folks talk on the phone much, so I mostly just talk to family and friends in other parts of the country. </p>
<p>Used to be, setting up a dinner, you’d chat a bit in process by phone. Now, it is email only, and business like communication until the actual meeting. I think that subtly effects the feelings of connectivity for many of us. </p>
<p>And, I’m getting a little scared of calling many folks, for fear of bothering them, as phones are now seen as intrusive, in a way they previously were not, in the days of land line only. </p>
<p>Now what I appreciate is not having to be in one place, at one time to communicate. Writing emails at 10 PM is sometimes very effective, and would never call someone at that time.</p>
<p>^I can understand that apprehension. Before I had texting on my phone that was a huge deal, because most of the people I associated with I knew for a fact preferred NOT to be called. </p>
<p>My mom has gotten into the habit of texting me to ask if I have time to chat, or texting me to tell me to call when I have time. Then I will call and chat if/when I have time. If it’s important she’ll just call like normal. That works well for us and tends to be what I do with friends now, too… a quick, “hey, are you busy? Can you talk?” avoids that sense of intrusion. Though, I have to say, even as someone who doesn’t like the phone very much I think it’s dumb that we have to do that. It’s not that intrusive to let a call go to voicemail if you don’t have time to chat, imho.</p>
<p>As someone old enough to remember the days of commonplace landline phones…there were people who saw them as intrusive back then. It’s just that it was often left unsaid to avoid being off-putting or worse, being unfairly labeled as an anti-social person. </p>
<p>As for the fear of calling many folks at the risk of bothering them, I’d just ask them straight out if receiving phone calls is ok with them and watch to see how often they pick up. The latter will be a good barometer as to whether they welcome your calls/have time or not. </p>
<p>
</p>
<p>You’d be surprised at how upset folks who love chatting on the phone get when you do that…even if it is dictated by necessity such as work or being in an area with practically no reception. </p>
<p>One of the negatives of cell phone technology is the increasing entitled reaction among such folks that people be available to chat 24/7 or that it’s ok to use it in places like university libraries, classrooms in the middle of lecture, or even on a date with someone. </p>
<p>Maybe I’m too old-school here…but IMHO, those are venues in which one should turn off the cell phone period for the duration and people trying to reach you should be understanding of that.</p>
<p>You know, I get this, but what I would need you to do would be to arrange with me a time when *I am also folding clothes, cooking, or pulling weeds<a href=“I%20can’t%20hear%20while%20I%20am%20washing%20dishes”>/I</a>. Instead, what typically happens is that the phone rings just as I was about to go out on an errand, or when I’m in the middle of something that takes concentration, or when I’m getting ready to cook but haven’t gotten buy-in from the rest of the gang on the menu, or whatever, so while YOU are having a nice productive half an hour during our chat, I’m not. I’m putting off what I needed to do. But I can’t seem to extricate myself from a conversation that didn’t have a point in the first place–how do we know when it’s over? A lot of times those conversations go on much longer than conversations should, because the person on the other end of the line just wants some companionship. I know I’d feel different if I were also accomplishing something that didn’t require much thought, but since I’m not…it becomes frustrating and, well, honestly, it can be boring. Can I just say, “Listen, I have to go. I can’t just sit here chatting on the phone any longer”? That feels rude. </p>
<p>
</p>
<p>This works for me. Both on the sending and receiving ends.</p>
<p>Deskpotato, you end the call when either party needs to go. What would anyone want to keep someone on the phone when they have other priorities? I often tell folks I need to call them back later, or even next week, and hear that back. No reason to resent a call, and why would anyone want to get into a position of resentment with family and friends? State your needs and appreciate their interest in talking. </p>
<p>If someone calls me and I do have time, I change phones, get the portable or cell, and get those clothes in to be folded, or wipe down my kitchen stove IF I have time. </p>
<p>This is an empty nester thing. I’m not calling folks when they have a house full of kids, or in the midst of family meals. And as I mentioned, I call only certain people, at select times because I’m getting scared of bothering most folks aside from a very few close friends and family. </p>
<p>And… in certain age groups, people don’t text. </p>
<p>When my D was in school, I used to text her to call home when she might be in class. She said it always terrified her to get that text, in case something was wrong.</p>
<p>Hasn’t been an issue for me. I never answer unexpected calls anymore unless it’s my mother or my boyfriend-- who only call rather than text if it’s important anyway. If a message is left, I’ll call back. If not, I never do.</p>
<p>The only people I know anymore that don’t text are my dad and my grandparents. They never call anyway. If they did, I’d answer because it would probably be an emergency. </p>
<p>I don’t resent people for calling, I just don’t bother to pick up if it isn’t convenient.</p>
<p>At my Undergrad’s library there were 3 floors. The first floor sometimes got pretty rowdy…people talk in a normal voice, talk on the cell phone, etc. 2nd floor is more like a normal library…hushed voices, few phone conversations, if any. 3rd floor is quiet study zone. If anyone’s phone goes off (not on vibrate), anyone talks, or anything else that makes noise everyone pokes their head out of their cubicles to give them a dirty look. </p>
<p>I’ve never seen someone take a phonecall in the middle of a lecture. I have seen people text fairly frequently.</p>
<p>On a date is the worst, IMO. Pay attention to me…isn’t that the whole point?</p>
<p>If I really don’t want to be bothered by a phone call or text message, I leave the phone at home. If someone really needs to get a hold of me they’ll leave a message, and whatever it is can wait for a few hours.</p>