<p>We all of us are products of our personalities + experiences. All I’m saying is that if a parent is disturbed, doesn’t love their child, and treats that child in a cold or even cruel way, that child will reflect the scars of a terrible childhood, even if the parent never touches the child.</p>
<p>On the other hand, a swat on the rear from a loving parent does not necessarily damage the child. </p>
<p>mythmom, you have a right to your feelings about your parents, your childhood, and your missed opportunities. You’ve earned those feelings, and I understand why they would loom large. Nevertheless, I hope you also appreciate the full extent of the challenges you faced, and overcame.</p>
<p>When my son was little and did something that made me mad, he apologized and wanted me to act like nothing had ever happened. I put my arm around him and told him that feelings were like the top of the stove - after you turn it off it’s still hot and needs time to cool down, but eventually it would be cool again. As adults, our feelings still take a long time to get over. When the heat was very intense, it will take a lifetime, or more.</p>