<p>Is the teacher actually affiliated with the company, though? My read on it was that teacher was making an estimate of likely pay but was not in any kind of position to give definite information about payment or follow up on payment afterward. I wouldn’t send follow up to the teacher, and I’d be very careful to word follow up in a way that says he’s asking about payment, but not expecting payment. I’ve done things in the past where I wasn’t really sure about pay but was happy to do it anyway, and I’ve followed up by politely asking if there’s payment in a way that laughs about myself a bit for not firming up the details beforehand.</p>
<p>I think there’s a lot of variance as to pay in various theater shows. I have a friend who is on the board of an award winning community theater company. She does membership work, acts in shows, choreographs shows, directs, etc. It’s a great resume builder, and it’s her passion, but it’s also all unpaid work. My brother works in tech, and that’s almost always paid, even when nobody else is. I’ve gotten the impression that musicians fall somewhere in between. I also kind of think it’s a bit odd if a professional theater company pays student musicians significantly less. At that point, they are all there because they have the musical ability to do the show, and it’s not like your son was there as an intern. Anyone playing quality music to support the show should get the same treatment.</p>
<p>Oh, so the teacher just said something general like, “You might even get paid.” Hmmm. Sometimes the musical director pays the orchestra and the artistic director at the theater may not even be the right person to ask about this. And, it does vary alot. If the teacher set it up that’s still where I would start. But, there’s a good chance this was an unpaid gig.</p>
<p>younghoss, that’s exactly it. DS handled the whole thing from the start. The experience changed his view of himself, and he visibly matured. He enjoyed the new experience of functioning on an adult level, and I wouldn’t have felt right trying to interfere. His teacher, who recommended him for the gig, told him that he would be paid, but it would be much less than the pros. At this point, DS does not want to do anything else. It’s just hard to see him feeling down about it, after the experience was so positive and life-changing. I wish he hadn’t been led to expect to be paid.</p>
<p>The teacher is not affiliated with the pit band, but he knows the leader and sometimes plays for him. He actually played at one performance, substituting for a friend who was playing the 1st part of DS’ instrument. </p>
<p>my compliments to NYmom, and the son. It can be hard to let a kid handle something knowing he may not handle it well, but knowing that if not, he’ll learn from it. My compliments to the son for learning a good “non-fatal” life lesson too. Hard for the kid to see he benefitted from the band experience, and from the business experience.</p>
<p>I know this is frustrating… I have one kid who would rather be a doormat 10,000 times than rock the boat. Her social skills aren’t great (she actually has a learning disability that is part of that), and I think she is too afraid she is going to step over some kind of line and cause a problem with something that any ‘normal’ adult would consider a reasonable request. Sometimes I just watch her get stepped on, nothing to be done about it. But there are times when I feel like she could benefit from a hand in phrasing or talking through a list of specific steps she COULD take. What is obvious to others isn’t so obvious to her… sometimes she takes suggestions and follows up, sometimes not. But one reason I suggested helping out with wording is that some kids need more of a ‘template’ to follow in these situations than others.</p>
<p>DS’ social skills are actually quite good. He interacts well with adults, and does pretty well negotiating his life. He is also always in control of his emotions. He was upset a couple of months ago when he was cut from tryouts for a school team. He was not surprised at being cut, he considered himself borderline, but the coach handled the notifications in a really bad way, really the worst way imaginable. DS was unhappy about being cut and irritated about the way the cuts were handled, because a significant amount of his time was wasted, but he told me that he was very polite to the coach and did not let him see the negative feelings, because he wants to try out again next year. </p>
<p>He handles most things himself - all interactions with teachers, guidance counselor, his two instrument teachers, the pro in his sport, the school band leader, etc. He tells me about situations and sometimes wants to talk them over, but he usually does not want advice and he most definitely would not want me butting in. </p>
<p>My son is a semi-kinda-sorta-professional musician, in that he gets paid for playing various gigs throughout the year (dance recitals, funerals, random strange things). I have acted as his manager for most of these since he started at the age of thirteen and it was just assumed Mom was the money guy. In general, it’s been pretty easy for me to be the tough guy in money situations and he’s learned how to handle it by observation.
That having been said: people don’t often try to weasel out on paying (and for some reason the only ones who ever have have been churches), but they do often try to get him to do more than the original agreement, or take less money than discussed. I’ve gotten in the habit, a few days before a gig, of emailing the contact person and saying “just touching base: Hector will be there at noon Sunday, play one set of however many songs/specified length of time (possibly “including The Safety Dance”, if they’ve requested specifics, which sometimes they will), and you’ll make the check for $100 out to Hector S. Everspinning. Is this correct? regards, Laverne Everspinning”.
And then I get the check up front, before he plays a note.
IME, it makes the whole thing more enjoyable and less stressful for everybody if it’s all clear up front. But we never would have known to do it this way if older, more experienced musicians hadn’t suggested it.</p>
<p>And I second speaking to the teacher who recommended him. If there’s anything hinky, the teacher needs to know and keep that in mind for future gigs. (There’s one venue locally who no longer can get musicians because they stiffed a trio made up of three of my son’s friends, then lied about it-- and musicians talk!).</p>
<p>Good luck to him henceforth, whatever he decides to do. It’s great for him to be able to do things like pit.</p>
<p>Thank you so much for the advice, petrichor (Laverne)! I like your approach very much. At this point, gigs are such a boon to him that the money is secondary. But if he starts to do this more regularly, I will suggest that he use your method. He would NOT accept me acting as his agent, though! If he were 13, yes, but at 15 he is much more independent. </p>
<p>Chuck Berry used to insist on being paid in cash up front, before playing a note. I’m sure it was because he was stiffed one time too many… 'course he did get into trouble with the IRS. </p>