In Asian culture, especially with its heavy emphasis on “filial piety,” parental influence on who you see and who you end up marrying can play havoc in one’s life. But such influence, the way I’ve been witnessing, is becoming less especially for those with much westernization. In my family, for instance, my older brother and I had enjoyed autonomy and independence in who we chose to marry. When it comes to marriage, whether through natural progression of romance or via matchmaking, it’s up to each individual to ensure success without external influence and meddling. Can’t blame the medium when the marriage decision was all determined by the parents. That’s the way marriages were handled hundreds of years ago in Asia when the couple didn’t even get to see each other’s face until the day of the ceremony. That’s called “arranged marriage.”
@runnersmom, yes, my son needs to find someone who is willing to watch any sport and the more obscure, the better. After they discuss the latest cricket game, they can then relax with some drinks while discussing election reform, tech policy, or the future of the Supreme Court. I’m sure that’s a pretty limited cohort on most dating sites.
My D, single since the summer, (she did the heartbreaking) would say to those who are not going online that they are missing out on a lot of great people. She met her last long term bf (2 1/2 years) online and even though they didn’t work out she says she is still willing to try meeting guys this way again.
@Mansfield, you’d be surprised! He might discover his perfect match if he was willing to take the chance, as @showmom858 said. My D met her last BF online, and though it wasn’t a forever match, she enjoyed the time they spent together. She’s almost ready to jump back in because, to be honest, other than being fixed up, she doesn’t know where else she’ll meet young men, except at work and she’d prefer not to go that route.
I have a 26-y.o. single daughter who abhors the idea of online dating. She says that for centuries people have been meeting and marrying without using online dating. As I pointed out, people used to travel in horse-drawn wagons as well, and although they eventually got where they were going, I doubt that any of them would have turned down an automobile if offered one!
If anyone wants to start it, I’ll go for the CC mating service! But I won’t tell D…yet.
Maybe we can post “personal ads”…
When D first moved north she went to a “single’s night” (dance) but it turned out to be “old people”. She came home with phone numbers that parents foisted on her to meet their kids. She thought it was funny (and very sweet) but I think she should’ve followed up!
True story" A friend of mine has2 sons…both doctors. Friend and Her friend, who had one daughter wanted to fix them up. No go. Boy doc dated nurses, jDate…nothing. Girl dated…nothing. Two years later Boy Doc told mom that he met some one…invitation to Shabat dinner followed. Mom of girl got the invite for a Shabbat dinner. Friday night…the engaged showed up for dinner.
Both sets of parents made a big sign that said…Told you so!!! And they are happily married for 8 years.
@runnersmom CC has to expand. This is a viable side gig. Adults who have contacts with so many marriage age educated kids. Could be a gold mine. How many boys come on here saying they are to afraid to ask a girl out. CC could be one stop shopping. Get your scholarship, school and significant other all at once.
Instead of CC get togethers in various cities, we should organize “children of CC” meets. After all, it’s this village that got them into and through college and into jobs and apartments, right? :))
Here is an article about a recent project st Stanford. My Ds participated, but he said it was just “for fun,” and I can’t get any real details on whom he was paired with.
mansfield, the joy of online dating is that you can search for someone with rather specialized interests. At a point I had a relationship with someone who shared some of my rather uncommon musical and outdoor interests that I’d have never met in real life.
My best friend from college has a D, now in her early 30s, who dated casually for many years but never settled down much. She was an engineer, then in the Peace Corp, then in law school, now practicing law in Alaska. She is very independent and her mom was despairing of her really committing to someone. Then her whole family went on a vacation to Europe this summer, and the D offered to arrange the hotels & activities in one of their cities where she was meeting them. And… showed up with a guy in tow (one sister knew ahead of time, but mom & dad were surprised). A couple months later they moved in together, and announced their engagement a few weeks ago. Parents really like the guy, and REALLY like that they seem happy together. So… it can happen, and parents can have little advance notice/input.
Lol, I gave up the matchmaker hat after hounding my DD for years about a boy who I thought was attractive, (he is, she even said so), intelligent (he is, top 10% of their class), athletic (he is a starter on the varsity basketball team), involved in some similar ECs as DD and I vaguely know his parents and thought they were nice people (they are actually). One evening at a baseball game I saw the boy walk up into the bleachers, I leaned over and for the umpteenth time said to my DD “Why don’t you consider dating X?” She gave me “the look” (you know the one I am talking about), pulled out her phone and showed me a “d***k pic” that X had sent her. “If you must know…this, Mom, THIS is why I will not consider dating X. Now will you stop?” That is the day I stopped trying to be a matchmaker. Sometimes the nice, polite book cover just doesn’t match the raunchy content. Sometimes, our kids really do know what is best and can figure it out all on their own. So, until I am asked for help, I am out of the matchmaking business. DD has since found a pretty great guy to date all on her own, they’ve been together for 18 months, she apparently knows what she is doing!
What a wonderful idea! CC has long be a source of great info on a range of topics, so why not online matchmaking!
I will throw my hat in the ring on behalf of my 28 year old daughter in NYC. PMs welcome
@Madison85 I would think it would. College debt has now become one of the questions you ask during the first few dates. College debt has an adverse impact on future wealth mobility and can truly hamper you for many years. Many choose to avoid associating with so much debt. Money is fungible so funds used to service the debt takes away from other areas which people might consider deal breakers.
Another reason NOT to take on college debt. Remember. Debt is a four letter word.
