<p>Hello,
I would give your essay a 4 or a 5. I believe that the example you gave about Steve Jobs is more tailored to this topic rather than the one about Ghandi. A point can be made with that example, but the point you are trying to make is not evident at the moment and it just comes off as an example you threw in there just because you were trying to give more than one.
I had the same kind of issue when I was taking my SATs in January, so I sympathize with you, and I believe I can give you some advice that helped me to write better in hopes that it helps you too. </p>
<ol>
<li><p>There is no set formula for “good writing”. I don’t know about you, but writing under a strict “5 paragraph essay” format kills my creativity and my ability to write persuasively. I have used practically EVERY SAT prep book out there, but none even comes close to the Blue Book. Studying from that really helped me break free from the formatting guidelines instilled in me by the other prep books. There is a part om the Blue Book that says “Good writing is not strict adherence to a formula; rather, it is the strong development of ideas, the ablity to connect to an audience, precise use of language, effective organization and appropriate choices of evidence.” So there you have it, from the SAT makers themselves, you don’t have to suffer over trying to stick to a formula.</p></li>
<li><p>“How well you write is more important than how much you write.” I have seen essays on this book that only give one effective example to support their point and recieve a score of 6. I used to do the same thing, trying to give 3 pieces of evidence that support my assertion. But when I finally got around to it, I see that clearly conveying your point with just one example beats listing 3 mediocre examples that barely express your position on the topic. Once I started focusing my writing on effectively conveying my point as opposed to proving that I know a lot, my scores immediately improved . </p></li>
<li><p>That thing about “write a conclusion, and in it, restate your thesis” I believe to be nonsense. If you have written your essay effectively, you don’t need to restate your thesis because your writing has made it clear. Wrapping up is necessary, but you don’t need to do it in a way that comes off like “okay, I have to write a conclusion so I’m just going to restate what I said earlier.” </p></li>
<li><p>If you’re the kind of person who likes creative writing, try and have fun with the essay. Don’t think of it as a daunting experience. It’s scientifically proven that when you relax, you ALWAYS do better than when you’re stressed out. You can write about personal experiences, if you feel that it helps you convey your point clearly and in a more relaxed way. As long as you express your ideas effectualy, you’re good to go! (The SAT graders don’t have a preference to historical facts and current events over personal experiences.) </p></li>
</ol>
<p>This is what worked for me 
but take this all with a grain of salt please. I hope it helps you out and I hope you do good on the test this Saturday! (I’m taking it also, wish me luck ;))</p>