It’s great that you want to help him but, this is his essay, let him shape it the way he wants it to.
I’ve read too many essays about students playing sports and honestly, they all sound the same.
What did he learn from that situation. I see potential for this idea, if it’s written properly.
Some resources I recommend, along with many other people on this forum are https://www.■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■/ and https://www.collegeessayguy.com/. You can also google JHU’s Essays that worked.