I’m sorry. Just make sure the water run off won’t occur on your property if that’s a concern.
Neighbors built a huge house next to my dad and I bet dad had the city inspectors out a dozen times about it. It was a mess. The guy tried to get away with whatever he could.
And now with new flood heights, the new homes already start way above the height of existing homes from foundation level.
Put a big evil eye sign in your bathroom window.
Mention how you want to plant trees and let the implications to them sink in. If they squawk, ask for some concessions on their part.
I am so sorry.
Unfortunately Silicon Valley is also known for its McMansions-there is a neighborhood near the new Apple campus which has a bunch of these monstrosities where the architecture style doesn’t match. Hideous looking houses towering over ranch style and Eichlers. Some of the new houses have a curved front that looks like a medevial castle and those houses look like they were built to house a small defense force. Enough of the hyperbole, but most people would understand.
Cupertino is pretty notorious for people buying up older houses and tearing them down to build 3 story houses that pretty much eat up the entire lot. Of the affluent towns in the area, Palo Alto and Saratoga are better at enforcing building codes and trying to preserve the look of the area.
@BunsenBurner, do you mind sharing what part of Seattle the homeless encampment is in?
Sometimes, neighbors succeed…If you have CCRs, you still have to police the violators (and make sure your own actions do not violate the CCRs). Fascinating facts here - squabble over some pool construction cost $150K.
@Nrdsb4 - north of Fremont. It has been there for more than a year now.
Sound like the worst kind of horrible neighbors, nice to your face but carrying on with not a thought for the impact they are having on your quality of life. Plant bamboo.
I’d go for a strobe light in the bathroom facing their house. JK, sort of.
Edit: I just realized the OP asked to “gracefully accept” Oops
Broadleaf maples. Those suckers are impossible to kill, and if the wind pattern is just right, the fallen leaves will keep them busy raking (or paying a landscaper to do it).
OP- can you grow figs where you are? Build a high espalier for the figs to grow on. Guaranteed it can exceed the height requirement for a fence. And don’t pick your figs. Let the birds and wasps get them. There will be many wasps. Of course, they are perfectly happy wasps, all full of fig juice, but they are likely to scare away the uninformed.
Oh wait, they stole all your sun. Hmmmm, poisonous flowers grow well in shade. Monk’s hood? Lily of the valley? Datura? Tell them that you want to experiment with native medicinal plants in your new shade garden. Belladonna? Advise them to avoid the sweet berries, especially if they have heart trouble, lol.
Who can be surprised that someone wants a big house on their lot, if the lot costs $2 million?
I do not see a lot of solid suggestions as to the OP’s original question - how to help her graciously accept what is happening.
Keep Calm and Carry On.
I think OP has taken some of the right steps - inviting them over, and listening to them. Being happy for the new neighbors, despite how it has impacted your own property, is the true definition of grace and class.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things that cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
If you are losing natural light, look into adding energy efficient, full spectrum artificial light in the spaces most affected.
Not necessarily saying if you can’t beat 'em, join 'em, but sometimes there isn’t much more you can do but make the best of things.
If you have outdoor plants/shrubs/flowers that previously had a lot of sun and won’t do well in shade, talk to your new neighbors, and do the research about what options will work better. Explain that you understand they don’t want to overlook your property and see it become an eyesore with dead plants that used to do so well there, so you wanted to see if they had any thoughts on how your stuff could be modified so it would do well, and you could all enjoy it.
On the bright side, it sounds like the new neighbors are not terrible, mean people. The fact that they are approachable and interested in improvements is not a bad thing. Things change - but its not like they are selling drugs next door, or inviting riff-raff into the nice neighborhood. Sounds like they aren’t skunk farmers.
Time to play Pollyanna. Try to remain positive, where possible.
Good luck.
@SouthernHope Your post really resonated with me because we sold our home and moved 2,000+ miles away because of too many people like your neighbors, and we just didn’t want our kids growing up among them. @greenwitch has it right. These aren’t nice people, and I hope their clueless and misguided pride about their “green home” isn’t a foreshadow of what is to come.
I will give you a snapshot of what our McMansion neighbors who tore down a small 1950s home and replaced it with their ugly dream home (this was on a short cul de sac in a historic exurb of NYC) also did: started complaining about the “moss” on an 80-year-old resident’s home next door (who built it with his father) and embroiled him in legal battles he couldn’t afford; hired noisy landscape crews 2x a week to “maintain” their lawn and then the owner spent his weekend leaf blowing single leaves around, on his driveway which he paved; locked their 15-year-old ailing, incontinent cat out of the house on weekends when they went to ski at their house in VT (they knew the raccoons ate the food they left out, and they just didn’t care); their nannies sent their kids to spend all their time playing at our house, and the kids were sweet at first, but like a number of the kids in the town, became intolerable. I can’t count the number of times we heard “Our garage is bigger than your house” or “your house is so old” or “so small,” etc. (We loved our small home, built in 1900). The youngest once kicked my husband’s work boots at the bus stop and asked, “what kind of shoes are those?” I could go on and on with the insensitivities and insults.
Also, they played “nice” too—they invited us to barbecues and parties, and were friendly on the surface, but social status and money were their priorities and they cluelessly destroyed the wonderful community we had on our street (and collectively with their like-minded friends) changed the character of our town. They weren’t doing anything illegal so there wasn’t a lot we could do other than move. I hope you don’t have the same experience.
I am so keeping our “new” old house. We have not lived here a year yet, but we get about one postcard a week from a realtor or a builder inquiring if we want to sell. A bunch of builders even stopped by in person to ask if the property was for sale and if we knew anyone wanting to sell.
The folks who bought our House1 are lucky - they are enjoying the privacy that will not be taken away as the house is landlocked and there is no sewer… so their R1 zoning will stay dor the foreseeable future.
Hey an update on this (and I really wish we could put up pictures on CC so you guys could truly appreciate this with me 
but an assertive neighbor (who I love sometimes and who drives me crazy other times…but this time I love her) has filed an official complaint with the city to inspect the house to see if its violating codes. I’ll note that it’s going to be really hard for anything to happen…it’ll take them a month to get out here…but at least we have the action on paper…should any future cases evolve.
(2 Tea Olive trees were planted yesterday with more on the way!)
I do not agree that the OP has to be “happy for the neighbors” in order to be classy and gracious.
It’s not graceful – but maybe accept the hulking giant because it increases your property value…? (If in fact it does?)
Something similar happened to us… two lawyers next door found ways to get around code & historic designation to build something that blocked views from our bedroom window. My husband was so upset eighteen months later he convinced me to sell.
Check the zoning. Maybe these folks are of the “It is better to ask forgiveness than permission” mindset. If the height, setback, or any other zoning requirement isn’t approved, report it NOW, before it is done. A variance requires a zoning hearing and all owners of neighboring houses are given a chance to appear and have input, as someone above mentioned. Either your zoning permits it already, or these people are violating it to get their monster house.
Have you ever passed by one of those car dealerships with those enormous inflatable gorrilas or dinosaurs to publicize a huge year end clearance? Buy one for your backyard. Or even a couple. =))
Most towns around Facebook, Google, Apple, etc. here in Silicon Valley have old housing stock, which are being demo’ed for new mansions with huge basements. And then there are the new hotels, apartment complexes and condos that have or are being built. On the plus side, there’s more dollars paid in property taxes for local schools and governments, at least here in CA with Prop 13.
I have no answers, but you totally have my sympathies. Last fall I had no choice but to sell very quickly due to zoning changes in our county. Awful, awful, awful. After sitting through 9 months of zoning and commissioner meetings in this and adjoining counties, all I can say is county and local government is every bit as corrupt as the state and national level.
I am impressed by all of you who can tolerate such neighbors. I can’t! I’d plant the fastest growing thing I could find, and in the meantime, I sort of like the paint an eyeball on the side of the house thing. Or maybe some well positioned mirrors to reflect sunlight upwards at the appropriate angle.