<p>Cptofthehouse, I dont mind getting advice from people that have been thru it. They know certain things about the emotional upheaval for one thing. You have been thru it so I might talk to you. Listen to you. </p>
<p>Dealing with these issues is a giant energy suck. I have friends that have died from cancer. I have a friend that died from a form of ALS. That doesnt mean I should be giving advice. By the way, one of my wife’s closest friends had terminal cancer 20 years ago. I dont know what happened. The cancer is gone. Nobody knows why. It is not all bleak.</p>
<p>I debated telling one friend, but we were too close so I told her. She had knowledge. She proceeded to tell me what her brother went thru for 20 minutes. He died. I knew that already and I did not really want to hear it. I listened because she needed to tell me. I couldnt sleep that night. That conversation did not help me. We are still good friends. </p>
<p>If you have a friend going thru this crap, like I said, you have to take your cues from your friend. Some people are going to want to talk and some arent. If your friends dont want to talk, shut up.</p>
Agreed. A young friend had pancreatic cancer, treated at a local major cancer center. The only benefits of a cancer center are that all the physicians are in one location, as are radiology and some labs, so it cuts travel time, and they all have equal access to her medical records. There was no more “coordination of care” than there was for any other illness - she had to set up her own appointments, arrange her own referrals, deal with her insurance agency herself.</p>
<p>I have never been diagnosed with a serious illness but I do have experience with making the decision whether or not to tell people about a difficulty that I was going through. The people that I regret telling are the ones who said nothing at all (left too much to m imagination as to what they were thinking) and the ones who made me feel like they had hurt feelings because I had waited a while to tell them. It was all about them and their feelings, apparently.</p>
<p>A good resource for people ho are close to someone who is going through a difficult time is </p>
<p>It is an online organization that helps you set up calendars for volunteers and friends around a family or individual who is ill. You can make meal calendars, organize errands, etc. You can also use it as a blog to keep friends informed. When my friend was diagnosed with ALS, we didn’t have this but we did organize a group of people to shop, cook, clean, etc. Thirteen years later, a lot of these people are still involved and helping. Now it is organized though Lots of Helping Hands.</p>