Kelly- I’d encourage you to keep an open mind on things like “are there safe spaces/school safety” and “we heard their understanding of what families can afford often doesn’t match reality”.
First of all, because sometimes the colleges with the 'worst" reputation on safety actually have the best safety protocols in place. We toured colleges in allegedly “safe” neighborhoods where the student newspapers were filled with stories about some terrible stuff- reality is that most campus crime is committed by students against other students. So yes, it’s terrible if your kid gets their backpack stolen by someone from the “neighborhood” but it’s horrific if your kid is a victim of a sex crime committed by another student. Keep an open mind. My kids all ended up at urban universities and we found the administration, campus police, and RA’s exceptionally conscientious. I tracked down the Dean of Student Life on Labor Day to complain about a broken window lock, in a non-campus owned apartment building (the landlord told my kid- “you don’t like it, move out”) who sent a university maintenance person to fix it, AND offered my kid the option of moving back on campus to an empty dorm room if the apartment felt unsafe in any other way.
Second, what you hear on financial aid is based on other people’s financial situation… which you don’t know enough about to evaluate. There are people with ordinary jobs with ginormous assets (family trust, inherited money, second home… their K-1 is bigger than their W2.) There are people with ordinary jobs who got a settlement long before you knew them for an accident, were paid a settlement for another type of lawsuit, and that money is sitting in a brokerage account generating income and capital gains every year.
You just don’t know. We have people who post on CC who are irate that they’ll have to sell their vacation house because “we got screwed by FAFSA”. Heck, who wouldn’t love the option of selling the vacation house?
My point is- you and your kids will need to assess each college individually for affordability and don’t hesitate because a neighbor or relative said the aid was chintzy. I know kids who have gotten MASSIVE scholarships from some of the chintzy schools- need, merit, or merit/need combined. There are too many variables to rely on someone else’s experience.
Your kids sound great!