<p>The content is great, as the others have said, but the grammar is pretty problematic.</p>
<p>I hope you don’t mind me tearing your essay apart… </p>
<p>
added a comma</p>
<p>
Kind of awkwardly phrased.
Perhaps…
“Over the years, I (have) patiently listened to her chronicle tales about her inspiring professors, nurturing advisors and the madcap adventures in the city…”</p>
<p>& What was all at her disposal? Professor Dalton? The advisors? The city? Make it clearer.</p>
<p>
Awkward. Perhaps…
“I appreciated the nostalgia, but as a skeptical teenager, I wasn’t sure if Barnard was the right place for me.”</p>
<p>
Gramatically incorrect and awkward. What “the process” is isn’t clear to me; is it the process of getting pointed in the right direction by those factors or the process of you checking Barnard out?</p>
<p>
Fragments. The first one is awkwardly phrased and probably not necessary. I just don’t see a point in listing those specific graduates? I mean, perhaps if that had actually influenced your decision, but how I’m reading it right now, it just seems like facts thrown in there.</p>
<p>
Akward. Perhaps…
“Belonging to a small, nurturing environment while still having access to all the resources of a larger university is perfectly in synch with how I am most comfortable learning and socializing.”</p>
<p>
“Mother” shouldn’t be capitalized.
Maybe switch our “while” for “though”?
“midnights” doesn’t need to be plural.
You used the oxford comma in this sentence, but didn’t use it throughout the rest of the essay. Consistency is golden.</p>