<p>The post above is really scary!<br>
I tried to stay awake until my daughter came in but couldn’t manage it; now I ask her to knock on the door when she comes in. We’re always negotiating curfew; my idea of what’s appropriate for the summer after senior year doesn’t always agree with hers.</p>
<p>Post no. 20 is quite scary. </p>
<p>Since most kids seem to have cell phones now, put I.C.E. (In Case Of Emergency) to identify the phone numbers you want called if there was an accident. I have I.C.E. on my important numbers too.</p>
<p>As far as waiting up for my kids, we’re always up as late as the county curfew. If the kids are going to be late, they give us a call. Once my older son was 18, he did stay out later than we were up at times, so he’d give us a quick call to let us know when he expected to be home or if was staying over at a friends.</p>
<p>I wait up for my kids when they are in high school. Knowing that they will be greeted by me at the end of the evening helps keep them accountable by encouraging them to get home on time and keep a lid on the partying. In addition, plans can change frequently and my high school son is supposed to call me to keep me posted of changes in location and activity and driver. On occasion, I spot-check his location by asking him to call me back from a land line so I can see the phone number light up on my phone. Usually he has a time during the evening that he is supposed to check in, and we use the cell phone for that also. Lots of times I don’t answer it and just listen to his message. </p>
<p>While he is out, he communicates with me if needed by cell phone or text message so that the house phone doesn’t wake up my husband.</p>
<p>If I fall asleep watching tv, he knows to wake me up to let me know he is home.</p>
<p>My college age son used to come in at all hours during the summer. Our arrangement was that I wouldn’t wait up, but that he would leave a message on my cell phone (which is not in my bedroom) when he was on his way home with the location and time of his call. That way, in the morning, I would hypothetically have a clue about where to look for him in the (admittedly unlikely) event his car ran off the road or whatever, which thankfully never happened. He would also leave a message if he decided to spend the night at a friend’s house, or if he was bringing friends over (in case I was walking around the house in my pajamas). If I woke up in the night and felt concerned if it was really late and he wasn’t home yet, my first move was to check the cell phone and almost always there would be a message confirming that he was sleeping over somewhere. </p>
<p>If there is an emergency then he was to call the land line and wake us up.</p>
<p>Most nights he would know before going out what time he thought he should return home in order to function well at work the next day. (The work hours varied each day.)</p>
<p>We have dogs, so any coming and going is broadcast to us and the neighborhood. But, my girls still come up and check in when they get home. Its nice. As for staying awake, eh, comes with the territory. Stay awake if husband is out.</p>
<p>I would have a permanent migraine if I tried to stay up as late as they do and get up as early as I have to. We really don’t have trust issues about where they are or who they are with. Our college age son has made the decision to sleep over at a friend’s house a few times, and the (unspoken, since he is underage) assumption is that he had been drinking and chose not to drive. Our house rule from as soon as they could walk out the door was that we needed to know where they were and who they were with. They are pretty used to that. </p>
<p>I still get a float plan when DH heads off fishing. It’s about safety and “what if.”</p>
<p>Our son will be 21 soon AND living at home for one semester while interning. THAT should be interesting. Since there is a younger sibling at home, the main message is that older brother is a role model, and he needs to keep that in mind.</p>
<p>We’ll see how it goes. But I won’t be waiting up.</p>
<p>Our son moved to graduate school at age 14, and was probably the only graduate student at his U who had a rule to email us by 11 PM if he was in his dorm for the night by then or call to let us know where he’d be and till about what time if he’d be out past 11 PM (as we had no curfew for him, but just wanted to know where he’d be if out past 11 PM) and then call us once he was back in the dorm. He’s 16 now and we still have the same rule, and honestly, I think it might be a good idea for a single person (male or female) of any age to have <em>someone</em> (parent, best friend, someone they are dating, whoever) to check in with each day. A guy from my high school graduation class died of a heart attack at age 30…he was living on his own and the heart attack happened the weekend between switching jobs and so the old job had no reason to suspect he wasn’t okay when he didn’t show up on Monday and the new place figured he had just changed his mind about taking the job. It wasn’t till newspapers were stacking up outside his apartment and a neighbor smelled something decaying that a landlord was contacted about going in and checking the room. And in our son’s dorm, a 21-year-old was missing for 8 days before the school got concerned and sent out an email asking for people to look for the guy; he was found dead not too long after (ruled a rafting accident, but with suspicious circumstances as his last away message was “I’m going to meet some sketching people in East Cambridge I had hoped never to see again” or something like that). I like knowing each day that our child is still alive, plus I like touching base and hearing about his day just as I like hearing news from my husband’s day.</p>
<p>We have as a society in this country the notion that once children go off to college, we should be “hands off” and frankly, I think a daily hug (even if virtual) is a good thing for any child of any age to have. Many adults who have their own children still call a parent to share what’s going on in life each day, and to me, that’s the ideal relationship, even if it’s a 5-minute chat (and that sort of relationship has helped nail some men who have killed a spouse as the mother getting on the stand and testifying as to how the daughter would <em>never</em> leave town without letting her know first grabs the jury). Now I sort of doubt I’ll speak to our son everyday once he is married or even once he has a girlfriend he speaks with everyday, but till then, I just think it wise to touch base and be sure the person is safe each night.</p>
<p>As for sleeping, we are all night owls, and so I don’t usually have trouble staying up till 1 AM or later and usually wait up when our son is out late, but on the rare time that I feel too tired to stay away, I set an alarm for whatever time he is to be back at his dorm and if I haven’t heard from him by then, give him a call. When he is traveling on business overseas, I sometimes have a number of alarms that are set for when he is making his transfers (as I want to be sure he’s managed to make the connections and isn’t stuck in another country till the next day or such; he’s gotten stuck in this country overnight and number of times and it’s likely only a matter of time before he gets stuck in another country).</p>
<p>Speaking of flights, I have to go get our son to the airport. He came back to visit this weekend and his flight back to Boston today is hours delayed and he’s going to miss a lab meeting and the start of a program where he is a co-director, so once again, travel delays cause other issues.</p>
<p>coronax, I added an I.C.E. number to my cell phone, it’s my husband’s cellphone number. I also have him in my phone as “H’s cell.” But now, if he calls me, when I look at the phone it tells me the caller is Ice, lol.</p>
<p>I didn’t used to understand the need for “I.C.E.” to be programming into cell phones - seemed to me any emergency personnel could just do the speed dial for 1# and 2# and likely hit the person’s closest family member or best friend who could give family contact information, but now that I have a phone that appears to lack speed dial (a pet peeve of mine with the iPhone that I hope to find some other short cut to get over soon), I suspect it’s due to that. On the iPhone, “Favorites” on contacts might be helpful, especially if the person needing help has ID on them and there are contacts with the same last name as the ID; same with the general contacts list, though this could also hit distant relatives (or would for my contact list as my husband uploaded all our address book onto it, which coupled with my calendar now being on it, makes me concerned about it being stolen; if I locked it in some way, that would just make it less convenient to use daily, so I am not sure I want to bother to lock it).</p>
<p>I’m lucky enough to have a great 17 year old daughter and I completely trust her not to shut off the alarm and go out again, she would negotiate a later curfew if she needed more time. I use the alarm for my peace of mind that she hasn’t been in an accident.</p>