Post Your essay

dreamyindian · March 15, 2014, 8:05am

I am international applicant from India. I got wait listed. Posting my essay for you to enjoy! Its on the Mantis Shrimp prompt. I tried to be creative and wrote a short story.

EXTENDED ESSAY

This is the story of a peacock mantis shrimp. A beautiful six year old male, he lived in the Indian
Ocean. Blessed with an amazing vision, (both literally and figuratively) he could see the fear and
understand the resignation rising inside a crab before his punch obliterated the unfortunate
creature. He spent much of his time in his burrow seeing and understanding his world- the
ocean.

Once, a particularly pesky crab lured him into the open before it was smashed. Enjoying his
meal, the shrimp didn’t notice the enormous net before it had surrounded him. Scooped up
with thousands of other creatures, he cursed himself. He knew about the existence of humans
and was curious about them.

When hauled up, one of the fishermen pointed at him and cried ‘The shiny one is mine!’ The
wise shrimp knew that this was the start of an adventure.

The shrimp soon found himself in an aquarium. Since the aquarium was in the living room, the
television was directly opposite to him. This device was a perpetual source of fascination for
him. He quickly understood that humans had launched their race into the unpredictable by
advancing their technology.

He thought ‘These humans have no contentment. They keep thinking about the future and the
past. ‘These guys need a break!’

He could see the injustice and corruption that pervaded the human system. ‘This is unfair’ he
thought, ‘The rulers who are elected by the people totally disconnect themselves from the
common men.’

He was understandably angry when he saw how much harm human activities had caused to the
environment, especially the sea. He found himself laughing when some advertisement said
‘Save the Earth!’ ‘The Earth is fine humans’, he thought. ‘It has survived worse times. It is
yourself you need to save from your harmful activities!’

He saw all this and a lot more. If I knew what else he saw, I would be a wiser man.

He lived in the aquarium for a long time but grew tired of it after a while. Once, the fisherman
was shifting his home to a nearby locality. The aquarium was on top of a truck which was
speeding towards the coast. The shrimp was alert; this was his chance! Summoning all his
strength he punched the glass. Crack! The glass shattered and the shrimp was thrown into the
ocean. He swam till he found his old burrow, where he settled for the rest his days. He often
recounted his adventures to those who cared to listen and warned others to keep clear of the
humans.

‘They have chosen their path and we can but hope that it is the right one.’ He used to say.

Thinkofsomething · March 15, 2014, 7:33pm

Hum, this seems like fun, so I’ll post my essay too. I got in EA with the Presidential Scholarship.

I did the ‘describe your favorite joke and explain without ruining it’ prompt. Since I thought no joke was funny upon explanation, I came up with a really terrible joke and made the explanation funny.

One warning: the actual joke REALLY sucks. It’s the stuff in quotations.

<pre><code> “So a dolphin walks into a bar…”
Well, first, you might ask yourself- what’s a dolphin to do at a bar? Surely, it can’t be for the drinks; dolphins have a notoriously high alcohol tolerance, what with the biological ramifications of their love for British tea in the early 19th century. I suppose it only makes sense that, since dolphins can no longer feel the affects of alcohol, they no longer feel to need to go out and have thus retreated from the bar scene, but, as you well know, that seclusion has given them the rather unfortunate reputation of snobbery. So the sight of a dolphin at a bar is rather rare and a point of curiosity in that respect.
But perhaps I am getting ahead of myself. Undoubtedly, you’re asking yourself, “how is the dolphin walking?” They’re not exactly bipedal, so unless the bar is underwater, they wouldn’t be able to travel on land, sans inside large mobile fish tanks or through intense, determined writhing. So, in order to not be bogged down by the minor technicalities, it is best to either think along the lines of “a dolphin flops into a bar with a small entourage of aquatic mammalian professionals and animal rights activists,” or simply pretend that this supposed ‘dolphin-walking-into-a-bar scenario happens in a parallel dimension, where dolphins aren’t as uppity as we think and possess very muscular tail flukes.
“And after a quick chat with the bartender…”
This phrase might seem strange at first- how can the bartender understand the dolphin? Did he take secret dolphin-speaking classes, or was it the dolphin that took the human-speaking classes? Is the bartender just pretending to understand the dolphin so as to not lose important clientele? Or is the bartender a dolphin too, and this bar is a dolphins-only wetspot? But, you must remember that in this parallel dimension, where dolphins are good company and aren’t tethered to a large body of water, it isn’t so far-fetched that a dolphin and a human bartender could have a friendly discussion over the impact that multinational companies have on marine-kind.
“The dolphin decides on what it wants. What does it order?”
As farfetched as it is for a dolphin to enter a bar in pursuit of drink, it is far more unlikely for one to enter a bar with the goal of getting something to eat. They tend to abstain due to the regrettably large amount of uncultured individuals who have, in times past, reported many a dolphin on accounts of cannibalism. Proponents of the argument stem from the fundamentally illogical assumption that dolphins are fish, and that, no matter how distant the relation, a fish was a fish, and a fish eating another fish is sacrilegious, despite the numerous first-hand accounts of the dangerous fish-eat-fish environment in the sea. Experts currently believe that this horror has more to do with the rather friendly appearance of dolphins and their light timbre, but to this day the issue of dolphin cannibalism is such a big topic that no dolphin in its right mind would provoke the other customers of the bar in such a blatant way.
Dolphin cannibalism aside, it is at this point that the joker must wait for the joke-ee to respond. There will be varying levels of anticipation from the target audience; the general trend seems to be that excitement is inversely proportional to age. As the silence (hopefully not the awkward kind, where one party mentally questions the sanity of the other) stretches, the joker may give herself a moment to anticipate the inevitable wave of accomplishment she will feel when the audience realizes that they have been had.
“Nothing, you idiot! Dolphins don’t walk into bars!”
</code></pre>

And I suppose here’s the ‘Why UChicago’ essay, but I personally don’t think it’s all that special.

<pre><code> The University of Chicago is a college of opportunity. Not only does it offer a concrete path towards any future endeavor that a student would like, it opens up any potential student to the large network of alumni that are supportive and are a veritable wealth of knowledge and wisdom. If I were to be accepted to the University of Chicago, I know that I would be guaranteed a quality education in a competitive environment that would push me to my limits in a mutually beneficial way. On top of all of these points, from what I’ve read and seen, Chicago is a wonderful city, with interesting architecture, a vibrant art and music (I love to sing, and I plan on joining a singing group when I go to college) scene, great comedy and awesome pizza, ensuring that life both in and out of the classroom would be interesting.
I’ve always loved to read. I was the kid whose parents never saw her because she was always in her room, reading about the adventures of a young sky pirate. I was the kid who mastered the art of walking and reading, and gave her parents heart attacks when she only just dodged the hurried stranger on the busy sidewalk. And I haven’t changed; alongside of psychology, I want to pursue literature in college- and UChicago offers a phenomenal department for both disciplines. I can see myself as an author for fantasy novels in the future- and I can also see myself continuing to become a researcher focusing on discovering how the imbalance of chemicals in such-and-such neurological pathway affects the sentiments one person holds for another. It is the excellence of both (well, all of them are excellent, but these two in particular) departments at UChicago, and the flexibility of the college that would allow a student to major in both, that draws me to the academic side of Chicago, and makes me believe that UChicago would be a perfect fit for me.
The University of Chicago is, to me, a perfect blend of academic and cultural environments that will encourage my growth. I would be honored to be a part of it.
</code></pre>

Thinkofsomething · March 15, 2014, 8:03pm

@corville84 I really liked your mantis shrimp essay! It was really funny and plausible in an implausible way (if that makes sense.) I couldn’t think of anything for that one, but now I can see there were a ton of ways to take it.

upinflight · March 15, 2014, 10:23pm

Waitlisted. I had fun with both essays, so I thought I’d share. Pardon the cheesiness. :)

***Why Uchicago?

Truth be told, I have an unusual affliction of the heart. It made its first appearance during my sophomore year in English class. We had been discussing Orwell’s 1984, scrutinizing the text and pondering over implications of doublespeak, when it suddenly struck without warning.

The very millisecond the thought had infiltrated my mind, as if on cue, the voices around me ebbed, only to be overtaken by the crescendo of my own heartbeat.

Thump. Thump. THUMP.

Frozen in silent confusion, I let nothing on. But within my mind, maelstrom ensued.

Mental abstractions and entangled notions were flung across the six-inch highway between my ears, bouncing off the walls of my cranium in a wild game of eight ball. I desperately clung for words to describe my precise thoughts, to no avail. The only thing I could make out was a sense of dire urgency.

Shakily, I raised my hand, pleading for the teacher to notice. Something was wrong. I best ask to visit the nurse’s office.

THUMPTHUMPTHUMP

I could only watch within my mind’s eye as some speeding ideas clipped the edge and others sank the pockets.

THUMPTHU-

The last idea hurtled to its mark. At that moment my teacher looked up and nodded my way.

Whoosh.

Everything poured out in a string of words. The strange, frightening ideas that had chaotically pounded in my head rhythmically slid off the tongue in the form of a coherent explanation. Everything made sense; it felt amazing.

And when the last word floated into the air, my heart was calm.

~

Admittedly, this doesn’t happen every time I have English class (and good thing too). But every once in a while when I analyze literature, this affliction arises. The beating heart and the sense of urgency in some ways resembles a case of nerves, but in others ways, it doesn’t. For one, I regularly participate in debate, and never have I suffered from anything of the sort. I’d liken my affliction to an extreme case of excitement following an epiphany. Over the years, I’ve grown accustomed to my newfound idiosyncrasy – I even revel in it. It sparks a bit of exhilaration into my day.

Still, looking into the future, it’s best that I alleviate it somehow… and what better way to treat an illness than to strengthen the afflicted organ? I’ve considered numerous institutions that could aid in my recovery, and I feel that UChicago would best suit my personal interests. UChicago would provide the perfect therapy through the controlled exposure of Core Curriculum courses. The three-quarter core classes like Readings in World Literature, Visual Language: On Time and Space would probably be the most therapeutic. And of course, the discussion that spurs inspiration and thought; that is what I live for. If I’ve done my reading properly, deliberation in and outside of class is what the UChicago community never fails to deliver.

But most of all, it’d be nice to meet people who share this affliction.

superstarlala · March 15, 2014, 10:28pm

I was rejected, but I really liked my essay. It’s for the prompt “you are you and your…”

The sound of keys clicking and music playing fills my room, but I’m not in my room anymore. I am not writing anymore. I am doing.
Naomi and Hannah are starting a coffee shop, only it’s not Naomi and Hannah, it’s Hannah and I. I am starting a coffee shop.
I am in the coffee shop. It’s opening day and Hannah and I are frazzled, running around trying to figure out how to get this place opened. Who knew running a shop could be so hard? But I guess we are only sixteen.
“It’s nine,” Hannah tells me, as she glances up at the clock. “Time to open.”
“Time to open,” I repeat, wondering if this were a mistake. I was hoping not.
Crowds of teenagers I vaguely recognized starting piling in. We had advertised well. Not a single adult was there. That was for the best, I guess. This place was technically illegal and I did not want the police called.
I flip on the coffee machine and hand our first customer a muffin. Our first sale: $5. The smell of coffee and chocolate begins to fill the air and the floor begins to fill with coffee grinds. As the day progresses, the previously empty cash register becomes full with money, and our supplies of coffee and baked goods begin to dwindle. Hannah and I are tired of the smell of coffee, and it’s only been one day.
The shop begins to empty and the excitement that had just before been everywhere slowly faded. Our first day was done. It was successful though it was going to be hard. We had to make more money than we spent and we had to keep adults from finding out.
As the shop closes, I am torn from this world, and land back in reality: my room. Though I am not tapping my keyboard. I am talking with my sister. We are playing Lala game, a make-believe game about a famous superstar.
“Hey Chrissy,” I begin, the way we always do, and I am tossed into a new world.
I sprawl across the seat in my agent, Hallie’s office.
“Lala!” She yells, “You got the part in College Revealed. We need to get this publicized so I scheduled three interviews tomorrow. You’re the hottest star around and I don’t want Melanie Starr taking your place. You already know about your concert tonight, and I think that’s it.”
“Awesome. I really wanted that part. But you don’t have to yell, I’m right here.”
“Now get to sound check for your concert. Don’t be late.”
Jimmy, my driver, pulls up in the black limo to Hallie’s office. I hop in and spread myself out on the big, leather seats. “To the concert, please.”
“Sure thing, Lala.”
We arrive and I quickly change and go through sound check. When the doors open, I head down to my dressing room to go through my pre-concert ritual. I need to relax. I lay on the ground and breathe in and out, very slowly. I stand in front of the mirror and warm-up my voice, very loudly. I jump up and down to warm-up my body. I was pumped up and ready to perform.
The sound of my voice electrifies the room. The crowd is energized, singing along to me. I was on a sugar rush without the sugar.
As the crowd begins to die down, I’m still on cloud nine. The excitement in the room lingers, though I am not there. I am back in my room, though this time, a year later, furiously typing. It was National Novel Writing Month and I was determined to make it to 50,000 words.
My novel was about Cameron, a junior in high school who is blackmailed into participating in a dangerous scavenger hunt. But as soon as I type that first word, I am back in a new world. I am Cameron.
My phone buzzes and it’s Jonah again, texting us the next clue. Bring me the best blueberry truffles. I quickly scan the text wondering if I should give up now. Everyone knew the best blueberry truffles were from Dottie’s. But Dottie’s didn’t deliver and the closest store was in New Jersey, over an hour away. It would take at least an hour for the bus ride there, another hour for the bus ride back, and possibly more. I contemplated giving up. The first few challenges weren’t that bad and I really wanted to win, but was it worth it?
My phone buzzes again, this time from an unknown number. Remember Cameron, you can’t quit. We have what you most want, and if you win, we will give it to you. If you quit, it will be destroyed. This was the second text I had gotten like this. The first was at the beginning, the text that convinced me to join the scavenger hunt. But this text was threatening. What is it I most want and why can’t I quit?
I put the challenge out of my mind for a moment and finish walking home. I could deal with this later. I fall back onto my bed and take a nap. When I wake up, I’m back to real life.
I wish I were Naomi, with my own coffee shop. I wish I were a superstar like Lala. I wish I were participating in a scavenger hunt like Cameron. My characters are what I wish I were. But they also are what I already am. I live vicariously through my novels. My novels are extensions of myself. 
The truth is I am Naomi. Although I don’t run a coffee shop, we both write music. We both perform. Naomi is me, in a different situation.
I am also Lala. She was based off myself. I am not a famous superstar, but what if I were? I would be Lala.
I am Cameron as well. I would love to enter a scavenger hunt, but we have more similarities than that. We both love math. We both love to read. We are the same.
People tend to write what they know. I write what I know. I write about myself. The names are different. The places vary. The situations change. But with each novel, I become someone new. New worlds are opened to me. I am me and my character is a redundant statement, because I am not both. They are not separate. My characters are me.

ElmerChelmo · March 17, 2014, 4:35pm

I got waitlisted, so why not? I chose the mantis shrimp prompt for my essay.

<pre><code> Having been red-green colorblind my entire life, I’ve often yearned for specialized glasses to improve my vision as individuals with myopia or hyperopia have the opportunity to wear. Every time I inform someone of my condition, he or she points to every object in the room and asks me what color each is. Colorblindness does not make me unable to see color; rather, it makes it more difficult for me to distinguish differences in hue, which explains why I frequently confuse bright green with yellow and dark blue with purple. It is impossible for those with normal color vision to understand how I truly see and for me to understand how they see. Nevertheless, the disparity between colorblind and color normal individuals pales in comparison to the disparity between human vision at its best and mantis shrimp vision.
Humans are able to see visible light and have three color-receptive cones – red, green, and blue. Mantis shrimp can see visible, ultraviolet, infrared, and circular polarized light and have up to sixteen color-receptive cones, making them capable of seeing colors our human brains can’t even process. While humans have binocular vision, mantis shrimp have hexnocular vision. Since the eyes of mantis shrimp are so much more complex than any other animal, attempts by humans to comprehend what the mantis shrimp sees would be similar to attempts by the blind to understand what people with sight can see. Still, that doesn’t stop humans from making educated guesses.
Many scientists hypothesize that the mantis shrimp’s vision enables it to signal mates, distinguish between multiple prey species, and secretly communicate with other mantis shrimp. I don’t deny that the mantis shrimp probably boasts all of these evolutionary advantages; however, I also believe these scientists are thinking too limitedly. These conjectured possibilities are based only on the knowledge humans have already, so we may be underestimating what the mantis shrimp’s eyes are capable of.
One version of the string theory, M-theory, supports the idea that there are seven hidden dimensions in addition to the three spatial dimensions – length, width, and height – and the fourth dimension – time. These additional dimensions may be found in bubble universes, which are parallel to the universe in which we are living. All the possible parallel universes, each with varying physical constants, make up the multiverse. Essentially, the theory states that even though we are only exposed to four of the eleven dimensions, the other seven are somewhere in the multiverse. Still, does the inability of humans to come into contact with these hidden dimensions rule out the possibility that other organisms in our bubble universe are in contact with them?
The mantis shrimp sees the world in a much different way than humans due to the complexity of its visual system, so it may experience life with some of these extra dimensions. This creature could be the gateway to one or more of an infinite set of bubble universes as far as we know. Because there may be many organisms in different universes at one point in time and space in the multiverse, it is possible the mantis shrimp sees organisms from other universes, and those organisms may or may not be able to see the mantis shrimp and us, even though we can’t see them. The circular polarized light seen exclusively by the mantis shrimp could illuminate a world of biological wonders unclassifiable into any taxonomic rank known to man.
Conversely, we may not even want to see what the mantis shrimp sees. In his poem “Ode on a Distant Prospect of Eton College,” Thomas Gray said “[w]here ignorance is bliss, ‘tis folly to be wise.” The mantis shrimp may see frightening, multidimensional parasites that are intangible to humans or dominant species from other universes looking to cause problems in our universe. Maybe humans should be content with three photoreceptors and allow speculation about what the mantis shrimp sees to remain mere speculation.
</code></pre>

brbrbr · March 18, 2014, 11:55pm

Why UChicago? How dare you ask me why I want you!

You provoked me with your creative letters, and you intrigued me to know you better. You showed me your YouTube videos and I followed you on Tumblr. We hung out almost every Wednesday, and I finally got to know you better. You insisted in getting my attention, and now that I fell for you, you ask me why? What do you mean why?

You bragged about your core curriculum and your small classes. You said you accepted my interest on different things instead of a restricted love, and you even told me that I would be a perfect fit for your liberal arts education. You said we could learn from each other. You came to me with that “we can do great things together” talk, and showed me your innumerous research opportunities and Nobel prizes. You convinced me of your intelligence and you proved to be rigorous and intellectually curious.

You enchanted me with your neo-gothic buildings, and you said we could even pretend to study at Hogwarts. I imagined all the magic we could do and feel together. Just when I thought you couldn’t get any better, you showed me a new side. My mouth fell opened as I saw your modern library, and I dreamt of what it would look like from inside when snow covers its glassy ceiling. You showed me that you are not only smart, but also gorgeous. You proved to be all a woman can ask for.

You revealed to me your quirkiness, and showed me your nerdy soul. You made me dream of being with you. I thought of all the fun we would have together. You challenged me as you asked me about history, shrimp, and fruits. You proved to be creative and innovative. You showed me who you are, and now your personality is more important to me than your intellect or your good looks. I can’t stop thinking that we are perfect for each other, and that with you, I can fully be myself. I now love you, and love you only. I can’t see myself with anyone else, because you are the one who can love me for being me.

Why are you doing this to me? Why are you treating me as “just another applicant” after everything we went through together? I fell under your spell. I stayed up all night thinking about you several times. I imagined a future with you. But now you ask me why? I thought you felt for me the love you made me feel for you. I now can’t help fantasizing of our life together. I won’t give up on you. Give me one chance. Give me the chance to make this love move me to do great things. I promise I will make you proud. Let me make you one day feel for me the admiration that I feel for you every day.

^^ That’s my Why UChicago essay. I guess they don’t love me back.

Doremi1995 · March 20, 2014, 1:17pm

Hi guys! As I promised earlier I am posting my essays now. I was deferred EA and got accepted last weekend.

<h2>(I had two Why UChicago because the first draft exceeded the technical word limit with the CommonApp, but I eventually uploaded through my UChicago account.)</h2>

Orange and Apple

[Picture: Front cover of Mr Orange’s Diary, drawn by myself]

The diary of Mr Orange

August 17th, Saturday: Bright and breezy
I’m really looking forward to the blind date tonight. Will she be pretty? Aunt Strawberry said she was a doctor – what a noble profession! She must have a very good taste. How should I be dressed? Should I shave this leaf on my head? Uh, I guess she’d like some jokes…and, oh yes, flowers! I should go to Rose’s house to ask for a few of her new babies.

I can’t wait to write this down! She’s gorgeous! She’s called Apple, and she’s even sweeter than her name. Her colorful coat and brown hair, so lively, so youthful! She was also witty and talkative. She told me this ridiculous saying she heard from the marketplace, “An apple a day keeps the doctor away.” Why would humans even think this? Apples make great doctors! Look how much she knows about this enormous world, at such a young age!
But, I think, I’m just not good enough for her… She is elegant, and rich – in mind, of course – a real tasty apple of the orchard’s eye, while I am low, commonplace, and not even orange in color! She has glittering skin, smooth flesh and a breathtaking smile. But I, a greenish orange, have only an old-looking face with wrinkles all over, and some messy, irregular, pointy stuff inside my belly. We are just too different! Oh, this thought is breaking me apart – see, another huge gap between us: I am divided into slices, while she’s well-rounded and perfectly complete!
Anyway, I’m grateful that we met. Even though I may not be the one for her, I will try. I’ll call and ask her out tomorrow, yes, that’s the plan.
Oh, where did she write her number? Let me see…here, right, on my leaf. I’m not going to shave that leaf for the rest of my life.
Good night, lovely Apple.

September, 23rd, Monday: Chilly, turned sunny after lunch
I can’t even believe this: Miss Apple said her family would give their blessing to our relationship!
Our struggle has finally seen its fruit. In the past few weeks, I’ve heard more often than ever that old cliche, “you can’t match an apple with an orange.” While aunt Strawberry is always on our side, my parents were firmly against us, and hers even more stubborn. They used every trivial difference between us to dissuade me from the “unusual deed”.
Ah, I guess they just didn’t understand – Apple and I have been aware of our unfitness from day one: she is an apple, I am an orange, and it will always stay this way. But we also knew that our deep affection and like minds would transcend our unlike appearance. In fact, it’s only when I heard those “you’re this but she’s that”s that I realized what a fool I was to think of these superficial differences any obstacle to our life together.
How come I couldn’t see? We actually have many simple things in common that we can hold on to. Um, for example, we are similar enough in our intellect – reflected by our nutrition level – to be a couple in harmony. Well, I mean, although nutrition data seem to vary, given our agreement on so many things – such as a real gentleman fruit should not roll on the ground when rushing, and it’s utter nonsense to call durian the King of fruits – I’d say we’re really close. Both our flowers have five petals, so they will be able to dance hand in hand just fine. We both have 80-85% of water in our bodies, so we should like the same salt concentration when we take a salt bath together. Asia is our common homeplace, and what’s more, in the distant land called China where my ancesters first settled down, apples are considered symbols of safety and peace, so a girl would hold an apple in her hands on the way to her wedding, just like I will…
Ha, is it too early to think about marriage? I just can’t help, Apple, I can’t wait to picture our married life, sharing a branch bed, going to The Voice of Orchard and hissing at the despicable bananas, or reading The Wonderful World of Plantae to our children. Your father won’t regret putting your hand in mine, I promise. We will become the first and happiest orange-apple couple on this earth.
Apple, I thank you for fighting so bravely for our future. I knew we would beat the odds.

Oct 18th, Friday: Cloudy and warm
My dear Apple, Happy Blossomday!
When we were having dinner today and you were surrounded by the soft light of sunset, I suddenly noticed that we’ve both turned old: you are red, and I am now truly orange. Your skin is no longer bright and elastic, just as wrinkled now as I’ve always been; and I have finally lost the last leaf on my head, where you wrote your number the first day we met.
How time flies! It only feels like yesterday when I begged my mother to at least see you once, and here you are sleeping tight in my arms. Looking back at how we’ve conquered all the difficulties and overcome the differences between us, I think it’s fair to say, time has brought us closer, and each day our love grows only stronger.
I suppose our life story is worth writing into a romantic poem, but I’ll just sum it up in two simple sentences:
You can always match an apple with an orange. In fact, two fruits can never be too different. Once you really start to look for a chance of them coming together, you’ll see how similar they can be, and how true love conquers all.

Doremi1995 · March 20, 2014, 1:18pm

<hr>

Why

[Version 1]

It’s been three months since I started receiving e-mails from this “stranger” with a long, weird name:
The Universi…(click “full name”)…ty of Chicago.
Today there came another one:
“Top Eleven Reasons to Finish Your Application by Friday, November 1st -<>Hey there, …”
“Hey there,” I whispered to myself, smiling.
Every time I open an e-mail sent by The Universi…, I feel the anticipation of meeting an old friend, the familiar warmth of coming home on the evening of Chinese New Year and not being surprised by the hearty feast. The e-mail could be anything: inviting, chatty, original, humorous, self-promotional, exciting… but always somthing I will enjoy and cherish.
During this once-in-a-lifetime application season, brochures and e-mails from America’s most prestigious universities no longer seem a big deal. What makes UChicago stand out in my inbox, though, is how it presents itself with its own personality, not some static character inside a cold teaching building.
At a glance this brought just a quick thought, “The admission guys must be nice.” But later into the summer as I continued researching, I gradually learned to appreciate this “strange visitor” in my mailbox: when I came across the university’s astonishing academics, its long lists of Nobel laureates, its history with the two national laboratories, its glamorous and frightening stats… with all these amazing features, UChicago’s “crazy e-mailer” side appealed to me even more, with a real personal charisma.
Now as I look at these e-mails, they offer to me a snapshot of how fulfilling, caring and nurturing my college life will be at UChicago. This distant “stranger”, he wants to inspire his future friends with quirky, creative essay prompts; he wants to engage his old and new family with the special Advisory Committee; he starts his “deadline reminder” with a sunny “Hey there”; he would also prepare Weibo and Youku accounts for those without access to his major social networks… when I put myself into the scene, I already feel at home.
Yet deeper down, I sense that it’s not just these personal niceties that “he” cares for – he’s concerned with humanity in a broader scale. I always believe that humanity is too complex to be understood from one angle, but through collective understanding of all human aspects. I see this ideal in UChicago’s rigorous Core, the pursuit of a wide, solid background in the very fundamentals, which certainly fulfills my broad interests and desire for learning; I also find this in the Big Problems, a miniature of our ceaseless request for human progress, a noble course to which I wish to devote. UChicago presents itself as a person, I imagine, only because it is where people assemble to solve the bits and pieces of human mystery, all with sincere care for the human condition.
UChicago, it represents the word “human” in the greatest and tiniest scopes. I know it finally as a community as well as a cordial individual – I want to be part of it; I want to be a friend of him.

Doremi1995 · March 20, 2014, 1:19pm

Why

[Version 2]

Before reading the essay, please check the e-mails sent from <a href=“mailto:collegeadmissions@uchicago.edu”>collegeadmissions@uchicago.edu</a> on Oct 29th and have a look at this one:
Top Eleven Reasons to Finish Your Application by Friday, November 1st

<hr>

Top Nine Reasons to Apply to UChicago

Hey there,
Sometimes college application essays are good guidance to discovering who we are, and sometimes they are trick questions that drive us crazy as deadlines approach. If you’ve been stuck on an essay prompt of the latter type and can’t force a word out of your fingertips, I’ve got your back: I’ll take a little risk, and make my essay an atypical example for you. For the lucky essay-done applicants, I encourage you to submit your applications without showing off.
To take everyone else’s spirit high through to a start, I here at UChicago’s Procrastinating Applicants Advisory Committee jumped on to the Wordwagon with the full humor-imagination capacity of my brain and came up with a top nine list (I just wanted to leave the last for you). Without further ado…

The Top Nine Reasons to Apply to UChicago

When you finish your application, you can finally tell your friends that you’ve tackled a most challenging and unusual essay in your life.
I must give credit to the essays for first bringing UChicago into my sight. Looking at the prompts, I felt the excitement of finding an old friend at the other side of the ocean – we share our craving for intellect, innovation and diversity. Even if your application is unsuccessful, writing such an essay would be an accomplishment itself.

<ol>
<li>Fascinated with the cute e-mails sent by UChicago? Show that you can also master such inspiring e-mails by applying to UChicago and joining its undergraduate creative outreach office.
Some regard e-mails purely as a marketing tool; I see them as a self-portrait. Througn its e-mails, UChicago reaches to me as an enthusiastic scholar, a vibrant community, and a group of admission staff always trying new ideas to engage all. It was essentially the e-mails that turned UChicago from an interesting place to my dream school.</li>
<li>You’ve shown your breadth and depth of knowledge thus far, but with your application to UChicago, you’ll be able to spend more time exploring the Core of things.
At UChicago we’re expected to build a wide, solid ground of the fundamentals. Can’t decide a major because you find every bit of knowledge indispensable? Here you’ll find you don’t have to give up any of them.</li>
<li>Once your application is finished, you can focus all your energy on decorating your laboratory uniform by stitching “I heart ANL” on it.
Unlike what you might imagine about National Laboratories, Argonne and Fermilab are open to undergraduate students (under supervision). Even though you may not be a physics major, Argonne has devisions for most natural sciences, including my beloved biosciences! To immerse yourself in the world of STEM and conduct research on the very front of this age, don’t miss the numerous opportunities available at UChicago.</li>
<li>You’ll like your aunts better having applied to UChicago – after all, agony level of Chinese New Year holiday = number of relatives you meet×“which college are you going to?”.</li>
<li>After submitting your application, you can start preparing yourself for the UChicago Nobel Laureate Lists Recitation Competition (no joke, that would be an awesome game campus-wide). For those of you who think Nobel winners should be rare and famous enough to be easily remembered, check out the full lists of laureates associated with UChicago: <a href=“Nobel Prizes | University of Chicago”>http://www.uchicago.edu/about/accolades/22/</a></li>
<li>Can’t stand all the little typos on the UChicago website? When you are enrolled, you can volunteer to be the proofreader of all something.uchicago.edu webpages and build an utopian world free of careless typos.</li>
<li>Instead of trying hard to stand out in a historically famous department, you can become part of a joint adventure with the university’s new, prominent Institute for Molecular Engineering.
The opportunity to be one of UChicago’s first undergraduate molecular engineers is right around the corner: the minor will begin just in Fall 2014. UChicago’s IME is an expanding institute in an emerging field, and if you’re one of us who are deeply interested in things at microscale, it’s definitely the right time and place to start.</li>
<li>Even though applying to UChicago is plagued with uncertainty, and a lot of stress, and too many comments and too much editing, and big dilemmas (should I use this hodgepodge draft, or the other about the nano-shirt that I’ve always wanted but never received?), there’s something magical about an ending. And this is the end – of this very original sample e-mail/essay.</li>
</ol>

Heard that UChicago is where all fun comes to die? Don’t worry; you can find out the truth just by joining the university’s e-mailing list.
I hope my Top 9 list has been invaluable to you in your wise choice to apply to UChicago. Good luck with everything, and I hope to see you on campus this year! As always, please do not contact me at <a href="mailto:fengxiaoxiaozhu@sina.com">fengxiaoxiaozhu@sina.com</a> until the deadline passes.

Best,
Xinyi Feng
Procrastinating Applicants Advisory Committee
The University of Chicago

P.S. In all seriousness, if you’re stuck on your choice of colleges, just have a look at the e-mails they sent you. If you can picture yourself among the many voices in there, this is it.
P.P.S. And if you’d like to speak to a real, still alive but almost not breathing, not-so-friendly-at-the-moment procrastinating applicant to waste your last minute before the deadline – Don’t!

Doremi1995 · March 20, 2014, 1:20pm

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Favorites

Books:
“Laughable Loves”, by Milan Kundera: Apart from all the interesting lines about love – which I may go on to prove true or false later in life – it’s just a pleasant read.
“I Want to Know Why”: My first “serious book” in Chinese, a thick science encyclopedia which shaped much of my childhood outlook on the physical world.
“Rashomon” and “In a Grove”, by Ryunosuke Akutagawa
“A Village of One Person” (or “One Village”), by Liu Liangcheng: A collection of short stories conveying the author’s own “countryside philosophy”. As a city girl with deep family roots in the rural world, this book provides peculiar insights into many things that puzzled me when I talked with grandpa, who still lives in a countryside house without flush toilets.

Film:
“Die Welle” (“The Wave”)

Performer:
Benedict Cumberbatch: In addition to his success in acting (both on screen and on stage), he has many qualities that I think are hardly found in today’s commercial actors. I want to share two of his quotes in particular:

A text message to a news reporter after she did an interview of him. “… I’ve seen and swam and climbed and lived and driven and filmed. Should it all end tomorrow, I can definitely say there would be no regrets. I am very lucky, and I know it. I really have lived 5,000 times over.”
To the paparazzi: “Go photograph Egypt and show the world something important.”

Tsuyunoinochi · March 25, 2014, 4:01pm

Well, I’m a potential transfer applicant, but I’m feeling a little nervous about the statistics of acceptance, so I’ll just leave my essay here and hope that someone confirms that it’s as good as I hope ^.^

Prompt: What is the strangest thing you have ever found creatively stimulating?

<pre><code>As a girl who usually thinks outside the box, I often find inspiration in the smallest details: in the flowery calligraphy of a wedding invitation, in how glorious two minutes can be whilst listening to a complex piano piece, or how two mere radicals in a Japanese kanji combine to make an idea more meaningful than any word in the English language. While finding inspiration in a video game wasn’t a strange thing for me to do in the latter half of the 90s, when Japanese role-playing games ruled the market, in the modern gaming era of gorgeous graphics and little else, I wasn’t expecting much more than some mindless entertainment when I picked up Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim to aid in finals procrastination. I was wrong.
The term ‘food for thought’ has never meant so much to me before. As soon as the tutorial was completed, I was on my own, free to explore the expansive Scandinavian-influenced world of Skyrim. I could follow my new friend north toward the game’s main quest line, or I could head southwest toward a place called Ancient’s Ascent and kill a dragon. Considering that the dimensions of the map accompanying the strategy guide are approximately 2.5’x2’, there is no doubt that an incredible amount of work went into creating this game. There are over 400 individual quests throughout the game, most of which can be acquired by nothing more than the player’s will. There are a handful of guilds for me to join on a whim, each with their own mindset of brotherhood, thievery, or even murder. Essentially, a bunch of programmers have come together and created a game very much like life in its dizzying array of choices. Considering that a great deal of the fans of Skyrim are probably teenagers to middle-aged men, I find it absolutely fascinating that so much variety is available despite the narrowness of the fan base.
Being an avid reader, I was enthralled to discover a heavy literary presence within the game. Not only does it have about 820 books that actually have words written in them, but most of them are actually entertaining. Take, for example, the book Withershins. It is short, about four or five pages, but features the main character perceiving every conversation he has to be progressing in alphabetical order until the end, when he is cured and instead hears every sentence backwards. Bear in mind that this is a video game, and that Withershins bears absolutely no meaning to any quest. Another book, The Lusty Argonian Maid, has two volumes of raunchy bread-related wordplay, and certainly does not play any role but to characterize the people in possession of such a series. To spend the time writing and then coding over 820 books that a small fraction of Skyrim players will actually read shows that the developers are obviously dedicated to their work. In picking up on this, I am inspired to go the extra mile in everything I do, too, regardless of who is watching.
There are other literary aspects in the game, and the biggest ones can be tied together with the word Beowulf. The scenery is Scandinavian; the main race is Nordic. Mead halls reside in every single town, and bards entertain the guests of every inn with tales told in song form. Every town is led by a Jarl with help from his Thanes. The Nordic idea of Sovngarde most closely resembles Valhalla. Most of all, the dragons are clearly the focus of the game, for battles with them are often difficult and very long. Moreover, they are presented to be creatures of bad character, as they once attempted to enslave all of the people within Skyrim’s borders; this is clearly in accordance with the greedy dragon of Beowulf. While many other video games pull inspiration from history and from works of literature and from mythology, I feel that Skyrim has more successfully united elements of a single culture. Walking through vast landscapes, scaling the sides of a snow-covered mountain, or wading through a collection of iceburgs furthers this illusion. When I sit down to play this game, I truly feel spirited away by its realistic elements. To have created such an element of pure immersion is not easy, and it is this obvious effort that blows me away.
In the game’s extensive history, there are stories of many different wars, one of which caused a race called the Snow Elves to become slaves to another elven race called the Dwemer; subsequently, the Snow Elves were forcibly blinded and eventually transformed into mindless killing machines, ghosts of their former glory. In Skyrim, I was able to meet the very last intact Snow Elf, who was still guarding his civilization’s demolished temple. The game allowed me to ask him of his opinion regarding his fate, and while his answers were satisfactory, his voice was hollow. I knew, even before asking, that he’d resigned himself to dying alone. The idea of being the last of one’s kind is often exploited everywhere, but interacting with ‘the last’ rather than passively viewing it on a television screen or in the news was far more eye-opening. As a result, I have been drawn toward reading about modern extinctions, most especially those caused by humans, because the pain of the last Snow Elf’s face could possibly convey the hopelessness in the eyes of one of the last Iberian Lynx.
While I’d like to hope that the modern world has finally overcome its focus on racial issues, the Nordic people of Skyrim still live in a time where racism is rampant. Many of the minority characters within the cities remark on the pain suffered by being anything but Nord; one of the cities even has a special section called the ‘Gray Quarter’ for the gray-skinned Dark Elves to live in poverty away from the Nords. Similarly, the muscular green Orcs live in their own strongholds far away from Nordic establishments, and the cat-inspired Khajiit travel in packs by caravan, forbidden from entering any city. If, on the character selection menu, I were to pick one of the races that is mistreated by the people of Skyrim, I can even experience some of the harsh remarks of racism myself. Honestly, after a little while, the taunts begin to cut a little deeply. Perhaps this feature is a little unorthodox on the developer’s part, but I hope that it can teach the other players exactly how it feels to be taunted.
With or without the taunting, my current Khajiit character is still a hero, and this brings me to my next and final point: no matter what race or what gender I pick, my character can still do anything. I can be a thief and a convict and a werewolf and a headmaster all at the same time. Even if I accidentally kill a friendly character within a town and get arrested, once my time has been served, I can still get out of jail and become a hero. At the end of the day, this really is my favorite message in the game, because statistically speaking, most people who play video games aren’t the popular types who have tons of friends and a thriving social life. Most of them are kids or adults with little to no one of any importance in their lives, and it’s people like this who deserve the message that Skyrim so eloquently delivers: that’s it’s never too late to turn around and save the world.
</code></pre>

Tsuyunoinochi · March 25, 2014, 4:01pm

Post was a little too long, so here’s the last paragraph:

Just as the potential for fun within the game’s universe is unlimited, so too are the messages it delivers. Where I am awe-struck by the detail written into books that add little to the overall gameplay, a dyslexic child may use them to learn to read quicker by way of a less conventional but much more entertaining means. I was in the Marine Corps, so I’ve already technically experienced what it’s like to be a hero, but a teenage boy with cancer may never get that chance. It is Skyrim’s ability to appeal to everyone that truly inspires me, because while at first glance it seems to be just a game about killing dragons and leveling up, it’s obvious that its potential is limitless. I live my own life under this very credo, and it is highly inspiring to find messages encouraging me to continue being the girl who cannot be judged by her cover. Of course, someone else might find an entirely different message and that is what inspiration is all about.

IHatetheWaitlist · April 3, 2014, 9:32pm

Decision: Accepted! Here are my essays:

1.) How does the University of Chicago, as you know it now, satisfy your desire for a particular kind of learning, community, and future? Please address with some specificity your own wishes and how they relate to UChicago.

As an aspiring doctor, I want to unlock the secrets of life – to understand the mechanisms that make us human, that define life as we know it. Once we understand how life works, we can move forward to enhance ourselves, even down to the molecular level. The applications are limitless – countless diseases can be cured. The University of Chicago’s rigorous academics will help motivate me to “master” the workings of life.

The University of Chicago is also renowned for its diverse community. Diversity breeds collaboration, as people of different backgrounds work together at the University of Chicago. I would like to be exposed to several different cultures, as it will expand my worldview and turn me into a more knowledgeable person. As these distinct cultures mix, a new one emerges at the University of Chicago: one of tolerance and unity.
Finally, I am drawn towards the research opportunities available at the University of Chicago. I want to be at the frontier of science, making a difference in the world, and working in a lab at the University of Chicago will allow me to do so. The University of Chicago is lauded as a top spender on university research. This fact alone shows how dedicated the University of Chicago is to saving the world. The research being done by people like Dr. Kay Macleod of the Cancer Biology Committee and Dr. Christian Hansel of the Neurobiology Committee is a testament to the mission of the University of Chicago.

The University of Chicago will allow me to understand life, diversify myself, and help the world through groundbreaking research.

2.) Share with us a few of your favorite books, poems, authors, films, plays, pieces of music, musicians, performers, paintings, artists, blogs, magazines, or newspapers. Feel free to touch on one, some, or all of the categories listed, or add a category of your own.

Books and Authors

Percy Jackson and the Olympians Series – Rick Riordan – The first books I read that I actually liked.
Looking for Alaska – John Green
The Fault in Our Stars – John Green – Green’s writing style is impeccable.
Flowers for Algernon – Daniel Keyes – The first book I read for school that I actually liked.
The Harry Potter Series – J.K. Rowling – Loved the movies!
The Hunger Game Series – Suzanne Collins – Loving the movies!
The Kite Runner – Khaled Hosseini

Films

21 Jump Street
Koi Mil Gaya – My favorite Bollywood movie.
School of Rock
3 Idiots
Inception – I only liked this movie because it made me think, a lot.

Music

Beyoncé
Conor Maynard
Drake
Eminem
J. Cole
Justin Timberlake
Mac Miller
Macklemore and Ryan Lewis
Pentatonix
The Weekend.

Magazines

Science News
Discover
TIME

Websites

Reddit – News aggregate and entertainment.
Facebook
Twitter – My main social media.
YouTube – My guilty pleasure.
Ted – My favorite source of inspiration.
Wikipedia
CollegeHumor

Television Shows

Psych
Grey’s Anatomy
How I Met Your Mother
The Walking Dead
Suits
The Big Bang Theory
Parks and Recreation
Game of Thrones
House of Cards
Breaking Bad

3.) In the spirit of adventurous inquiry, pose a question of your own. If your prompt is original and thoughtful, then you should have little trouble writing a great essay. Draw on your best qualities as a writer, thinker, visionary, social critic, sage, citizen of the world, or future citizen of the University of Chicago; take a little risk, and have fun.

Prompt: What do you want to be when you grow up?

Answer: A Superhero.

I want to change the world; I want to rid the world of all harm, like a superhero. Call me Brain Man! Nerve Man? The Action Potential? (The name needs a little work…)

In my quest to become a superhero, I shall start by ridding the world of all neurodegenerative diseases. They plague the world and I need to stop them from conquering. The human brain is a complex and mysterious subject – while we know so much about it, we have yet to unlock all of its secrets. I intend to.

Ever since I read my first book about the brain, I’ve been fascinated by its complexity. However, its complexity masked its beauty. I didn’t realize how important and delicate the brain truly is. I lived without knowing how. This ignorance irked me.

The problem with complexity is that it opens up too many methods of attacking an idea. With a subject as complex as neurodegeneration, I wasn’t sure where my mind would take me. Swami Vivekananda once said, “Take up one idea…Let the brain, muscles, nerves, every part of your body, be full of that idea…This is the way to success.” That is exactly what I did; I devoted my time, my body, and my mind to neurodegeneration.

During the Summer of 2013, I joined the Shakkotai lab at the University of Michigan. Shakkotai focused on Spinocerebellar Ataxias, neurodegenerative diseases that affects one’s movement. By helping him with his project, I received valuable lab experience. After 5 months of RNA Extractions, cDNA Syntheses, and qRT-PCRs, I have started my own project. I am currently looking at the gene expression of the ITPR1 receptor of Purkinje cells and how it changes throughout the lifetime of mice models.

I love how I am able to look at the work I am doing and know that it could lead to a potential cure for Spinocerebellar Ataxias. I feel that it is truly amazing that a small group of people, the researchers in my lab, can have such a large impact on the world – that from the results we may publish – knowledge will be spread, lives will be extended, and hope will be renewed. I want to make a difference in the world and the lab has given me a chance to do so.

Through research, I have grown two-fold – one as a person and the other as a student of neuroscience. I felt like doing research was the first time that I wasn’t just seen as a “kid” in society’s eyes – I was making a real difference, helping people, doing work that matters. In getting the position, I was evaluated based on my own credentials, and I had to work my way up through the lab. I felt mutual respect between my coworkers and I, as we knew that we had to work our hardest to help the people who suffered from debilitating diseases every day. Research signified a movement from childhood to adulthood for me, and one that will allow me to improve the lives of those who I endeavor to save.

It is a stretch to say that my current research might better humanity and save the world, but the fact that I am now a part of a group that is doing such things astounds me. I want to believe that I can do so too.

I hope to create a medical breakthrough one day that will transform peoples’ lives on a global scale, one that will change the face of medicine. Scientists like Einstein and Fleming inspire me; their discoveries have affected the realm of science and the world itself. The General Theory of Relativity completely shattered the Physics models of the time; the discovery of Penicillin changed the course of medicine and saved many lives. Following in their footsteps, I aspire to make a world-changing discovery myself.

To this day, I am in awe of how nerves work. I am able to write this essay because my nerves are firing chemical impulses. What used to be a theoretical subject is now as concrete as a sidewalk. With each action potential, I am able to learn more about the brain and admire its beauty. With each action potential, I am able to continue to strive to save humanity.

Call me: Researcher (the name might still need some work).

Doremi1995 · April 5, 2014, 8:24am

@IHatetheWaitlist, really like your essay! I admire the work you’re doing and I hope I could be involved in research at a much younger age. Plus I like “the Action Potential” lol.

IHatetheWaitlist · April 5, 2014, 10:00pm

@Doremi1995 Thank you! I like the Action Potential part to! I thought it was kind of corny, but I still went with it haha.

McJayM · April 9, 2014, 9:41pm

Generally, it is believed history consists of a record of events that took place in the past, or, more specifically, significant events that are “worth” recording. I disagree with these people and instead concur with Don DeLillo, Libra. The real history consists of what we are not being told, the events that were not recorded such that we do not even know if they happened. It is telling, for example, that when we casually say that something is or has become “history,” we mean that the subject of our discussion has been completely destroyed or forgotten.

So who then, according to Don DeLillo are “they?” Who are these people that fail to give us a full accounting of historical events? Ironically, they are the “historians.” They tell us what they think is important or what they deem ‘worth recording.’ In doing so, they create the exact picture that we hold for past events. As a result, what they don’t think is useful is not reported and, strangely, becomes the real “history.” A typical example is the story of Christopher Columbus and the discovery of the Americas. Different historians have portrayed him in different ways, and alternate accounts of the story include or omit various facts. Taking this as a sample, we can comfortably assume that there is a lot of information that has not been recorded and has thus becomes “history,” never to be known to present and future generations.

Having established that we do not have a full accounting of our past, it is important to reflect on and try to ascertain what we are not being told. In most cases, this history that we study is from the majority’s point of view, and, specifically, the well-endowed in society. We do not know of the minority. We do not know their point of view. We must therefore do a better job moving forward so as to have a full accounting of the human experience. As well, we must read primary and secondary sources critically so that we do not take any one version of the past as gospel. Never again do we want some peoples’ stories to become “history.”

CastlesInTheAir6 · April 11, 2014, 2:25am

I am so excited about writing theses essays next year when I apply

striker0088 · April 15, 2014, 2:19am

How does the University of Chicago, as you know it now, satisfy your desire for a particular kind of learning, community, and future?

Please address with some specificity your own wishes and how they relate to UChicago.
When I visited the University during spring break, one of the first places I asked about was the Institute of Politics, headed by David Axelrod. Someone with actual political experience leads this place, and students work directly alongside him. I love politics and want this type of experience in college. I was eight when I first read Smart About the Presidents; I knew my life had changed. I don’t remember why I got the book - whether I was pressured or whether lightning struck when I picked it up. This kiddy book had many pictures and only basic descriptions, but I was hooked for life. I wanted to learn everything about the men who had become president. Today, I continue to grapple with how presidential character and actions have influenced today’s America. I want the challenge at UChicago to debate with other students and faculty about what makes presidents successful and which have made the most significant presidential contributions to US history. I think I will find a kinship there with my passion for US presidential history and the quirkiness of having that interest.
I was impressed on the UChicago campus tour that the students talked about the intellectual curiosity at UChicago, which seems to be supported by the University’s quirkiness in allowing students to formulate the college application essay questions. In college, I want to find that intellectual connection with others. They might not have the same interest as I do, but they have a passion for learning that is obvious.

In a famous quote by José Ortega y Gasset, the Spanish philosopher proclaims, “Yo soy yo y mi circunstancia” (1914). José Quintans, master of the Biological Sciences Collegiate Division at the University of Chicago, sees it another way: “Yo soy yo y mi microbioma” (2012). You are you and your…? -Maria Viteri, Class of 2016
I am me and my family.

There are many definitions of “family”. From being apart of a football team where you protect your “brother,” or being a part of a religion, where we are all “brothers and sisters,” families influence us. Over my lifetime I have been in many different families. However, the one that has impacted me the most is my biological family, my mom, dad, and brother. The best way to describe my family is by telling about our Christmas day.

I wake around 5:30 a.m., bursting with excitement. My parents force me to wait until at least 7 a.m. to wake them. To make sure I cooperate, they crisscross my door with tape marked with “wait”. Finally, it is 7am. My brother Mathew and I rush downstairs to find the clues waiting for us under the tree. Instead of the typical Christmas with gifts piled under the tree, my parents keep us excited to see Christmas morning every year by making us work to find our gifts. When we were little, each clue led to another gift and another clue. The gifts were hidden all around the house, even in MY ROOM where I slept. The joy of understanding my parents’ clues sometimes outweighed receiving the gift. Lately, we have been given a large list of random questions, for which we receive points for correct answers. We then “purchase” our gifts using the points as currency. Mathew and I usually take an hour to find all the clues and open our gifts. I love this part of Christmas morning. Christmas means enjoying the company of loved ones and creating a special environment together. I believe every year my family captures that in our own special way.
After we have breakfast and take time to play with our new gifts, our family either hosts dinner or travels to an uncle’s house to celebrate Christmas with our entire family in Houston. We spend a couple of hours talking, eating, and opening presents with the cousins, then return back home for the evening. My dad then reads the annual family Christmas letter to us. Like the Christmas gift hunt, my dad has prepared and read our Christmas letter every year for 20 years. The letter tells about what each of us did during the year. It also includes my parents’ hopes for us in the New Year. Our Christmas Day would not be the same without it.
Telling the story of our Christmas truly encapsulates my family. We are quirky and try to mix the traditional with the non-traditional in our lives. In the end, though, we are together and enjoy seeing the changes the year brought to each one of us. Our Christmas embodies who I am as a person. I am the unexpected. I play football on the line, where the biggest men play, but I also play tennis where both grace and speed are necessary. I am relentless and determined, as when during Christmas I sit until I figure out each clue. I am loyal to loved ones. There have been nights where I have turned down invitations to go to the movies with my friends just to spend time with my parents. Lastly, like my Christmas, I believe that each day should bring excitement, fun, and commitment. I am me and my family.

Voidiov · April 24, 2014, 11:04pm

Decision: Accepted!
I did the explain a joke essay. Just a heads up, make sure to have at least one person proofread yours. I had my English savant girlfriend do it, and she pointed out many things that I did incorrectly!

Essay:
You have heard the wretched joke endless times. From the bustling market stalls of York to the grand castle halls of Westminster, those words follow you like an inescapable dark cloud. “Why is it difficult to explain puns to thieves? Because they always take things literally.” You have gone over the statement endless times in your head, carefully examining each word, each syllable, hoping to find even just a hint of understanding within the incomprehensible speech. But no, the realization never comes, and you are left alone in that dark cloud of misunderstanding.

You are a gentleman thief. You have stolen priceless valuables from all corners of England’s high society.Despite your immense success, the one thing you covet most, understanding, remains just out of reach. You despise the endless laughter that invariably follows each telling and retelling of that joke – why can‟t you be that happy? It is unbearable, and so you decide one day to abandon your immeasurable wealth and venture out in search of answers. You remember tales told to you of one remaining druidic priest up in the Highlands, a mystic that will answer any one question should you be able to reach his isolated hut. This will be your destination.

After many months of harrowing travel, you at last reach the old sorcerer’s hut. You open the old oaken door and walk inside carefully. The room is enveloped in a light fog, and petrichoris strong in the air. Sitting in the middle of the room, surrounded by the fog and with his back turned to you, is an old man. Everything about the house seems to be from an earlier era, from the molding wood to the man’s clothes to the man himself. “Druid,” you say, “I have found you, and now you must answer my question.” After several moments, the druid, in a slow, mature voice, replies, “Speak.”

“What is the meaning of the ‘explaining puns to thieves’ joke?” you ask. Slowly, the druid turns his ancient face toward you. “The joke,” the druid begins, “relies on the subtle double entendre found within the phrase, ‘take things literally.’ If you look beyond the obvious interpretation and find the secondary, you will see the true meaning of the joke. The joke also dabbles a bit in self-reference by being a pun about puns. In fact, you, a thief, not understanding the joke is a bit self-referential itself…”

“I do not understand, druid!” you exclaim. “Can‟t you just tell me what this second interpretation is?”

“I cannot,” the druid replies musingly, “for that would ruin the joke.”

You stand there, exasperated. The druid, sensing your continued misunderstanding, explains further, “Think of it this way: a thief, by definition, is a person who steals, or takes from others. The word ‘take’ is also in the phrase ‘take things literally.’ Therefore, it would be a reasonable conclusion that the thief’s taking from others would play a major part in the joke.”

The druid turns his face away from you and returns to the position he was in when you first walked into the room. All further attempts you make to grab his attention fail. Upon realizing that you’ve gleaned all the information you can from the druid, you reflect on his words for a short time. You ponder on whether there really is a second meaning to the joke.

“No, of course not. What a sham. There is only one way to interpret ‘take things literally,’” you think as you literally take any valuables that you can find in the druid’s hut. “If I’ve learned only one thing in all my years as a thief, it’s that words have no double meanings.”

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