Pre-College Road Trip

Parent Cafe
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<p>About six months later than you would be doing this (mid-way through a pre-college gap year) I bought plane tickets to Australia (10,600 miles away, in each direction), and went off for six months, alone, with only a copy of the Lonely Planet Guide to Australia, five nights booked in a hostel, some cash, a backpack, a few changes of clothes, a passport and a working holiday visa. Asking permission from my parents didn’t even cross my mind - I told them what I was doing as something of a fait accompli, though it was my money. I survived, had a lot of fun, and came back with a lot of life experiences that have helped me along the way since (heck, the experience even got me a job later on down the line!) </p>

<p>It seems like most of the objections here relate to your method of transport. I’d suggest that you’d need a well maintained car and some basic maintenance skills (how to change a tyre, for instance), plus breakdown cover. Alternatively - public transport. Greyhound buses (I used them in Australia and they were fab) or trains would be the most obvious solutions.</p>

42

<p>Plan a shorter trip. Or plan a shorter trip with other transportation options (take the train or fly somewhere where you can stay with family or friends). </p>

<p>Have you planned a budget for this trip? Your parents are going to want to see that. Sounds like this could cost a hefty amount and take a good bit of time. Don’t you need to work next summer to earn $$$ for college???</p>

43

<p>Families are clearly different. If you were my kids, I’d let you go assuming that the trip was well planned and that you could afford to pay for it yourself. But then… we are a family of road trippers who think nothing of getting in the car and driving 15 hours at a stretch. My kids grew up driving all over the US. Heck, my 20 yr old son just drove from Boulder to Austin by himself straight through (17 hours).</p>

<p>It seems like a lot of people object to the driving. Why not go by bus or train?</p>

44

<p>Back when I was a college freshman, during spring break I bought a train ticket (didn’t have a car) and met up with a friend and stayed in a CHEAP hotel in a city for the week. But we were only a couple hundred miles away from our respective homes in case an emergency did arise.</p>

<p>For many of the reasons in the early posts, I wouldn’t approve of such a trip. One of the things I’ve learned throughout my years is plan A NEVER works. NEVER. :slight_smile: I’ve taught my son that whenever you plan something you need to have your plan A, then your backup plan B, then your backup, backup plan C, then when none of them work out, you’ve got to be able to ‘wing it’. The problem with your trip is you are too young to ‘wing it’. Not because of maturity, but because of legality. </p>

<p>As others have noted, if you have a car problem, you are too young to rent a car and even if you find someone else who is willing to rent one, you are too young to drive a rental car. What happens if you have car trouble? Sure you can take a plane or train or bus back home, but in the midst of a drive across the country there may not be other transportation nearby. What is your plan then?</p>

<p>As others have noted, many hotels won’t rent to a group of teenagers. Now some do and if you have an itenerary and your parents or other relatives agree, they could book some places in advance, but that’s plan A. Don’t count on that working out. What if there is a major storm on one of the nights you plan to camp out? What if you arrive to stay with friends/relatives as planned, but they are not home due to an unexpected family emergency, what if it takes you longer to drive than you anticipated because of traffic or you get lost because of a detour and then you get too tired to drive farther? What if you need a place to stay that you hadn’t planned on?</p>

<p>As others have noted, if you travel with a friend that is 17 and she is injured, she won’t be able to get treatment without parental consent. What happens if there is a car accident and she has a non-life threatening issue while you are 1000s of miles from home? She also will have trouble if there is any type of legal issue. If you get stopped for speeding and can’t produce the registration and proof of insurance you can be arrested, even if they’ve just been misplaced. Then you’ll all wind up sitting in a police station somewhere, while her parents figure out how to get there.</p>

<p>Do you have the funds for emergency situations? If you budget your trip out and have enough funds what happens when you have a flat tire that can’t be repaired and you have to buy a new tire or when your windshield gets broken somehow - does your insurance cover that? What if your wallet/purse get stolen? I’ve always taught my son when travelling always keep at least a little cash in your shoe (not many muggers are going to make your take your shoes off and they’re also kind of hard to lose). </p>

<p>I am in agreement with others who have suggested that a shorter trip (both in duration and distance) might be more appropriate. Plan someplace that will allow you to travel on your own, but still be close enough to home that if something unexpected happens you will be able to handle it.</p>

45

<p>I think it is clear that your original plan isn’t going to work.</p>

<p>You could ask yourself:</p>

<p>1) Why do I want to do this roadtrip? To have some independence? To see our great country? To have an adventure?</p>

<p>2) What is more important, doing this roadtrip as planned or doing something next summer? If the roadtrip is more important, then I would suggest doing some activities that would build up to this. Could you take shorter road trips? Could you camp locally?</p>

<p>If you want to do something next summer, figure out what is the most important thing from 1). Could you do some sort of organized (i.e.supervised) trip so you can have adventures away from home? Could you get a parent/relative to help drive?</p>

46

<p>It definately sounds like you’ve put alot of time and thought into the trip…and that’s great. But instead of putting together powerpoints and trying to find ways to convince your parents to agree to a very specific plan, why not sit down with them, talk to them about your ideas and come up with a trip that both satisfies your craving for adventure and independence their very realistic concerns with your safety. To me, that feels alot more mature.</p>

47

<p>I think in summary that it isn’t so much not trusting good kids, but that as adults we know that things go wrong. They just do. The longer the trip, the older the car, the more miles you have to drive, the more out of the way you are in the boonies, the tighter the money, the more likely something will happen. Maybe not death or mayhem, but in two trips across the U.S. something. </p>

<p>A blown out tire in sparsely populated Arizona, drunk bikers trying to hit on you in your isolated campground, your bankcard being refused 1200 miles from home (do you even know what your daily withdrawal limit is?) and no idea how to get money on a Sunday in an emergency, a speeding ticket in a small town you hope never to see again, a twister, breaking an ankle so that the main driver can’t drive any more, a lost wallet which you think you probably left at an isolated gas station in a town who’s name you don’t remember four hours ago (this has happened to me). Something. </p>

<p>I would be more interested as the parent if my child and her friend had shown excellent coping skills over a variety of circumstances without a ton of adult hands on–camps, camping, etc. An adaptable kid who I knew could sleep in the car and eat on $5 if needed and deal with small emergencies without freaking out. Who knew if she got (virtually or metaphorically) lost to STOP and think. A self-reliant kid who could figure how to bail herself out of most everyday situations and hadn’t during high school needed mom to talk to teachers/coachs/doctors/ shop keepers or needed a lot of sheparding on basic tasks. And probably most of all a kid who had a good awareness of personal safety/social situations and wasn’t reckless.</p>

48

<p>I guess the OP is gone! Wonder if he/she is even reading these responses?</p>

49

<p>TempeMom hits it right on the head. </p>

<p>OP–what level of “on your own” have you had so far? Have you working and had to deal with the public, bosses and co-workers? </p>

<p>Have you had to manage on a personal budget without parental bailout?</p>

<p>Have you been away from home for extended periods of time? Like camp? Were you responsible for upkeep of the car before? Know how to check the oil, tire pressure, etc.? Do you know how to handle it if you have a blow out or lock the keys in the car?</p>

<p>Do you handle setting your appointments for hair, dental etc.? Have you ever been sick and your parents not there to tend to you? If there is a bump in the road do you look to your parents to handle it?</p>

<p>What do you know of your traveling buddy’s strengths and weaknesses? Will she get herself or both of you in a mess?</p>

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<p>Sorry, but no 17 year old of mine would be going with you, regardless of the maturity level.</p>

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<p>You will need AAA (ideally, the gold version that gives 100 mile towing), a credit card, and a very detailed itinerary that spells out every place you will be, every campground you will stay at, the route you will be on, and the hotels that you can check in to at age 18. </p>

<p>You can have a parent book the hotel through hotels.com.</p>

<p>Whose car will your taking, how reliable is it, and are the owners of the car okay with you putting 4,000 or so miles on it? Is it insured for drivers other than the child of the parents who own it?</p>

<p>Oh, finally: do NOT plan absurdly long drives every day, especially through the desert. Plan for breaks, time indoors, time for the car to cool off.</p>

52

<p>Do your parents know these friends out in Cali?</p>

<p>I would also feel better if it were just your friend and you. Less craziness, easier to get a hotel room, fewer fights about money, and you can fit campaign gear, luggage, and food in the car. Please, please do not transverse the desert in the summer without about a gallon of water per person per day. </p>

<p>Also, basic car maintenance items should be in the car: spare tire, Fix a Flat, extra oil and coolant, and tools.</p>

53

<p>Maybe you guys could do a portion of the trip this year. I don’t know how much time you’ve allotted but I drove across country many times as a young person and if you don’t have plenty of time and enough money to make it all work it can be a drag. We always camped the whole way which was the only way we could afford it. We planned the trip around national parks and monuments so camping felt pretty safe. I am going to be the odd one out here and say I would probably let you do it or at least a portion of the trip.</p>

54

<p>OK. So maybe I’m a lax parent but I could see me saying yes to this for my daughter on the condition that she take a guy with her, preferably a boyfriend. I’m not sexist, it’s just a fact that girls are far less likely to be victimized if they’re with a guy. That said, the reason I say yes is because when I she was 15 we discovered that there was a megabus that went from a train station an hour from our little rural town into NYC for unbelievably cheap prices if booked far enough in advance. Like a dollar! So she and her friends would go down to the city every few weeks during the summer. They had a blast and made a game of how little money they could spend. She learned how to navigated the stupidest subway system in the world and now has the confidence to travel anywhere.</p>

<p>If I were your mother, I’d probably nix the cross country driving and recommend a ticket to Paris and a website with youth hostels. It’s just safer IMHO and you’d make friends with kids your age from all over the world. How cool would that be? It’s not age or obedience that is the clincher for me, but moxie. Think of examples where you have handled unfamiliar situations successfully, where you have solved problems without getting flustered. At 18, you really shouldn’t need someone holding your hand. </p>

<p>But just the fact that you’re putting together a PowerPoint to show your parents hints that maybe you’be had a lot of hand holding up to this point. </p>

<p>Go to a few concerts in other cities throughout the year. Get your own passport (you don’t need a parent once you’re 16). I wasn’t with my daughter when she got hers. She’s had her own checking account and job since she was 15 so she didn’t need me. This is also the same kid I left at the security line in JFK at 13 on the final flight of the night while I got on a plane in the opposite direction. She had a phone and a piece of paper with the name and number of a friend of mine ( who she’d never met) to call and come get her if her flight was cancelled. The kind of experiences that lead up to a cross country car trip need to start young. </p>

<p>In short, start developing the kind of independence and self sufficiency that you will need (not just for travel but for life).</p>

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<p>First off, I applaud you for being so adventurous and free-spirited. It’s great to follow your passions in life!</p>

<p>Second, a trip like this will undoubtedly teach you important life lessons - how to deal with strangers, how to deal with uncertainty, how to manage money, etc. Most importantly, you will see the less-attractive side of the real world, which will make you appreciate the life you’re living right now, and further motivate you to go to college!</p>

<p>Given that you will be an adult by the time you set out on this trip, I think it’s best that your parents focus their energy on helping you prepare for the trip, rather than give you a list of reasons why you shouldn’t go.</p>

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<p>Parent here. My 18 year old would NOT have thought of the obstacles to a trip like this. Things like the cost, potential for problems, lengthy driving time, issues in campgrounds (camping in the rain is NOT fun), potential for theft, not being able to check into all hotels, etc. </p>

<p>Also, my kids were expected to earn their college spending money and book money during that summer between HS and college…we would NOT have funded this trip, paid for books or spending money, or let them use one of OUR cars for a 4000 mile round trip road trip.</p>

<p>NOW…we WOULD have purchased a plane ticket to a destination where we had friends and/or relatives so that our kids could take a week to ten day vacation after high school graduation. In fact…we did so for both kids.</p>

<p>But a driving road trip. Sorry…no. And personally I think it is my job as a parent to point out the pitfalls of such a trip.</p>

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<p>I allowed my daughter to take a road trip from MS TO MN during Christmas break her sophomore year of college with her best friend. I was a nervous wreck the entire time but it was in her friends car and not funded by me. They were also 20 though and had more life experience. She did lie to me and tell me her boyfriend was going too because I told her 2 girls alone was not happening. I didn’t find out until they got to MN that it was just the 2 of them. But both sets of grandparents live there and many other relatives and thankfully everything turned out fine. That was 3 years ago. She has since gone to TX AK NC IL and now lives in southern FL. She is 23 and my little gypsy as we lovingly refer to her. At 18 I would have said not just no but hell no. I have an 18 year old daughter now and there is absolutely no way. But thankfully she has no desire to do stuff like that. When I suggested a cruise after graduation for her and some friends she asked if her daddy and I could go too because it was too scary to go alone. When you have 4 kids I guess you are bound to get many different personalities.</p>

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<p>When we were 17 my girlfriend and I went with her 21 year old sister on a roadtrip all the way to Mexico! We took the scenic route through the mountain ranges of Baja then on through to the Gulf of Mexico. When we arrived the whole town was sold out, literally there was no room at the inn! Fortunately, the manager of a motel rented out his cab over camper shell to us for a few nights until one of the rooms became vacant. Three girls sharing a rickety old campershell with no AC at the rear of an unlit dirt lot, in a place where it’s 100+ at 6am, getting eaten alive by red ants haha. </p>

<p>All in all, we had a great trip and our driver had travelled to our destination hundreds of times, but that was then and this is now. When I think of all the things that could have gone way wrong, without cell phones or gps, I shudder. There is no way I would ever consent to my daughter taking a trip like that today. </p>

<p>Not sure why so many parents think it’s ok for teenage girls to make a long roadtrip nowadays. I say sorry, no way. Call me hypocritical and accuse me of having a double standard, don’t care. Too many other options for adventure without courting road rage crazies, campground weirdos and/or car trouble. No gracias I’d say sorry kiddo.</p>

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<p>At what point are young people going to stop asking their parents’ permission and just start informing them of their whereabouts. I am trying to imagine, at 20 years old, asking my mother if it was OK to go on a road trip with my friend. It wouldn’t have crossed my mind! I would probably have told her so she new why I wasn’t home for Christmas. </p>

<p>I hope to god my daughter isn’t looking for my nod and approval (unless she wants money) to have an adventure when she is over 18. Jeez! I’d probably get a text letting me know that cell service might be spotty for the next few weeks, blah blah blah and I’d be perfectly OK with that.</p>

<p>I’d also push a kid onto a cruise with me saying, “have fun or you’re not going to college.”. Seriously, how are these kids going to cope with college if going on a cruise (which is essentially a floating shopping mall/amusement park) is too scary?</p>

<p>I completely appreciate the difference in kids personalities. I’m not nearly as comfortable letting my son roam free. He’s just as smart as his little sister but he’s kind of an idiot. :slight_smile: (I mean that in the most endearing of ways.). Truly, he’s just not savvy enough, not assertive, enough to handle anything beyond solo flights to visit people he knows.</p>

<p>My littlest guy, on the other hand, will be fine. He’s the one who stopped traffic in a busy parking lot after a concert so the rest of us could cross when he was five years old. At seven, he walked away from me at Penn Station to ask a guard where the gate was. No worries about making his way.</p>

<p>The world is only scary if you only ever get to look at it on an HDTV from the comfort of suburbia.</p>

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<p>I know several moms who took a pre college road trip with their kids.
Mine would not consider it, but I thought it was a great idea!
I was sure that was what this thread was about.</p>

<p>( although I would be more interested in taking the train, say to Glacier national park and then flying back)</p>